


Your Love is a Symphony

by HypersomniacGrad



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, Some sweet fluffy things around chapter 23 onwards, reposting this fic now that it's complete, some original characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 08:47:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 136,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13454685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HypersomniacGrad/pseuds/HypersomniacGrad
Summary: Beca has reached it, that famous happy ending people all dreamed of. She's got her dream job, her dream gal, and the future ahead of them. But every ending is just a new beginning, and the story goes on. But what happens next when your story becomes unwritten? Would you keep on writing it? Would you write a new one instead? Or would you forget all about it?





	1. Chasing Cars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this story before and updated here on ao3 as I updated the fic on ff.net. Problem was, I had someone review the fic as a guest who kept harassing me as a person in the comments (there was a whole lot of cussing and directly addressed crude insults) instead of commenting on the fic/story and it got exhausting to deal with them. Just thought it might be time to upload it now as a whole here.
> 
> For new and old readers who have no idea what I’m rambling on about, here’s chapter one! :D

It’s another new beginning, and somehow, it’s not as hard is it seemed. Not anymore at least.

As a matter of fact, it’s a new beginning Beca Mitchell is definitely looking forward to.

Beca took a deep breath as she got into the driver’s seat of her car. All the boxes of packages and newly bought essentials placed as neat as possible in the trunk of her car.

It’s been almost nearly a year. It’s been an amazing, crazy, hectic, wonderfully messy year and for once she’s actually enjoyed the ride.

She turned on the engine and pulled away from the parking space in front of the store she had just visited, turning on the radio in the process of her getting slowly out into the streets.

 _We'll do it all_  
_Everything_  
_On our own_

Two weeks.

In just two weeks she’ll be walking down the aisle and wait for a gorgeous redhead to meet her at the end.

In just two weeks she’ll be marrying Chloe Beale.

It was the one constant thought running around her head, it was a thought that would never leave her ever since she had gotten down on both knees and proposed.

Truthfully, it was a thought that had never left her since they had that Christmas in New York, watching Chloe skate in the midst of the crowded rink as if she was the princesses of grace and beauty – no, wait, she actually is.

 _We don't need_  
_Anything_  
_Or anyone_

Before graduating, Beca already got a job offer for the LA office of Residual Heat, Beca did impress the boss, after all. The move to LA had been planned since the news, although the packing took some time to finish. It was hard to say goodbye to their old friends but they did promise to stay in touch.

Jesse was still around, although he was busy with his own job. He would come and visit every now and then or grab a drink after work if they both had the spare time. Luke moved around three months after they did, deciding to keep a close eye on his sister. He did get a better job opportunity at LA too, so there was that.

And if anything, he became a good neighbor after having the luck of getting the studio apartment just a floor below Beca and Chloe’s humble one bedroom flat.

 _If I lay here_  
_If I just lay here_  
_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

Stacie and Aubrey both moved to New York, so they were literally half way across the country from them but somehow the weekly skype calls never ended. If anything they doubled in frequency over time, except from when Stacie had to work for endless nights to get things working. It was apparently incredibly tough to live a life of a graduate student, but the two of them were hanging in there.

Amy was back in Australia, Bumper sticking around with her, but she’s trying to figure out a way to make it back to the states and move permanently. The rest of the Bellas were scattered all around, Cynthia Rose and Denise were at Maine, Jessica and Ashley were in nearby San Francisco, Lilly was ta DC, and Flo was for some reason at North Carolina. Of course Emily was still at Barden with Benji who decided to stick around with graduate studies as well.

 _I don't quite know_  
_How to say_  
_How I feel_

It was strange, but it was wonderful, knowing that you’re slowly living the dream you’ve been chasing for so long.

And Beca knew quite well that things would have been different if she never went to Barden, if she never met Chloe, and if she never had her in her life. She was forever thankful for that.

She can’t help but reminisce. Life in LA had been tough the first few months. Both she and Chloe had to adjust to their new jobs, their new pace of living. There was this ridiculous argument about whether or not they should adopt a dog – Chloe saw a wolfdog pup she wanted to adopt and would not let things go until Beca agreed – and there was also the whole Thanksgiving incident that just ended up in all kinds of trouble.

 _Those three words_  
_Are said too much_  
_They're not enough_

In Beca’s defense, that was the first Thanksgiving she co-hosted…

…and there was just so many.

Memories she never thought she’d ever make. And somehow she knows it all leads back to Chloe.

 _If I lay here_  
_If I just lay here_  
_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

She was just really thankful she had the chance to make them.

It wasn’t easy, growing up. But she was just thankful she wasn’t alone anymore. She was thankful she had people to help her support the heavy weight of the world.

Truthfully, she never thought she’d find herself in a place where she was just happy, contented, and in love.

She never pictured her life panning out this way. Her thought had been adamantly on making it big in LA, the things she might go through to get there, and then eventually getting recognition with her work, meeting celebs and working with them too.

 _Forget what we're told_  
_Before we get too old_  
_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

She remembered her mom gently trying to talk some sense in her, she remembered her dad drilling everything into her stubborn head. Life was harder than what she could ever imagine.

Beca couldn’t help but wonder, again, if she had pursued a different path, would she find the wonderful picture of her life now? Would even be close to beautiful as it already was?

Or would it be drastically different?

She really didn’t want to know.

She was just happy that Fate had allowed her story to play out the way it did. She didn’t want to know what the alternative was.

 _Let's waste time_  
_Chasing cars_  
_Around our heads_

She pulled to a stop at the light, taking a chance to glance out her window. LA was huge, and crazy, and busy, and hectic. It could be unforgiving. But having the chance to find a nice and simple neighborhood helped a lot.

It had been an unsurprisingly cold February but it was beautiful nonetheless. She remembered driving to the beach with Chloe for a weekend getaway for Valentine’s, they were both busy working that day and with wedding preparations and everything, they didn’t have the time to celebrate it properly on that day.

 _I need your grace_  
_To remind me_  
_To find my own_

The remaining days were dwindling now. They were going to enter a new life together.

And somehow, the hectic mess that had initially taken them over since their move was slowly finding its calm. Beca knew of course that it wasn’t going to last long.

In the next two weeks, people would start coming in for the wedding.

Case in point, Aubrey and Stacie were planning to crash in their living room to help with final preparations soon. That’s why she’s stuck with some wedding errands that day in the first place. Because Chloe was picking them up at the airport.

Beca took a quick glance at her phone, no updates on whether their friends have made it just yet, so she set it aside in time for the lights to change.

 _If I lay here_  
_If I just lay here_  
_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

But fate can change in a blink of an eye, a jilt of the wheel, and your life flashes before your eyes.

She couldn’t remember anything for the most part.

Other than a huge force hitting her side of the car as she made her way through the intersection of a not so busy street.

Other than the fact that for some reason she was outside of a car that had tumbled a few times over.

 _Forget what we're told_  
_Before we get too old_  
_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

She was staring at the sky, for how long, she wasn’t sure.

Somewhere below she could feel some sort of jutting pain followed by a numbness that was slowly taking over her.

Her head was pounding and she was sure that somehow there’s a wetness leaking from where the pain was.

And a certain fear was settling in.

She didn’t want her story to end this way.

 _All that I am_  
_All that I ever was_  
_Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see_

Beca was afraid and uncertain of what was going on. She knew it was cold, a kind of cold that she never did like.

And for some strange reason she found it confusing when everything turned white.

She could feel the rain, slowly pouring down with a chill… although, if it was even possible… it felt more like snow?

 _I don't know where_  
_Confused about how as well_  
_Just know that these things will never change for us at all_

She could hear a little, some noise, maybe people chattering. And then eventually, in the numbing silence that followed, she heard the faint sirens of an ambulance.

For some reason, all she could dream of seeing was red and new wave of panic settling in.

Her story ending? No. It can’t.

She didn’t want the good memories to turn into dreams.

 _This can’t be the end,_ Beca thought.

But that was before everything else faded into black.

Before all the last thoughts she could think of was that if this was the end, she would fight like hell to keep writing it.

 _If I lay here_  
_If I just lay here_  
_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

But what happens next when your story becomes unwritten?

Would you really keep on writing it? Would you write a new one?

Or would you forget all about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, here’s the downright truth. I’ve used similar plot-lines before in this story with my other fics. The reason I did it is because a) I watched a movie following the same plot and wanted to do my take on the story it presented and, b) I wanted to experiment on ways I can take the same plot/event in a story and explore writing the characters and capturing the truth of what they feel at the moment in different ways. I may or may not be using it in a project of my own and I wanted to figure out which direction I like best. So yeah, not really my most original work but the problem is I barely have time to invest and build something from the scratch (case in point, I have an ongoing Bechloe fic that has an original premise and a finished outline but I haven’t had time to do it properly, that’s why I’m putting my time on AUs lately) but I do enjoy writing as my way to relax, so I compromised.
> 
> All I'm going to say is this fic isn't a fairytale fluffy piece. I do warn you it will get frustrating. You would want to yell at Beca a few times, for example (and maybe at me too). There will be massive heartbreak. But that’s kind of the point. Besides, there’s also a light at the end of the tunnel. 
> 
> Very heavy angst between chapters 6-9, and then around chapter 18-19 you might want to strangle one of my OCs with your bare hands. Soul-searching happens in between 9-18. Fluff starts/happens chapter 23 onwards. Feel free to skip along.
> 
> Thanks for bearing patience with me. I do still welcome your comments and reviews. :)


	2. Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, Luke is Beca's step-bro in the fic and Emily is her cousin

No, it wasn’t the call that she was expecting when she finally heard anything about Beca.

It was never a call she would ever expect from receiving at all.

_I'll sing it one last time for you_  
_Then we really have to go_  
 _You've been the only thing that's right_  
 _In all I've done_

The day started out normally. Beca had left early in a rush about something her boss had wanted her to get done before he comes in that morning, promising to pick up a few things from the bridal shop for the bridesmaids and groomsmen, that and to pick up their wedding rings, ready for the ceremony. Meanwhile, Chloe was out to pick up Stacie and Aubrey from the airport after work. They were supposed to meet up back at their apartment and met Luke, Jesse, and Jesse’s current girlfriend at the Thai restaurant a few blocks from where they live for dinner.

But now those plans seemed like a faraway dream.

_And I can barely look at you_  
_But every single time I do_  
 _I know we'll make it anywhere_  
 _Away from here_

She had just helped Aubrey and Stacie place their things in her car when she got the call from the hospital. Aubrey was talking about some corporate dummy she had to work with for a project, ranting her mouth off when the blonde had noticed that she had begun visibly shaking, tears spilling down her cheeks.

Immediately, Aubrey’s mind jumped to the worst, and Chloe knew it. Her best friend would usually adopt a certain way around her whenever she was breaking down, ready to piece herself together.

Aubrey was tired but she chose to drive to the hospital instead of letting Chloe handle it. Stacie checked the directions on her phone while consoling Chloe and trying to get a hold of Luke.

Things simply had happened too fast for anything to fully register.

_Light up, light up_  
_As if you have a choice_  
 _Even if you cannot hear my voice_  
 _I'll be right beside you, dear_

Luke was already there at the hospital when they arrived. He definitely looked like hell.

They hung around the waiting area of the floor where Beca was being kept for a few minutes to themselves. Aubrey took control in terms of updating the Bellas, this was important, and she wanted to keep everyone updated.

Chloe had looked up to watch Aubrey, she was a little bit jealous of how well she was keeping it together at the moment, but then again it was like a silent agreement that the two of them had. Be the strong one when the other one is falling apart. They were each other’s pillars for the longest of times and she was thankful that right now, Aubrey was keeping up with that promise of staying strong.

Luke had been on the phone for the most part, talking to his dad and step-mom before calling Dr. Mitchell to let him know what was going on. Stacie had been the one consoling her until Jesse arrived all panicked by the situation.

Stacie looked over at Luke who just got off the phone, and soon Stacie and Jesse had started to console each other while Luke took Chloe in his arms in tight embrace. “It’s going to be okay Chlo. Beca’s going to be okay, I promise you that.” Luke whispered in a soothing voice.

“How? How do you know that? Luke… I… We…” Chloe rambled on as she pressed her tearstained face on his shirt. She was trying so hard to find the right words to say.

“Becky’s strong. She’ll pull through.” Luke replied, and somehow, Chloe couldn’t help but wonder if he was telling himself that, if he needed just to say the words out loud and believe them, or if he truly meant it.

_Louder, louder_  
_And we'll run for our lives_  
 _I can hardly speak I understand_  
 _Why you can't raise your voice to say_

The doctors eventually reach them, their prognosis for Beca’s case was good despite the fact that she experienced some major trauma.

“She’s truly lucky, I don’t think there’s other way to put it.” Dr. Cranston had said as she explained the extent of Beca’s injuries. “The impact was strong, she was found thrown out of her car after it flipped over. She’s got a few bruises, no internal bleeding though, and she had broken her leg. But other than that and the head trauma she sustained, she’s doing well. She’s stable now and we’ve moved her to a private room. We want to keep her under close observation for a few nights after she wakes up, just to make sure there are no other complications. But we strongly believe in it, your sister’s going to make it Mr. Walker.”

“Thank you, thank you very much Dr. Cranston.” Luke replied before the attending had walked away. He turned to face Chloe with a hopeful smile and Chloe couldn’t help but cry out tears of joy this time as she went over to hug him briefly.

“Can we see her?” she asked Luke a little uncertainly. “Can we wait in her room?”

“Well, the doc didn’t say we couldn’t. Although I think Beca’s still out.” Luke replied. “Why don’t you go ahead, I’ll our parents and give them updates.”

“Let me come with you.” Jesse offered, standing from where he was seating right next to Stacie but Luke stopped him before he could make his way to Chloe.

“Why don’t you grab us some coffee or some snacks, something like that, yeah? We’ll be here for a bit of a long time. ‘Sides, I think Chlo deserves some alone time with Beca.”

Jesse nodded and quickly did what was asked of him. Chloe then looked over to Aubrey, as if asking for support, as if asking if she can do this, see Beca all broken.

Aubrey simply nodded, a reaffirmation that if she needed her, she would be there, before she leaned her head on Stacie’s shoulder and breathing in a deep and heavy sigh. Stacie took this as a sign and picked up her phone, taking the initiative to update the Bellas herself.

_To think I might not see those eyes_  
_Makes it so hard not to cry_  
 _And as we say our long goodbyes_  
 _I nearly do_

Chloe sang the lines silently to herself. For some reason, the song had been playing in her mind the whole time since she’s heard about Beca’s accident.

Music had always been their way of talking to each other, communication unsaid thoughts and feelings that simple words always failed to capture.

So maybe, maybe, that was why.

Chloe’s thoughts were clouded by only Beca as she made her way through the halls and into her room. For a second there, she was preparing for the worst. She found herself releasing a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding as she pulled walked closer to where Beca was. Her leg was in a cast, there was a cut above her right brow and somewhere close to her lips, and then there was some visible bruising on the upper left side of his forehead. Chloe had to remind herself that the doctor said there was no internal bleeding and other than the rest of the bruises and cuts and scrapes that littered her body she was going to be fine.

_Beca’s going to be fine,_ she thought to herself as she breathed in a sigh of relief.

They were so close, that was the one thing running through Chloe’s head. They were close to a happy life together, building a family, moving forward to a bright future.

And yet here she was, the tiny DJ brushing too close to death. The thought had hit her as Chloe gently took Beca’s hand into her own. She almost lost Beca. She almost lost her forever. The reality of it still shaking her to her core.

_Light up, light up_  
_As if you have a choice_  
 _Even if you cannot hear my voice_  
 _I'll be right beside you, dear_

Beca took a slow pained breath before grunting and almost immediately Chloe wanted to jump for joy.

Because it seemed that Beca was truly going to be okay.

Beca’s eyes opened. She blinked a few times trying to adjust to the light in the room before gently turning herself to get a good look of the room. She looked confused and scared but otherwise she was okay.

Beca was okay.

Chloe leaned forward, “Hey, I’ve got you, don’t worry.” she said in a soothing voice, trying to her best to stop any tear that might threaten to fall. “You’ve got us really worried Becs.”

Chloe clasped Beca’s hand in both her own this time, trying to reassure her that everything would be okay.

_Louder, louder_  
_And we'll run for our lives_  
 _I can hardly speak I understand_  
 _Why you can't raise your voice to say_

But Beca wouldn’t let her.

She instantly jerked her hand away as she struggled to get herself up, fear and confusion settling in more clearly.

“Hey Chlo… Beca!” Luke said as he stepped inside the room, rushing towards Beca’s bed.

But instead of celebrating with Luke, Chloe stepped back, trying to process everything that just happened. Something’s wrong, she knew it, she could feel it.

But Beca didn’t break free from Luke. She didn’t panic when she saw him.

“Luke, what’s going on?” Beca asked, her voice sounding a little raspy. “Where are we?”

“You got into an accident there, Becky.” Luke said with a gentle smile. “Don’t worry we’ve got you.”

“Is… is mom here? Wait, how… what happened?”

Luke turned to Chloe with a questioning look before turning back to Beca. Chloe could tell the question somehow threw him off a bit. “You got hit by a car.” Luke said. “You got thrown out of your car. For some reason, faulty seatbelt I think? Mom’s back at home with my old man.”

“I have a car?” Beca asked him incredulously.

“Becky…” Luke started to say before getting interrupted by Beca.

“Don’t call me that.” she had said.

“Fine, Beca.” Luke replied. “You sound confused there. You have a car. An apartment. A dog actually.”

“When did I get a dog?” Beca asked confused looking around the room. “And, um, is she… uh, with you? “’Cause she’s kinda’ staring and it’s freaking me out a little…”

“Beca, that’s Chloe, you’re fiancée.” Luke said slowly trying not to scare Beca, but it alarmed her nonetheless.

“My what!? I don’t… I mean… do I know her?” Beca exclaimed before asking her questions sounding incredibly lost. And in that instant Chloe knew for sure what was going on, sort of…

…she remembered Luke, but not her.

She most likely doesn’t remember the Bellas either.

Something that got confirmed when they heard Beca’s reply to Luke’s follow up question of what she remembered last. “I don’t know, I’m not sure. Falling asleep on the flight to Atlanta I think.”

“Leaving from Portland?” Luke asked, just to be sure, although he seemed to know for sure what Beca’s last memory was from, or rather from when.

“Yeah. Wait, are we not in Atlanta?” Beca asked. “I’m supposed to do the whole Barden thing, right?”

Luke took in a deep breath and sighed looking over at Chloe with concern.

Chloe nodded, keeping her lips pursed tightly before excusing herself and walking out the room. She barely reached Aubrey who was heading over to check on them before she gave way through the emotions that were taking over her.

They were too close… almost…

But the music had stopped.

Beca was okay, she was alive.

But it would seem _her_ Beca was gone.

And Chloe could only hope to ask for how long?


	3. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s chapter 3. Hopefully this will convince you that despite the heavy sad themes, it’s not all bad and depressing. I’m not just going to emotionally torture them just ‘cause, you know.
> 
> Anyways, comments and reviews are always welcomed. Song/title is by ‘Lifehouse’

The doctors said it could have been because of the blow to her head.

And entire four to five years or so of history gone because of one little accident.

Okay, maybe not little.

Luke seemed both worried and disappointed and when Beca had asked, but he would only give her a sad smile.

Form her memories, the current ones she at least still have she wasn’t in speaking terms with the step-monster, she had a strained relationship with her dad. She didn’t have friends, let alone a redheaded girl who was apparently her fiancée.

And Beca wasn’t entirely sure about what to feel about the whole girl group acapella thing going that she had become a part of.

It was a very frustrating week for her in the hospital, and she knew it would be another frustrating week ahead as she tries to adjust to the new reality she had woken up in.

_The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight_   
_Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time_   
_I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts_   
_I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out_

She had her headphones on, sitting at the back of Luke’s car, the redhead – her name was Chloe Beale, the girl who had dragged her into joining the Bellas as she later learned from Emily through a skype call – was sat in in the passenger seat. A week in the hospital, technically it was a week in a half, and they finally released her, the doctors said there was nothing wrong with her, nothing other than a few of her memories missing.

She wished she could remember something. She really did, but there was nothing she could do.

“It could be temporary, Ms. Mitchell. Some patients who’ve been through the same ordeal as you slowly regain their memories back in a couple of weeks or in a span of a few months.”

“But?” Beca asked, it was her preemptive strike. There was always a ‘but’.

“There’s a chance it won’t ever fully return.” said her doctor.

And somehow those words haunt her over and over.

_The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head_   
_I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead_   
_I still see your reflection inside of my eyes_   
_That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life_

Luke was talking about little trivial things on the drive back with Chloe, trying to cheer her up. But Beca noted that even when the redhead would smile, they never touched her heart. Somehow the sight of it made her heart break a little.

Chloe Beale.

She couldn’t remember her, even when Beca wanted to so badly. She spent most of the last days in the hospital with a tall brunette, Stacie, showing her pictures of the times they spent together, and though she could see with her own two eyes that there she was smiling with her so-called friends, dancing with the redhead, having the time of her life, all Beca could see were strangers.

She couldn’t even recognize the Beca in the pictures.

She had other visitors too, and a dozen skype calls from people she could barely identify. Luke handled most of the Bellas with Stacie’s help, meanwhile Aubrey mostly handled Chloe, the two often disappearing at times when she could tell the redhead was too emotional.

Her conversations with Chloe were a little strained, she knew, and it only frustrated her even more. Chloe was nice, kind, always so accommodating, but Beca just couldn’t figure out what to say or how to talk to her. She’d sometimes talk about her mixes or their dog, because they apparently had one. She tried to stray away from the memories, which Beca was thankful for because Stacie was overloading her senses a bit, but she’d talk about songs.

Songs they shared and formed memories with and for the first time ever Beca found the songs with no meaning.

Which really didn’t help her in processing what she was feeling now.

She went to Barden for four years. She’s only started her career in LA, she’s apparently had internships though, and those opened some doors to her.

There was just so much stuff.

Considering that she was also apparently engaged, yeah, there was just too much stuff.

“When is it?” she remembered asking Aubrey the day before. The two of them happened to end up alone in her room together. They rarely talked other than when the blonde asked how she was doing whenever she came in for a visit, but somehow, she knew she was going to get a straight answer from Aubrey.

Something Luke and Stacie, and that other guy who kept trying to sell the idea that she now watches movies – Jesse? – tried to tiptoe around.

Aubrey had sighed. “Don’t worry about it Beca, just get better. I took over the responsibility of making sure everything’s settled.”

“Yes, but when is it?” she had insisted.

“In four days Beca. You were supposed to get married to my best friend in four days.” Aubrey replied with all honesty, a hint of sadness in her tone. “Don’t force yourself to think about it. Just get better. That’s all you can really do. For both yourself and Chloe.”

Beca nodded. “I heard you were staying at our apartment for a while?” she asked. She wanted to keep the conversation going, try to figure out what to expect when she got out.

“Oh that, well, we were but… It’s handled Beca. We were only supposed to stay for a week because we were planning to spend this week, you know, preparing and stuff at the venue…” Aubrey replied, she sounded a little unsure how to go about it but she was thankful for the honesty. “We’re staying at a hotel for now before we go back to New York.”

“Oh. Okay.” Beca replied in low voice, trying to process everything again.

Because that, apparently was all she could do.

Try to figure out what felt familiar or something.

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_   
_With a broken heart that's still beating_   
_In the pain there is healing_   
_In your name I find meaning_   
_So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on_   
_I'm barely holdin' on to you_

“I’m sorry.” Beca found herself saying in her pajamas that night, standing in the living room watching Chloe fix the sofa bed. The song she had been listening on for repeat still stuck in her head. They had their dog – which was strangely enough named Ghost after some character’s wolf? Direwolf? Beca wasn’t really sure what Chloe was talking about – stay over at ‘uncle’ Luke for a while, give Beca some space and time to adjust.

Which also meant that Chloe had volunteered to sleep in the living room. She didn’t want Beca getting weirded out about sleeping in the same bed with someone who was essentially a stranger to her.

Although honestly that was only decided after Luke argued that staying in their apartment might do her better and help her remember, Chloe insisting that if Beca felt more sure and safe with Luke, she could stay with him for now. They lived in the same building anyways.

But Beca agreed to what Luke said, maybe it would help staying in their apartment. Besides, she felt like she could trust Chloe. A part of her knew that she was safe with her.

“We bought this couch with other people sleeping over in mind Beca, we promised to always have space for our friends when they visit and since we’re still both climbing up the ladder to our success…” Chloe started to say, she was trying to keep the conversation light and casual, trying not to make Beca uncomfortable with a situation she didn’t plan on ever finding herself in.

_Oh Chloe, where you always like this?_ Beca thought to herself as she found herself smiling a meek smile.

“That’s not what you meant.” Chloe then said, sitting down on the edge of her makeshift bed. She was looking at Beca as if she was trying to understand what she could possibly be apologizing for in the first place.

“I know, Chloe, I asked Aubrey.” Beca replied weakly, her eyes quickly looking away. It was the only way she could find the strength to speak. She couldn’t open it up to her right now without getting somewhat emotional, and there was nothing else in this world that she would want right now than to understand what and why she was feeling what she was feeling right now for the redhead in front of her.

“Oh…” Chloe said, her voice cracking up a little, trying to find exactly what it is she wanted to say in response.

“I’m sorry I’m what you have right now. Not your Beca but something so broken and… I don’t know, I… well… I don’t want you to feel bad, but of course you do… and I… well I… it’s not your fault Chloe.” Beca struggled to say.

“It’s not yours either Beca.” she found Chloe saying in a low voice. “Don’t apologize. You don’t need to.”

“I know. I just…” Beca tried to say again, but she made the mistake of meeting Chloe’s glassy eyes, and she found that she’s lost the will to speak. Chloe was trying to be strong and here she was, a rambling idiot apologizing for whatever Fate had in store for them.

Beca made her way towards Chloe and placed a light kiss on her forehead, for some reason she felt compelled to. Maybe it was because of the hundreds of memories they shared buried beneath the dark clouds surrounding her mind at the moment. Maybe because they were desperately fighting their way back.

“Thank you for being you, Chloe Beale.” she whispered before turning to say good night.

Chloe smiled weakly, wishing her a goodnight as well, and Beca couldn’t help but notice that even though she was barely smiling back, the warmth had begun to reach Chloe’s eyes.

That’s how she found herself sleeping, making a promise to herself that she’ll do everything within her power to remember. To get back to who she was and fix herself.

If only to truly make Chloe Beale smile again.

 

 


	4. Everybody's Changing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured are ‘Everybody’s Changing’ by Keane and ‘Just Give it Time’ by Jon McLaughlin.

A month passed like it was nothing, just an endless stream of days filled with wondering, filled with trying to find a way to navigate a world unknown.

_You say you wander your own land_   
_But when I think about it_   
_I don't see how you can_

Beca adjusted to her work fine, it was all about making music and making music was something that Beca understood. She could make master pieces, mix beats like no one else can, create wonderful rhythms and perfect harmonies in a way you can easily expect.

Work was easy. To her, she was living the dream she had wanted the most from the last thing she could remember. She didn’t have to go through the grueling internships and the hardships of other obstacles to get her there. She was technically still not at the top, but she was slowly making her way to the pinnacle, she knew that much.

And it didn’t matter, whether she remembered a few tools of the trade she had learned, she didn’t have to summon the memory at all. It simply flowed right through her veins as if it never left, never disappeared.

It was because at the very core of things, it was who she was. Like muscle memory taking over completely.

Things were much harder though. Much, much harder when it came to her personal life.

_You're aching, you're breaking_   
_And I can see the pain in your eyes_   
_Says everybody's changing_   
_And I don't know why_

She does well around Chloe, and if possible, Beca would allow herself to call the redhead her friend. She cared about her, she genuinely did. She loved to see her smile, she loved to see her be happy.

But there was just so much stuff between them that was separating them. So much that she wished she could understand.

They got along fine, Chloe would spend some time with her, slowly coaxing her out of her shell, trying patiently to chip her wall away.

“I’ve done it before you know.” Chloe said with a knowing smile while they were watching the latest episode of _Game of Thrones_. Chloe had tried to get her interest in it, convincing her that they used to watch the show together, and that Beca eventually let up with Chloe’s persistence before. Surely enough she relented again this time, and at least it wasn’t a show selling unrealistic happiness and happy-ever-after’s that was just too saccharine for her own tastes.

Beca chuckled at Chloe’s comment, scratching behind Ghost’s ears, the dog happily perched between them in the couch. “Whatever you say Beale.” she replied, and it was in those quiet and simple moments like those that she could see Chloe breathe and smile.

Like somehow it was the same as how things used to be, however they were, settling into a routine that was almost normal for them.

But things weren’t always like that.

Sometimes things were more difficult than that.

Sometimes Beca would fall to familiar habits and patterns, seeking isolation in her room, the scars that Chloe had healed renewed, because she doesn’t remember how they ever disappeared before.

Sometimes Aubrey and Stacie would call and Beca would say hi briefly, a respect she gives for having them visit her in the hospital before, before disappearing in her room. She really didn’t know what else to say or have a conversation with them.

Sometimes the other Bellas would call, and Beca would feel a sort of panic taking over her, that she just runs and hide or disappears at Luke’s leaving Chloe behind to deal with the video call, because they were all strangers to her, strangers who she didn’t know how to talk to. Maybe part of it was fear too, that she might say something wrong or disappoint. A fear of the unknown despite knowing she did know it before.

But she wasn’t their Beca, so how can she face them?

_You're gone from here_   
_Soon you will disappear_   
_Fading into beautiful light_   
_'Cause everybody's changing_   
_And I don't feel right_

And sometimes Beca was just being stubborn, not having lived through memories she couldn’t remember, holding onto the pain she has known, keeping her heart as guarded as ever.

“Come on Beca, just give it a chance, please?” Chloe reasoned while she tried her best to get Beca out of the room.

Beca looked at Chloe confused, her brows knitted together, as she tried to convey to Chloe just how much she didn’t actually want to go through with this.

“Beca, he’s your dad. He’s worried about you. It’s just dinner out. I know it sounds totally unbelievable to you right now, but you actually get along now. A lot of thing have happened Beca.”

“Yeah, Chloe, but to me they didn’t happen. They never happened, so how can I know it’s real?” Beca snapped back with a bit of a bite. She just really wanted to be alone. She’ll wade into the water when she’s ready, try to figure out the mess that was her life. Right now she just wanted to be comfortable, to be surrounded by music. She just wanted to lose the world around her, be lost in her own work and not think about it, think about anything at all.

Chloe seemed a little bit taken aback by what she said but she didn’t let it get much to her. At least on the surface of things. “Beca…” Chloe said gently, she was being gentle to her, kind, sweet, patient, and it made Beca feel even worse because all she could do was be moody and impatient, and she knew she just kept hurting Chloe even more through simple things that she didn’t even mean to do.

It was just all kinds of frustrating, like her brain was a computer overheating, burning up, and crashing.

“Beca.” Chloe said again, her voice having a little more of an authority this time, demanding her attention. “Look, I know, it’s probably scary right now, confusing, and frustrating, but…”

“But what? Thing’s will be better? I don’t even know if it will ever come back Chloe.” Beca retorted. She didn’t mean to, but she couldn’t help but say what was exactly on her mind.

Chloe sighed. “I know.” she whispered defeated. “But I can’t just let you drown in your own fears and uncertainty. I can’t let you keep escaping what’s happened in your life. Just because you forgot doesn’t mean it never happened. And truth is, you’re never going to find answers to questions you might have now if you never seek them. You only talk to Luke, you’re pushing even Jesse away, and honestly I feel like the only reason you talk to me and give me a chance is because you have no choice. You feel bad about all this. Because you woke up and there’s the girl you were supposed to marry but can’t even remember and – ”

“That’s not…” Beca interjected. No, that’s not how she feels for Chloe. She genuinely does enjoy spending time with her. She’s not completely wrong about a few things though, because Beca felt as if she owed it to Chloe to give her a chance and all, because somehow she felt like she was the wrong Beca that returned to the redhead, and she felt guilty about it.

Which only added to her frustrations.

Especially because she was trying so hard to reconcile how she felt now, what she thinks is true, with everything that had happened in the years missing from her life.

“That’s not… I trust you.” Beca said, letting go of her exasperation. “I don’t know why, and it’s all hard to figure out. In my head I’m supposed to be a freshman in college but I… I guess I wanted to just jump on board the LA train from then that with my job it’s easy. It’s easy to escape in it.” Beca said. “I know you’re just doing what you think is right Chloe, what could be good for me, but to me all the hurt he’s caused is still unforgiven and I need time to processes that. I don’t want to go.”

Chloe sighed and nodded, it was a losing fight. “Luke and I are still going, they deserve to hear some news about you.” she then said, and Beca was trying so hard to figure out what was going through Chloe’s mind then, but the redhead had turned around to leave. “Your dad cares about you Beca, and for what it’s worth he’s been proud of everything you’ve done so far.” she said just before completely disappearing.

But the words felt empty to Beca. She wanted to believe in what Chloe said, but it just…

…she doesn’t know how to be who she had become, that person her father had been proud of, the person comfortable in who she was and having fallen in love with Chloe – because in truth, the very fact that she was apparently capable of loving was a distant thought she had buried deep when she was younger – and the person open and vulnerable and trusting.

But it was hard to refit to a mold when you’re all broken at the seams.

Somewhere on those lost years, Beca knew she had learned to become all that she was meant to be.

And somehow she feels like that’s changed.

Somehow she feels like she’s disappointed the people around her because of that, whether it was actually true or not.

And she wasn’t sure if it’s still ever possible to return to that when change was the only certain thing in this world.

Beca Mitchell felt that she just missed the right turn, completely turned around, and she was afraid that she’s forever lost in a new, unfamiliar world.

So what else could Beca do but bury herself in the only thing she knew.

_So little time_   
_Try to understand that I'm_   
_Trying to make a move just to stay in the game_   
_I try to stay awake and remember my name_   
_But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same_

 

* * *

 

The door to the bedroom was slightly a jar when Chloe got back, it wasn’t even that late at night but she felt tired and pretty much ready to just surrender to the night, dream about a future that never came to be, or perhaps sleep a dreamless sleep.

Just anything to escape the pain that burrowed in her heart.

A part of her was tired, desperate, and hopeless. The part that was afraid that she might just lose Beca forever.

Beca had fallen asleep on her computer desk, mixing. That’s all she ever did really. “That’s how she was before, how I got through to her, sometimes I still wonder. We bonded through music but even then, it was a lot of hard work.” Luke had said one afternoon when they ran into each other on the way to the mailbox.

“But sometimes it just feels like I can’ even reach her anymore.” Chloe had admitted.

And yet again those thoughts take her over. The fear that Beca might never remember her, the fear that she might just drift further away. Sure, Beca allows her in, but it wasn’t like the early days of their friendship. She’d always gotten away with hugging her, being near her, invading her space while getting to know her.

This time it wasn’t like that. She had shut herself off, and though they talk, and have witty banters from time to time, she could feel the ocean’s distance between them, and Chloe was afraid she was drowning.

Because Beca won’t let her invade her space, she would tense up when Chloe was near, never really sure what to do.

It was different, because this Beca knew things she didn’t feel and experience and she doesn’t know where and how she fits in it.

Chloe gently took off Beca’s headphones, careful not to wake her. She swiftly lifted her and tucked her in, brushing away some loose strands of her hair falling over her face. One look at her face and Chloe knew, it was perhaps her blessing and her curse, she loves Beca, and she would always love her. Despite the pain she felt now, despite the sadness, despite the unstable grounds.

When she rushed to the hospital the one fear that had possessed Chloe was never seeing Beca’s eyes again.

Now it was never seeing the recognition and love she had felt for her in them.

And yet there was that other part of Chloe, the one that said she should never give up, the storms would pass and the sun would shine again.

She stole a light and gentle kiss on Beca’s cheeks, wishing her sweet dreams before sneaking out of the room, closing the door just enough to leave a gap so she could check on her at night, if she’s well, if she needed anything.

She found herself in the living room, sitting on the edge of the couch, feeling a little lost. That’s when she looked up and saw the old piano that Beca had insisted to buy with her first paycheck from the old man who used to live a floor above them before he moved. Beca tuned it, took care of it, and used to play songs that had started to form, while some were collaborations with Emily. Sometimes she’d play songs she liked that she figured Chloe would love too.

Now it was just at the corner of their apartment gathering dust.

Chloe stood up and approached it, running a finger gently on the keys before deciding to play something, one of the last songs Beca played for her. She knew a bit with playing the piano so it wasn’t really hard to pick it up again when they bought it.

_Quiet landslide when nobody knows_  
 _Regretted decisions that nobody chose_  
 _Under water and sinking fast_  
 _No way out, no way to get back_  
 _What might have been is lost in the past_  
  


Chloe started singing gently, losing herself in whatever was left of the familiar.

_  
Just give it time_  
 _It's gonna get better_  
 _Now is not forever at all_  
 _Just give it time_  
 _Everything changes_  
 _Tomorrow comes today will be gone_  
 _Everything's gonna be fine_  
 _Just give it time, give it time_  
  
Her voice quaked a little and quivered as she sang, the words somehow fitting, ringing true. So she continued to sing with all her heart, letting her emotions go.

And Chloe realized she hadn’t even sang or hummed a song since the accident.

_When the world you're in is still again_   
_And it all fades out_   
_You've reached the end, begin again now_

She continued playing, her thoughts drifting away with the somewhat lighthearted tune, lifting her own spirits.

_Everything's gonna be alright_   
_Just give it time_

“Why didn’t you sing before? I mean… why’d you stop?” she heard Beca ask, taking her by surprise. Chloe stopped and turned around to see the brunette leaning by the doorway to the bedroom. She smiled uncertainly at Chloe, a mixture of sadness and happiness in her eyes. “You have a beautiful voice.” Beca noted, her voice shaky, and all of sudden she was in tears.

Chloe wasted no time to close the distance between them, hesitating only a little before cupping her cheeks, “Beca what’s the matter?”

“I don’t know.” she answered honestly with a chuckle before allowing herself to be wrapped in Chloe’s arms, burying her face before she sighed. “Promise me we’ll figure it out.”

Chloe smiled lightly. “We will Beca. Someway, somehow.” she replied with a light sigh, reveling in the simplicity of the moment.

Maybe things have changed, but Chloe was making the most of it. This was the first time she was this close to Beca since she woke up with no memory. She wanted to celebrate the little unexpected triumphs.

Maybe things are different.

But they’ll make it through.

She’ll reach through Beca again, she’ll let her in once again.

No matter how slow it is to get there.

Baby steps.


	5. Collide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured include ‘I Got You’ by Leona Lewis, ‘Rest Your Love’ by The Vamps, and ‘Collide’ by Howie Day.

Beca’s been feeling more ‘normal’ lately.

At least that’s what she thought, there wasn’t any real good way to say it.  It was an odd situation she was in, a situation no one could ever probably predict happening to themselves, and so what else could Beca really do?

Two months have passed by. Chloe, she’s been a blessing really. She was like a ray of light, a bubble of hope and optimism. She started to smile more and more, never pushing at Beca, always patiently waiting. It was always Beca who set the pace of things, if she wanted to talk about the past – though she’s honestly avoided it for now – or if she wanted to get to know Chloe again, or talk about music, or simply just spend time together. She defined things, and Chloe was probably an actual angel on earth to simply accept things.

Sometimes Beca wondered why and how she ever deserved Chloe, a thought that was nudging at her with a sense of familiarity, but she simply shrugged it off.

Things progressed slowly, but Beca thought that maybe they were getting better. Does she remember the past? No. Not even the slightest clue on anything, but she was able to adjust more and more in their normal pace of living. Chloe even managed to convince her to talk to her dad over the phone the other day. The conversation was light, and Beca was somewhat pleasantly surprised to find that the strain in their conversations were gone. She had no animosity or resentment with him, and she realized that the grudge she was holding on over him for whatever reason had long been swept away. She can’t remember how, but she’s slowly understanding what Luke had meant the other day when they had lunch together.

“Just because you can’t remember it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen Becky. Doesn’t mean it isn’t real either. You can feel it, I know you can.”

“Can you be anymore vague?” Beca retorted.

“I’m just saying. Give things a try. Give remembering a try. Look at old photos, didn’t Stacie give you some before leaving? Or maybe listen to old mixes and stuff, maybe they can jog your memory a bit.”

“Fine I’ll give it a shot.” Beca replied, and that was probably one of the reasons why she was in Chloe’s car at the moment, approaching the old beach house that the Bellas had apparently rented for the first weekend of summer.

“You know it’s not too late for me to drive back if this feels too much for you.” Chloe said as they pulled up the parking lot, three other cars already there.

“I’m not going to make you drive all the way back to drop me off our apartment just because I panicked at the last second.” Beca replied adamantly. “Look, Chloe, I’ve probably been a total nightmare to deal with for the past few months, probably very frustrating too, Luke doesn’t hold back in letting me know that, so this is me making a compromise. You’ve been extremely patient with me, the least I could do is give jogging my memory a shot, give the Bellas a shot, I mean they’re supposed to be my friends, right? I mean, they are the Barden Bellas, and Emily is one of them too. And you were a Bella too. That has to mean something. I trust you and Emily, I think I should give the Bellas the chance to help me regain my memories.”

Chloe smiled and gave out a chuckle before shaking her head. She blushed a little when Beca said that she trusted her, this despite barely remembering all that they’ve been through. But she couldn’t help but imagine what the Bellas might actually be willing to try to do to help Beca get her memory back. “I’m not going to lie, them being _the_ Barden Bellas is what’s making me a little worried here.” she said in a low tone and Beca had been very tempted to ask what she meant but she lost the courage to do so. “Are you sure you want to do this? Final question.”

“If I don’t do this now, when will I ever? I’m ready Chloe.”

Chloe killed off the engine and nodded slowly. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” she said in a way the Beca thought was a joke.

However she started to doubt that it was the moment she entered the door and she got flung up in a tight hug by a seemingly hysteric blonde – Australian? Judging from the accent at least – going on and on and on about how she nearly thought she had lost her best friend, and for some reason she was calling her Shawshank, and nothing in the world makes sense as she swung her round and round in her bear hug, seeing a flash of faces appear before her, Chloe looked like she was actually going to panic, worried about how she would possibly react to all this invasion of personal space.

“Amy, put Mitchell down! She’s already been through a lot, don’t traumatize her for a second time!” Aubrey barked, and the blonde called Amy.

“Oh right, sorry there Shawshank, you okay? Didn’t mean to startle you, just, broke my heart when I heard what happened and all.” Amy rambled on as she placed Beca down.

“Shawshank?” Beca asked looking all confused, and quite frankly a little rattled by the whole event. To Beca, Amy was still a stranger, and she was just lifted up by a stranger and squished tightly in a hug, which was a no-no on Beca’s rules of personal space.

“Oh right, amnesia and all. Well Shawshank, you earned the nickname because you went to prison.”

“Amy!” Chloe warned when she saw the panic in Beca’s eyes.  “Not exactly what happened.” she then turned to explain to the confused and slightly scared DJ.

“Okay.” Beca said slowly, “What did happen exactly?”

“Oh, I’m so glad you asked Shawshank.” Amy then said in a sing-song voice, placing an arm around her, urging her to walk with her side by side towards the living room where the rest of the Bellas were.

Somehow Beca had lost the feeling of certainty she had in the car.

 

* * *

 

“How are you holding up?” Aubrey asked Chloe as she got back down the stairs, settling in her room with Beca.

“I’m okay.” Chloe replied thoughtfully before she proceeded to explain the current rooming situation being a potential problem since technically other than the night Beca heard her sing for the first time and uncontrollably sobbed, they haven’t really shared the same bed.

Although technically that light they fell asleep on the couch because Beca sought to feel Chloe’s warmth and Chloe was more than willing to oblige. She missed Beca and for whatever reason, despite s the silence, Beca chose to be in her arms and by her side. That meant something to Chloe.

“There’s a spare single pullout mattress under the bed, so don’t worry.” Aubrey replied “Stacie had the same concerns, she was worried about Beca and I think she feels guilty about throwing all the pictures and videos of the Bellas so quickly at her after she woke up at the hospital. She wants to make up for it. But seriously Chlo, how are you? This, well, this is new territory right here.”

Chloe sighed. “It’s really just the same as before, when we were still getting to know each other. The only difference is this time we have a history together. A past that makes things a little harder sometimes emotionally when I forget that Beca doesn’t remember all the things that matter to the history of us.”

Aubrey nodded and placed a hand over her best friend’s shoulders. “If you ever need anything Chlo, distance means nothing, I’ll be there, okay?”

“I know Bree. I know.” Chloe replied and the two of them made their way back towards the beach, enjoying the feeling of the sun. The rest of the Bellas were already outside having fun, Beca and Lilly, and Emily noticeable absent.

“They’re still at the living room, Emily just got here and because she didn’t have the chance to visit Beca since the accident so she’s still gushing over the fact that Beca’s alive and all.” Stacie said joining the two as they stepped outside.

“Well, she’s with Emily, at least I don’t need to worry that much.” Chloe said before asking. “How was she with the Bellas earlier?”

“Ah, well, that’s a whole other story.” Stacie then replied before rushing over to the rest of the Bellas leaving Chloe wondering what she could have meant by that.

* * *

 

“I’m just, God, I’m so sorry Beca. After I heard I tried moving my flight to California earlier, but then Charlie, this new girl with the Bellas, got into an accident on her own and we got swamped with dealing with things for Nationals and helping her out, then I got sick, and it was just so many things happening in so little time. Luke and Chloe reassured you were okay and in safe hands, and oh Beca, I’m just glad your safe and alive and all.” Emily kept rambling on, exclaiming for the umpteenth time how much she’s relieved that Beca was alive despite having no memories whatsoever of the last four years or so.

“Emily. Breathe.” Beca said, a part of her slightly amused that despite she couldn’t remember the Emily she had become the last few years, she was still somewhat the same Emily she could remember. “I’m fine, okay? Alive and kicking, and still somewhat confused even more with the Bellas all sharing their stories of me at the same time. The only thing I got out of it all was that I punched someone and the police took me and Luke bailed me out? Remind me to ask him about that.”

“Oh, were they trying to explain the nickname? That’s a good story.” Emily then said with a smile.

“So I’ve heard, I think.” Beca replied with a nervous smile. “They always a lively bunch?” she asked in a low tone, glancing at Lilly who was fiddling with her laptop at the armchair across where Beca sat.

“Yeah, they’re a handful sometimes Beca, but the Bellas, we’re a family. They just love you and all so I guess they’re just excited to see you whole.”

“Except I’m not whole.” Beca argued.

“Memories can be forgotten Beca, but some bonds just simply exist and they can never be broken.” Emily replied and Beca couldn’t help but smile proudly at her, wise words coming from the little girl who only wanted to become a Bella ever since she was younger. “Now come on Beca, how about we join them outside in the sun. It could be fun.”

“I think I’ll pass for now Ems. But I’m glad to see you here too.” Beca replied and watch the youngest Bella of the group rush towards her shared room and change into her swimsuit to join the rest of her friends.

The first five minutes after was spent in silence, and normally Beca didn’t mind it, but her mind was a little busy with processing a lot of information at the moment. She was itching to reach for her headphones and bury herself in the music she knew she could depend on and escape in, but a part of her was fighting the urge.

The Bellas all seemed nice, even if Beca didn’t have a single clue how to interact with them. And something that Emily said did resonate within her. The Bellas loved her, and truth be told, Beca didn’t know what to do with it. The feeling and knowledge that a whole group of people loved her, despite not being exactly who she was before, she knew that what Emily had said was true. They loved her.

Just like even though Chloe doesn’t say anything, doesn’t try and clarify the state of their relationship considering Beca’s situation, she knows without a doubt that Chloe loves her too.

Beca sighed and got up, leaving Lilly behind in the living room, as she made her way towards the glass door by hall connecting the living room to the kitchen. She looked out to see the Bellas having fun at the beach, swimming, playing around and having fun.  Jessica, or was it Ashley, ran up to Ashley, or Jessica if Beca was mistaken, to hand her a water gun and before long the Barden Bellas were acting like teenagers shooting each other with a spray of water. Even Chloe was laughing, she looked like she was having a great time, smiling and everything. The sight made Beca smile, something inside of her stirring, like a need and a want to keep that smile on Chloe’s face for as long as possible. She knew, of course she did, that all she’s ever brought her lately was pain and misery. Beca’s aware of it, she broke Chloe’s heart without meaning to and she’s continuously mending it to be the strong support that Beca needed her to be.

And so all that Beca could think of was that Chloe most definitely needed this mini vacation, she deserved this.

Beca looked over to Lilly who had approached her, the two were now standing by the glass door. “So, uh, why aren’t you out there with them?” Beca asked. Lilly, as she heard Amy called her earlier, had pretty much stayed silent during the whole brief re-emersion process with the Bellas earlier. She did notice her trying to say something earlier in a whisper but Beca failed to catch what it was. She didn’t say a word after that so she figured that it probably wasn’t too important.

Lilly just shrugged, turning to look at Beca.

“Oh, um, okay then.” Beca mumbled as a response, painfully feeling every second of awkwardness between her and Lilly, before looking back towards where Chloe was, she was talking to Aubrey about something before Amy splashed her with the water from a rather huge water gun, hitting Aubrey in the process as well and Aubrey’s phone, that for some reason she didn’t seem to want to put down. Aubrey then took off in a rampage, chasing after all the Bellas with a water gun and Chloe couldn’t help but laugh.

Beca felt herself smiling even bigger than before. But the smile quickly faded away as she felt Lilly still staring at her, not even blinking. “Uh, looks like they’re having fun, huh?” Beca then said awkwardly, trying to make small talk, not exactly sure why Lilly was staring so intently at her. But then Lilly surprised her when she reached out and pulled her in a hug and Beca finally understood what Lilly had been trying to say earlier.

“Glad you’re okay Beca.” she had said in a light, barely audible, whisper.

Beca found herself smiling lightly, relaxing a little as Lilly had released her. She tried to find the right words to say but she couldn’t. It was a little bit overwhelming, truth be told, but she could feel that there was nothing to fear. She was in safe hands with the Bellas.

Cynthia Rose had chosen that exact moment to come back in the kitchen. “I feel bad for those water guns.” she mumbled under her breath and Beca wanted to ask why and what she meant by that but before she could, Cynthia Rose looked up towards her and Lilly, “Mind if you guys help me in prepping lunch? We all agreed to make it but the rest of the Bellas are currently in some weird sand ditch somewhere with the Aca-Nazi going on and on about the rules of engagement with water guns.”

“Yeah, sure, let me know what you need.” Beca replied. There was no need for her to ask about the Aca-Nazi, something deep inside her knew that she meant Aubrey.

Beca found herself enjoying the company of both Lilly and Cynthia Rose at the kitchen, doing something with her hands once again. Chloe quickly joined them, along with Stacie, the only two who actually escaped the wrath of Aubrey. She exchanged smiles with the redhead, and Beca couldn’t help but notice how lovely Chloe’s eyes were when she was happy. She looked lovely overall, very much relaxed for once, and then Beca’s mind couldn’t help but go a little further realizing that Chloe looked spectacular in her bikini – she was feeling a little insecure and conscious, and maybe a little shy, to join the Bellas in her only available swimwear that she really didn’t pack one before they leave – and she had to fight herself now and stop herself from blushing every time her hands accidentally bushed against Chloe or whenever they nearly bumped into each other. Then of course things just went spiraling out of control form her thoughts when Beca realized she was acting like a bumbling idiot now that Chloe was around – the rest of their company didn’t seem to mind it much – and it didn’t help that she had just now realized that though she couldn’t remember it exactly she had been in a relationship with Chloe for the last few years which meant that technically Chloe has seen her in her bikini so her initial reservations were ridiculous and then she realized that because of that length of time Chloe had seen _all_ of her and now she was more conscious and things were just spilling out of her brain with not so PG-13 thoughts occupying some of her brain space instead of trying to jog her memory and…

“Shorty? Beca! Are you okay? You look like you’re about to short circuit there.” Cynthia Rose noted, as she gently took away the knife from Beca and she realized she was about an inch away from chopping her own finger instead of chopping vegetables.

“Ah, sorry about that. Guess I was just a little tired.” Beca replied.

“Do you want to rest in the room, I can come get you when the food is ready.” Chloe then said.

“No, I might just step out for some air or something, maybe lie on the couch.” Beca replied with a shrug.

And somehow she found herself drifting off for a short nap, thinking about showers and David Guetta for some unexplainable reason.

When Beca woke up Stacie was standing next to the couch, looking down on her with a smile. “How long was I out for?” Beca asked.

“Just about twenty minutes. We’re almost ready, Flo and Denise are thankfully free now and are setting the table outside. It’s a pretty nice day and all.” Stacie replied.

“Cool. Uh, so do you guys still need my help?” Beca asked, sitting up, and Stacie shook her head. “Alright then.” she said nodding. “Looks like I have a few minutes of down time.”

“Yeah, about that, I hope you don’t mind me occupying that.” Stacie replied, sitting down next to her. “Look Beca, I wanted to apologize for trying to dump too many information on your lap back at the hospital and all. I was a little irrational, I know that probably gave you a little bit of hell and that it really didn’t help much forcing you to think about it. I guess I was just desperate to get my best friend back.”

Beca looked at Stacie thoughtfully. “Yeah, I guess I get it. The first weeks back home, Luke would try and spend a lot of time to me and tell me stories about the time when we were both DJs at the Barden radio station. Sometimes I just wanted to take a break and breathe you know, it can feel a little suffocating, but other times, I don’t know, a part of me wanted to hear the stories try to make me remember the memories. It’s frustrating when I can’t, which is pretty much always, but I’d like to imagine how things went down.”

Stacie gave out a chuckle. “Yeah, we had some pretty colorful adventures back then. But I want you to know Beca, you’re my best friend no matter what, it doesn’t matter to me if you ever remember anything or not. You’re my best friend. We can always make new memories together.”

“Thanks Stacie.” Beca said, Stacie’s words reaching through to her.

Stacie patted her on her hand. “Ready to go?” she heard her ask.

“Yeah, I’m hungry.” Beca admitted as they made their way out.

_And you know, you know where to find me_  
_Yeah you know where to look when you’re looking for love_  
_And you know, you know where I’m hiding_  
_Yeah you know, and you know_

_That when the stars go out_  
_You can rest your love on me_  
_And when the world gets loud_  
_Baby you can rest your love on me_

The Bellas were all singing out loud, drowning out the song coming from the speaker set-up outside, the music coming from the playlist of one of the Bellas. “Why do I feel like I’m babysitting children?” Aubrey had said as she settled down next to the Bellas who were all covered with sand. They seem to be having all kinds of fun despite getting reprimanded by Aubrey.

They all had lunch and somehow things settled down a little, everyone had their chance to talk about what they’ve been up to the last few months, and Beca could almost recognize what it was like to be part of the Bellas. Almost.

Everyone tried to stir clear of the wedding that almost happened, and Beca couldn’t help but wonder how the conversations would have turned out if she didn’t get into the accident. There probably would have been a bit of teasing, considering how lively the Bellas were, instead of the somber tone that had taken over them. They particularly grew silent when a mix of a few Justin Timberlake songs started to play. “Hey, this one’s really good.” Beca thought out loud.

“Considering it was your inception, it really is.” Aubrey replied.

“Oh.” Beca replied, bringing into mind to things, the Bellas have heard her mixes for sure, and that if they all grew silent about this, then this particular number had some significant meaning behind it.

If anything, Beca had wanted to relearn her past now more than ever. She wanted to understand the inside jokes, the meaningful glances between her friends. She wanted to know the Bellas the way they deserved to be known to her.

* * *

 

It was a bit surreal. In truth Amy wasn’t even expecting Beca to show up after all that’s happened, she’s both heard from Chloe and Luke how much she’s reverted back into her old self, and probably even more difficult and worse than before, mostly because she didn’t want to face everything that has changed that she didn’t get to recall she was a part of.

So yeah, she’s been overly emotional about trying to get Beca to remember everything, she missed the tiny DJ she’s gotten to know, and while she was there, sitting across the table or somewhere by the couch sticking only with the few people she felt she was familiar with enough, Amy knew that things were different. That maybe she could fool herself into thinking that nothing bad has happened, but deep down inside she knew, it was as if a piece of her had died when Beca lost her memory, and if that’s how she felt herself, what more did Luke or Emily feel, having known her the longest and seeing how much she’s grown only for all to be lost? What more did Chloe feel, essentially losing the love of her life and dealing with a Beca that doesn’t even know how she feels about her anymore?

Maybe that’s why Amy couldn’t help herself but be overwhelmed when she saw the tiny DJ walk in that door, and maybe that’s why she’s been trying to come up with crazy plans all day trying to desperately help Beca get her memories back. All her ideas being quickly shot down by Stacie.

To her defense, they were all brilliant ideas, albeit a little unconventional.

_A place to crash_  
_I got you_  
_No need to ask_  
_I got you_  
_Just get on the phone_  
_I got you_  
_Come and pick you up if I have to_  
_What's weird about it_  
_Is we're right at the end_  
_Ain't mad about it_  
_Just figured it out in my head_  
_I'm proud to say_  
_I got you_

The Bellas had all gathered by the living room. It was just after dinner and it was agreed that no crazy drunken shenanigans shall ensue, they were all grown-ups now. Besides, they all didn’t want to overwhelm Beca too much.

It was just after dinner, and they found themselves settling in watching videos of old Bellas performances, Beca seemed pretty receptive to it. She was beaming with pride despite acting all bashful whenever the rest of the girls pointed out that she was the one who made the set-list, being the one responsible for the Bella sound that had swept them through three National titles and the Worlds.

Now they were currently stuck watching old videos of rehearsals, parties of sorts and all, the Bellas singing along with their younger selves as the reminisced about the past.

“Don’t think we’ve forgotten about the new Bellas, Emily. Tomorrow we’ll be judging your performance videos.” Aubrey had said in a serious tone that Amy noticed a visible gulp coming from the youngest Bella.

Beca had chuckled before excusing herself to grab a drink from the kitchen just as the Bellas reach the chorus of the song. Amy noticed Chloe look up, watching the DJ leave the room, before turning her attention back to the screen and to her friends.

_Go ahead and say goodbye_  
_I'll be alright_  
_Go ahead and make me cry_  
_I'll be alright_  
_And when you need a place to run to_  
_For better for worse_  
_I got you, oh_  
_I got you, oh_

And so Amy took this as her chance to get Beca all to herself.

“Amy, you better not try anything stupid.” Stacie said as she quickly caught up with her. They’ve been hovering by the hallway, watching Beca pour herself a glass of water.

“What? I wasn’t planning to.” Amy said with a shrug.

“I swear to God Amy, if Beca ends up getting hit on her head with a frying pan, I’m looking at you.” Stacie sighed before turning to leave.

“It could work.” Amy argued.

“This isn’t a cartoon.” she heard Stacie huff before completely disappearing.

Amy shrugged again, making her way to the kitchen and building her confidence. She still thinks her plan could work, but for the sake of keeping her head in case things backfired epically, she decided to let it go.

“Hey Shawshank. You don’t mind if I keep calling you that right?” Amy said as she made her entrance to the kitchen.

Beca shook her head, setting down the glass on the kitchen counter. “Although I do need a clearer depiction of what happened.” she said with a light smile and Amy laughed.

“The sane ones in the group would most likely argue I’m not the best one to ask that. All I can say is you have one mean hook. I’ve seen you punch your way through asshats for the last few years Beca, all deserved their broken bloody noses. Even knocked the teeth out of some guy’s jaw.”

“That…. That, oddly enough, sounds like me.” Beca then admitted giving something like a half laugh as she shook her head.

“Hey Beca.”

“Yeah?”

“I miss you.” Amy noted. “And I know, it’s probably all new to you again, but I promise you it’s all good with us. We were roommates you know, for a while. And believe it or not, I’m one of your secret keepers. You were doing this midnight run as a DJ before and you were keeping your identity a secret and all. For a time, Stacie and I, we helped you out with the Bellas when you stayed up later, or when you were to tired and almost missed rehearsals. And when you got that last internship during the school year, I helped you out too. You were keeping it a secret from everyone because you didn’t want them to think you didn’t care about the Bellas. But anyways, what I’m saying here is, nothing’s changed, not for me. And if you need to talk to anyone, if you need a friend or something, I’m here. I know I still live oceans away, I’m trying to work on that, but I’m always here for you Shawshank.”

Beca smiled. “Yeah, uh thanks. Sorry if I’m all weird.”

“Oh come one Beca, we both know you’re always a little weird, we all are. We love you anyways.” Amy then said, giving her a brief hug.

* * *

 

Beca had been tinkering with the old radio by the bedside table when Chloe finally got up to the room. She’s even got the dusty old spare mattress set up on the floor near the bed, with a pillow laid neatly on top of it. Chloe frowned. But it was mostly because Beca was on said old mattress instead of the bed.

Chloe was about to say something about it when Beca looked up and beat her to it. “You’ve already been sleeping on the couch back home, I’m not going to let your stubbornness deprave you anymore of a goodnight’s sleep. You deserve it.” Beca said.

Chloe sighed in defeat. “You’re the one being stubborn. Aubrey was warning me that that mattress is all springy and stiff, you won’t be comfortable.”

“No it won’t.” Beca replied. “Besides, if it is, wouldn’t you be the one uncomfortable?”

Chloe was about to raise an argument that since Beca was the one who, despite looking like she’s a hundred percent functioning, was still recovering. But then again, to Chloe at least, Beca would always be stuck on that recovering phase, not until the whole of her comes back to her. To Chloe, she was just a fragile girl who couldn’t even remember she’s all grown up, and she doesn’t want to add another scratch or crack on that surface, she just wants to wrap her up and keep her safe. Truth be told, even though Beca wasn’t fighting for her life when she saw her on that hospital bed, she was still broken and bruised and cut up, and the thought of it still haunts Chloe. The fear that something terribly irreversible would have happened to Beca and she would have lost her forever had been very heartbreaking, she herself was still mending. Though Chloe couldn’t help but think that it mostly because a part of her was living that worst case scenario in her head. Beca was back with her, she just wasn’t exactly Beca.

And so a part of Chloe was always going to want Beca to be safe, and whole, and careful, and comfortable. Because she was afraid to lose anymore of her.

But Chloe never was able to raise any argument. “I’ll be fine here.” Beca said as she started lightly bouncing up and down the mattress laid on the floor. “See, it’s not so ba- ouch!”

“What’s wrong?” Chloe asked, snapping out of her thoughts and looking all worried.

“Ah, nothing. I think I actually broke the springs. One of them hit me.” Beca said, standing up and moving towards the floor. To where she sat earlier was a few coiled springs poking through and from what Chloe could tell, if Beca rubbing her butt was any indication, it would seem that it stung her a little.

Beca started to pull the mattress to one corner of the room just as a few more springs coiled up, making its way through the surface. “Guess it’s the floor for me.” Beca mumbled.

“No it isn’t.” Chloe said, sitting down by the foot of the bed.

“I’m not going to let you sleep on the floor.” Beca argued.

Chloe looked around and grabbed the biggest pillow she could find and placed one in the middle of the bed. She knew that Beca might be uncomfortable with it given their circumstance, but if she would keep vehemently protesting against the idea that Chloe should sleep on the floor then this would have to do. “Look Beca,” Chloe started to say, “either you let me sleep on the floor or we’ll just have to share the bed. It’s big enough for the two of us and if you’re worried about anything, then we’ll have this pillow right here in between.”

“It’s not… I’m not worried… it’s just… I mean you… it’s just the honor-… look I’m trying to be chiva-… ugh… I’m fine with the floor.” Beca grumbled as her cheeks turned red, her eyes quickly darting away from Chloe to stare on the floor.

Chloe bit her lips to try to stifle a laugh, but it was a futile attempt. She ended up laughing, eventually lying down on her side of the bed as she tried to contain her laughter. Beca looked at her confused, her brows knitted up tightly together as she tried to figure out what was just too funny for Chloe. She was also a little annoyed at the thought that Chloe might be laughing at her expense and the redhead could see it clearly in her eyes. Beca was like an open book sometimes and she was just that somethings never changed.

“You always do this.” Chloe said, a bit of a giggle still breaking out in between her words as she lied down her back facing the ceiling. “You did this a few times before too, although I think I nodded off to sleep the first time and I really couldn’t argue with you.”

“Wait, I do?” Beca asked as she shyly sat on the opposite side of the bed, the pillow Chloe had placed in between them the only thing separating their bodies.

“Yeah. We were in your dorm room. It was like, three in the morning then, I think, when you came back. It was freshmen year and you hadn’t told anyone that you were the Midnight DJ on the campus station. The Bella shad a party and I left for a while and when I came back you were gone so I went to your dorm room and waited for a while.”

“How long did you wait?” Beca asked, facing the ceiling just like Chloe.

“About two or three hours I think.” Chloe answered truthfully. “Somewhere in between. I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?” Beca prodded, wanting to know more. She was trying to imagine Chloe waiting for her on some generic dorm hallway.

“It doesn’t matter. We did talk for at least two more hours or so before I nodded off. We never really got to talking about what I wanted to talk to you about then. I don’t mind though. Things unfolded, eventually.” Chloe replied, her voice was soft and sweet. She was reminiscing about the past, the night she initially broke up with Tom. The night she thought to herself she was falling helplessly for Beca.

But Beca didn’t need to know that now.

“So I slept on the floor then?” Beca asked with a chuckle.

“Yep. After you tucked me in all nicely. After that, every time the Bellas had a party and it was late or something, I’d force you to stay in my room and sleep on my bed since it was big enough for the two of us. We'd also argue about why you shouldn’t sleep on the floor and I won every time.” Chloe then said. She was starting to feel tired and sleepy, the way she was laying down was really comfortable that she could feel her whole body relax easily.

She felt the pillow between her and Beca pulled down slightly. Chloe turned her head and saw Beca’s eyes meeting hers. “You could have saved me the trouble and told me you win every argument from the start.”

“Is that your way of conceding this fight?” Chloe asked, a triumphant smile already on her face.

“I don’t think it’s really much of a fight when I’m set to lose from the very start.” Beca replied with a chuckle. “Goodnight Chloe.” she mumbled before turning around, grabbing the pillow that was initially on the old mattress and was now on the floor, pulling it close to her body to bury her face.

Chloe smiled slightly, “Goodnight Beca.” she had whispered before finally giving in to the sleep that was taking over her.

* * *

 

_The dawn is breaking_  
_A light shining through_  
_You're barely waking_  
_And I'm tangled up in you_  
_Yeah_

Beca’s eyes fluttered open just in time for the opening lines of the song softly playing on the radio she was pretty sure was broken last night. She tried tuning it in on any station she could find that played any decent music. Once she did, however, it started to die off. She replaced the batteries with new ones but that didn’t do the trick. She had been fiddling with it nonstop until Chloe came in last night that she had forgotten that she had actually left it turned on. Somehow, it seemed, it was able to fix itself overnight.

And now Beca found herself staring at Chloe’s face, studying the patterns the sunlight formed on her cheeks, as she listened to the song.

_I'm open, you're closed_  
_Where I follow, you'll go_  
_I worry I won't see your face_  
_Light up again_

Somehow, overnight, it would also seem that she had turned to face Chloe, her arms reaching out over the threshold of the pillow to hold Chloe’s hands, one leg also daring to cross the line and brushing up against Chloe’s own.

This wasn’t the first time she woke up this close to Chloe since her accident. Actually, the last time, she was probably all tangled up with the redhead, falling asleep on the couch and all after she ended up crying for no fathomable reason, just that she heard Chloe sing and the words carried over by her voice had gotten through to her like something she never experienced before.

_Even the best fall down sometimes_  
_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_  
_Out of the doubt that fills my mind_  
_I somehow find_  
_You and I collide_

She was slightly disappointed that there was a pillow between them but she reasoned that it was for the better. It’ll only muddle things up with their currently undefined relationship if it wasn’t, if she woke up once again in Chloe’s arms. There was a part of her that didn’t feel like she deserved it, Chloe’s clear love and affection. Not the way she was. Maybe it was what added to her frustration even more. She could feel it, Chloe’s love. She just couldn’t remember how she herself had been able to love her.

_I'm quiet you know_  
_You make a first impression_  
_I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind_

There was once a time Beca thought it would be impossible for her to love anyone. She had been hurt too many times that she had somehow convinced herself she had no heart left, no ability to love anymore. Sure she cared about her mom, Emily, and eventually even Luke. But that was different. She had thought she was too damaged to be able to love anyone truthfully and wholly.

But Chloe was proving her wrong.

And right now, at least, she was having difficulty reconciling the two things, so she’s pushed back the thoughts of what she felt for the redhead deep down in the darkest recesses of her mind for the time being.

Beca breathed a deep sigh before carefully taking her hand back, shifting towards the edge of the bed. Soon she was standing up, making her way towards the little balcony of the bedroom. The Bellas had given them the master’s bedroom of the house, and it was quite nice and spacey, Beca liked it mostly because it gave her the space to breathe and think.

_Even the best fall down sometimes_  
_Even the stars refuse to shine_  
_Out of the back you fall in time_  
_I somehow find_  
_You and I collide_

Beca leaned on the edges of the railing, looking at the waves slowly crashing on the shore. The sun was out, and the bright day had greeted her with a gentle breeze that made it feel like it was a perfect day to be out in the sun. The past day hadn’t been as bad as she had thought it would be. A part of her had been scared. Of what, she wasn’t sure of. She was just really thankful Luke had gotten through to her a little and Chloe managed to convince her to come.

She liked the Bellas. They never pushed too much despite being quite a handful at times. She just wished she could offer a bit more of herself back.

And somehow Beca couldn’t help but think that she was like the waves, crashing onto the shores before rolling back to the sea. It was one step forward and two step back every time. At least that’s how she felt.

_Don't stop here_  
_I've lost my place_  
_I'm close behind_

But last night was great, it was wonderful.

Sure she had no idea what the Bellas were talking about, and her wild imagination was painting quite a picture with their tales that she wasn’t entirely sure if they actually happened the way they were telling it.

But Chloe’s little tale, a simple anecdote of Beca’s stubbornness. That felt nice. Somehow she could really imagine it.

It felt real.

It felt true.

And it made Beca a little sad that she couldn’t remember it. Instead she could only try and hope to imagine it as close to how it really happened, closing her eyes tightly as Chloe talked about the two of them arguing on whether or not she should sleep on the floor, or tucking Chloe in her bed.

But she just couldn’t picture the bed, or how her dorm room looked like, or what color was the walls in Chloe’s bedroom.

_Even the best fall down sometimes_  
_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_  
_Out of the doubt that fills your mind_  
_You finally find_  
_You and I collide_

But Beca felt a connection and that was enough for now.

And Beca could only hope that it would eventually turn into a spark that would illuminate her foggy mind

_You finally find_  
_You and I collide_

“I never thought I’d see the day you wake up earlier than I do.” Chloe said, stepping up into the balcony, trying to stifle a yawn. She leaned on the railings ad stole a quick glance at Beca before turning her attention to the beach. “You were right, that was a decent night’s sleep. Maybe even the best I’ve had in a while.”

Beca chuckled. “I’m glad you think that I was right.”

Chloe bumped shoulders with Beca before turning around. Was that her way of thanking her? Just a force of habit? She wasn’t sure. She was just really starting to once again navigate everything that was Chloe Beale.

“Come on. You’re probably hungry. Let’s make some breakfast. Knowing the Bellas, they’re still asleep.”

“Sure, let me help you.” Beca replied with a light smile on her face before stepping out of the balcony.  
  
_You finally find_  
_You and I collide_


	6. Half of My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured are ‘Half of My Heart’ by John Mayer and ‘Before the Worst’ by The Script

It was like the opening line of that book… Beca couldn’t remember what and couldn’t really be bothered by it. She did know that it was a book they read in school before.

_It was the best of times. It was the worst of times…_

Beca slumped down her chair at the office, very much tempted to just spin it around and around until she’s dizzy and tired and maybe she couldn’t think for a while. Her head felt like it was going to explode, filled with so many thoughts.

It’s been two months since the beach trip and for a while things were going real well with Chloe, Luke was always there of course to help her out when she needs him to be there, and she was even giving Jesse Swanson, one of her self-proclaimed best friends, the chance of knowing him again.

And it would be all well, if everyone could just stand still for a moment and forget that they’ve ever met.

But that was so much easier said than done.

_It's been a while since the two of us talked_   
_About a week since the day that you walked_   
_Knowing things would never be the same_   
_With your empty heart and mine full of pain_

The guy sitting in the cubicle next to Beca had turned up the radio a little louder so that even now she could hear it. She preferred music over silence, of course she does, but right now she was finding it really annoying. The words of songs having a different effect on her than the way it did before and it doesn’t at all do anything to lessen her earlier frustrations.

Oh the pain that was the process of your dreams.

It’s been freaking two weeks since the night she and Chloe had fought, and she really is trying to figure out how to balance things out and make sense of everything, but it was hard.

Really hard.

It’s even harder when it feels like you’re in a fight with someone for two whole weeks. Someone you really don’t want to be in a fight with.

She was in a standstill, like she was frozen in time, and everything around her was constantly moving.

But it started even a week earlier, if Beca was to be honest.

She was having dinner with Chloe, Luke, Jesse, his current girlfriend whose name is lost on Beca, and Flo who was visiting for the weekend. It started with just the usual polite dinner chatter of ‘how are you’s’ and all, catching up with things that’s happened since the last time everyone who was at Luke’s for dinner had seen each other.

Then it started.

It was something simple, Jesse talking about a time during their freshmen year. Beca wasn’t paying much attention to the story, she’s been kind of doing it for a while since she really couldn’t relate to empty memories that meant nothing to her. But something about how everyone seemed so connected, and sentimental, and reminiscent about things just got to her. It was like she was an outsider again, this time in her own world. It was an odd feeling, but she didn’t like it. Not at all.

It troubled her, how long it’s been since the accident and how she’s still hasn’t gotten back any of her memories, and it added ore to that building frustration. It’s like she’s seating in a class of her life, watching slide after slide of who she was supposed to be, but she just couldn’t relate to any of it.

_We were sitting with our backs against the world_   
_Saying things that we thought but never heard_   
_Who would have thought it would end up like this?_

Then of course a week after that, things just got worse. Her dad was in town again, and the feelings of the past, feelings that she’s supposedly had let go by then, came surfacing out. She gave dinner with them a try, much to both Chloe and Luke’s insistence. But instead of understanding anything, she just felt even more alienated than before, things being somewhat unnatural.

And again she felt like she was stuck in that last frame of time, the last few memories she had before going to Barden, and she couldn’t move forward from it. She couldn’t move forward from the pain and hurt her dad brought back with ancient memories from long ago.

_Before the worst_   
_Before we met_   
_Before our hearts decided it's time to love again_

“It’s like the good things that happened died out in you.” Chloe had slipped, sounding exasperated after they got back from that dinner. After Beca had acted cold and unpleasant to her step-mother and father.

“What do you expect me to do Chloe? I can’t have the things that happened in the past magically implanted back into my head. Do you honestly think I don’t want to move past it? Past my reality now? I want to be there, where you are, where Luke is, but I can’t. And I can’t just stop acting the way I really feel.” Beca had said back, her voice rising.

“I’m not expecting you to be something you’re not Beca.” Chloe had argued.

“Yes you are, you’re waiting for me to be the version of me you’ve gotten to know again and it’s really insufferable sometimes. I want that too Chloe, but I… It’s hard Chloe. Because everything just keeps moving past me.” Beca had huffed before storming out and into Luke’s apartment where her step-brother let her be before essentially giving her the same lecture that Chloe had given but with a more understanding tone.

If only because Luke was one of the few people who knew how Beca could really be difficult. The hopeless case that she was before, the hopeless case that she felt she still was.

All because she met the Bellas, softly and slowly affected her, shifted her perspective, and broke down her walls.

And it felt like they were all rushing this time. A desperate attempt to get back to where they were.

“Beca Mitchell?”

_Before today_   
_Before too long_   
_Let's try and take it back before it all went wrong_

Beca turned around surprised to hear a voice she never thought she’d hear again. A devilish grin plastered on his face, long black hair still the same way Beca had remembered it back in high school. “Fitz?” she asked confused.

Fitz laughed, the same laugh he used too. Fitzroy St. Germaine was a transfer student halfway through Beca’s freshman year. He was in Luke’s year and so they really only got to know each other for half that year. Fitz was probably the same kind of golden boy that Luke was, he had the looks and the wealth from his family to back him up. He was nice to Beca and they spent a few lunches together bonding over their shared tastes in music. But that was pretty much it. When he graduated, he was gone. No word whatsoever. But apparently he was still the friendly and jovial self he was in high school, personality-wise that is.

“I’m glad you still remember me. What on earth are you doing here?” Fitz said, walking over to Beca looking all dazzling in his suit.

“I should be the one saying all that. I work here. You?”

“Oh, my dad had recently acquired the company.” he said with a grin. “Looks like I’ll be your boss.”

“No way.” Beca said.

“Ah, Reggie. I see you’ve met Fitz. I was planning to introduce the two of you later, he heard one of your mixes things and was really impressed. In my newly minted office, five minutes. ‘Kay? Of course okay.” Beca’s old boss said. He usually worked in the Atlanta branch of the company but looks like things were changing at her workplace and she barely even noticed with all that’s happening.

Beca turned to look towards the direction that Fitz walked, following her boss, and saw him mouth ‘Reggie?’ looking confused.

If only Beca also knew why…

* * *

 

“Well if it isn’t Luke! How’s it going mate?” Luke heard Fitz say as he saw Beca walking out of the building with him.

Ah, yes, Fitzroy St. Germaine.

_Still had that smug look on his face then_ , Luke thought, he never really knew why, girls fawned over him at school and some boys wanted to be him, but he just really wanted to punch him in the face. Like knock his teeth in.

Maybe it was partly because he befriended, sort of, Beca so easily before, and even know, that it unnerved him.

“How about you don’t try sounding British, _mate_?” Luke replied flatly before turning to Beca who gave him a questioning look. “So what are you doing here Fritz?”

“It’s Fitz, Luke. Fitz.” he replied with that sickly sweet smile of his. “And I just happened to be Beca’s new boss and all.”

And somehow that little tidbit of info made Luke’s blood boil a little bit more.

He doesn’t trust the guy, with all his pretty faced goodness and all. He could sense he was trouble.

Fitz didn’t stick with them long enough, thankfully. “Think about it.” he had said to Beca as he turned to face her just before a black limousine stopped in front of them. Fitz got in and the vehicle drove off.

And Luke released a breath he didn’t know he was holding after.

“What’s wrong with you?” Beca asked as they started walking towards the bar they were planning to grab a drink from before Luke’s duty at the radio station. He was recently hired as their latest DJ, running a familiar midnight show that reminded him much of the same gig he had given to Beca before.

Luke shrugged. “Nothing much of the matter.” he replied and went straight back to the more pressing matters at hand. “How’s Chloe?” he asked and Beca groaned and Luke knew that things still weren’t set right.

Which was not good.

“Beca, what did you do?” Luke whined just as they turned left at the corner of the block.

“I accused her of trying to make me her version of Beca again, which I know sounds completely ridiculous, maybe to you. And just so you know, I kind of wanted to apologize as soon as I said it, but I couldn’t.”

“And why not?” Luke asked, sounding just as exasperated as Chloe.

“Well for one thing she just decided the best thing to do was to stay all silent that I don’t really know what she’s thinking right now.”

“Just talk to her, Beca, you can…” Luke had started to say.

“But that’s not just it.” Beca then said, cutting in, sounding a little peeved. “I feel like my voice is drowning whenever I try to say something that I feel right now. I know you’re all focused on ‘Beca recovering and feeling better’ and all, but that train has long been gone. This _is_ me now. This is who I am. And I couldn’t apologize for something a part of me believed was true. I can’t keep living trying to chase memories that might never be real for me ever again. And God damn it! I need time to breathe and reconcile things for myself.”

Luke stopped on his tracks, studied ever line on Beca’s face, the rise and fall of her voice as she tried to control her rising anger, and for the first time Luke felt like she was seeing Beca again for real. He’s been so caught upon doing just as what Beca had said, trying to bring back what was, but what if it was all truly gone? Shouldn’t they focus on what is?

It was all about getting back the time that was lost, the memories stolen away in a desperate attempt to still give the past four, five years the meaning that it had before.

And Luke had just been too much of a desperate fool to see it.

“Then try to make her understand Beca.” Luke then said after taking a deep breath. “She loves you, she’ll try to adjust to that.”

“Yeah, well, maybe that’s the problem.” Beca then said before starting to pick up the pace and walk towards their destination.

And Luke could hear it, the words Beca didn’t say. The words she had undoubtedly been thinking.

Chloe loves her.

But Beca wasn’t sure if she loved her just the same.

And right now, Chloe loved her more than she could possibly love the redhead back.

Luke sighed as he tried to catch up to Beca, trying to push the thoughts away, his own fears. He loves Beca, she was his sister despite not really being related by blood, and he saw it, the most beautiful love story he could ever hope to witness. And now it was breaking his heart to see everything on fragile ground.

* * *

“Hey Chloe, Chlo.” Beca said as soon as she stepped inside the apartment. Chloe had just finished clearing up her take out order when Beca waltzed right in.

She hated it, she hated being mad at Beca, especially when she can’t really blame her for any of it. But was it true? Was she really trying to mold Beca to the way she was before? Of course she wanted her Beca back, but she told herself and believed it true that she would be fine with whatever happened next.

For as long as they had each other, they would be fine.

But all she’s found is that she’s lost.

And she has no idea which way to go, or for that matter, which way was up or down, left or right.

But then, there was something in the way that Beca said ‘Chlo’. It was the first time she ever did since she lost her memories. And it was enough to make her soften her look and acknowledge her presence.

“Look, um… I didn’t mean to hurt you with what I said. I just, I think…” Beca struggled to say and Chloe waited with bated breath, not sure if she should prepare for the worst or what. “You know, just, I’m sorry Chloe. I know you’re fighting hard to try and understand me and all. I’m trying too, just, I’m not perfect and I might never be again.”

“Beca, you were never perfect.” Chloe then said. “But I don’t want perfect. And you don’t need to be back to who you were, you be you. Whoever you are now. I guess, I don’t know, I just wish we could find a way back to how things were. For a while there, we were making progress and I guess you opening up to the Bellas and receptive of the trip back to memory lanes we were doing… we might have over done it a bit. I get it. I should be one of the people to realize that at least with your dad, we might have to go through things at a slower pace.” Chloe replied and when Beca nodded and breathed a sigh of relief, Chloe could feel her nerves relax a little.

“Beca, you can always talk to me. You always used to. And I won’t ever get tired of listening to you. Tell me if I’m doing something wrong or something.” Chloe then said and Beca looked at her with mixed emotions.

And Chloe was left to wonder what thoughts were going through Beca’s mind as she silently wished her a goodnight and went to bed.

* * *

 

She was perfect.

That was the problem sometimes.

Beca’s head was in her hands again, staring at her computer at work. It’s been three days since she’s talked to Chloe and while things felt like they were settling down and falling into place, Beca knew they were not.

The surface looked calm and steady.

But they were drowning on the inside, she knew for sure.

In some strange way, she knows she felt it before. This frustration of when thing just won’t come together, when she wasn’t too sure about where the future would lead here. The anxiety would take over and the panic sinks in and it was a constant struggle of letting calmness win out at the end. It was familiar.

And it was so maddening that she couldn’t figure out why.

Sure they talked a little. And sure their back to their usual stillness.

But their stillness wasn’t living at all.

It was like Beca woke up to a place frozen in time, where she was cast in a role she was unfamiliar with, where the past was simply given in exposition, and where the future was never going to come. All that mattered was the present. But Beca knew that life was more than just the present. It was the future she always looked forward to, and it was the one thing she couldn’t have a good clear view of in her head.

“Have you thought about it yet?” Fitz asked when they bumped into the elevator earlier.

“No, not really.” Beca replied, although she was lying. She did give it a thought, she just couldn’t come up with a decision.

“The offer stands Beca, even after you make up your mind. Just in case you say no and you want to change your answer.”

“In otherwords, until I say yes?” Beca asked amused.

“Well, it is true that I don’t take no for an answer.” Fitz said and the door of the elevators opened, unveiling Beca’s floor in front of them. “You have talent Beca, I’m offering you a cheat code so you don’t have to go through all the measly steps to the top.” he managed to finish saying as the doors of the elevator closed on him.

Beca took a deep breath as she slumped into her desk, the lack of inspiration killing her, the lack of clarity killing her creativity. She has no idea what to do.

* * *

 

“Hey.” Chloe heard Beca say, bumping into each other as they arrived at their apartment at the same time.

“Hey.” Chloe replied a little surprised. “I thought you were going out with Luke again tonight?”

“Yeah, I totally bailed.” Beca replied as they went inside, she looked a little nervous and uncertain.

“What is it?” she finally asked and the shaky breath that Beca drew told her that it was probably about something Chloe might not end up liking. “Do we need to talk?”

“You’ve read my mind.” Beca said as he exhaled. “Um, yeah, so, our company, totally got bought by this new guy.”

Chloe nodded, urging Beca to go on. She wasn’t really sure where this was going and why Beca would be so nervous. Unless she was fired? But who in their right minds would let Beca go? “They didn’t, I mean, you didn’t get fired, did you?”

“What? No, no.” Beca instantly replied, standing awkwardly by the door. “It’s just… the guy, well technically his dad bought the company, but my new boss, he’s this old high school friend of mine. We didn’t hang out a lot or anything, but he was one of the few people I talked to.”

“Beca, where is this going?” Chloe asked sounding a little lost with what Beca was saying.

“Oh, um, right. He offered me a job. Well more of a promotion of sorts. Anyways, music producer. He wants me to be a music producer, executive music producer, for our record label.”

“Beca, why on earth are you all nervous about it then?” Chloe said with a huge smile on her face coupled with a nervous laugh. “That’s a big deal isn’t it? Why aren’t you a little bit happier? Wait, we should be celebrating now, you should be celebrating with Luke, why… please tell me you said yes?”

“I’m still thinking about it.”

“Beca, what on earth is there to still think about?” Chloe asked. “This is huge for you.” she said as she made her way to cross the room, uncertain If she should just place her hands on Beca’s or hug her right then. Truth be told she wanted to kiss her, and kiss her so bad. She’s been wanting to kiss her since she woke up, she’s been wanting to just hold her in arms like she used too, and right at that moment the temptation has never been stronger.

“Chloe, it’s in New York.” Beca replied, her words cutting through Chloe’s thoughts. “Fitz wants me to work with our NY-based artists.”

“Oh.” Chloe replied thoughtfully. The job was in New York.

Which shouldn’t be bad, right? Aubrey and Stacie were in New York. They would be closer to their friends.

But then that would mean they would have to move again.

She would have to look for a new job, look for apartments, and manage finances for said move…

…so much needed to be done. Their lives were going to be uprooted again. Just like the move from Atlanta to LA, Beca’s so-called promise land, the place where she thought she would fulfill her dreams and turn them into reality.

But there was something in the way Beca was acting. Memory or not, Chloe knew her down to a tee. The words that were unspoken where weighing her down and it was that understanding of Beca that was stirring fear inside of her.

She was saying all of these for a reason. Beca was looking for something. A reason to stay in LA, maybe? Chloe’s full support to move to New York?

“We can handle it.” Chloe started to say. “There are a lot of good schools in New York, and I could hopefully find one that would hire me. Bree and Stacie are there too. Beca, it’s your dream and you know I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

Beca groaned. “I know Chloe. And that’s the problem.” she said in all her frustrations. “I feel like I’m bulldozing right through you. That’s the problem. You’ve been just perfect, and accommodating and what have I done? It’s always you sacrificing things for me, and I don’t even deserve it.”

And it was there in between the lines.

_I feel like I’m abusing your kindness and affection too much._

“Beca, don’t say that. Of course you do. Beca, I-I love you.” Chloe dared say, pausing for a moment to see how it might have affected Beca.  But Beca had the same look of frustration and concern in her eyes. A look that Chloe just couldn’t understand. “I’m proud of you. You’re incredibly talented and this is your shot, your chance. I’m not going to stand in the way of that.”

“Chloe…” Beca reasoned but Chloe insisted on talking.

The words unsaid were already haunting her.

_I know but you’re doing real well here already and I don’t want to ruin that._

“Beca, I know you can’t remember but you’ve done a lot for me too. After earning a master’s degree I wasn’t sure what to do and well, I don’t know. I had a fear of what comes next but you, you helped me figure things out. You helped build my confidence up and all, and I…”

“Chloe…” Beca tried again. “I’m not going to just throw you in a loop and uproot your life just cause… you’ve already sacrificed enough.” she said.

And Chloe could already imagine what she didn’t say.

_I don’t deserve the sacrifice Chloe._

“Beca, I can compromise, give way and adjust…” Chloe went on, desperation in her voice. They had two options, at least to Chloe they were only two. It’s either they both leave or they both stay and she was understanding the struggle that Beca was going through.

Because there was a third option that Chloe wanted to ignore.

“I know!” Beca yelled, throwing Chloe off. “That’s the problem!”

“How is that the problem?” Chloe asked, exhausted and confused, her voice was rising and she could notice Beca starting to shake a little herself. “Beca, relationships are about compromise. And right now you need me to…”

“But Chloe, we’re not even sure what we are!” Beca replied, things bottled up finally being set free. The words unsaid finally being spoken.

And Chloe was not prepared for it, even though the words Beca said were all true. She knew, she wasn’t even sure herself. Their relationship wasn’t complicated, just undefined.

In a way she never thought she’d imagine to be possible.

“Beca…” Chloe said in a breathy whisper, a shaky voice, she was trying not to cry. The stress, the months of pent-up emotions running through her were slowly taking over. “Beca, I love you and I…”

“That’s the problem Chloe.” Beca whispered, desperation in her tone, begging Chloe to understand. “I don’t even remember that I love you too.” she then said, tears streaming down her cheeks before she did what she always did when she was upset.

Run and seek isolation in her room, shutting the door right behind her as loud as she could.

* * *

 

Beca collapsed on the floor, her head in her hands, the tears continuously rolling down her cheeks as she sobbed, her back leaning on her door.

She doesn’t even understand what was going on. Where they having another fight? They weren’t supposed to have a fight. She wanted to talk to Chloe, because she wanted to tell her about New York. She wanted to weigh her options, true, but she didn’t want to upset Chloe’s life in LA, she’s already done so much for her with her current state and all.

Beca crawled towards her desk, grabbed her headphones and placed them over her ears. She wanted to seek comfort in music.

_I was born in the arms of imaginary friends_   
_Free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I've been_   
_Then you come crashing in, like the realest thing_   
_Trying my best to understand all that your love can bring_

She told Chloe because she cared. And she knew if Chloe finds out about the offer and she didn’t tell her, then she would be upset and all _giving._

But Chloe’s given up a lot for her already. And she didn’t want her to give up more. Beca knew, she could see how passionate Chloe was with her job at the school, and at one of the top private schools in LA too. She talked with great affection for her students, seeing their potentials and trying to help them reach their dreams. If how she was with Beca is any indication of how she was as a teacher – patient and kind in every way – then she knew for sure that Chloe would be missed.

She’s already given up so much for her. And yes, Beca felt it, Chloe’s ability to love her so much and so selflessly.

It made her feel even worse.

Because she wasn’t sure if she could ever return that love.

And she was planning to turn down Fitz’s offer. LA was her dream for so long. And LA was her home now. If anything, LA should be the one place that could help her jog her memory, maybe Atlanta too but LA is where she lived for the past year.

Moving to New York would be so scary and new.

It would be the unknown.

And despite all the frustration she was feeling, of the maddening experience that was driving her insane regarding her partial memory loss, it was her home. And even if Beca didn’t want to admit it, it was Chloe that made her feel like this place was home.

_I was made to believe I'd never love somebody else_   
_I made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself_   
_Lonely was the song I sang, 'till the day you came_   
_Showing me another way and all that my love can bring_

Yes she wants to remember. Desperately.

No, they weren’t supposed to fight.

Yes, she wanted to talk to Chloe about it.

But no, Chloe’s response – albeit it was kind of obvious – wasn’t what Beca was looking for.

She had wanted to talk about it. Not just be ready to give the normalcy of her life here for a new one.

She wanted to talk through the details.

She didn’t want Chloe to just give and give.

Because Chloe deserved better than that.

And Beca cares, she cares for Chloe a lot even though she’s got no clue why or when she started to care about her. She doesn’t want to ever hurt her, but she also wants her to live, have a life, grow the same way that Chloe wanted her to do so. She wanted Chloe to find success and be happy. Not just endlessly sacrifice for Beca.

Maybe that was what made things so difficult.

 Because Beca doesn’t want to go to New York without Chloe.

But Beca knew that moving to New York wasn’t what’s best for Chloe.

_Oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation_   
_Half of my heart takes time_   
_Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you_   
_That I can't keep loving you (can't keep loving you)_   
_Oh, with half of my heart_

And she knew, some of the things she said came out wrong. But it was the truth. Chloe was sacrificing so much for someone who couldn’t even love her back the same way, or so Beca thought. She was giving up so much already. Chloe was ready to follow her anywhere and everywhere, and that was great in a way, making Beca feel loved and important.

But she doesn’t want Chloe to forget to love herself too, to do what she needs to do for herself.

She can’t keep letting Chloe down. And while she sees how hopeful Chloe was, she knew that she’d end up killing the hope somehow if their relationship, whatever it was at the moment was just a one way street.

Something’s gotta give, and Chloe’s already given so much.

So it was Beca’s turn now.

_Your faith is strong_   
_But I can only fall short for so long_   
_Down the road, later on_   
_You will hate that I never gave more to you than half of my heart_   
_But I can't stop loving you_   
_(I can't stop loving you)_   
_I can't stop loving you_   
_(I can't stop loving you)_   
_I can't stop loving you with half of my_

Somehow some semblance of clarity started seeping in through her very muddled thoughts. It wasn’t LA versus NY, it never was. It was what they represented. It was how their life was now, in all of its mess.

Beca knew what they needed, and she knew that the easy way to get it was never an option from the start.

They can’t keep living in a frozen state forever, pretend that it is all okay, especially when it was not.

She was feeling so torn up about this for three days, since Fitz made the offer, because it was more than just her dreams on the line, more than what everything she’s ever wanted.

And what made it more difficult was she couldn’t harmonize what she felt and what was going through her head. She couldn’t understand and recognize her conflicting emotions, her desires to reach the top and realize her dream with what made her feel so reluctant in the first place.

Because Chloe was the unexpected thing she cared about in a way she never thought was possible.

Maybe it was love after all? Beca wasn’t really sure. Because in her head she’s never been in love.

_Half of my heart_   
_Oh, half of my heart_   
_Half of my heart's got a real good imagination_   
_Half of my heart's got you_   
_Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you_   
_That half of my heart won't do…_

Beca grabbed her headphones and let them hang down her neck as she desperately tried to wipe away the tears that won’t stop falling.

She’s come to a decision.


	7. Beautiful Excuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured are ‘Beautiful Excuses’ by Rixton (seriously, good song, give it a listen to) and ‘Ungodly Hour’ by The Frey (perfectly sums up Chloe’s POV for me, hope it sets the right mood for you guys too)

Beca woke up the next day with a heavy heart, not that she found any sleep at all. In her head, she probably just blacked out at some point. She couldn’t even remember how she got into her bed. Her thoughts were still on the argument from last night, and the lingering conflicting feelings that continuously spin her head round and round.

No, she doesn’t know what the right thing to do is. She does know, however, what the best thing to do was for her and for Chloe.

They can’t keep continuing like this, they won’t survive it. And somehow Beca knew that the most important thing of all was for them both to somehow survive this.

Would it be easy? No.

Would it hurt? Yes.

But it was the only way.

Because they had to bend before they break.

And Beca wasn’t certain of what the future would bring her, still, a part of her knew, whatever it would be, this was the best course of action to take.

For them to grow and become who they were supposed to be. The best version of themselves.

For Chloe to be happy, and for Beca to find herself again.

It was the only way. Her memories were gone but Beca knew she cared about Chloe. The redhead had sacrificed enough for her already, she’s suffered through the last few months of being with someone who wasn’t quite the person they loved.

And the only thing Beca knew she could do was to make the sacrifice for her.

_I can barely sleep_   
_There's something on my mind_   
_I'm lying in the dark_   
_I'm searching hard to find_   
_For the love that we shared_   
_And the life I left behind_   
_There's only beautiful excuses in my eyes_

Chloe had already left by the time Beca got out, and the tiny brunette herself didn’t waste much time getting ready. Fitz would be flying back to New York this afternoon and Beca knew he needs an answer, whatever answer she could give.

Beca soon found herself standing at his make shift office for now. Having only recently acquired the label company, Fitz still had his main office at his father’s tower in the big apple, and from the looks of it, the city of angels wasn’t exactly his favorite city in the world.

“Ah, Beca, come in. I was just about to check if you were already in.” Fitz said, looking up from the paperwork all set neatly on his table that morning. “So I take it you have an answer ready for me?” he asked, flashing her his usually brilliant smile.

“Uh, yeah, yeah I do, actually.” Beca said tentatively, a part of her still trying to argue with herself.

But she had to.

She had to stick with the decision she’s made.

Something’s gotta give.

And she knows she’s got to give something up.

_I can scream and shout_   
_But what's the point? it's done_   
_Don't cry before you learn_   
_Fly too close to the sun_   
_You're starting to lose faith_   
_So hold on to your pride_   
_There's only beautiful excuses in my eyes_

It’s done.

There was no going back from it.

There was only one thing left really.

Luke was standing outside of Beca’s building, looking a little worse for the wear, undoubtedly having already heard of her last fight with Chloe, why else would he have the pained and tired look in his eyes.

“How are you doing?” Luke asked.

“I really don’t know.” Beca replied. “I’m still all lost, with everything really.”

“So, fancy our usual drink?” Luke asked as they started walking towards his car.

“I think tea might be better. I need to calm my nerves and all. Getting drunk would be a terrible idea.” Beca replied.

“Planning to talk to Chloe then?” Luke asked, genuine concern in his voice. “Look Beca I know you guys have been going through a rough patch, but comm- ”

“Rough patch?” Beca asked, barely able to contain her voice. She knew that Luke had a point somewhere in all of this but she’s hated the fact that even he couldn’t see what the problem was. Everyone still viewed them as Beca and Chloe, everyone still saw them as together, like nothing’s changed. Beca got into an accident and she will be better soon.

But that wasn’t the case.

Beca’s memories of the past five years had gone. She was better now, perfect health and all, and still the memories haven’t returned. It was more than getting better. Beca doesn’t know who she was now, who she was supposed to be, and who she wants to be.

And Chloe wasn’t living at all. She was constantly hurting and suffering, living in a bittersweet daydream.

“Okay, maybe rough patch is a huge understatement.” Luke admitted.

“It is.” Beca replied. “Luke, I think we need to talk.”

“You do, that’s the only way you guys would figure it out.” he said, trying to shrug it off and focus on what was important.

“No, I mean us. I’ve got something to tell you, it’s been on my mind for a while, and now that an opportunity arise… look, it’s just. I made up my mind on something and I wanted to make sure it’s of sound judgement. I’m sure it’s what I want to do, but you know?” Beca started to ramble, giving a shrug.

Luke stopped for a second and studied the look on Beca’s face. Every line, Beca was sure, showed of the conflict going on inside of her. Her eyes, Beca knew, bore the look of sadness and pain, of confusion and anger.

Luke took a deep breath. “I think tea might actually be a good idea, how about we go grab one first before you tell me what this is about.”

“I think that might be a good idea.” Beca replied, before once again being entrenched in her thoughts.

_She’s wrapped up in her thoughts_   
_We haven’t spoken in days_   
_She’s saying that I’ve changed_   
_Well she’s stuck in her ways_   
_I won’t pick up the phone_   
_I’ve said all there is to say_   
_Gotta be strong_   
_Because it’s wrong for me to stay_

Luke looked gravely ill after their talk, stopping by a bench near the park on the way to their apartment building. He had his hand on his mouth, his eyes intently staring on the pavement, the cup of tea that they bought along the way set down by his foot, long cold and forgotten.

Beca stayed silent. She still didn’t know how to feel about what she had intended to do. She was torn up about it.

She wants to stop it, doing something that unwittingly hurt Chloe. Her lashing out when she’s too frustrated. She doesn’t want to see her cry anymore, sad anymore, hurt. She doesn’t want to cause any more problems.

She wants to see Chloe smile again, be happy.

Even if… even if…

…she couldn’t even convince herself to say it in her thoughts. She doesn’t know why it hurt so much just to even think it, but it does, and yet she knew, it was the only way.

“You’ve thought this through haven’t you?” Luke finally asked, his voice sounding a little hoarse.

“Most of last night, although, well, I’ve been kind of pushing it to the back of my mind really. I know at one point we have to acknowledge the problem of our relationship, and how we define it to ourselves. I don’t know what to do Luke. I don’t know the right thing to do. I just know, we have to stop before we crash.” Beca then said, a hint of desperation in her voice.

Luke took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes.  Before running a hand through his blond hair, currently being grown out a little. “I don’t know what to say Beca. Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Beca replied in a whisper, her voice cracking up.

Beca felt Luke’s arm placed firmly on her shoulder. He would do this when they were younger whenever he wanted to silently give her his strength or support and couldn’t find the right words to say it.

Because there wasn’t really any right words for it now, and Beca knew it. They were living in a situation no one ever predicted could be possible. And now, Beca just wanted to desperately save what she could the only way she knew how.

And this time she was going to face it, she told herself, and do what she thought was best. She wasn’t going to simply run and hide.

_Too many beautiful excuses_   
_Tell me what the use is_   
_Trying to find a way to come back home_   
_How can we correct this_   
_If we’re disconnected_   
_I don’t know, I don’t know_

The walk back from their pit-stop at the bench to the apartment never seemed so long before. Every step Beca took felt like a knife was stabbing her in the heart at the thought of what she was going to do. Dread had started to slowly sink in, and she was desperately trying to grasp at straws to find the strength to get through this.

Because she had to do this.

_What makes an angel fall in love?_   
_What makes a good man turn and run?_   
_How do I know if she’s the one?_

She can’t keep selfishly holding onto Chloe when she doesn’t even know the reason why. She can’t keep hurting her.

Yes, even if she wasn’t the reason behind Chloe’s smiles, she’d rather take that than see her heartbreaking every time hope had failed her, every time Beca falls short of what she expected.

They can both mend and find themselves again. So that they could live and not merely exist in their frozen bubble of the unknown, frustrations only growing more and more as they keep things bottled up.

She had to make the sacrifice.

She had to set Chloe free.

* * *

 

Chloe had been sitting in the dining room for the last ten minutes since she’s arrived. She wasn’t quite sure what to do next as soon as she got back from work. Of course she called Aubrey that night, how else could she deal with it? Beca had said some things that were true, that made sense, no matter how much it had hurt to hear them.

And truth be told, she wasn’t sure how to move forward.

This wasn’t Beca throwing a tantrum.

This wasn’t her trying to get some space when she’s hurt.

And Chloe was afraid they were going to hit a brick wall soon and not survive. Some days were peaceful, some days felt like they were in limbo.

And some days she knew, there were problems. There were the unspoken words that Chloe was afraid was coming.

That had steadily seeded fear and anxiety in her heart the longer it was that Beca’s memory failed to return.

Because the more days that passed, the more it felt like the days she had treasured, the memories they’ve made, the life they’ve shared.

They were all gone.

As if they didn’t matter. As if they didn’t even happen.

_Don't talk, don't say a thing_   
_'Cause your eyes, they tell me more than your words_   
_Don't go, don't leave me now_   
_'Cause they say the best way out is through_

Chloe looked up just as Beca got home. The look in her eyes said it all. She’s realized it too, saw that those unspoken words can’t stay unspoken forever. They had problems and they need to be dealt with.

And Chloe knew she wasn’t ready for it.

“Chloe, we need to talk.” Beca said calmly and every fiber of her being knew that her worst nightmare was about to come true. The way that Beca said it, those very words, they were like sharp stabs at her heart, the knife twisting in her chest with each thrust.

And the tears had started coming without being prompted. Chloe nodded as she shut her eyes tight, every ounce of strength in her body was failing her.

“We can’t go on like this.” Beca said in a whisper just as she crossed the room. She was grabbing the edge of the chair opposite Chloe’s and the redhead remained silent. She wanted to make her case, she wanted to believe that there was hope, and she couldn’t let her voice fail her.

“Chloe…” Beca started to say again.

Chloe took a deep breath. “Beca…” she said, and even just saying her name was hard.

“I took the job.” Beca said. “ _I’m_ going to New York.”

“And?” Chloe asked once Beca paused.

“Chloe…” Beca replied, she didn’t have to say it. She didn’t need to clarify it. She knew that Chloe understood what it meant.

“Beca, please. We can make this work.” Chloe started to say, tears spilling down her cheeks as she tried to contain a sob. “I know, we probably need to start over again, we just jump in. I don’t care how many times we have to hit reset, just, Beca…”

“I can’t make you give up everything about your life to wait for me. To wait for something that might never come back.”

“Beca, I don’t care about that.”

“But Chloe…” 

_I know you're leaving now_   
_'Cause I held on to my way tightly_   
_Stay still until you know_   
_Tomorrow finds the best way out is through_

“They can come back or not, but it doesn’t change the way I feel for you. It never will.” Chloe said breathlessly. She was pleading. She was desperate to save whatever she could save.

“But Chloe that’s neither fair nor right to you.”

“Who cares about fair Beca?” Chloe asked sounding exasperated. “We’ve been through a lot, this is just another storm.”

“Maybe, but we can’t survive it together.” Beca said it, plain and simple. “We’re not even together, together. And I’m pretty sure you know that there hasn’t been an ‘us’ for a good while. And what if my memories never come back? What if I can’t find my way back to how we were?”

“I’ll remember. Everything, I’ll keep all of it alive in my memories. Beca, I… I’ll remember everything for us.” she said, her voice pleading, reaching out her hand to grasp Beca’s tightly.

“Chloe…” Beca said before taking a deep and ragged breath as she tried to stop her voice from cracking up, her own tears, beginning to stain her own cheeks, “…you know that isn’t right. We’ll end up hurting each other, you waiting for me to return to the way you know me to be, and me from trying to figure myself out. Figure how I fit into your mold.”

“Beca, I’m not asking you to…”

“Chloe, I know. But that’s how I’ll always feel. I won’t ever feel enough or right. And I need to figure myself out, figure out who I am now, reconcile my past even if it doesn’t ever come back to me again with my present. And if we stay together, if… we’re only going to burn out and you’re important to me. I want to stop breaking your heart every time hope fails. I want to stop hurting you because I know you’re in pain every day, every day when I’m still not who you knew me to be. Not even close.”

“I… Beca, I love you.” Chloe whispered softly, the tears continuing to fall. Each word Beca said an even more painful stab.

“I’ll keep hurting you if I stay.”

_Stab._

“And all I could ever want is for you to be happy and smile again.”

_Stab. Stab._

“I care about you Chloe, but you deserve better than the way I am now.”

_Stab. Stab. Stab._

“What if I can never love you again the way that I used to?”

_Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab._

“Don’t go… please… Beca, this… this can’t be the end.” Chloe finally said, in between sobs, tears free flowing.

This couldn’t be the end.

Because Chloe never for once believed there would be the end, despite everything they’ve been through.

This was just another storm they needed to get through.

They’ve gone through a lot already.

There had to be a way to save them.

This just can’t be the end.

_And I am short on words_   
_Knowing what's occurred_   
_She begins to leave because of me_

“I have to go Chloe, for both you and me.” Beca said. She was shaking, trying so hard to keep herself together.

She gave Chloe’s hand a tight squeeze between tearing her own away, walking into the bedroom for one last time to pack her things.

And with each step, with each pull, Chloe knew that Beca was taking every piece of her heart with her.

_Her bag is now much heavier_   
_I wish that I could carry her_   
_But this is our ungodly hour_

She watched helplessly as Beca quickly gathered her things, and Chloe understood she had them ready before hand. Her mind was set.

Beca swiftly closed her bags and turned to face the doorway of the bedroom. Standing helplessly as she tried to control her tears too.

“Beca, please. Stay, please. I love you so much.” Chloe said, letting it all go now, crossing the room as she pulled Beca into a tight embrace, Beca pressing her head against her shoulder as she sobbed uncontrollably and she could tell Beca was surprise that self at how much harder it was. It was all written in her eyes.

Chloe’s grip was tight. She wanted to savor every second of it. If this was the last time she would hold Beca in her arms then she never wanted this moment to end. If this was the last time they’ll ever see each other then she wanted to remember every detail of her, her scent, the blue and grey in her eyes, her warmth and the softness of her skin.

She was hoping against all hope that if she never let her go then Beca would stay.

And somehow she could tell Beca knew this as well, because the DJ had to use all her strength to tear herself away from Chloe, to choose to walk away.

To save the both of them, to find themselves again.

And Beca took one last look of Chloe with one last painful breath. “Goodbye Chlo.” she had said in a whisper before placing a gentle kiss on her cheeks.

There arms were entwined for a while, Chloe grabbing onto her, but Beca slipped away nonetheless.

And before she knew it, Beca was gone.

She was really gone.

She left and it was over.

It really was the end.

And Chloe was all alone with nothing to do but completely break down and fall apart.

She reached for her phone, dialed the number she knew by heart.

All she needed to say was “Bree…”, and the way she had said it, so broken and torn her best friend knew she needed her.

“I’m on my way.” Aubrey immediately said before hanging up the phone and Chloe let herself collapse to the floor, her whole world falling apart.

This wasn’t the way things were supposed to go.

This wasn’t supposed to be the end of their story.

And yet… Chloe’s fears had come true.

Beca was gone.

 

* * *

 

Beca took a sharp breath as she got into the cab. She was leaving immediately, not giving herself a chance to change her mind.

She knew, she did what was best.

But why did it feel like she was dying on the inside?

_I’ve made all the perfect alibis_   
_And I’ve sugar-coated my disguise_   
_But I can’t cover this up with sweet goodbyes, no_   
_There’s only beautiful excuses in my eyes_

This was the only way they could get through the storm, and yet, saying goodbye to Chloe Beale still had to be the hardest thing she’d ever had to do.

Like an arrow was shot right through her chest. Many arrows, truth be told.

And the tears kept coming and coming.

But she couldn’t be with Chloe, not the way she was now.

And so even if it was hard.

She had to take it.

The tears, the pain, and all of it.

And only hope that one day, maybe one day, all would be alright again.


	8. No Good in Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured are ‘No Good in Goodbye’ by the Script, ‘The Last Goodbye’ by David Cook, ‘Everybody Knows’ by John Legend, and ‘You Could Be Happy’ by Snow Patrol.

Jesse had been in a somber mood for most of the past three months. The impossible having had happened.

They’ve been to so many things together. He’s been roped into so many misadventures with the Bellas, and he’s been a good friend to both Beca and eventually Chloe in that length of time too.

So many days gone by, now lost in the wind with nothing but fragile memories left to remind them of what used to be.

It’s been three months and still, Jesse couldn’t believe that Beca had left. That she had chosen to break Chloe’s heart for both their sakes. That it was all over. The great love affair that had swept them up in college. All of it gone.

“Been waiting long?” Jesse heard Luke ask as he sat down on the bar stool next to his.

“I can’t believe you’ve used me as your replace drinking buddy for Beca.” Jesse then said with a chuckle as Luke motion for the bartender for his usual drink. Their favorite bar was usually cheery and lively and yet somehow, Jesse knew, their quite little corner felt like a world of its own. They were weighed down by so many emotions they couldn’t simply hake off.

“You’re not a replace Beca, besides you’ve always crashed anyways. “ Luke commented. It didn’t take Jesse long to see, the break up has affected them all. The Bellas were half the time lost in mourning and half the time trying to come up with some crazy scheme to get the back together, it’s taken a toll of them. With all honesty, if it wasn’t for Luke and Aubrey they would have probably went through whatever crazy hastily hatched plan they could come up with. The two were the only ones still somewhat rational about things.

“They need time apart.” Luke had explained. “And Beca needs time to be by herself and breath. Chloe needs to get back to who she was without Beca too.”

“What are you thinking mate?” Luke finally asked Jesse after a few moments of silence.

“Nothing much.” Jesse quickly covered, but in the back of his head he was still trying to figure out how the most beautiful love story he has ever witnessed still ended up in tragedy. The only way he could convince himself to move forward and not lose hope was that he strongly believed that this wasn’t the end. Not yet. There would be another chapter. There just had to be. “How is Beca?” Jesse finally asked.

“Same old.” Luke replied. “Still amnesiac though. She’s doing better in terms of creative output though, or so she’s told me.”

Jesse nodded.

Beca was on her way to getting better, or at least Jesse hoped. And if she needed this time alone, then she should take it.

If only so that she could come back one day feeling whole again.

So she could one day come back to Chloe, not as anyone people wanted her to be but as Beca and only the Beca she wanted to be.

_All the things that we've lost_   
_Breaking up comes at a cost_   
_I know I'll miss this mistake_   
_Every word I try to choose_   
_Either way I'm gonna lose_   
_Can't take the ache from heartbreak_

* * *

 

Ghost, Beca and Chloe’s old dog, instantly jumped up on the couch as soon as Luke had entered his apartment and had chosen to slump down on it. He was a bit buzzed, true, but not so much to choose to sleep on the first cushioned furniture he could find. It was mostly because out of tiredness.

It’s been a hard few weeks.

The past three months had been too much of a haze. At one point he remembered Aubrey barging in yelling at him for condoning Beca’s actions. A few arguments later and the two of them found common ground.

His phone rang and Luke instantly checked who it was. “Guess it’s one of your mommies.” Luke absent-mindedly muttered to Ghost as he scratched the back of his ears. “How are you doing Becky?”

“Hey to you too Luke.” came Beca’s annoyed response. “How’s everything going with you?”

“Awful, you left me with no one but Swanson to have a drink with.” Luke replied with a chuckle. “How’s New York? By the way, when are you planning to get Ghost? Are you ever planning to take him back from Uncle Luke?”

Beca stayed silent for a while and Luke could only guess why. Chloe didn’t want Ghost around, for now at least, it reminds her too much of Beca.

And Beca is reminded by the dog of Chloe too, and of things she could potentially never recover.

“Never mind. Sorry I asked. You probably don’t have the time to take care of him yourself. No matter, Uncle Luke will treat him well.” he then said trying to cover it up with a cheery tone. “I got promoted today, sort of.”

“That’s great news!” he heard Beca say through the line. “No more midnight shifts?”

“Only on weekends, and hey! We used to love those and I stand by that amnesia or not.” Luke retorted. “I also got a daily afternoon show.”

“Knowing you, it should be a hit.”

“How about you, any hits coming my way? Worked with any famous artist lately? How are they like?”

“You know I can’t tell you anything Luke.” Beca replied. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Luke chuckled yet again and smiled, shaking his head. “But seriously though Beca, are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I guess.” Beca replied and then silence yet again before she finally spoke up. “I ran into Stacie today.”

“Conrad? Well…” Luke started to say. “How’d that go? You haven’t spoken to anyone but me the last few weeks.”

“Awkward.” was Beca’s reply as she said it with a sigh. “We ran into each other at the local pub a few blocks away from my place. We talked for a bit. She mostly asked just how I was, if I was adjusting to New York fine. Said if I needed a friend to talk to I could always just talk to her.”

Luke nodded, mostly to himself. “Will you?”

“I don’t know.” came Beca’s honest reply.

“I’ll leave that to you. But if you ever need a break from your soul-searching…”

“Hey!”

“Well, what do you want me to call it then?” Luke then retorted. “I’m glad you’re keeping in touch though.”

“Considering I don’t have anyone else right now…”

“Doesn’t have to be that way.” Luke then said.

“I need to do this Luke. At the very least for me.”

“I know. Just glad you call to check in, is all.” Luke then mumbled and he swore he could her Beca chuckle on the other end of the line before saying goodbye and hanging up.

It was all new to him in some ways. He saw Beca grow up, change for the better, and then he saw those wretched walls be brought up again from the ground up. If being alone was what it took for Beca to tear them back down again, then he’ll let her.

There was no easy way out of this, no right way either.

But their trying to move onward, at the very least. And Beca was doing the one she knew for sure with absolute certainty in his trying times. She was chasing her dreams.

And Luke knows he could be content with that. For now.

_No matter how it falls apart_   
_There's an "art" in breaking hearts_   
_But there's no fair in farewell, no_   
_And when I see you in the street_   
_I pray to God you don't see_   
_The silent "hell" in "I wish you well._

* * *

It had been one hell of an evening for her. Beca’s been working night and day, making the most out of the opportunity she’s been given. She wanted to busy her mind, her hands, and create something from whatever the hell it was she was feeling.

She never felts saw raw and vulnerable, so afraid and hurt. But she’s got to be brave and face the outcomes of the decisions she’s made.

She works as music producer extraordinaire in the day and some nights she works as marvelous DJ at night at a club of an acquaintance she’s made when she was still back in LA.

Somehow, some semblance of sanity was crawling back into her head. A fog had been lifted and she could think clearly again. She wasn’t hitting a wall anymore when it comes to her work.

And if she doesn’t let herself stop for even just a single moment, if she doesn’t let herself think it, she could almost forget the painful hole that’s been punched right through her chest, steadily aching with beat of her heart.

She doesn’t think about her…

…which is of course a lie, because Beca knows that somehow, someway, Chloe had snuck up and crept into her works and her creations. Memories she couldn’t remember lived on through her mixes.

And for once, in the months of living alone, she finally had a real reminder of her when she ran into one of the Bellas, Stacie.

Stacie had been good though, she avoided the topic that was Chloe and they kept to light chit chat, as if they were just old friends catching up. Which they were, in a sense of things, and Beca was somewhat thankful that Stacie knew her enough not to open up a topic that would have her bawling her eyes out, as embarrassing as it sounds.

Beca was lying on her bed, her phone to her right, just having talked to Luke on the phone, when it started ringing again.

“Emily?” Beca answers and the young Bellas immediately pops up on screen for her video call.

“Beca! You won’t believe it! We’re going to regionals!”

“I assume sectionals is over then, and are you drunk?” Beca asked as she saw the usually already bubbly Emily triple with the bubbly and clumsy, making her way through the Bella house.

“No I am not.” Emily adamantly defended herself before tripping on some cord and almost falling to her place. “Okay, maybe I am a little.”

Beca laughed a little. “Oh my God, you really aren’t little Emily anymore.”

“Beca, let’s face it, I’ve never been little Emily. I’ve always been taller than you.” was Emily’s response.

Beca shook her head. “I don’t know whether to like drunk Emily or not, but you should definitely sit down and just breath for a sec. You look dizzy and tired.”

“A little yeah.” Emily admitted and Beca smiled. All she’s had for a while had been Emily and Luke, their constant messages on checking up on her and all, but the last few weeks Emily had been hard to reach, trying to whip the current Bellas into shape and keep their reputation in the acapella world. It was nice to hear from her again after the radio silence from a while.

“So how are you?” Emily then asked.

“I’m fine Ems. I’m glad you won though.”

“Yep. Me too! And for sure we’ll kick butt in regionals so you better come watch us win Nationals this year, okay?” Emily then said. “Everyone’s gonna be there for sure to and…” she kept rambling on before realizing the implications of what she said. “I mean, you know, it would be nice if you come watch, don’t feel pressured into it though.” Emily then said, trying to backtrack to her earlier statements.

Beca smiled and nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.” she replied. “You should go get some sleep Ems.”

“I will. You too, okay? You need to be strong to conquer the musical world and all!”

“I will.” Beca replied before ending the call, Emily waving her goodbye.

_Oh, but as you walk away_   
_You don't hear me say_

Beca sighed. Emily’s words got to her, she knew the younger girl meant well of course, but…

…but it still to her.

She knew she couldn’t stay off radar for long. Excellent example her running into Stacie Conrad earlier that day.

She knew that she’d have to face Chloe again one day.

And Beca wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that.

_Where's the "good" in "goodbye"?_  
Where's the "nice" in "nice try"?  
Where's the "us" in "trust" gone?  
Where's the "soul" in "soldier on"?  
Now I'm the "low" in "lonely"  
'Cause I don't own you only  
I can take this mistake  
But I can't take the ache from heartbreak

Somehow she drifts off to sleep with Chloe on her mind. Nothing new, it’s been like that since she left.

They had some good times together, despite the impossibility of their situation.

And Beca knew she’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss her.

_No, I can't take the ache from heartbreak_

* * *

 

It’s been a few days since Beca last called but Luke figured she was just probably busy. Last month she didn’t mention something about working on a super big and super important album before refusing to tell him anything else.

So maybe that was that.

Luke’s been busy with his job too. For the most part, it’s just Jesse he talks to nowadays. He sometimes runs into Chloe at their apartment building where they exchange pleasantries but that was it.

No ‘how is she’ or no ‘have you heard from her’ anymore. Not like the first month or so of Beca’s absence.

Luke could see, she’s trying her damn best to give living without Beca a try. He could see it behind the carefully crafted smile that Chloe wears lately.

And somehow it was breaking his heart. IT was like they’ve all been reduced to being nothing but strangers to each other. Beca and Chloe, Luke and the Bellas, everyone involved with all of it, quite possibly.

How? How come?

Why was it that one of the most painful things in this world is to watch someone you know become a stranger again?

He understood the motivations, he understood that life was complicated and sometimes reality sucks.

But why did it all have to happen?

_I didn’t want to lose you_   
_Leave you with a broken heart_   
_But wherever we are, we’re miles apart_   
_I know that we’ve tried_   
_but this is our last goodbye_

“That was David Cook’s ‘Last Goodbye’ as requested by one of our usual followers, jack98. A fitting end for today’s show. This is your favorite DJ, Luke Walker, signing off. Until next time faithful listeners.” Luke said as he wrapped up his shift.

He was once again on his way to meet Jesse at their local bar.

Funny how things go, the guy he never wanted to be friends with was now his only go to friend many years later.

People come and go in life, Luke supposed.

But some, he knew for sure, come back as if they never truly left.

And he could only hope against all hope that this was the case for Beca and Chloe.

* * *

 

Aubrey was a little annoyed that morning.

Mostly because of Stacie.

Given that she’s already been working a lot lately because of some project she needed to wrap up, she had to come home the other night even later than before.

More than that she had apparently run into Beca.

In truth, Aubrey knew she shouldn’t be mad at Beca. But she was. She broke her best friend’s heart after all.

But wat she hates even more was that Luke pointed out Beca’s arguments for doing what she did and it helped her understand the hobbit better.

She’s still mad though.

“We’re not taking sides in this Bree. Beca’s our friend too.” Stacie had argued the night before.

“Yeah, but we’re not to her.” Aubrey snapped back and Stacie shot her a look that made her double back on what she said. “I don’t understand why any of this things are even happening. Why for that matter too? She hurt Chloe.”

“She’s hurting herself, I can tell. You might be Chloe’s best friend but Amy and I, we were Beca’s. Hopefully still are. She did what she thought was best and I can tell she’s suffering because of it too. But she does look better now, she’s been more of herself last night since the accident and anytime we had contact with her when she was still at LA with Chloe, living without a memory. She’s finding herself again.”

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck or hurts.”

“Oh, I agree. But what are to do Bree? We don’t have the answers to everything.” Stace concluded.

And the words were still ringing true to Aubrey.

_Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows_   
_How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt_   
_We've heard it all before, that everybody knows_   
_How to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try_   
_One more try_   
_One more try_   
_'Cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows_

She just wished that there could have been some other way. There could have been, couldn’t it?

Or would they just all keep hurting until there’s nothing left of their old self in them?

Aubrey wasn’t sure, she doesn’t have the answers. All she knew was that she’s never seen Chloe so broken before, and she’s seen her in all of her lowest of the lows too. She was devastated and all Aubrey could do was try to pick up whatever pieces were left that she could use to put Chloe back together.

But she knew it would never be enough. Chloe gave her heart and soul to Beca.

And all they could do was try, try to stitch back a heart, stitch back a soul. Try to move forward and hope that one day, everything would simply fall into place.

‘When’ and ‘how’ were the ever persistent question that follows Aubrey every single day.

 

* * *

 

“Hello? Beca? Earth to Beca! I said you’re meeting with Justin was moved to tomorrow.” Kaelyn, Beca’s ever so spirited assistant, repeated in her attempts to get the message through to Beca.

“Huh? What? Oh, yeah, meeting with Justin, tomorrow. Got it.” Beca said as they made their way through the busy streets of New York, on their way back from a coffee run.

“Are you okay, boss?” Kaelyn then asked just as they stopped outside of heir building.

“I don’t know, just a lot on my mind.” Beca shrugged. Which was true. The events of the other day still fresh on her mind, her thoughts completely wrapped around about the idea of one day running into Chloe again. She knew it would be inevitable, she just didn’t think of the possibility of happening soon.

“Hey Kaelyn?” Beca then asked, a different thought popping into her head.

“Oh no, I don’t like that tone you have.” was Kaelyn’s immediate response.

“What tone?” Beca asked, feigning innocence. But she knew the tone. Of course she did.

“You’re going to take a day off again, aren’t you? Beca, there’s still so much to do.” Kaelyn whined.

“Which I know you are more than capable of handling yourself. Besides, you know I’m more productive when I’m out of the office. Many thanks in advance!” Beca then replied before taking off in a spur of the moment leaving Kaelyn no other choice but do what she must as Beca’s assistant to make sure they’re up to speed with work.

_You could be happy, I hope you are_   
_You made me happier than I'd been by far_

Truth be told, Beca should feel guilty. Kaelyn was a great assistant and the closest thing she has to a friend in New York. There was Fitz too, but Fitz was her boss so really she doesn’t spend a lot of time with the guy.

The early signs of fall had started to grace the city with its colorful beauty. Beca had always loved fall, there was just something about the season, really. She found herself at Bryant Park, the skating rink still closed but Beca knew she was looking forward to it being opened again, and it should happen soon. It gives her something else to do, some form of amusement to pass the time.

Somehow, Chloe never left her mind, despite Beca leaving her behind in LA.

And Beca could only wish the best for her, hoping she could live her life once more, now that she’s free of giving things up for Beca.

_Somehow everything I own smells of you_   
_And for the tiniest moment it's all not true_

Beca places a hand on her chest as she finally leaves the park. She could feel it. Something was missing, some big piece, and a part of her knew what it was. She just wishes she could understand why soon enough.

That ache in her heart was the constant reminder that nothing was right.

But Beca knew she was getting better. She could breathe again, she could think again.

She just needs to leave again.

She hadn’t thought about her missing past for a few months, and somehow, it helped her to relax. There was no pressure on her to do anything, just be herself and do what she must do.

But she couldn’t help but see Chloe in every corner of her new flat in Manhattan.

She was there by her piano, she was there in her favorite flannel shirt.

She was there whenever she listened to her old mixes, ones that Beca could only guess were for Chloe.

She was a constant she couldn’t shake off.

_Do the things that you always wanted to_   
_Without me there to hold you back; don't think, just do_

And there are moments when Beca could catch herself thinking about the redhead believing that maybe she made a mistake.

But somewhere deep inside she knew she made the right decision. For them to be happy again at least.

And it was going to be hard, but Beca was hopeful they’ll both make it through.

And when the time comes, she could only hope that when they see each other again she could see Chloe smiling again.

Yes, Beca knows she’s made the right decision. But the irrefutable fact was that she misses Chloe terribly so.


	9. Wonderwall

Stacie entered the bar and like always, there she was, on the stool towards the right corner, talking to the bar tender. “Hey Beca.” Stacie greeted as she sat down right next to her and ordered her usual drink.

They’ve been doing this every Thursday now for the past month. Just her and Beca. Stacie was shocked when she got the first call from Beca asking her to grab a drink and talking her up on Stacie’s initial offer. If she needed a friend, she would be there, and Stacie has never failed before.

She couldn’t help but find it funny though that they keep meeting every Thursday night. It was just like their Barden days all over again, except that dinner was now replaced with a few drinks and the pub menu. Except that Amy wasn’t exactly there either.

Well, at least not there with them the past few Thursdays.

“Hey Stace. So… where is Amy?” Beca then said, switching her phone after answering an email. Stacie would ask but Beca keeps mum on anything related to her work.

“She’ll be here. Trust me, she misses you so much too. I think she’s just trying to send Bumper off somewhere.” Stacie replied. “So, you told me Luke was planning to visit?”

“Yeah, he said he had to work during Christmas so he’ll be here for before that. He’s coming in next week.”

“Cool. We should totally invite him for our ladies night.” Stacie said and Beca made a face with the notion that their regular pub nights were actually their weird version of ladies night. Stacie couldn’t help but laugh and point out what she meant when Amy finally walked in and zeroed in on Beca, hugging her tightly from behind.

Beca made an ‘Oof’ sound before Stacie gave Amy a look and the blonde Australian finally let her go. “Sorry, still emotional is all.” Amy commented just before actively zipping her mouth shut, Stacie glaring at her.

They could talk about anything and everything in the world, not just Chloe. Not just Beca and Chloe. And not just anything that is at all in anyway related to those said topics.

“It’s nice to see you again Amy.” Beca then said after recomposing herself.

“The same can be said to you, Shawshank. Although I’m a little hurt you two have been having your secret rendezvous without me.”

“You don’t live in the city Amy, besides, I thought you were just visiting?” Beca replied.

“I am. But Bumpy and I are hoping to move back States-side soon.” Amy replied and Stacie had to restrain herself from gagging at Amy’s affectionate nickname for Bumper.

Amy sat down next to Stacie and ordered herself a drink, giving precise instructions to the bartender on how to make it.

And pretty soon it was much like their old days at Barden. The past Thursdays it was just mostly Stacie and Beca and they both talked about the most trivial things, just trying to get to know each other again.

Now it felt more familiar. Amy and Stacie would seamlessly take over the conversation, and Beca sat there listening, commenting on a few things. She would bring up a topic on her own at some point, and Stacie would exchange knowing looks with Amy, smiles on their faces.

They were letting Beca be on her own, giving her the space that she needed. And Beca, she was mending on her own. She was still the same Beca they got to know, and getting the chance to know her all over again brought back a sense of nostalgia to the two Bellas, although Stacie had to admit she didn’t miss the tension between Beca and Aubrey back then.

Speaking of, though, it truly felt like they were back to the good old days with the exception that none of them brought up Chloe at all. But they could see it. They’ve known Beca well enough to know that there was something she’s been meaning to ask or say. That she wanted to know how Chloe was.

“She’s okay, Beca. Not peachy but you know.” Stacie finally said as they made their way out of the bar a few god hours later. Beca nodded silently and ran a finger through her hair.

“Thanks Stacie.” she said earnestly. “Um, hey, since Luke’s coming next week and Amy isn’t leaving until after Christmas, do you guy, um, well, want to have a quick tour of where I work?”

“For real Shorty? Because once we say yes, there’s no turning back.” Amy immediately said and Beca chuckled.

“Yeah, for real. You can bring uh, Bumper? Right? That’s his name? Yeah, with you. And if Stacie wants to bring Aubrey…”

Stacie’s eyes opened wide and shook her head. “Let’s keep it small for now.”

“Yeah, I’ll find a way to keep Bumper busy without me.” Amy then said.

“Maybe she can hang out with Aubrey?” Beca offered.

To which Stacie and Amy both burst out laughing. “Yeah, no, not going to happen Beca. Totally bad idea.” Stacie then said before giving Beca a quick hug. “We’ll see you around, okay?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Beca replied, before Amy took her turn to give her a tight embrace.

“She’s finding a way to start again, huh?” Amy then asked once Beca had gone. “Do you ever think things would ever go back to the way they were?”

“Maybe. Lately I’m just thankful for what we have.” Stacie replied and shrugged. “We’ll see you at dinner tomorrow?”

“Of course you will. I’ll make sure Bumper’s on his best behavior.” Amy the replied before parting ways with Stacie too.

 

* * *

 

 

_Today is gonna be the day_   
_That they're gonna throw it back to you_   
_By now you should've somehow_   
_Realized what you gotta do_   
_I don't believe that anybody_   
_Feels the way I do about you now_

Beca ran a hand through her hair. The heaviness she’s feeling had slowly been lifting the past few weeks. She’s having fun talking with Stacie, at least she’s got a friend here too. And now Amy’s there too. For a good while at least. Luke and Emily may be far but they keep in touch, Beca’s been thankfully counting the days for Luke to come and visit too. She’s just glad that the day had come.

Beca had been busy working on a few projects and she’s been thankful for it. It keeps her mind off of Chloe. She’s also been thankful just to hear that Chloe was okay.

‘Okay’ was a light word to use but ‘okay’ was better than anything that would denote a terrible state. ‘Okay’ meant healing.

 “I was wondering why you wanted to meet here.” Luke said, slumping down next to Beca on the couch she was sitting on. “Discovering new talent?”

“Something like that.” Beca replied as she sipped on her cup of coffee. They were at a little café not far from central park. Every Wednesday night or so, they hold an open mic night and a fresh faced singer had been wowing the crowd. Beca heard, and Beca’s been watching his performances for the past three weeks. “He’s pretty good. I like the song choice too.”

“I would assume you do.” Luke replied with a smile. “The flight’s good by the way, thanks for asking.”

“I didn’t ask.” was Beca’s reply, her attention still on the performer and his song.

“Exactly my point.”

_Back beat, the word is on the street_   
_That the fire in your heart is out_   
_I'm sure you've heard it all before_   
_But you never really had a doubt_   
_I don't believe that anybody feels_   
_The way I do about you now_

“So, uh, tomorrow I’m hanging out with Stacie and Amy at the bar near my place.” Beca started to say.

Luke smiled. “Are you now? I guess somethings never change, Becky.” He commented in his natural smug tone. “Am I invited?”

“Of course you are. Why do you think I’m telling you this?” Beca retorted. “Anyways, I was planning to show you around my office and studio. So I extended the offer to them too.”

Luke was beaming this time around and Beca couldn’t hide the mix of amusement and annoyance she had with his stupid smirk. “Things falling into place then? That’s good.”

“Enough about me Luke. Why don’t you brag about your amazing success? I know you’ve been dying to. So tell me, how’s work?”

“Well, considering I just interviewed the man you’re working with on his next album, I say good.” Luke then said with a light smile and Beca couldn’t help but smiling too.

The world was turning again when once it had stopped.

Except for one last thing haunting her.

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding_   
_And all the lights that lead us there are blinding_   
_There are many things that I would_   
_Like to say to you_   
_But I don't know how_

Luke was staying at a nearby hotel, not wanting to ‘inconvenience’ Beca by staying at her flat.

Which of course meant that he was back to his old ways with the ladies, but to each his own.

Once home Beca found that the song was still stuck in her head, for some reason her thoughts kept circling back to some radio program and song requests. “I should probably ask Luke about that.” she muttered to herself, remembering that she once was a radio DJ at Barden, or so her friends said, and that might be of relative importance.

But Beca was tired. The days were long, and the nights even longer. She didn’t mind, it was a part of the success she had been actively reaching.

If only her thoughts didn’t always go back to some certain redhead every now and then.

Luke had said that Ghost was fine. At least the dog was enjoying his new space, Luke having moved to a bigger flat closer to the heart of the city. He’s become an overnight sensation – or should she say day? – and picking up many listeners on his radio show and interviewing big names in the music industry too.

But that meant that he’s getting less and less chance to see Chloe, who seemed to be moving on with her life too.

Which was good, moving on in a sense of things.

_Because maybe_   
_You're gonna be the one that saves me_   
_And after all_   
_You're my wonderwall_

But the song from earlier was now stuck in her head with thoughts of Chloe filling her mind. Funny how she said she had to let Chloe go, set her free, and yet it would seem that she herself wasn’t free of her, as if something had a tight clutch on her heart reminding her that she could never escape it. The thoughts of Chloe or the silent beating of her heart with the way she made her feel.

Maybe, maybe it’s because Chloe was her wonderwall?

Beca wasn’t sure, and she didn’t know the answer.

But maybe one day she will.

* * *

“Luke! Oh my God, I’ve missed you so much!” Amy said, instantly jumping into Luke’s arms and giving him a tight hug.

“Are you going to attack everyone you haven’t seen for a while like that? I heard from Beca you crushed the wind right out of her lungs.” Luke had joked as soon as Amy had let her go. Amy gave him a look that gave him the obvious answer before turning to face Stacie. “Lovely seeing you again Ms. Conrad. How’s your terrifying when she’s angry girlfriend doing?” Luke then asked.

“She’s fine thanks for asking. Not so mad at you anymore I’d guess considering she wants me to invite you to dinner before you leave.” Stacie replied with a chuckle before giving Luke a hug herself.

“I’ll think about it.” Luke then replied before turning to face the building before them. “So, should we just crash in and enter? I say crash in and enter. Beca said she’ll send someone to get us when she’s ready but I like surprises more.” he said with a wink.

“Plus we can always snoop around and figure out the secrets behind Beca’s work. She’s keeping a tight lip about the people she’s worked with the past months.” Amy then said.

“Yeah, what’s up with that?”

“You mean to tell me she didn’t tell you she’s working with Justin on his new album?” Luke answers oh-so nonchalantly as they made it through the lobby with no problem, Beca having told the receptionist that she’s expecting guests today.

“Wait, Justin who? B or T?” Amy then asked specifically. “There’s a difference on how we’re going to react I hope you know.”

Luke smiled knowingly and kept quiet about it until they reached Beca’s floor, her office door opened to make sure she could get a view of everyone working for her, see that they’re working hard and not just fooling around.

Stacie and Amy’s chatter and speculations ended when they saw the said Justin walk out of Beca’s office, still talking to the DJ.

“Again, just wanted to give you my personal thanks. The tracks we worked on sound awesome. I’ll see you around Mitchell.” Justin said.

Beca chuckled and waved goodbye as the one and only Justin Timberlake walked past Luke, Stacie and Amy. He gave a courteous nod at their direction, an action that Luke reciprocated with a nod of their own, as the two ladies watched the superstar walk into the elevator with his people and leave.

And in exactly three seconds Stacie and Amy completely filled the floor with their screaming.

“Guys, guys, would you calm down.” Beca then said, highly amused by their antics. Luke couldn’t help but laugh as the two former Bellas chorused, asking Beca the essential questions about working with Justin, about the songs she produced for his album, and all.

And of course Beca kept quiet about it all.

Instead she ushered her friends to her office, showed the view of the city she has from there, before giving her the grand tour of her studio.

Luke was mostly just soaking it in. Stacie quite amazed by it. Amy was running around all over asking if Justin touched this or that before ‘soaking up his remaining essence’ to which Beca wasn’t quite sure of how to respond.

“Well at least you guys aren’t clumsy. Remind me to keep an eye out for Legacy when I show her around. Emily’s pretty and talented but she’s clumsy as hell.” Beca then said as she slumped down her swivel chair, giving it a quick spin.

To which Luke, Stacie, and Amy all froze and turning their full attention back to Beca.

_Did she just… she said Legacy… didn’t she?_ Luke thought.

It was a slip. It could be just a slip.

And Beca stared at them confused by their bewildered looks. “What? It’s true, Emily _is_ pretty clumsy.” she said to them, completely missing the point.

Yeah, it was just a slip. But a slip nonetheless. Amy was quick to recover but Luke and Stacie exchanged looks, both dying to ask Beca if she even realized it.

But just as Luke was prompted by Stacie to speak up, they were interrupted. A tall girl, a bit morena with dark brown hair walked into the studio, her soft brown eyes completely mesmerizing. She looked up and spared Amy, Stacie, and himself a quick glance before turning to Beca to address her. “So turns out that kid you’ve been keeping an eye out on still isn‘t represented by anyone. I say we swoop in before anyone else does.”

Beca nodded thoughtfully and before she could properly introduce her assistant to her friends Luke decided to step in and waste any time. She was breathtakingly beautiful.

“Walker. Ah, Luke Walker. I’m Becky’s – I mean Beca’s – step-brother.” Luke quickly said, trying not to stammer.

The girl nodded. “Kaelyn. Kaelyn Sta. Anna.” she said before turning back to Beca. “So I’m guessing you’re busy for the rest of the day?”

“Yeah. I know you’ve got things covered so I’m not worried.” Beca said with a pleading smile and Kaelyn sighed.

“Uh, I don’t maybe she deserves a break Beca? Kaelyn looks like a hard working employee.” Luke started to say.

“She’s my assistant.” Beca corrected.

“Right, well, I’m saying, won’t she like to join us, maybe? You know, for the drinks at the bar?” Luke then continued to say.

“I think I can catch up with you guys later. We pretty much have a light schedule today, just a few things of importance really.” Kaelyn then said before giving Beca a look to which her step-sister simply shrugged.

Luke smiled and nodded. “Hope to see you later, yeah?” he asked and Kaelyn nodded. Once her assistant was gone, Amy wasted no time in teasing Luke for acting funny.

“Does everyone in your family act like that when they see someone they really, really like?”

“Oh shut up.” Luke replied, covering his face with his hands.

The purpose of his visit was to visit Beca and see some of her friends. Not Beca’s assistant.

But you know what they say about the unexpected…

* * *

It’s been what? Four months?

And it still feels like a massive black hole exits in her chest.

She’s moving forward, barely. With whatever strength she had left.

She was facing tomorrows one day at a time.

But life without Beca… she just never thought of that to be possible. Not even when she was faced by the possibility that she could have died with her accident.

But this, this was a different kind of dying.

Aubrey was there to nurse her back, but try as she may no wounds could ever be closed. They leave permanent scars.

But she knew she can’t waste away forever, she knows Aubrey won’t let her hear the end of it if she does. And as painful as it may be, she does see it.

Beca had a point.

The first month was impossible.

The second she realized that despite the pain in her chest she was starting to be able to breathe again. She cleaned up their apartment, placed every trace that Beca left behind in a box that she kept in the back of her closet, not knowing what to do with it exactly.

The third she tried smiling again. She wanted to ask Luke whenever she saw him how Beca was doing, but Chloe knew she needed to heal on her own.

Some days, she gets by. She puts a smile on her face and tackles on the day with all her strength. She lets herself tire down, the only way she really could sleep in the night, back in her room, back on her bed. Because the sheets, they still had Beca’s scent. Because everything seemed to be tainted with it and only when she doesn’t think of it anymore because she had no energy to do so does she get any peace.

And the fourth month?

The fourth month was knowing that there was something missing in her life but she was being able to function again. Her head getting the clarity she needed, finally getting Beca’s point. She was stuck in just going on about everything to make Beca’s life better while she adjusted to her new reality that she had stopped living her own life.

It was all about Beca.

And though Beca had to break her heart, she wasn’t mad.

In a way Chloe felt like that was the only way that Beca could show her she cared too.

But what happens next?

They haven’t spoken since then, and it felt like they were starting up their own lives now. Without each other. Chloe wanted to be hopeful, but the last time she was, her worst nightmares came true.

She doesn’t really know what to do.

_Cause you and I both loved_   
_What you and I spoke of_   
_And others just read of_   
_And if you could see me now_   
_Well I'm almost finally out of_   
_I'm finally out of_   
_Finally deedeedeedee_   
_Well I'm almost finally, finally_   
_Well I'm free, oh, I'm free_

Chloe heard the voice echoing through the halls of the school she worked in. She finally found who it belonged to when she reached the music room. The new drama teacher, Elias Moore, if she remembers his name correctly, was still there, strumming the strings on the old guitar, playing a song and singing along.

Elias noticed her immediately and placed the guitar down. “Hey. You’re Chloe Beale right? I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced before. I’m Mr. Moore, but please call me Eli.” he said in his rather smooth and gentle manner.

“Good to finally meet you Eli.” Chloe said before turning around to leave.

“Uh, hey um, wait. Ms. Beale. Chloe!” Eli said, running after here. “Truth is I was kind of just waiting for you. See I wanted to talk to you about maybe doing a collaboration between the music club and the drama club for the Christmas play.”

“You couldn’t have waited tomorrow?”

“Well, it’s the end of the workday, and if you’re not busy now…” Eli said. “Maybe we can talk about it over coffee?”

“I don’t know about coffee.” Chloe said, hesitating.

“Come on Chloe, what do you have to lose? Besides, I’m still new around and I have yet to find a good coffee place around town.”

Chloe gave a nervous chuckle. “I suppose it can’t be helped then.” she said, Eli’s words reaching through her.

She’s already lost everything.

So what more does she have to lose?


	10. Better in Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured are ‘Better in Time’ by Leona Lewis, and ‘Back to You’ by John Mayer.

_It's been the longest winter without you_  
_I didn't know where to turn to_  
_See somehow I can't forget you_  
_After all that we've been through_

Chloe sighed. It was another long day at work and she still had some papers to grade. She settled down on her couch, laid out everything she needed on the coffee table and wasted no time and getting ready for a long evening ahead of her.

And then she made the mistake of checking the date on her phone.

It was exactly a year ago today. Beca’s accident.

The day Chloe liked to call the ‘the day she started to lose Beca’.

But she shrugged the thoughts away as quick as they came. She’s there, she was always there. In her thoughts, in her dreams, in her subconscious. She still wasn’t sure she’s made it as far as she had without the tiny brunette.

She was the music to her soul, and lately Chloe’s been learning to dance without music. It did help that she had great friends from her work too, to get her by, and Aubrey was always just one phone call away.

Luke too, whenever she’d get a hold of him. He’s been awfully busy lately and last she heard, he’s been flying to New York a lot in the past few months.

Then there was Eli of course. Perfectly good and kind Eli who has been patiently trying to mend her broken heart.

Chloe felt the need to check her phone again. It was still the same date, and she wished the day would just get over soon. She didn’t want a reminder. She didn’t want to remove the bandages and uncover the scars.

She was moving on. She should be fine now.

She will be fine.

She was.

At the very least, she kept repeating those same things over and over again to herself.

_Going coming thought I heard a knock_  
_Who's there no one_  
_Thinking that I deserve it_  
_Now I realize that I really didn't know_  
_If you didn't notice you mean everything_  
_Quickly I'm learning to love again_  
_All I know is I'm gonna be OK_

A few hours later and a mountain of papers that she managed to power through, Chloe was restless. It was an anniversary after all, one of a painful memory that she had wished to forget. So, she settled for doing something about it.

It was around twelve midnight, and Chloe hoped that Aubrey wasn’t too busy at nine o’clock on a Thursday.

“Chloe! It’s been too long!” Aubrey said as soon as her face popped up on the screen of her laptop.

“Bree, I talked to you yesterday.” Chloe said with a chuckle as she curled up on her couch with a cup of warm tea.

“That was on the phone Beale. The last time we Skyped was last Christmas and for barely five minutes mind you.”

“Sorry, you know how it is when I go home for Christmas.” Chloe replied with a shrug.

“How is your family?” Aubrey then asked with a smile, dropping her upset best friend act.

“They’re doing good, thanks. How are things there with you and Stace? Where is she by the way?”

“Oh, um…” Aubrey said sounding quite unsure. “She’s out with friends.” she decided to word carefully but Chloe chose not to press on it. “You know how it is sometimes. How about you? Doing okay there?”

“Yeah.” Chloe replied. “Yeah, I think I am. I saw Luke the other day but he was kind of in a rush. Catching a late flight to New York, if I heard correctly. Do you know anything about that?” Chloe asked with genuine curiosity. Aubrey looked at her suspiciously, not sure if she was just fishing for information about Beca before giving in. “From what I hear, Luke’s met his match in terms of charms and personality. Found herself a girl who can resist him and who he can’t resist? I think that’s how it is at least.”

“Cool. So uh, who’s the girl?” Chloe pressed on before Aubrey placed her hand on her head. Rubbing her temples she sighed.

“Chlo…” Aubrey warned before biting her lips, looking conflicted. “It’s someone’s assistant.” she heard Aubrey say.

“I’m not a fragile child Bree, I can handle a name.” Chloe then noted.

“Really? I wasn’t sure you can. The last time I said the name you were crying your heart out.”

“The wounds were still fresh then.” Chloe then said. “I’m okay now.”

“I’m not sure…” Aubrey started to say and Chloe immediately cut in. She didn’t want to hear Aubrey rationalizations on her current state of love life.

“Yes, I am. I’m moving on. I’m an adult and I get it, things were falling apart and it was the only way…. But, nevertheless. She’s in New York Bree, it’s not hard to figure out that you’d run into her one way or another. We have common people we know. Truth be told, I’m guessing Stacie’s with her now.” Chloe then deduced. She found it odd saying that she was fine. That she can hear a mention about Beca and be totally fine with it and not fall apart anymore but she couldn’t even bring up her name herself.

Like if she said it too many times, the pain and the sadness of it all would threaten to come back. And Chloe wasn’t sure if she was still too vulnerable about it.

“Well, you’re not wrong there.” was Aubrey’s reply.

“See. You shouldn’t lie to me Bree.” Chloe chastised. “Or try to hide the truth at the very least. We’re both moving on, besides, I’m sort of seeing someone new.” she added. No, she hasn’t exactly brought up Eli before but she felt like she needed to tell Aubrey soon enough and it was as good a time as any.

“Oh?” Aubrey asked sounding a little skeptical.

“Oh?” Chloe threw back. “And what does that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing Chlo, just that the last time you tried moving on, you ended up crying in my arms after your date because you couldn’t.”

“This is different.” Chloe said adamantly and Aubrey sighed, conceding.

_Thought I couldn't live without you_  
_It's gonna hurt when it heals too_  
_It'll all get better in time_  
_And even though I really love you_  
_I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to_  
_It'll all get better in time_

Chloe was still partly annoyed by what Aubrey had tried to point out to her. It’s been a year since her relationship with Beca essentially started to die out.

She was moving on.

And things were different from when they were back in college. She has had time to let her relationship go, she’s had time to heal, to deal with the aftermaths. She was moving on.

But then again, if Aubrey didn’t have a point why was she so affected by hearing Beca’s name a whole week after she gave her best friend her schpill about how hearing her name won’t affect her much.

Jessica and Ashley were both in town for the week, Ashley’s brother getting married over the weekend. Meanwhile, Flo was in town for something work related. Despite the hectic schedules, the girls managed to schedule a time to get together and hang out at this new club in LA that everyone’s been raving about. Luke knew the guy who owned the place and with a quick phone call they were in without a hitch.

And that was how she heard Beca’s name again said out loud for the first time in months.

Flo had initially been talking about Emily’s group message about meeting up for Nationals in New York when Ashley jumped in talking about how she’s heard about Beca from a colleague who visited a club where Beca spins on the weekends. A side gig she seemed to enjoy and love. Then Jessica mentioned how she’s heard that Beca was developing new talent and was working with the best of the best in the country’s music scene.

“Sorry Chlo, didn’t mean to get carried away with the topic.” Jessica then said after she realized that Chloe’s been silent for a little too long.”

“No, no, don’t be.” Chloe then said reassuring her friends. “I’m fine. I’m glad that she’s doing okay.”

“Are you sure? If, you know, you need anything or just…” Ashley then started to mumble, not sure if it was still a sensitive subject for the redhead.

It was. But Chloe couldn’t let her friends on with that secret. She’s moving on. She has to be fine with it.

“But you are coming to New York, right? We have to support the current Bellas this time around with Nationals.” Flo then said.

“Of course I am.” Chloe replied fixing a smile on her face.

Despite knowing that there was a creeping feeling coming from the pits of her stomach. Was it dread? Anticipation? She wasn’t sure. What if she runs into Beca there?

She wasn’t sure how she’d handle it.

But she still had time to think about that before the moment comes so she pushed the thoughts away for another day.

_I couldn't turn on the TV_  
_Without something there to remind me_  
_Was it all that easy_  
_To just put aside your feelings_

Chloe just got home after another busy day at work. She was supposed to go out with Eli that night but she wasn’t exactly feeling good about it.

She just heard on the radio while tuning in to Luke’s afternoon run that her favorite new single from one of her favorite artists was produced by the one and only Beca Mitchell, and she wasn’t ready for it. Just knowing that tidbit of information was enough to throw her for a loop. Five days ago she almost had herself convinced that she would be fine. Beca, if they bumped into each other, would be just another ex.

Except she wasn’t and Chloe knew that.

Besides, the depth of the song, the emotion it carried, there was a sense of familiarity about it. Something that felt like home.

It was a love song for crying out loud.

And as the pieces of the puzzle fell right into its place, it made sense that it felt familiar, welcoming. A song that was like a kiss through the airwaves, a warm hug, a shelter from the storm.

Because that’s what she felt listening to all of Beca’s old mixes in the past.

And now she couldn’t help it but wonder if the brunette had been thinking about her when she produced the song. When she co-wrote the words.

Chloe wanted to be mad. Real mad. But she couldn’t.

Instead she found herself leaning on the wall and sliding down as silent tears started to crawl down her cheeks.

She shouldn’t be crying, she shouldn’t be overwhelmed. What was she expecting?  Beca was chasing after her dreams in full force now. It was to be expected. She should have known that sooner than later she’ll hear something that Beca had made and she had to be okay with it.

She shouldn’t feel the yearning or the aching.

_If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh_  
_Hurt my feelings but that's the path_  
_I believe in_  
_And I know that time will heal it_  
_If you didn't notice boy you meant everything_  
_Quickly I'm learning to love again_  
_All I know is I'm gonna be OK_

A full day of acting funny and rescheduling her date with Eli. Chloe found herself at home once again, waiting and hoping that Aubrey was within reach. That she’d answer the video call.

And she did. “How’s it going Chlo?” she asked, setting down the folder whose contents she had been busy reading. “What’s up?”

But as soon as Aubrey asked her question, Chloe realized she couldn’t find the words to say anything. She didn’t even know what to say or begin.

She had a panic attack about a song Beca had produced. How on earth does she explain that to Aubrey?

“Nothing much, just miss you.” Chloe then found herself saying which wasn’t a complete lie, it just was not the true reason why she called.

“You okay Chlo? No trouble in paradise I hope.” Aubrey said, switching her full attention to Chloe.

“No. Just wanted to chat. You were the one complaining about the lack of video calls.” Chloe replied. They were thousands of miles away and yet she could still feel Aubrey’s eyes studying her face closely for any sign that she was in fact not okay.

“Well, thanks for calling. So how’s your week been?” Aubrey asked, and Chloe was just thankful that she let it slide.

It’s been a year or so since the accident. And here she was acting all crazy about a thing she should be forgetting now.

_Thought I couldn't live without you_  
_It's gonna hurt when it heals too_  
_It'll all get better in time_  
_And even though I really love you_  
_I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to_  
_It'll all get better in time_

A few days later and Chloe felt like she was back to being her old self again. And by being her old self, she totally meant her old self after Beca.

It’s funny how she could essentially classify her life now into three distinct parts. Before Beca. Life with Beca. And After Beca.

“Are you okay? You seem a bit tense?” Eli asked, placing down the menu on the table at the restaurant they were in.

“Yeah, just a lot my mind lately. Nothing to be worried about.” Chloe replied and that’s when she noticed that Eli looked a little tense himself. “Although I feel like I should be the one asking you that question?”

“Um yeah, uh.” Eli started rambling on. “Look, I was planning to do this after dinner…” he started to say, feeling something from his back pockets.

Which totally made Chloe feel nervous about the entire ordeal. They were at a nice restaurant, not on the level of fancy or romantic at all, but the way Eli was acting was making her entirely nervous.

“Look Chloe, I like you a lot and, well, I don’t know if this is moving too fast or not, but…” Eli said, fumbling with something in his hands before setting it down the table. It was key, and Chloe felt like she could breathe again. “Um, well, essentially I’d like to ask you to move in with me Chlo, but you know. We can slow down a little. I still want you to keep this key though, like a key to my place. You’re welcome anytime you want even if you don’t want to move in with me.”

Chloe stared transfixed at the key for a minute or two before blinking away and smiling back at Eli.

_Since there's no more you and me_  
_It's time I let you go_  
_So I can be free_  
_And live my life how it should be_  
_No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you_  
_Yes I will_

Three weeks later and Chloe found herself packing, having accepted Eli’s offer of moving in together. All of a sudden it felt like she was clearing cobwebs in her mind. She told herself, the best way of moving on is by letting go completely, it was unfair to wait forever, it was wrong to hold on to something that’slong gone. And unhealthy. She needed to be happy and find happiness again.

The box she had long but forgotten filled with Beca’s forgotten things was left unopened. She called Luke the other day asking him if he’d want to pick it up or if she should mail it to him instead. Luke, of course, offered to pick it up, asking Chloe for one last drink at the bar near their old place for old times’ sake which of course she had accepted.

They were all moving on, moving forward. And Chloe knew it was time to let go.

Time for a fresh start.

She kept telling herself, she’s moving on. She’s moving on with Eli and she’s going to be happy.

Love can be found again after so much heartbreak.

_Thought I couldn't live without you_  
_It's gonna hurt when it heals too_  
_It'll all get better in time_  
_And even though I really love you_  
_I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to_  
_It'll all get better in time_

And yet somehow, no matter how hard and strong she believed in the words she repeated to herself, she knew.

She knew it was all a lie.

* * *

 

_Back to you_  
_It always comes around_  
_Back to you_  
_I tried to forget you_  
_I tried to stay away_  
_But it’s too late_

It was one of those days where Beca found herself just too tired to work that she had Kaelyn take over some responsibilities for her, deciding to take the day off. No she wasn’t burning out. No she wasn’t sick of it.

In some ways though, the newness of all the success she’s been getting never seemed to fade, her name becoming something of a brand name to current and new artists alike. They all wanted to work with her, have their songs the ‘classic Mitchell touch’ to it. Yes, it was an honor, and some days she still couldn’t believe it. She had wanted it for a very long time and now, well now, she was living her dreams. Turning them into reality and living in it.

It was such an amazing feeling.

If only there wasn’t an emptiness gnawing from inside her.

Beca found herself at Bryant Park again, spending some time at the rink before it closes from public access. She was skating round in circles when she say the huge Christmas tree, its presence still lingering through the remaining weeks of winter. For some reason she thought she saw Chloe skating somewhere in front of it, moving gracefully, a warm feeling emanating from deep inside her when all of a sudden it was gone, replaced by the chilly breeze that had graced her with its presence at that exact moment.

She was feeling better. She was finding her ground and she knew it. The frustrations were gone, the confusion, the pressure to conform.

She’s found herself, so to speak, despite living with the memories of five whole years gone.

Beca would like to call it a win still. She’s getting the success others could only dream and wish for, after all. And she was thankful for it too. But she knew it all meant nothing, all because she also knew that something was definitely missing in her life.

_Over you_  
_I'm never over_  
_Over you_  
_Something about you_  
_It’s just the way you move_  
_The way you move me_

The weekend rolled in soon enough. It was during a walk around the neighborhood – okay, Beca wasn’t going to, rumor was there was a legendary released somewhere in their neighborhood and Beca’s been wasting her spare time playing a stupid phone game, tracking it down – when she bumped into two familiar faces.

No, not Aubrey and Stacie. Although the thought about the two still hasn’t left Beca for a while considering two weeks ago she was finally invited for dinner by the blonde herself after meeting Stacie at their usual pub. That was a weird and awkward evening, but Beca was just glad that things seemed to be moving forward, somewhat.

She bumped into Cynthia Rose and Denise this time around, they were on a mini vacation in New York, and before she knew it they were at some local café nearby.

Beca was actually pleasantly surprised to run into people from her past, hearing stories about how they’ve been since they last saw each other at the beach house. Denise seemed to be pretty excited about coming back to New York in a few months for Nationals and it occurred to Beca that Emily had been going on and on about how all the Bellas were planning to come to support their new team for their second championship.

Which meant that there would be a chance to meet Chloe yet again, see her after all the chaos and the turmoil she had caused her.

“You okay Shorty?” Cynthia Rose had asked just as they were about to head out.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Just realized I forgot something.” Beca then said, trying to shrug it off.

“Look Beca. I’m not Stacie or Amy or Luke, but if you need anything, if you need to talk to someone even if it’s in the middle of the night or anything, just give me a call okay. We care about you, a lot, and trust me when I say that the Bellas are all proud of your success.” Cynthia Rose said and Beca nodded, taking it all in.

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” Beca said before parting ways with her old friends.

_I'm so good at forgetting_  
_And I quit every game I play_  
_But forgive me, love_  
_I can’t turn and walk away_

“So how’s that Chester guy? You know, your new talent? How’s the album coming up?” Stacie asked at some point during their conversation the following Thursday night and Beca couldn’t help in but be lost, her mind on something else completely. “Earth to Beca? Are you listening?” Stacie asked.

“Yeah, sorry. Just a little bit preoccupied.” Beca admitted sheepishly.

“I can see that. Anything wrong?” Stacie then asked after sipping a bit of her drink and stealing a fry from Beca’s plate.

“Hey Stace, was it easy?”

“Easy to do what?”

“Forgive me.” Beca then said with a sigh and Stacie looked at her confused. “I hurt her Stacie. She was your friend too.”

Stacie took a deep breath and adopted a stern voice before addressing Beca. “Beca, I know you. You acted on what you thought was best. It would be so easy to hate you if you were some other guy or gal, but the thing is I know you. Hurting Chloe is the last thing you’d ever want to do, whether you’re aware of it or not. It’s not a question about forgiving you or not. We’re also you’re friends Beca. You did what you thought you should in your given circumstance. And, if this is your way of asking me if you think Chloe would ever forgive you, it’s not my position to speak for her. If she hasn’t then maybe one day. But only time could tell.”

Beca sighed again and nodded. She closed her eyes and listened to Stacie’s words with all her heart. “I think the better questions is if you forgive yourself.” Stacie then commented. “Because you really should. You shouldn’t carry that weight in your heart forever.”

“Ask me that question again in a few years.” Beca commented. “I don’t really have an answer to that one yet.”

“Beca…” Stacie started to say but Beca turned around and smiled. “How about... well, do you think that there are people in your life that stay forever?”

“I think there are people that are inescapably a part of our lives. How else could I explain running into you here after months of radio silence?” Stacie then said, trying to lift the overall tone of their conversation with a bright smile on her face.

Beca chuckled and nodded. Stacie’s attempts somehow reaching her.

_Back to you_  
_It always comes around_  
_Back to you_  
_I walk with your shadow_  
_I'm sleeping in my bed_  
_With your silhouette_

That night, Beca slumped down on her bed with a huff. She was tired, not burned out. It wasn’t her creative energies being spent.

It was her emotions that were.

Her thought hasn’t left Chloe all day, and her she thought she was getting better and moving on with her life. She managed to push Chloe to the back of her mind the last few months, basking in her glory, focusing on building her life now.

But in the end she knew things could never be bottled up forever.

And so Beca drifted off to sleep with one thought in her mind.

_Why can’t I release you from my heart Chloe Beale? Why?_


	11. Gravity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song featured is ‘Gravity’ by Pixie Lott

The Skype calls have been increasing lately, Chloe knows that, but it couldn’t be helped. Eli was gone for the night, one of his college buddies was apparently in town, and Chloe had nothing better to do but get a few things out of the way.

Like, say, booking her flight to New York in support of the Emily-led Bellas Nationals.

The dread was finally sinking in. She would step foot in the big apple soon. While Chloe knew that the whole of Manhattan was huge and that Beca would most likely be busy somewhere, she still couldn’t shake the nerves off. She wasn’t sure what to do, what she should do, if they ever crossed paths again.

But then again, Beca could have moved on. Without the past tethering her down, she probably didn’t even spare a single thought about her. She’s moving on with her work, with her success, it was impossible that no one would have thrown themselves at her feet already, that the DJ didn’t have some famous secret paramour.

It’s been months, and the thought of it was making Chloe sick. She shouldn’t even be jealous, she didn’t have the right to be anymore. Beca wasn’t hers to be with, to be jealous of, or to love.

But it still stung so badly for her to think of it.

Hence, the Skype call to Aubrey.

“Hey Bree, how’s it going?” Chloe said, her greetings a little somber. “You look a little tired.”

“Not much.” was Aubrey’s equally toned down response. “It’s nothing, it’s just, Stacie. She’s working late again. I know she’s working to wrap-up her current project but it’s still kind of annoying how I rarely see her lately. How about you?”

“Oh you know, same old. I’m sure things will work out fine with you and Stace, once whatever she is working on is done. I’m looking forward to seeing you guys in a few weeks.”

“Yeah, me too.” Aubrey then said, her mood lifting up. “It’ll be amazing to see all the girls again. It’s been a long while. I’ve missed you so much too you know.”

“I know.” Chloe replied. “Missed you more. I wish we could still be flat-mates.”

“Oh?” Aubrey then asked sounding a little suspicious. “What do you mean?”

“Oh you know, I miss living with my best friend.” Chloe then said, shrugging it off.

“How’s living with your new boy-toy going?” Aubrey then asked.

Chloe frowned. “He’s not a boy-toy. We are in a relationship.”

“And yet I haven’t met him. He’s pretty much close to non-existent to me as to the rest of the Bellas, who, if I heard correctly, still doesn’t know about him. Does Luke even know the reason you moved apartments was because you were moving in with someone? You told me you guys went out for a drink your last night in your old place.”

“Ah, well…” Chloe then started to stammer, Aubrey never missed a beat on anything.

Aubrey sighed. “Chloe…” she started to say, “…this doesn’t have anything to do with Beca, does it?”

Chloe felt herself wince. She wasn’t expecting to hear her name and she was sure that Aubrey didn’t miss that either, so she was really thankful that the blonde didn’t bring it up. Instead she simply sighed.

Beca, and everything related to her, was currently Chloe’s can of worms that she didn’t want to open.

Because for as long as she didn’t think about her, she was fine and moving on along with life. For as long as she pretended that Beca never happened in her life, she would be okay. She could convince herself that things were as they should be.

But the moment she gets brought up…

…everything just comes crashing back down on her. A flood of emotions and memories she could never get rid of. Beca made a nice little home in her heart and in her mind, and even after ridding herself of everything that reminded Chloe of the tiny brunette girl, she couldn’t seem let her go.

Like there was always something holding her back to giving her whole heart to someone else.

To Eli.

“He isn’t Beca.” Aubrey then said plain and simple.

“What?” Chloe asked, being caught off guard by what Aubrey had said.

“Eli, he isn’t Beca. That’s the problem that’s been bugging you right now.”

“No it isn’t.” Chloe argued.

“I hate to admit it Chloe but Beca was the one, and you’re trying to live without it despite getting to know it now. There’s too much uncertainty with you and you’re new guy, Chloe, and I don’t know what to tell you, I wouldn’t know what to do. But you deserve to be happy, so go with what you think will make you happy. But he isn’t Beca, and he never will be. And I don’t know what you need to get yourself to move on completely or not. But you can’t expect to feel the same way for him as you ever did for her.” Aubrey then said.

“Why are you telling me this?” Chloe asked slightly confused and irritated.

“Just thought you might need to hear it out loud.” was Aubrey’s response.

_Every time I'm ready to leave_   
_Always seem to be_   
_Pullin' in the wrong direction_   
_Divin' in with no protection_   
_Man, you can't keep steerin' me wrong_

The Skype call didn’t last long after that. Instead, to keep herself busy, Chloe decided to pop in her earphones and start cleaning the house…

…in the middle of the night…

…but hey, at least she can get herself to not think for a moment.

She hated it. She hated the fact that she was inescapable like this. Like her heart was still imprisoned by the way she felt, or once felt, for Beca.

It’s been about a year now and she could still feel her hold on her, and all that Chloe wanted was to break free from it.

She was healing, she was feeling better, and she was living her life for herself again.

So why can’t she escape her?

_Oh gravity_   
_Pullin' me back_   
_Pullin' me in_   
_Why you pullin' me back_   
_Pullin' me in_   
_Just like gravity_

* * *

“You are awesome. Thanks.” Beca said before hanging up the phone. It was a glorious Saturday afternoon, spring was in the air, and yet Beca was in a very strange mood. And no, it didn’t have to do with having to work for a few hours at the studio that morning.

She was getting everything she could desire, they were all within her reach now.

Except for one thing and Beca couldn’t place a finger on it.

No, that was a lie. She could and it had a name, but she refused to acknowledge any of it. Especially with her mind getting all messed up thinking about it.

But then again, it was really all Beca could think about. What was missing in her life? What was it that she wanted more than anything else in the world?

It came with the smell of waffles every Sunday morning, as she crawled out of the bedroom she locked herself in ever since the accident.

It came with the sound of the piano softly playing in the middle of the night, accompanied with the most beautiful voice Beca has ever heard of. The most enchanting and angelic one.

It came with the clearest, bluest eyes she had ever seen, and I smile so brilliant that she rarely got to see.

Sure she lost five years of memories but the ones she made the year following that, the months following that, they were haunting her every single day.

Because, yes, she needed her space. Yes, she needed to find her ground, and herself again.

But she knew she also needed what was missing in her life now.

She knew she needed her.

“Are you okay boss?” Kaelyn asked as she walked with Beca towards her car.

“Yeah, just, somethings on my mind is all. Hey, you wanna join me and Stacie for some drinks tonight? My treat.” Beca replied.

“Um, yeah, sure I guess.” Kaelyn replied. “But you better not be buttering me up for some favor later on.”

“What? You mean I can’t invest?” Beca then asked with a smile and a shrug and Kaelyn shook her head and laughed.

“Ah Beca, there you are!” she heard Fitz say just as they were about to go. “I was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink with me, catch up and all. Haven’t had the chance to get a hold of you for a while, but I guess it can’t be blamed. You are a musical genius and the world is only getting the chance to know that. They’re all clamoring for you, you know?” Fitz said, smiling his typically dazzling smile.

“Not today Fitz, girls’ night.” Beca simply replied before finding herself in her car with Kaelyn, her driver wasting no time to head to their destination.

Stacie was already there when they both got in. Beca let her take control of the conversation, the taller brunette gushing on and on about the latest single Beca released with one of the artists she’s been working with, the new talents she discovered, and all the attention the media was putting on her.

Kaelyn of course jumped in, every now and then, suggesting that maybe getting Beca to do interviews would be a nice thing. They could ask Luke to do one in her show and visit LA.

“You’re just saying that to see Luke again, aren’t you?” Stacie then teased and Kaelyn blushed.

But Beca immediately adopted a serious look on her face at the mention of LA.

“So I’m guessing you didn’t call me here today to talk about your success?” Stacie then asked and Kaelyn couldn’t help but notice the shift in the tone of the conversation.

“Is this about her?” Kaelyn then asked.

“Her?” Stacie repeated looking at Kaelyn with genuine interest.

“Sorry, Luke might have mentioned you had some special girl in your life but that you got into an accident lost a part of your memory and everything fell apart. He wasn’t gossiping, he was just really depressed about it.” Kaelyn then explained.

“Yeah, I guess I’m bumming everyone about it.” Beca then said, running a hand through her hair. “Well, it’s just. I don’t know, I’m a little lost right now.”

“What do you mean Beca?” Stacie asked, her tone sincere.

“Just…”Beca started to say before taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly. “Just that she’s been on my mind a lot lately.”

“Do you miss her?” Stacie pressed on.

“Yeah, yes.” Beca replied. “A lot.” she said with all honesty. “Is it possible to love someone so much that they stay with you and never leave no matter what the distance you put in between? To love someone without knowing it? And continue loving them without ever realizing it?”

“Are we talking about you or are we talking about Chloe?” Stacie the asked, straight to the point, never missing a beat.

And Beca simply smiled an awkward smile. “I don’t know. I’m not sure.” she then said.

“Beca, you know you can always talk about anything with me, or Amy. We can call Amy. We’ll listen, to all of it I promise.” Stacie then said and Beca nodded, still unsure of what she wanted to say or how to say it, or if there was anything to say at all.

“I don’t know Stace. Maybe it’s just that it was this time this year when I was adjusting to things and I’m feeling a little nostalgic about it for some reason.” Beca finally then said.

That was when Kaelyn sighed. “I think if it’s that love that people only dream of, read of, wish for, if it’s that real and true love everyone’s been looking for, then anything is possible.” she then said. “Sometimes things happen unexpectedly. And sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re bad. But they all happen for a reason. You’re hear for a reason Beca. And I’d like to think I met you for a purpose.”

“Please don’t say it was to meet my step-brother.” Beca then grumbled.

“No. Well yes. But that wasn’t the point.” Kaelyn replied. “You’re hear now touching countless people with the music you create, influencing their lives in ways you couldn’t possibly know. You’re getting through them, giving them an outlet, a way to express themselves when words fail them. You’re discovering new talents and all here in New York, and if you weren’t here, who knows if those things would have ever happened. Maybe you needed time apart. Maybe it hurts now but it’s actually a good thing in the end. We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow Beca, but if this Chloe is meant to be more than what you could possibly imagine to yourself, then maybe that’s why she’s on your mind lately. You have a bond that can’t be broken.”

“I think I like that explanation.” Stacie then said, jumping in. “You needed time to breathe and grow. You needed a break, to become better, to become the best version of yourselves before anything else. Maybe you can’t do it together, maybe you needed to do it apart. Maybe it wasn’t just meant to be, and maybe it was. Maybe that’s why you can feel her pulling you back.”

Beca nodded, taking in all that her friends were saying.

She had clarity in who she was as a person now, not defined by her past other relationships.

But her mind was still jumbled up by her heart.

And talking things through was what was helping her now.

_Be quiet, let me leave, let me go_   
_Don't say another word_   
_Cause with every sound_   
_You're pullin' me down_

The nights were getting longer and longer for Beca.

Stacie’s and Kaelyn’s words echoing through.

And more and more were the thoughts of the months she spent with Chloe after her accident.

The days were they simply stayed inside, hanging out and watching a show Chloe insisted they used to watch together.

Playing with Ghost every now and then – yeah, Beca was slowly missing her dog with Chloe too.

The beach trip with the Bellas.

No, she couldn’t remember how she fell for Chloe in the first place. But looking back, Chloe realized she could feel it even then.

She kept falling, falling, and falling…

…through Chloe’s kindness and her ways.

Her smile, her warmth.

Her never ending love.

And now all Beca could do was find a way to clear her head once again, this time to let her heart reach it and tell it what it already should know.

All while burying herself in new mixes, headphones on at three in the morning, trying to get Chloe out of her head and tire herself out while placing everything she made her feel in her work, song after song.

_Baby_   
_You got a hold on me_   
_Like gravity_


	12. Dreaming with a Broken Heart

Beca took a deep breath. She’s been taking a lot of deep breaths lately. But that was mostly because she was nervous. She’s been for the last week or so. Emily’s late night calls had been exponentially increasing as Nationals came closer and closer.

“You’re totally going to be amazed by us Beca! I promise you that!” Emily said excitedly the night before and Beca could only agree to keep the younger Bellas happy.

The Nationals were, after all, already happening over the weekend.

It was Thursday and Beca was playing hooky in the middle of the day. It was just a little after noon. Their usual bar was technically closed – they usually open a little past three – but since she’s already befriended the owner what with her and Stacie being faithful patrons and all, and Beca being a now famous musical producer, she was allowed in without a problem.

Only two guys were there. Gus, said owner of the bar, and his faithful bartending partner in crime, Mikey.

“A little too much on the fairytale side of things there Mikey.” Beca commented as she sipped on her glass of water, listening to the song playing in the bar.

_Oh how could I face the faceless days_   
_If I should lose you now?_

“You can’t really blame us. No customers and all.” Mikey responded, wiping down the counter while Gus disappeared to the back of the bar to do the inventory.

“Well, where else would I meet my friends?” Beca then commented as she checked for the umpteenth time. Stacie had made plans with her earlier that week to meet up with Amy at precisely around lunch and hang out for the rest of the day while the Bellas started to arrive to support Emily. Stacie thought it was a brilliant idea, what with her research adviser gone for a few weeks and Beca pretty much taking day offs whenever she pleased.

But now, radio silence.

No message from Stacie nor Amy to indicate why they were running a little late.

_We're so close to reaching_   
_that famous happy end,_

The bell by the entrance rang and Beca looked up, sure that only Stacie or Amy would dare enter the pub when the sign says it was closed on the outside. They were the only ones who should’ve known that the door wouldn’t be locked.

_And almost believing,_   
_this one's not pretend._

However, it wasn’t a tall brunette nor a blonde Australian who walked into the pub.

_Let's go on dreaming_   
_for we know we are..._

It was an unsuspecting redhead.

_So close, so close_   
_and still so far..._

“The bar’s closed love.” Gus said, making his way out of the back room.

Beca heard it loud and clear, she was pretty sure Chloe did too, but it really didn’t have any effect on the both of them. Their eyes met in the instant, Chloe’s ocean blue eyes uncertain of where she was, checking her phone for a message, and Beca’s stormy blue ones, expecting to see her supposed best friends walking in.

Their eyes met, after a very long time of hoping to see those eyes again, Beca finally did. That was all it took to have her brain shut down, have her heart racing and be left out of breath.

“Said we’re closed.” Gus repeated in a louder tone that was enough to snap Beca back to reality.

“No it’s fine.” Beca then said, tearing her eyes off of Chloe’s and turning to face Gus. Somehow she couldn’t help but think that Stacie and Amy had a hand in this.

“I assume you know each other then?” Gus asked.

“Yes.” they chorused. Gus shrugged and waved at Mikey, “Serve them whatever they like. You know the drill.” he then said before going back to work.

Beca tentatively stared at her glass, her ears tuned to the sound of Chloe’s footsteps as she made her to the bar and hesitantly sat down four bar stools away from Beca.

“You want anything Red?” Mikey asked and Chloe declined.

After a few minutes of unbearable silence, Beca finally looked up, Chloe was on her phone, face all scrunched up. “I don’t think they’re going to answer. I’ve been trying to get a hold of them too.” Beca finally said and Chloe sighed hanging up. She closed her eyes and bit her lips before turning to Beca and smiled nervously.

“So I’m guessing they left us to our own means?” Chloe asked and Beca could swear that the butterflies came fluttering about in her stomach as soon as she heard her speak.

Oh God did she missed Chloe’s voice.

Beca chuckled and shook her head. She was really going to have to find a way to torture Amy and Stacie for this while thanking them at the same time. _Really weird train of thought there Mitchell_ , she thought to herself before clearing her throat to speak. “So, uh, how have you been?” she asked Chloe. She was nervous. She didn’t know how Chloe would react. This was the first time they’ve seen each other again and Beca was painfully aware that she could barely control her breathing.

There was so many questions she wanted to ask, mostly about how Chloe was. She wanted to give her a clean break so she didn’t reach out, she resisted all the urges. She wanted to give her the space to breathe and heal. She didn’t want to give her any painful reminders.

More than anything she was fighting the urge to blurt out all the words she’s been keeping to herself.

_I’m Sorry_ was one of them.

Chloe tipped her head to one side and shrugged. “I’m okay I guess.” she simply replied. “I hear your shaking up the music industry.”

And Beca tried to read in between the lines, try to figure out how Chloe was doing, how much damage did she really cause her? But she couldn’t figure it out, Chloe keeping it all under wraps. She was hiding it all behind her smile and Beca was a little torn on whether or not she was truly happy now or if she was just faking it.

She didn’t want her wishful thinking mix and meddle with what actually was there.

She wanted to ask Chloe if she missed her too, because she definitely did. But Beca knew it would be unfair.

She wanted to see some sign, anything really, to let her know if she still mattered to Chloe or if it was all forgotten. But Beca knew that would be selfish.

It was Beca’s turn to shrug when she gave her reply. “It’s all in a day’s work. Try to keep myself busy a lot.”

Chloe nodded slowly. “So… since our friends have completely ditched our friends… I suppose you’re going back to work?” she asked uncertainly.

“No, I have my capable assistant taking care of things while I’m away.” Beca said with a light chuckle. “Um… well… if… I, well…” Beca stammered as she tried to find the right words to say. “How about we just go around the city ourselves?” Beca asked, staring intently at her now somewhat interesting glass of water knowing full well that if she looked at Chloe now, she’d lose the strength to ask her.

She really wanted to catch up with her. Know how she’s doing.

Technically, yes, they were exes.

Technically, they shouldn’t.

But everywhere for the past year or so, in her most private moments, in her quietest of times, it was Chloe who filled her sight, her vision, her mind…

…her heart.

And she wanted to know…

…know why and how she never could let her go.

“I don’t think that’s the wisest idea Beca.” Chloe said, looking away the moment that Beca finally looked up.

“Screw wise.” Beca then said in her usual Beca Mitchell badass DJ extraordinaire tone.

Mikey chuckled, clearly eavesdropping. “I like that.” Mikey then said, pointing at Beca before giving a thumbs up. “When in doubt, screw what’s wise. Do as you please.”

“Uh, not always.” Beca then said towards Mikey, taking a tentative sip of water from her glass. “But… well… I mean, it’s okay if you say no.”

Chloe looked away for a second and checked her phone for what Beca could only assume to be a sign for anything really. And acknowledgement that Stacie, or Amy, or Aubrey would be there any second for example?

Beca understood why Chloe might say no. She was anticipating it.

But then Chloe turned her phone off and placed it in her pocket. She look thoughtful for a minute or two before turning to Beca, “I suppose you know the city better than anyone else at this point, so why not?”

Beca smiled, relieved. “Great.”

They spent the day walking around the city, a foot away from each other at all times. Like there was this barrier separating them from each other the whole time. Beca could simply be imagining it, but then again she’d understand if Chloe had tried building up walls around her, to separate her from Beca at least. She hurt her, she knew. She hurt herself too, and yet Beca understood that whatever she had to feel and go through was nowhere near what Chloe had felt.

They passed time talking about the minor things, some of the work Beca has done with Chloe complimenting her about the singles she’s heard that Beca produced. Chloe talked about her work a little too, her students.

But nothing deep enough, nothing that Beca thought would let her get through Chloe’s defenses.

And it was killing her.

“Do you wanna see the studio?” Beca then offered out of the blue while strolling through 5th avenue.

“Studio? You’re studio? Where you work and all?” Chloe asked a little surprised.

“Yeah, come on, it would be fun. I already showed it to Stacie and Amy.” she then said, grabbing Chloe by the hand for a mad dash to building not that far off from where they were.

Okay, so maybe technically it was still a few blocks away. But she did get Chloe to smile again, and she got to hold Chloe’s hand. They paused to catch their breaths just outside the building where Chloe couldn’t help but lean on the wall and laugh out loud.

Her laughter had always been so magical. It was music to Beca’s ears.

It was also very infectious.

“You’re insane.” Chloe said still trying to steady her breathing and Beca smiled.

“Come on, we have to sneak in real quick. My boss has been meaning to talk to me about a new project and I’m really not feeling up to doing anything today.” Beca said as they made a stealthy entrance, timing their movement through the lobby as she tried to avoid the people who might want to talk to her for a while, and onto the elevator. She gave Chloe the tour of her floor, and her office. Kaelyn was on her coffee run so it was the perfect time to do it. They then proceeded to go to the studio, Beca letting Chloe play around with some of the equipment knowing full well that Chloe’s gentle touch would keep the thousands of dollars equipment safe.

They talked more, sharing stories about Stacie and Amy’s visit in her workplace with Luke, about how Luke met – and apparently fell for – her assistant.

Chloe found the tale about Amy and ‘soaking Justin Timberlake’s’ essence a little too hilarious.

Beca then offered her to listen a few of the mixes on her work laptop she’s been working on for when she spins during the weekends. Chloe hesitantly accepted Beca’s precious headphones before giving them try and smiling that warm and bright smile that Beca had missed and craved for.

Chloe looked at her with pride and Beca was sure her heart had swelled ten times over. The ache, the emptiness gone being filled by light and warmth. “I’m glad you found your sound again Beca.” Chloe said as she gingerly took off Beca’s headphones, handing it back to her.

“What do you think?” Beca asked, almost breathlessly, nervous.

“Perfect. They’re perfect as always.” Chloe complimented and Beca smiled.

The weariness lifting. The tension in the air disappearing.

“Come on. I’m hungry and I know just the perfect place.” Beca said with a knowing smirk. She grabbed Chloe’s hand yet again, and somehow Beca could tell the atmosphere between them had changed. The walls she noticed earlier were gone.

They went to Serendipity 3, Beca tired down by all their running and sneaking around that she called her driver to drop them off their. Chloe gave a chuckle at her choice of place but of course any reference it had was completely missed on Beca. They ended up sharing their famous frozen hot chocolate before Beca took her through Bryant Park, Chloe talking about the last time she was there. It was with Beca, that Christmas they spend with her mom and step-dad and Luke’s distant relatives.

Beca found it strange, how easy it was to talk about the past now and reminisce. No, she had no clue what Chloe was talking about but she was lost in the fondness in Chloe’s eyes that made her believe it was truly a magical memory.

Chloe had avoided alluding to anything regarding their relationship. She was careful with her words, Beca noticed, but nevertheless she didn’t tense up. She was actually quiet relaxed.

They walked around the city some more, finding themselves at Central Park then at the café where Beca discovered their new talent. They had dinner at a nearby restaurant before scouring through the best record store that Beca knew in the city, and of course she also just happened to know the owner being one of their now famous patrons.

They shared a few laughs, they shared light moments that Beca wasn’t sure they could’ve shared before, when the shadow of her past was heavily looming over her.

“We should definitely visit St. John’s Cathedral. Or you know, just you if you don’t want my company. It’s getting late now, but you should definitely visit the place.”

“Why, what makes it so special?” Chloe asked out of curiosity as they made their way once more through 5th avenue.

“Well, for one, there’s a statue outside of a dog with a camera hanging on his neck.” Beca said and Chloe laughed.

_Something about you now_   
_I can’t quite figure out_   
_Everything she does is beautiful_   
_And everything she does is right_

Beca stopped for a moment to drop her card in the case of the guy singing at the end of one street. Technically he shouldn’t be there, but Beca was thankful considering she’s spotted him there for a few weeks already and he’s got a really good voice.

Chloe looked at her curiously and Beca shrugged.

“So where are you staying?” Beca finally asked.

“Aubrey and Stacie’s.” Chloe responded.

“Mind if I walk with you then? I for one can’t wait to give Stacie an earful.” Beca commented and Chloe let out a chuckle.

“Really? I was going to do the same with Bree.” The redhead commented and Beca smirked.

“Great minds think alike I suppose.” Beca then said and nothing but silence followed them after that.

They continued their walk for a few hours, never tiring of each other’s company. Beca picked up the conversation yet again after passing a flower shop asking her if she knew anything about flowers.

“Like their meaning and stuff? Not much really, do you?”

“A little.” Beca admitted. “My assistant is obsessed with it and Luke’s been looking into it so I guess I got caught up with them.” she said before stopping at the end of the street. They’ve reached as fa they could walk together, Aubrey and Stacie’s apartment building just right across. ”I think we’ve reached the end of the line.” Beca said solemnly, Chloe looking up to realize what Beca meant.

“Do you want to come in?” Chloe asked. “I don’t think Bree or Stacie would mind.”

“No, thanks though. I have an early day tomorrow so I should probably head back.”

“Right.” Chloe said in a whisper, looking down for a moment before looking up to meet Beca’s eyes once more. “Walk me to the entrance?”

“Of course.” was Beca’s immediate reply.

“So I’m guessing we’ll see you at Nationals, cheer the Bellas on?”

“I don’t think Ems would let me hear the end of it if I don’t show up.” Beca replied, stopping yet again upon reaching the entrance to the building. She was fidgeting a little, she couldn’t help it. She didn’t want to say goodbye to Chloe but she knew she had to. “I’ve missed you.” she ended up saying again.

There was a look of surprise on Chloe’s face for a minute or two and Beca was scared she crossed a boundary that wasn’t supposed to be crossed. That she said something wrong. That she might’ve opened old scars. She ran a hand through her hair, looking away to try to find the right words to fix it. “Look, sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I- ”

“I’ve missed you too.” was Chloe’s whispered response, placing a hand on Beca’s shoulders to reassure her it was okay.

Beca looked up, their eyes meet yet again and she knows, she sees it clearly. Everything she’s been looking for, everything that’s been missing, it was all right there in Chloe’s eyes.

And Beca. She couldn’t help it.

She was transfixed by the look in Chloe’s eyes.

By the yearning of her heart.

Her eyes flickered between Chloe’s own and Chloe’s lips, and she wondered if she would ever remember how soft or warm they were. She wanted to know. She wanted to find out

So she slowly leaned in, achingly slow to close the distance between them before something stirred inside of her, snapping her sense to reality.

She had no right to know anymore.

She had chosen to let Chloe go.

So she eased away gently, leaving a confused look on Chloe before she said her goodbyes and turned away.

Her heart equally disappointed, it knew that she was close to home and yet she still chose to turn around and walk away.

* * *

 

Chloe found herself making her way back to the apartment dazed and confused, her fingers on her lips. She could still feel Beca’s breath lingering dangerously close.

All her heart could scream was why the brunette didn’t just kiss her. Her mind was too busy calling out her heart.

“Hey Chlo, so sorry I had to cancel.” Aubrey started talking, Stacie was in the kitchen clearing up the dishes. “Stacie said she needed my help with something and then, well…”

“It was all okay when Aubrey arrived at where Amy and I were hanging out and we tried calling you but you weren’t picking up your phone…” Stacie jumped in before looking up at her. “And are you okay Chlo?”

“Hmm? Oh, I’m okay.” Chloe replied. “Still mad at the two of you. Especially since you both said to meet at a pub near lunch time that was apparently closed.”

“If it was closed, what did you do the rest of the day that you ended up getting home this late?” Aubrey asked, feigning innocence.

But Chloe kept her mouth shut. She could let them wonder all night and tell them in the morning what happened next as punishment. She, instead, headed inside their guest room and crawled on to bed. Her thoughts never leaving Beca for once.

She knew there was the possibility of running into her during her trip but not the way she did. She didn’t expect to see Beca on her first day back, having only gotten in the night before. She didn’t expect to spend the whole day with her, forgetting the pain of their break-up, and simply easing into the usual flow of their conversations.

She was expecting it to be harder, and at the start of it, it sure felt like that.

But Beca was being Beca. The way Chloe remembered Beca to be. The way Beca was before her accident.

The time they spent apart, it certainly did her good. And to know that she’s missed Chloe, it made her heart ache and yearn for her again. It most certainly did.

_What are you doing Beale?_ her thoughts chastised her.

She spent the good amount of about a year trying to get over Beca.

And yet it was so easy to fall back to their usual rhythm of things. She missed her, badly. And when Beca leaned in, when she almost kissed her…

“What was that about in the first place?” Chloe asked herself in a whisper, her eyes closed trying to imagine Beca being only inches away from her.

It was over between them. She was with someone new, for crying out loud.

But was it? Was it really?

Chloe didn’t want to answer that question.

And she didn’t dare ask the most pertinent one of all.

That is, if she still loved Beca.

She was completely terrified in knowing what the answer was.

 

* * *

 

Beca woke up the next day with thoughts of Chloe swirling around her head.

She almost kissed her.

She almost kissed Chloe.

But why? She didn’t want to answer it. She didn’t want to admit it.

However, she most certainly didn’t waste the rest of the morning lounging around her loft. Instead she got up. Got dressed. Got out.

And she was off, heading straight to Aubrey and Stacie’s apartment.

She needed answers. She knew she needed to confront them straight on.

The hole in her heart was gone. It was fixed in a day.

The remaining traces of sadness, gone too.

Aubrey, Stacie, and Chloe were all heading out. From across the street she could see Chloe seemingly giving the two an earful. She was about to cross the street to join them when she stopped.

Her heart falling right from her chest.

Ripped was more the appropriate term but Beca did feel the ground she was standing on ripped from beneath her.

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart,_   
_The waking up is the hardest part_

She was too late.

A tall, rather dashing, man swept Chloe up her feet and kissed her lightly before placing her down with a smile on her face. The redhead looked surprise but smiled nonetheless. Both Aubrey and Stacie looked shocked as well.

The next thing Beca knew she was running. As fast as she could, as far away as she can, tears streaming down her eyes.

She was too late.

_You roll out of bed and down on your knees_   
_And for a moment you can hardly breathe_   
_Wondering was she really here_   
_Is she standing in my room?_

Beca ignored both Emily’s calls and Luke’s messages. They were supposed to have dinners with the past and current Bellas that night, but Beca wasn’t feeling up to it.

She wanted to wallow away in the privacy of her own room. It hurt a lot. Seeing someone else kiss Chloe. She wasn’t expecting it.

And yet somehow she had a feeling that this happened before. Beca dug for her old mixes with dates that matched the days she was supposedly at Barden and saw a playlist of dozens of break-up songs and immediately she listened to it.

Did it start up anything in her head? No, it didn’t

It did soothe the hurt in her heart a little

_No, she's not_   
_'Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone_

Beca eventually found herself at the Lincoln Center the next day. The performances had started but she made it to the Bellas performance, and they were most definitely putting the stage on fire. Beca saw she caught Emily’s eyes and the young Bella beamed up at her direction. She applauded them, still standing by the entrance to the auditorium.

Her eyes scanned the room and eventually her sight landed on the Bellas and Luke, and the guy she would assume to be Bumper too. Sure enough, next to Chloe was _him_.

It was _his_ arms wrapped around Chloe…

…not _hers._

 She saw Amy look up at her direction, giving Stacie a nudge who turned around to find her standing there.

But Beca’s blood was boiling in a jealous fit that was taking over her. She needed to leave, get out as soon as she could.

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart,_   
_The giving up is the hardest part_

A few minutes standing outside was all that Beca needed to clear her head.

Her heart, her mind, heck even her soul. It was yearning, screaming for Chloe.

No she didn’t make a mistake then, they needed the time apart. Beca kept repeating that to herself.

But was it too much to let her go completely?

Beca was starting to regret that decision, she started seeing it as a mistake.

But she knew she couldn’t have Chloe wait for her forever, especially if she never would come back.

Especially when she couldn’t sort her feelings before.

_She takes you in with her crying eyes_   
_Then all at once you have to say goodbye_   
_Wondering, could you stay, my love?_   
_Will you wake up by my side?_

But she could now, that was the difference,

However, she was too late. Chloe was with someone else, and she even had the audacity to try to kiss the redhead the other day!

She was happy now, she had to step aside and give way.

She let Chloe go and now she was gone.

_No, she can't_   
_'Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone_

But was she really?

There had to be something still there.

She saw it in Chloe’s eyes, that is, if it wasn’t just wishful thinking.

_Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?_   
_Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?_   
_Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?_   
_Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my, roses in my hands?_   
_Would you get them if I did?_

But did she even still had the right to do it?

She had hurt Chloe then. Did she deserve to even try to fight her?

What would be her motivations if she did?

Beca started to walk away, she needed time to think. Time away from the noises of the city and the people who knew her.

She wanted to arrive at an answer, but a part of her already knew what that answer was.

All she needed to do was accept it to herself.

_No, you won't_   
_'Cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone_

The word was there, it had always been there in her heart.

Beca knew this. She was lying on her bed in the middle of the day, staring at her ceiling looking for a sign, an answer.

But the answer was there, threatening to slip away.

She was too late now, but would she simply let it be?

Would she simply let the other guy win?

Or would she fight to get back what she lost?

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart,_   
_The waking up is the hardest part._

She was too late now, and she had to face the music.

She wasn’t allowed to run and hide.

She can only either decide to whether accept it or not.

But just what to do, Beca wasn’t sure.

All she knew is her heart kept telling her one simple truth.

She was in love with Chloe Beale, always had been, memory or not.

And she regrets letting her doubts and uncertainties blind her of that.

 


	13. Bright Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured are ‘Lost Stars’ by Adam Levine, ‘Without You Now’ by Jon McLaughlin (I might’ve been listening to Jon McLaughlin’s albums on and off while writing this);

Aubrey huffed. They were about to head over and have a nice dinner with the new Bellas to celebrate their victory earlier that day but she was a little annoyed at Beca’s disappearance.

What’s more was that Emily was looking for her earlier, claiming she saw her during the Bellas performance, and then she was gone like the wind. That’s why she excused herself with Stacie and Amy from the group, claiming on checking on something and promising to catch up with the huge group at the restaurant. She grabbed Beca’s address from her assistant – which to Aubrey was quite a surprise to know that neither Amy nor Stacie knew where Beca lived exactly – and headed straight to where the DJ lived.

“That munchkin better be dead or dying if she promised to be there with us and decided to bail on us.” Aubrey huffed as they made their way through the lobby of the posh residential tower. She kept on impatiently hitting the button on the elevators until it opened for them.

“Why didn’t you tell us Chloe was dating someone else?” Stacie finally asked in the confines of the lift, just the three of them on it. Aubrey didn’t have to turn and look at the expression on Stacie’s face to figure out she was very much annoyed. “We could’ve avoided setting up the two the day before, granted that was a very sketchy Hail Mary of a plan to begin with and we still have no idea of what happened. But, Amy and I saw her earlier. Beca saw the group and left, I think she figured out who Eli was when she saw him.”

“Because I was hoping the guy was just a phase, like Tom before. Someone temporary. Didn’t realize he was actually nice and charming.” Aubrey replied before taking a deep breath and sighing. “But, I know my best friend Stacie, and as much as I hate to admit it, that munchkin is the only one I know capable of making Chloe smile her brightest of smiles. She’s with Eli now, but it doesn’t take a genius to realize or see that she can’t give all of her heart to him. And something’s happened for sure, Chloe’s been unusually quiet.” she continued to say until the elevator doors opened, unveiling Beca’s floor.

“That’s why I want Beca there. Is it being too foolish to hope those two would realize that there’s still something between them, despite everything that’s happened?” Aubrey asked, her tone dead serious and desperate before looking at Stacie. “Tell me that’s not what you think and I’ll stop and turn back and leave with you, just tell me Stace.”

Stacie sighed and shook her head. “You know I can’t.”

“Look, nice guy might be nice but he’s essentially just Tom 2.0, we can all agree on that right?” Amy then spoke up. “We need to get our fun-sized leader back with Red, or at least on that right path of healing so they can find their way to each other again. Are we not cupid’s very own deputized matchmaking angels? We did this before, push ‘em in the right direction, by all the gods we will do it again!” she said with determination. “We already failed and let Tom 2.0 get in the way – who was in charge of keeping an eye on Chloe? I thought _you_ had that covered captain? – we can’t let Beca go back to her old ways and run away from this.”

Aubrey and Stacie exchanged looks, they were taken off guard by the passion and heart of Amy’s speech. The Bellas were a family, of course they were all heartbroken and suffering about the break up too but they all agreed to let them be and take their own time to heal. “Amy’s right, if we have to drag her out of her apartment, we’ll do it. Beca needs to be there, size up her competition and fight for Chloe.” Aubrey then said.

“We can’t force her to do something she doesn’t want to do.” Stacie pointed out as they walked through the hallway. “Why am I being the rational one here?”

“Because we can all agree that Beca wants to. She just have a record-breaking slow pace of realizing her feelings.” Aubrey then replied, she was getting ready to knock when Amy poised herself to kick down the door. Stacie thankfully managed to restrain the Australian in time and Aubrey was allowed to do what she does best.

Starting with a knock.

But no one answered.

Aubrey checked the door, it was unlocked to begin with. Not the safest thing in the world, despite living in such upscale accommodations, as anyone can simply break in. Case in point, they were technically uninvited and they were breaking in. The only reason they were allowed in was that the doorman knew Luke and Kaelyn and they had called in advance to let them know that some of Beca’s friends were coming and that the DJ was too sick to be bothered.

Aubrey took a deep breath and looked for reassurance from both Stacie and Amy. They both nodded. And thus, she opened the door.

_Who are we? Just a speck of dust within the galaxy?_   
_Woe is me, if we're not careful turns into reality_   
_Don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow_   
_Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer_   
_Turn the page maybe we'll find a brand new ending_   
_Where we're dancing in our tears and_

_God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young_   
_It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run_   
_Searching for meaning_   
_But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark? Ooh_

For one thing, Beca singing while getting things ready and packing a few of her things in a case was not what Aubrey was expecting to see. Beca had her headphones on, moving around the living room as if nothing was wrong.

But Aubrey wasn’t deaf, it was all there in her voice. The passion, the emotion. It’s been so long since she’s heard the tiny once upon a time Bella sing that she’s forgotten how good she actually was.

She looked like she was getting ready for something, and Aubrey was confused of what. The amnesiac leader of the Bellas had her combat boots, that honestly Aubrey was having a blast from the past of how she looked like the day they first met at the quad. Her hair was wet though, and somehow Aubrey got the feeling Beca wasn’t quite done at getting ready just yet, possibly only started to do so when they arrived or at least half way through.  Beca stopped humming and singing along when she finally noticed her friends at her door, she gave them a curious look, checked her phone, which was in one hand, and then looked up at them. She brought her headphones done and smiled at them tentatively. Aubrey had wanted to take that chance to give her an earful. She cleared throat, about to speak, but Beca beat her to the punch.

“I was just about to call you guys. Lucky you found your way here instead.” Beca said before fumbling through her case for something.

“What?” Aubrey asked a little lost. This was not how she imagined Beca would receive them, although, it wasn’t exactly a bad reception.

“Are you okay there Shawshank?” Amy asked cautiously, she was afraid that Beca might’ve completely lost it already.

“Yep.” Beca replied before standing back up, a brown envelope in her hand.

“Well, you kinda’ just bolted when we saw you earlier.” Stacie then said, adopting the same tone as Amy.

“I needed time to think and get my head on straight. Besides, the Bellas were on in the middle, I wasn’t planning on watching all of the acapella nerds perform.” she replied simply with a shrug. “So instead, I grabbed lunched, listened to a bit of music, took a shower and got ready.”

“Okay.” Aubrey then said uncertainly. “Look Beca, I do apologize for ditching you yesterday with, you know, Chloe, if you’re upset about that.”

“I’m not.” Beca said, simply, turning her eyes away from her friends and casting down on the floor. She took a deep breath before looking back at them.

“And if you wanna talk about the other guy with the group…” Stacie started to say.

“Chloe’s boyfriend?” Beca asked, raising an eyebrow, trying to keep a mask of indifference on her face but the tone of distaste in her voice gave it all away.

“Yes.” Aubrey replied, still cautiously. “Did she tell you?”

“No.” Beca said simply before crossing the room to approach them.

“So are you okay?” Amy then asked, still trying to figure out Beca’s current state.

“Would you guys stop asking me if I’m okay like I’m a child?” Beca then said and sighed. “I appreciate the concern, but seriously…. Anyways, here. They’re VIP passes at the club where I spin. I have a show to do tonight and I figured we would all celebrate and what better celebrate but at the hottest club in New York? I got one of my people fetch this for me so there are enough passes for all of the old Bellas, Luke, Kaelyn, Bumper, Emily’s boyfriend – Benji, right? – and the _other guy_. Sadly, I can only get one pass for only one of the new Bellas, Emily. So, how about tell her she needs to sneak out during their own celebrations and you all head to the club tonight?”

“Aren’t you going to the early dinner?” Amy asked, partly excited for the prospects of Beca’s celebratory plans and partly disappointed in case she won’t join them.

Beca shook her head. “Can’t. Got to bring my A game tonight so still need to do a couple of things. Just, be all there, okay?”

Amy nodded before giving Beca a hug, which she promptly accepted. Stacie did the same gesture. “Guess we’ll see you later then, nice place by the way.” Stacie said as she let Beca go.

“Thanks.” was Beca’s reply.

Aubrey kept eyeing Beca suspiciously. She honestly thought she’d be wallowing away in her own depressed state by now, but she wasn’t. There was a fire in her eyes that she only used to see when it came to the Bellas or when it came to Chloe.

And it doesn’t take Aubrey two guesses why that fire was there.

Aubrey then smiled as she turned to say her goodbye to Beca. She didn’t need to say anything, she understood, or at least she hoped she did.

* * *

 

If she were being honest, Beca was pretty sure that she went through the five stages of grief in a span of a good hour or two before something inside her just kicked into high gear.

She wasn’t just going to seat there and take it.

_Screw what’s wise._

She had feelings for Chloe, she knew that now. She left with a thought that one day she’ll become better again, someone who Chloe deserved, and she wasn’t going to let whoever she was with now win without a fight.

She saw hope in Chloe’s eyes the other night. At the very least Beca wasn’t going to let herself be parted form her for any longer. They managed to spend a sizeable amount of a day together without falling apart, and Beca took that as hope. At the very least, a path to becoming friends again.

Because for sure, Beca knew, she couldn’t make it another day without Chloe in her life.

It did help that for some reason she could hear her father’s voice, of all people, echoing through her head.

_Love isn’t something you overthink Beca…_

So she stopped thinking and overanalyzing. Beca got up, got ready, and decided to pull a few strings to get all her friends at the club. She knew she didn’t want to spend time with _new guy_ that she was sure she can’t make it through dinner without acting like an irrational child. Sure she was Chloe’s boyfriend, much to Beca’s dismay, but she can’t really blame anyone but herself about that. But she didn’t have to like him.

She knew she couldn’t hate him either.

What was important to her was to see Chloe smile, even if she’s not the reason behind that smile.

But that won’t stop her from trying her damn best to be just that.

The night was spent mostly eating very little – her nerves were acting up – and spending time talking to the rich, the powerful, and the famous patrons who admired the Beca’s skills as a music producer and a DJ. She watched entrance closely as the night went by, the usual house DJ playing his set list, waiting until the Bellas walk through the door.

And sure enough, a good half hour before her own set, the Bellas arrived.

Beca would have joined them, but she was still a little bit nervous. She was also cornered by a mix of a few NY-based artists who wanted to work with her and internationally famous friends that she simply couldn’t run away from. It didn’t stop her though, from stealing a glance at Chloe every now and then.

She was even more beautiful than she was the day before. A sight that couldn’t compare to anyone else in a room full of youthful beauty and radiance. Every single time she stole a glance, her breath would hitch and Beca reveled in the feelings she was slowly being reacquainted with. Chloe looked nervous, she spent most of her time glances around the club, seemingly looking for the DJ. Maybe she eventually did find her from a far, Beca wasn’t sure. She would turn away and look someplace else or turn her attention to someone within the group of people who had cornered her in the first place. The _new guy_ was trying to talk with Luke, and Luke seemed to be awkwardly making small talk. Eventually he settled to talking to Bumper, being alienated by the tightknit group that was the Bellas, and apparently Luke. Kaelyn seemed to be fitting in, but Beca thinks it’s because she’s Luke’s girlfriend and Luke never introduced a girlfriend to the Bellas before.

Eventually Beca was introduced by the house DJ, and she could feel all eyes on her.

She never could get quite enough of the feeling of it. The moment she took the floor from the house DJ and stepped into the booth, the whole club grew silent, before they all went wild. Beca based her current set from mixes of the past. The ones she had been listening to over and over again for the last few nights, tweaking them a little bit to perfection. She looked up at the Bellas who looked ecstatic about her song choices. Beca didn’t know it then but the mixes she had decided to play were all songs that were tied to the Bellas, past performances and mixes she had them play during parties. Some were mixes that only Chloe heard, because she made them exclusively for her.

And Beca wasn’t quite a hundred percent aware of it, maybe somewhere deep in her subconscious mind she was, but she was serenading Chloe all over again, like she did in the past with the radio station. Except this time there was a new crowd cheering her on. Except this time it was with special mixes that had become better through time.

Beca’s been doing this for months now, but she’s never felt this alive before.

* * *

 

Stacie was overwhelmed. She knew Beca was doing really well as a DJ on the side at the most exclusive club in Manhattan but she didn’t ever think that her already talented friend got even better and put a new twist on old songs. Songs that were weighed down by precious memories. Beca might not now this, but she was really making this a very special Bellas night.

All the Bellas had their jaws drop as soon as Beca took over from the house DJ. Even Eli was growing ecstatic. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it! Is it really her? The one and only Beca Mitchell! I still can’t believe it!” he said, completely geeking out just as Bumper and Amy made their way to the bar.

“You’ve heard of Beca?” Denise asked as she sipped on her drink.

“Uh, yeah, hello? Who hasn’t? I’m a music teacher, I think that’s a given that I’m not only hooked on classical pieces but well aware of current ones too. Wow! Oh wow! I still can’t believe this. Whoever got you the passes was amazing. Beca Mitchell! Wow.” Stacie heard Eli say, completely dazed. Chloe was just as amazed, but Stacie could tell it was for a whole other reason. She and Aubrey seemed to have branched off on their own at the end of the circular booth they occupied, talking to each other for the most of the night.

“Ah, well, she _is_ my cousin.” Emily then pointed out, speaking up above the noise of the crowd and the loud music.

“And she _was_ a Bella.” Benji then added.

And Eli fanboyed a little more, being entertained by Emily and Benji, trying their best not to bring up the fact that Beca was Chloe’s former paramour.

Because then they have to explain the amnesia and all the other things they didn’t want to bring up.

“Ugh, I hate that he’s a nice guy.” Jessica sighed, seating right next to Stacie.

“It would make it easier to hate him if he wasn’t.” Ashley said disappointed.

“Come on guys, don’t be unfair. We’re not allowed to take sides. Sure we want Chloe to be with Beca but right now, well, they aren’t. We have to support whatever makes them happy.” Flo then said and Stacie nodded.

“So, did you guys find out why Beca ditched us for dinner? I know Aubrey wanted to keep it hush, hush and all, but who else would get us this passes but Beca Mitchell herself?” Jessica then asked.

“We know you tried to find her when she didn’t show. Why else would Aubrey have been fuming?” Ashley added.

“Oh, she definitely saw us with _him_.” Stacie then said, slightly and very subtly jerking her head towards Eli’s direction. “But it looks like Beca’s not allowing to let herself get down by it.”

“Do you think she knows what all these songs mean to us?” Flo then asked. “Or if there’s a purpose?”

“I don’t know.” Stacie answered truthfully. “But as for the purpose, I can only guess.” Stacie then said, sneaking a glance towards Aubrey and Chloe’s direction. The redhead completely absorbed with Beca’s musical magic.

At some point the music and the beats lowered down in volume and Beca spoke up. “Okay, so, I don’t usual do this. But I ran into a friend earlier who’s making me do this now. Something about wanting to hear this song with my personal touch. And you guys now I don’t like to disappoint…” Beca said and she was met with cheers and applause. “Well, said friend is someone I hold dear and personally admire, so here it goes.”

And surely enough ‘ _Titanium_ ’ came blasting out of the speakers.

“What on earth is Mitchell doing? Are the screws on her head finally all loose? Yes, we want her to fight for Chloe, but _this song_ in particular... It means a whole lot to _them_.” Stacie then heard Aubrey say as she suddenly appeared to her side. Stacie looked up to where Chloe was, she was now talking to Luke and Kaelyn, looking all surprised and a little overwhelmed, before turning to face Aubrey again.

“I don’t know.” Stacie replied, completely lost. “I’m not a mind reader Bree. Beca has a lot of famous friends, maybe Sia or David Guetta is in the crowd somewhere and they talked or something? Who knows?” Stacie offered. “We are in a place where there are a lot of big names, if you haven’t noticed. Jessica nearly fainted earlier for almost running into Taylor Swift and her squad.”

Aubrey sighed, accepting Stacie’s explanation.

But Stacie herself couldn’t help but wonder herself.

* * *

 

At some point after Beca’s set, Chloe found herself on her way to the restroom. She needed some time to recompose herself. The night was still young, so to speak, and surely Beca would drop in on her friends, right?

Right?

So she needed to put on a strong front.

Her mind was still on the memories of the night before, the wonderful day they spent together that almost felt like the good old days, and the almost kiss they shared. Chloe was trying so hard to fight against it, the emotions resurging. And for the most part of the day she was able to do just that, compartmentalize and keep her head on the straight and narrow when it comes to Beca. Eli being around and surprising her – she told him she was staying at her best friend’s place in NY for the ICCA Nationals and left behind contact details in case he needed to reach her along with the address – helped a little.

And Chloe managed to think better too, she got a little bit of clarity from locking up the murky emotions. She was better now, scarred but healing, and she was in a good place in her life in terms of her job too. And things with Beca, she was pleasantly surprised to find that despite everything, it was so easy to find a steady rhythm with her and talk about everything and anything in the world. It gave Chloe hope that they could at least start to rebuild a relationship with each other as friends. Slowly but surely.

But with this little stunt she just doesn’t know what to do again, because her heart could barely contain her emotions.

Does she even remember the memories that very song bore for them?

How that song was what first brought them together in a shower stall together at Barden?

Or how she declared her feelings for Chloe on air while it was playing during her Midnight DJ gig at the station?

She probably didn’t, and Chloe wasn’t sure what to feel about that.

She did know something though, Beca’s effect on her was quite something.

She soon found herself on her way back to the Bellas. She was passing the bar when she somehow caught Beca’s voice in the air, her heart always tuned to it somehow.

“I can’t believe _you_ made me do that!” Beca had said.

“Well, you’ve always been raving on and on about the song. I figured I’d like to hear it with the Beca Mitchell touch.”

Chloe’s heart stopped for a brief second when he heard the unmistakable voice she’s only heard in interviews before. When she turned she saw Beca talking to a tall guy with an unmistakable French accent and her jaw nearly dropped when Beca saw her standing right behind them.

Beca smirked, that trademark smirk of hers that Chloe just simply loved, as soon as she saw Chloe. She put her drink down and instantly reached out to Chloe, “Hey, I have a feeling you’d want to meet this guy over here.” she said a little breathless before bringing her up close and personal with David Guetta himself.

“And who is this lovely friend of yours Beca?” he had asked.

“Ah, this is Chloe, Chloe Beale. Chloe this is the one and only David Guetta.”

“Oh my God.” Chloe then let slip a little too surprised. The famous French DJ then reached out his hand and Chloe took it with her hands shaking.

“I hope you enjoyed my little dare on our DJ friend here.” he then said.

“Yes.” Chloe still said completely dazed and confused and overwhelmed beyond her senses. “I… well, I love ‘ _Titanium_ ’.” she managed to say.

“I’m glad. Thank you.” he said.

“Do you want a picture?” Beca then asked her, looking for approval form David who shrugged and agreed to it.

Clearly Chloe agreed. It wasn’t even a question. She handed Beca her phone and David Guetta place a hand around her waist as Beca took the shot.

David waived at someone who caught his eyes from somewhere just as he released Chloe. He turned back to both Chloe and Beca with a smile. “I have to go. Nice meeting you Chloe.”

Chloe nodded and watched as David turned around and walked away. Her brain pretty much quit functioning at that point. She let out a nervous chuckle before looking Beca who was looking at her phone with a smile before handing it back to Chloe with a nervous chuckle herself.

“So apparently you love ‘ _Titanium_ ’?” Beca asked.

There it was, the confirmation Chloe knew was coming. So, she didn’t have a clue at all. “Right, I forgot you forgot for a second there.” Chloe found herself saying lightly. “Do know you just made my night though.”

“Well I’m glad to be of service.” Beca said.

And Chloe, she knew it was the wrong moment to bring the topic of the two of them up at that moment, but she wanted to know, if there was a possibility that she and Beca could ever find themselves at the very least as friends.

But before she could speak some loud noise came from somewhere else at the bar.

And it came with an unmistakable Australian accent.

The two of them turned to find Amy and Bumper briefly making out.

“Hmmm. Can’t un-see that now, can I?” Beca asked as he turned to face Chloe.

Chloe grimaced and shook her head. “Nope.” she said and Beca nodded uncertainly. “Hey Beca, do you think… well, do you think we can talk some time tomorrow? If you’re free?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure thing.” Beca said adopting a serious tone but before she could say anything else they heard Amy yelling. “Where my pitches at? You’ll never guess what just happened!”

And with that they rushed towards Amy’s direction.

* * *

 

Amy was still recovering from the awesome mixes that Beca had started playing as soon as she stepped up. Amy wasn’t naïve, she knew what the songs were, the memories they carried, their effect on the Bellas, particularly Chloe. A part of her was stuck wondering what was going through Beca’s head, did she remember anything? Was this her subconscious mind’s doing?

But she never got the answer.

Instead, Bumper asked if they could both go grab a drink at the bar. Surely enough, Bumper did, downing a glass of scotch in one big gulp.

Bumper’s been acting weird by his ordinary standards of weird all week. And many times he’d been trying to get Amy alone by herself but a lot of things have been coming up.

Including getting Beca and Chloe to just meet up, rip of the band aid, and give them the chance they deserved to sort themselves out without the prying eyes of any of the Bellas. Including herself.

“Bumper, what on earth is wrong with you? You’re more nervous than that guy from the new set of Trebles that nearly repeated Aubrey’s little incident on stage earlier.”

“I…. Amy, my beloved, my one and only, my…” Bumper started to recite uncharacteristically.

“Are you asking me to marry you?” Amy quickly deduced and Bumper looked all shades of surprised and uncertain before Amy then said. “Because yes, I’ll marry you, Bumper. That’s all in the five year plan after all.”

“You will?”

“Yes! Of course I will.” Amy then said with a smile.

“Okay, awesome. Should we kiss now, I feel like we should kiss now.” Bumper said.

And that was when they sealed the deal with a kiss. Amy eventually pulled herself away to gather all the Bellas and share their amazing news to everyone, her voice rising above the noise at the club.

 

* * *

 

It was Sunday morning, bright and early. Emily was a little surprised to see Beca up earlier than she was, considering the DJ was up all night and the Bellas most definitely did not let her go without a few of their own mixed up cocktail orders.

The plan had always been to let Emily stay for a night at her loft so that she could eventually sneak her into her studio over the weekend and show her where she works. The plan had been updated in the early hours of morning as the Bellas parted ways to include a brunch with Luke, his girlfriend, Stacie, and Amy, and Benji at Beca’s favorite café. Beca extended the invite to Bumper too, but the former Treble had been busy trying to get a hold of some of the old Trebles he knew who lived in the city for their own celebration. To Benji’s surprise, he somehow got roped into Bumper’s plans.

So it was just them, the usual crew as Emily loved to think it.

The café had been busy when they arrived. Luke mostly stuck with coffee, his head pounding from all the alcohol he consumed the night before, matching shades on. It would seem that the Brit had finally reached his limit. Kaelyn tried feeding him a little of her fruit plate. Amy and Stacie were their usual selves during a morning after some hard partying, they were holding up well considering the amount of shots Amy ordered as soon as the Bellas gathered around the bar – Emily lost count at some point – should have done them in. Beca managed to escape the shots, running into a few other famous friends who wanted to get a hold of her, including Taylor Swift herself. And that was Emily’s excuse to save herself from the onslaught of drinks the Bellas had exponentially consumed at that point. Beca, of course, pulled her along and introduced her to one of her favorite singers.

“Beca Mitchell?” said a rather familiar man who soon approached the table when Beca waived hello. Beca introduced him to everyone as the guy who sang the song from that Disney movie – Beca wasn’t sure what movie but she at least knew the song.

Beca then excused himself and walked towards the group of people that Jon had intended to join to say hello. “Beca’s really well within their circles now huh? Different people of different levels of fame, it’s pretty amazing.” Emily then said.

“Beca’s like a magnet of great talent, and she has this thing about her. Like music itself had an agreement with her and so all the great talents everywhere flock to her. Like it’s nature. I mean, she’s really good with her job despite bailing out on days she doesn’t feel like coming in.” Kaelyn commented and Luke shrugged.

“Knowing Beca, she likes to work from home so she probably does that a lot.” Luke then said and Emily nodded, her eyes on the two as a fan, Emily guessed approached Jon. Beca and Jon exchanged gestures with each other and Emily could only guess that the fan had asked Jon to sing. Beca pointed the piano and urged him on. But Jon seemed to be asking Beca to join him.

“Wait, I know him! I heard a few of his other songs. Do you think Beca could get him to sing for our wedding?” Amy then said. “Bumper’s going on and on about getting John Mayer because ‘they’re so tight’ but another cute crooner could be added to the list. You know. Just in case.”

“Well, who knows, they look like buddies.” Stacie commented just as Jon McLaughlin started to hit the first few keys. “Is he really trying to get her to sing?”

“Yeah, they met through mutual friends and whenever Beca’s in a good mood she sings softly to herself. Anyways, he heard her singing once and he’s been bugging her to sing with him on a track.” Kaelyn explained.

_These days I leave the lights on_   
_and the front door open when I sleep_   
_I wake up with the night before_   
_lingering between my teeth_

Jon started to sing asking nodding at Beca, trying to urge her to sing.

Beca soon relented as Jon’s team of people started cheering her on too, Jon giving her the floor.

_I answer to no one_   
_you're gone and I am free_

And they hit the chorus with amazing harmony.

_and I know I can't live without you now_   
_I'm just looking for what we already found_   
_so maybe I'll say I'm sorry_   
_save me from the heartache_   
_I know I can't live without you now_

 

* * *

 

“So, he turned out to be nice.” she heard Aubrey say as they made their way out of the apartment. Chloe woke up late and started to panic that she promised to talk with Beca that day and she didn’t even get her number to make sure if it changed or not.

She could have asked Aubrey or Stacie, but she didn’t want to make it sound awkward or anything. She knew that they knew that the two of them had a whole day to themselves to possibly talk about what mattered.

Instead, she asked Aubrey who waited up for her if she knew where Beca would be and she explained to her about the brunch that they were now about to crash.

So there was that.

_She got out of town on the railway, New York bound_   
_Took all except my name_   
_Another alien on Broadway_   
_Well, some things in this world you just can't change_   
_Some things you can't see until it gets too late_

Chloe took one of her earbuds off, she’d been trying to listen to music to get her mind to focus on the more important things. “That’s why I like him.” Chloe commented.

“Mhmm.” Was Aubrey’s tightlipped reply. “Mind telling me why you didn’t stay with prince charming then?”

“He had an early flight. It was all spur of the moment.” Chloe explained.

“Does he know about Beca and the fact that she’s in New York?” Aubrey asked.

“That we…? No.” Chloe said as she shook her head. “Haven’t gotten to that yet. Why do you ask?”

“Nothing much.” Aubrey then said thoughtfully before taking a deep breath. “So how are you and the munchkin? Are you ever going to talk about what happened when we ditched you?” she asked as she sighed.

“We talked, but mostly just about everything else other than us. It was nice Bree, I’m not going to lie. I was so scared of running into her again that I didn’t realize how much I missed her. It’s like nothing happened. Like she didn’t lose her memory, like we never happened but it felt like just how we were when we were at Barden and I was trying to get to know her. Except, you know, the pressures that came with our situation before when she first lost her memories, they were gone now.”

Aubrey nodded as she listened intently. “So what now?”

“Now? I think we should just focus on finding our way back from being friends, don’t you think so?”

Aubrey shrugged. “Look Chloe, you two, you have undying chemistry and so much history and all and, honestly, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s up to you. I just, well, I want you to be happy. I don’t hate Eli by the way but he still has to work hard for my vote. Strangely enough, and you can totally call me bias, but my vote will forever be on the hobbit.”

Chloe shook her head and chuckled. “You’re totally biased.”

“I’m just pointing out that you tried moving on and all, including with Eli, but you haven’t been as close to you, my best friend Chloe version of you, until after that day you spent with Beca. And speaking of the DJ, you okay with last night? I know what _that song_ meant to the two of you as a whole and she played it in the club.”

“Yeah, we’re cool. Apparently David Guetta himself dared her to do it or something.” Chloe said with a knowing smile.

“How do you kno- No way! That munchkin introduced you to David Guetta, didn’t she?” Aubrey then exclaimed.

And Chloe shrugged.

Aubrey was right though. It was like the trip she’s been dreading had been all that she’s needed all along. Maybe it was for closure, or maybe it was for her to prove to herself that there was a reason for all that heartache. But for now, her focus was keeping those emotions at bay, those emotions that complicated matters, and focused on just renewing that friendship with Beca.

She was broken, really shattered when Beca left. But she mended. The problem was, there was always that missing piece that was Beca in her life.

And now, more than anything, she knew, she needed the DJ in her life, in whatever capacity that may be. Maybe that was the only way to completely find herself again and heal. To let go of her tight clutch on whatever it was she was holding on, but not completely let go. Like when you’re clutching a rope tightly that it starts burning through your skin, wounding you until you loosened up the grip enough to still hold on without falling and further hurting yourself.

It hurt a lot, but Beca leaving was a wake-up call she needed.

And now things started making sense again.

_I got a hole in me now_   
_I got a scar I can talk about_   
_She keeps a picture of me in her apartment in the city_   
_But some things in this world_   
_Man, they don't make sense_   
_Some things you don't leave until they leave you_   
_And then the things that you miss, you say_

 The rest of the way to the café, Aubrey had been bugging Chloe about meeting David Guetta, and what she and Beca did specifically during their day together.

Chloe answered the questions simply, whatever happens with her and Beca now, she wanted to just keep between them first. It was like they were truly meeting again for the first time, without the inhibitions and without the shackles of the past. They were getting to know each other again in ways they already did and in ways they haven’t yet.

And she saw how Beca had evolved. It had happened as she would seem so naturally and effortlessly. The true Beca within the alt girl in the combat boots that Chloe had worked hard to uncover came out easily now, from the way she mingled with the people in the club, to how she handled her set, to everything.

_Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone_   
_Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world_   
_Yeah well, maybe, maybe, maybe_   
_You'll find something that's enough to keep you_   
_But if the bright lights don’t receive you_   
_Well, turn yourself around and come on home_

They needed the break and refocus on themselves after the accident. After Chloe let her fears win out the best of her at times, and after she forgot about herself at other times.

And Chloe knew she still cared about Beca too.

Chloe and Aubrey were in for a treat when they stepped into the café, Chloe completely taking her earbuds out now. Beca had been singing with Jon McLaughlin, who was playing the piano. Chloe wouldn’t admit it then, but her heart skipped a beat after hearing Beca sing again.

She hadn’t heard her sing anything for what felt like the longest time.

_Think it over...we could be lovers...again_

She hadn’t heard her sing since her accident.

_And I know I can't live without you now_   
_I'm just looking for what we already found_   
_So maybe I'll say I'm sorry_   
_Save me from the heartache_   
_I know I can't live without you now_

And Chloe couldn’t help but smile.

 

* * *

 

When Beca returned to their table, parting ways with Jon, Chloe and Aubrey had already pulled up a chair for themselves.

“Nice of you two to join us.” Beca commented as she got back on her seat.

“She dragged me here.” Aubrey replied, nodding towards Chloe who quirked an eyebrow at her best friend.

They all enjoyed the rest of their brunch, each talking about the events of the night before. Every now and then, Beca would steal a glance from Chloe who either was listening intently on whatever anyone in their group was saying or was looking away from Beca with a smile.

“Luke, this is a huge thing.” Amy then said. “Really big thing.” she emphasized. “And I would ask either DJ amnesiac here,” she continued saying, nodding at Beca who sat next to Luke, or my tall glass of water best friend here,” this time Amy nodding towards Stacie on her left, “but then they would both fight for the glory of being the one and only. So Luke, as the tie breaker, would you do the honors of being my man of honor?”

Luke started laughing, Kaelyn too who thought it was a joke, but Luke then smiled genuinely back at Amy. “It would be my pleasure.” he then said, accepting Amy’s request.

“Oh boy, I can already imagine the bachelorette party now.” Aubrey commented and Beca couldn’t help but chuckle. She had a feeling that Amy combined with Luke might not be the wisest idea, antics-wise.

They soon finished up and Stacie and Aubrey, promising to meet up again later. Amy asked Beca if she could introduce her to Jon McLaughlin at the other table and Beca obliged, Luke, Kaelyn, and Emily tagging along.

Finally leaving her with Chloe alone.

“So…” Chloe started to say. “How many famous friends do you have?”

“A few.” Beca replied with a smirk.

“Right.” Chloe then said, nodding. “You’ve made quite a life here Beca.”

“It’s okay I guess.” she replied honestly. “It’s pretty great but, it’s not everything.”

“What could you possibly still want?” Chloe then asked, sipping on her coffee.

Beca looked away for a while, somehow trying to find the strength to put into words what she wanted to say.

She wasn’t insane. She wasn’t going to just outright declare her feelings to Chloe after everything that’s happened between them. And besides, Beca knows she’s with someone else now and as much as it sucks, she respects that.

But she wants Chloe in her life again.

“Beca.” Chloe then said, interrupting her thoughts. “I was wondering, if… well, if it wouldn’t be too much, could we sort of somehow find a way to be…” she rambled, and Beca could tell that Chloe was having a hard time putting into words the same things she had wanted to say.

“I’d like that.” Beca then simply said, message received and understood.

And Chloe smiled, released a breath she had been holding, and laughed a little. “Good.” she said simply. “On that note, I wanted to check if you changed your number, or if…”

“I lost my phone here my first few weeks. I tried exploring the city using the subway system and it just fell from my hand while trying to get off the train at my stop during rush hour. So yeah, my number changed but, that’s why.” Beca then said, feeling a little embarrassed at her mishap. She didn’t tell Chloe that the reason she had her phone out was that she had a map of the city pulled out and ready on her phone in case she got lost with her explorations. She was still new to New York then and she didn’t know much of anyone. Fitz was the closest person she knew on some personal level and he was busy, and Kaelyn was still a stranger to her then. She had to be brave in a whole new world to her and she lost her phone in the process. It got replaced the same day, but for a moment there she did have sheer panic.

“So, can I have your number then? We can’t, you know, start, or rebuild, or whatever, a friendship if we don’t stay in touch. You don’t use social media much now too, I’ve noticed.”

“Well I did forget all my passwords. I wasn’t too social media before so I’m guessing that was during my Barden days.” Beca said as she shrugged. “And…” she continued to say, smiling sheepishly at Chloe. “I kind of miscalled my number from your phone last night when I took the picture with David.”

Chloe then chuckled, remembering how she got Beca’s phone number in the first place. It was at a coffee shop a long, long time ago at Barden.

“What? You’re not mad?” Beca asked confused and sounding genuinely concerned. “I’m not starting of this thing on the wrong foot now am I?”

“No. No you’re not.” Chloe said reassuring her, still giggling.

They all spent the rest of the day together. Luke, Kaelyn, Emily, and Amy soon rejoined her and Chloe and they showed Emily around Beca’s work space. They soon met up with Stacie and Aubrey, Bumper and Benji, and some of the remaining Bellas – Flo and Lilly – for dinner somewhere around Chinatown.

And when it was time to say goodbye, Beca decide to not say the words out loud.

Chloe was going back to LA in the morning to come.

And somehow Beca felt that saying goodnight was the safest thing in the world. It held with it a promise of tomorrow, a promise of a new day.

“Goodnight Chloe.” she said in almost a whisper just before parting from the outside of Aubrey and Stacie’s apartment building, the two already safe inside. Luke and Kaelyn waiting for her across the street. Emily had parted ways with Benji, while Amy and Bumper too off on their own. Lilly went straight to the airport for a midnight flight, and Flo went back to her hotel room.

“Goodnight Beca.” Chloe said, doing what Beca hadn’t expected, and pulling her into a hug.

They stayed like that for a while, reveling in her warmth, their hearts finding the same rhythm, once again falling in sync. This time it wasn’t painful, this time it didn’t feel like she was getting torn apart as she finally released Chloe from her own hands.

They were finding their way back to each other, somehow.

And Beca strongly believed that.


	14. Nothing Compares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured are ‘More than this’ by One Direction (probably the one song I really like by them), and ‘Nothing Compares’ by Pixie Lott.

So how did it feel like?

Sweet, sweet release. Of course Luke wished the situation, in regards to Beca, could have been different – if only it could have happened in high school.

But it still felt great nonetheless.

It was the first week of July. Fitz had initiated a company outing of sorts for the fourth of July. Luke was of course there as Beca’s guest, being her step-brother and all, and as Kaelyn’s guest, being her boyfriend and all too. Emily was of course also in attendance.

The day seemed fun and promising. Fitz had welcomed everyone at his Hamptons digs and all seemed well. Beca had mostly been sticking with their group. Sometime around the first round of burgers and hot dogs being served, Fitz had found Beca and they hung out for a while. The same way as they always did in high school.

Luke wasn’t blind. He knew Fitz liked Beca. In truth a lot of the boys and girls, in their school totally did, but none of them, Fitz included, ever seemed deserving. Most never attempted making a pass, either too shy or intimidated by Beca for some reason. The ones who did got shot down very quickly either by Beca’s brutal honesty or her naiveté. Fitz never attempted to make a move though.

Not until now.

Luke watched them like a hawk. He placed an arm around Beca at one point which she casually shrugged off. Fitz didn’t seem to falter though, and sought out Beca’s company whenever he could. Just before the fireworks started, they took a walk by the beach, romantic setting and all and he tried to kiss Beca, who pulled away.

No there wouldn’t have been a problem with that… if Fitz wasn’t drunk.

Because Luke knew, from all the parties in high school they both attended, that Fitz was an ass when he was drunk.

Luke knew, Beca had this. She really wasn’t the type who can’t defend herself. But Luke stepped in nonetheless, being that Fitz was Beca’s boss. When Fitz made a move again, Beca pushed him away and he grabbed her by the arm. Beca’s fist immediately formed a ball – Luke knew what Beca was about to do – and he took that as his cue.

Luke had ran up to the beach, where they had been alone sans Luke himself who was snooping around on them and tapped Fitz lightly on the shoulder. Luke’s fist instantly made contact with Fitz’s face as soon as he turned. Beca looked at him a little shocked and he simply shrugged.

Fitz deserved it, both he and Beca knew that.

They immediately made a run for it afterwards, grabbing Emily and Kaelyn before leaving, Luke didn’t have the patience to deal with drunk rich assholes. Emily being the most responsible of the group – which is saying something really – immediately drove off as Luke and Beca bought her and Kaelyn up to speed.

Luke was partially worried about the fallout, but she knew Beca would be okay. She got into too much trouble in high school that Luke knew she was already forming a plan. She was very much pissed off by the blood sod.

If anything, Fitz the drunken ass usually has no recollection of his stupidity when he’s drunk so Luke was counting on that having not changed at all. If anything they took off because he knew that Beca won’t let this thing cool off easily and she would need time to calm down.

“Ah, guys. Where exactly are we driving off to? Back to the city?” Emily then asked.

Luke then turned to Beca at the back who had then managed to stop yammering on and on about Fitz and his idiocy at Kaelyn.

Beca shook her head. She really didn’t want to go back to a place that Fitz would easily find her.

“I think I have an idea where we could go.” Kaelyn then said, coming up with a solution to their little conundrum.

 

* * *

 

Chloe was thankful she kept her phone on vibrate when she got the call. She was at a fourth of July picnic with Eli in a nearby park with some of their work friends. Stacie and Aubrey were there too, her very special guests. Aubrey thought it only natural that she played host for them after she and Stacie did. The party music was blasting through the air as some guy brought with him a huge boom box.

Chloe immediately excused herself from her friends and walked not too far off to answer her phone.

“Nice of you remember me.” Chloe had said in her usual cheery tone.

“Chloe, I talked to you three days ago.” she heard Beca grumble on the opposite side of the line and Chloe chuckled. The past few months had flown by without Chloe even noticing it. She’d be on the phone with Beca at least once a week and they would just talk.

They talked and talked and talked and talked about everything and anything. About any new song that Chloe liked, about Beca’s celebrity encounters, about Beca’s progress on their show, and just about all the things they’ve talked about dozen times over already when they were still at Barden.

Like it had been five, six years ago again.

Except instead of hanging out at Beca’s dorm room or at the coffee shop at Barden or at their booth at the diner, it was through the phone lines. Although Chloe doesn’t mind. It was bridging the gap that had come to exist between them.

The topic of conversation three days ago was familiar too, Chloe having asking Beca to watch the Hayao Miyazaki film she got her to watch ages ago without telling her that she’s already seen it in the past, just to get Beca back into not hating movies.

Chloe felt happy that way. And she let peaceful for as long as she didn’t let the things she shoved down deep into that box labeled Beca and hid in the deepest recesses of her mind to get out and overwhelm her.

For as long as she focused on being happy as Beca’s friend. Or maybe one day becoming her best friend again.

And for as long as they don’t talk about any of three silently agreed upon taboo topics. Namely, their past relationship, Chloe’s relationship with Eli, and Beca’s relationship, if she did have one with any one at all.

“What’s wrong? Didn’t strain yourself from having too much fun now, did you?” Chloe then asked.

“Ah, no. Maybe Luke would have a different answer considering he just punched the guy he’s been wanting to punch since high school.” Beca replied.

“Explain.” Chloe then said, she was starting to get worried. In the time Chloe has known Luke, she’s never seen him actually punch someone. Sure, shove someone up against the wall, maybe once or twice. Yell at someone and throw all of the insults he knew, quite a few times. But punch someone? That was more Beca’s forte.

“Technically, he punched the guy for me.”

“What guy?” Chloe asked.

“Fitz. The high school friend. The guy who is essentially my boss.” Beca said slowly to let things sink in. “It’s really a long story, he was drunk and being an ass. I don’t want to trouble you with it now.”

“Beca, what did he do?” Chloe demanded, she was feeling a slow anger rise from within her. A part of her wanted to know, because she knew that if Luke punched him, then it was probably bad. There was also a part of her that didn’t, not wanting to imagine the things that might have led to whatever the hell the incident was. She didn’t want to know what Fitz wanted, although it wasn’t really hard to imagine, and she didn’t really want to get up close and personal with whatever his history with Beca might be.

Chloe made a mental note though. _Thank Luke for punching him. Maybe a high five too._

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to him about it when he’s in a better state of mind and when I’m less angry.” Beca then replied.

“Well then that would be when? Next year? You don’t forgive asshats.”

“I don’t. But he _is_ my boss. Hopefully it’s just a big misunderstanding of things.” Beca said sounding like she was deep in thought. She mumbled something under her breath that Chloe couldn’t quite pick up, the noise coming from the party picking up as the fireworks started. Chloe placed on hand on her other hear, to help her focus on whatever Beca was saying. “Talking to you helps though. So maybe I can face him in the coming week without needing to serve him a double.”

Chloe smiled. “Anything for you Beca.” she then said. “But how are you?”

“I’m good. We ditched the party soon after that. You’ll never guess where we all ended up? Poor Ems is so tired, we had her driving around for a while. She’s knocked out cold on the other bed.”

“Other bed? Beca, where are you?”

“Oh, at a hotel. Luke is with Kaelyn in their own room. We’re in New Haven.”

“Connecticut?” Chloe asked with a chuckle.

“Yeah. Kaelyn’s hometown is nearby, we’re stopping for the night before she shows us around during the weekend. Lucky that there were even any spare rooms.” Beca then explained. “Figured a few days away from the hustle and bustle of the city might actually do us all some good. Anyways, just couldn’t sleep so I thought of calling you. Hope that I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Oh no, you’re definitely not.” Chloe immediately replied. “Stacie and Aubrey are happily entertaining themselves at the moment so I’m not really needed.”

“Right.” Beca said tentatively. There was a pause and for a minute she seemed to want to say something else, and Chloe found herself hanging onto every breath she could hear coming from across the line. But then Beca didn’t. She held back. “I should probably try to get some sleep soon.” she eventually settled on. “Goodnight Chloe.”

“Goodnight Beca.” Chloe found herself saying, matching the softness and warmth that was in Beca’s voice when she said it.

Chloe found herself taking a deep breath as she hung up the phone and sighed. She was still partially worried about Beca, the implications of what happened and how it could impact her work. But Chloe knew Beca could handle herself. She handled Tom back then well enough despite her hand ending in a cast. She knew things would work out for the DJ.

She was just glad that the walls she saw Beca built up again after the accident started to disappear. That she was reaching her once more. That she wanted to talk to Chloe about the little incident, talk to her because she couldn’t sleep.

And something about being the last voice Beca heard before drifting off made Chloe happy and content.

  

* * *

 

He was an ass.

And as Fitz said himself, he was a rich charming ass.

It was September. Beca managed to endure a month or two more of working at the New York office wrapping up current projects. For the most part, after their talk, Fitz had managed to avoid Beca while at work. Personal life too.

The weekend at Connecticut was actually quite fun. It was a peaceful time that Beca enjoyed. She couldn’t help but wish Chloe was there too, wondering how Chloe would react to visiting Yale and its glorious campus, or going around the quaint little town where Kaelyn spent her younger years, wondering what life was like in a simple place like it was. She’s been living in LA then New York for quite some time that Beca has forgotten what life was like at a slow pace.

Then of course was the dreaded confrontation with Fitz the week that follow, although it wasn’t much of a confrontation really. Fitz was relatively calm about the whole thing, and contrary to what Luke believed, he remembered. All of it.

Fitz explained that he always had liked Beca since high school. He viewed her aloofness and walls and all as a challenge to get her to fall for him, after all no one could resist his charms. Until Beca, apparently.

“But I do care Beca. I gave you the shot and your dream job hoping it would endear me to you a little, I won’t lie. But the talent is yours. It’s there. It’s like magic really. I saw the potentials and wanted to be of benefit of it too.”

“So what are you saying?” Beca had said through gritted teeth after hearing Fitz’s comment. She highly doubted Fitz cared.

Fitz had shrugged as he leaned on his chair with a knowing smile. “You can’t just quit.” he said simply. “You have a contract with me, tightly iron-clad I’m afraid, that you’ll be working here for a good amount of years. Sure, you can complain I tried to hit on you…”

“You propositioned yourself on me. Forcibly, almost. You were kind of unsteadily standing to begin with.” Beca corrected.

“Right. I’m an ass Beca, but I’m a rich charming ass. Still have a heart though. Point is, no one else saw what exactly happened. I can claim whatever I like and you’ll never get out of your contract.” he had said oh so nonchalantly. “But, believe it or not Mitchell, you are my friend and I want what’s best for you, which of course also coincides what’s best for me. So, before you throw a second punch my direction, here me out. I have a deal with you.” he said with a smile.

“What does this deal entail?” Beca had asked flatly.

“We have a new artist. Really brilliant. You’ll work with said new artist on her first album. All you need to do is finish this project, just the album. No need to be involved with anything else. Finish it and you’re free.”

“I have a feeling there’s a ‘but’ somewhere.” Beca had then said knowingly.

And Fitz had smiled, what came next of course left Beca a little confused and speechless. She really didn’t know how to react to it.

It wasn’t really that bad. But she still wished she punched Fitz on the face for it.

Mostly because she doesn’t know what it all meant. Even Luke was just as puzzled when Beca told her.

That was July. And while Beca never gave an answer, it was obvious it would be a ‘yes’.

But now it was September. Now it was the week of Amy’s wedding and she was in LA, a little early for their celebrations but she needed time before getting all swept up in the insanity that was Amy and Bumper’s wedding. How they planned everything incredibly fast was beyond her. And apparently after the honeymoon, they were moving to LA. They even have a place ready.

So, just like everything else that has happened since the ‘Fitz incident’, Beca was just letting herself flow through the motions of things, her mind still wrapped up on Fitz’s ‘Terms and Conditions’ for her freedom.

Beca’s arms were sprawled on the bar, her head down. This was her surrendering to her Fate, for now at least. Luke was trying to comprehend the absurdity of the situation and figure out just what Fitz was playing at, if he was playing at anything at all or was really just being genuine with the offer. Kaelyn was just huffing in annoyance. And Jesse, good ol’ Jesse Swanson who was finally having a moment once more with his old best friend Beca and her usual company, was just to ecstatic to tell the news that he and his current girlfriend of about a year were moving in together at a new apartment, the only chipper fellow in their group.

“And guess who our neighbor is? It’s none other than Chloe! Just found at this morning.” Jesse beamed. “What on earth is wrong with you three? Aren’t we here for a happy occasion?”

“Fitz.” Luke, Kaelyn, and Beca replied seethingly for different reasons.

Luke mostly because he wanted make sure Beca would be okay and figure out what Fitz’s intentions were.

Kaelyn because she quit her old job, was moving in with Luke, but was still in the process of finding a new one. She didn’t want to work with someone like Fitz ever again. Life was a little hectic right now.

And Beca, well…

Beca huffed and ordered a new round of drinks.

“So I guess you’re moving to our old building then?” Beca then sighed, timidly sipping on her drink.

“Um, no. What didn’t Luke ever tell you? Chloe herself at least? She moved in with Eli months ago.”

Beca almost turned pale. No she did not know that.

She waved at the bartender again, she needed something stronger than just beer.

Maybe a few rounds of shots of whatever their strongest drink was. Her mind wasn’t exactly comprehensible at the moment and she knew it wouldn’t be for a while.

Mostly she wanted to dull the throbbing pain she felt was steadily building in her chest.

Beca glared at Luke to her side, who simply proceeded to quietly empty out his own pint. As much as Beca wanted to be annoyed about not being in the know, she knew Luke and possibly all her so-called friends who knew was just protecting her, sort of.

Of course she wanted to fight for Chloe. At times she felt like she could figure out a way to win her back, perfect or imperfect. Whole or incomplete. She was better now, and she was getting better. No, she can’t remember the past, but she has somehow made her peace with that now.

And of course, there was this rational part inside of her, telling her to focus on rebuilding a solid and stable ground with Chloe, offering her the friendship she knew was the best thing she could offer at the moment.

But Chloe moving in with Eli, doesn’t that mean things were serious?

Beca had been desperately trying to bridge the gap between them. The frequent phone calls that sometimes lasted beyond midnight, at New York at least, the constant messages; that was all she could give.

But that was then and maybe still partly now.

But when Beca’s finally free?

She’s been scrambling on her feet trying to figure out a way to make it back to LA. Because yes, LA was once again a dream. But this time, it was the dream because of Chloe. What she’ll do in LA, Beca was still trying to figure out that part herself. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to work for some other big record company again, just stick with being a DJ for a while, or start up her own label – which, despite her accomplishments in the past year, still sound a bit difficult to achieve at the moment.

Beca needed her in her life, she knew that now. And every decision, every current predicament she’s finding herself in, seems to be moving on the wrong direction. Moving to not being able to close the gap and hold on, but instead moving further apart.

Physically and quite possibly emotionally too.

Would she be okay just being friends with Chloe?

She needed a drink to that.

But first she needed to survive what was coming next.

And to that, she needed about twenty drinks to that.

It wasn’t too bad of a proposition really. But the implications, the distance she would be putting between her and Chloe, and the uncertainty of the future, those were all the things weighing her down at the moment.

And somehow, she couldn’t help but think she’s felt this way before.

Luke and Kaelyn went home an hour later. Beca, on the other hand, wanted to stay a while, her only thought was ‘get drunk enough to forget’.

_Haha, oh the irony that you actually have amnesia…_ Beca then thought to herself.

“That’s it. I’m hauling you back to your hotel room. Which, by the way, why didn’t you just stay over at Luke’?”

“I like my privacy dude. Also, he needs his privacy with my assistant.” Beca pointed out, trying to stand upright as best she could.

“You’re not allowed to get this drunk again, do you hear me, Beca Mitchell?” Jesse continued his lecture as they made their way out the pub. There was a light cool breeze that night, something Beca had strangely enough welcomed. It was a reminder that she could still feel, she was still alive, and that though things weren’t perfect, at least there was that.

Jesse had begun talking about getting Beca back on track with her ‘moviecation’ that got totally derailed since her accident. Beca simply nodded to everything Jesse said. At some points where Jesse seemed to run out of words to say, Beca managed to ask how things were, catch up on what they missed and all as they slowly re-establish their relationship too.

That was one thing Beca found both annoying sometimes as well as rewarding. Getting to know the people she already knew once more.

It was a chore sometimes, especially trying to remember all the trivial details about them.

But it could be magical too sometimes, depends on who it was she was trying to re-get to know.

“Beca Mitchell. Oh my God!” she then heard someone ahead of her excitedly say. Tall guy, arms around a lovely redhead.

Her once upon a time redhead as it so happened.

“Beca?” she heard Chloe’s voice say as Beca was trying to place where they were. Turns out, they ended up passing by Jesse’s apartment building before getting to the busier streets and onwards to Beca’s hotel.

_Nice location_ was the first thing that Beca’s drunken mind processed.

The second was that Chloe seemed to be returning home late from a date with _him_.

Beca’s version of _he-who-must-not-be-named._ Mostly because she didn’t want to acknowledge him.

“I didn’t know you were coming in earlier than expected. You didn’t tell me.” Chloe then said.

Beca shrugged. “Spur of the mo’ kinda’ thing.” she slurred, keeping her eyes on Chloe, her stormy blue ones meeting Chloe’s own ocean blue. Beca wasn’t aware of it, but she loves studying Chloe’s face, etching it in her faulty memory forever. She was mostly ignoring _him._

_Him_ who just had to speak.

“I know we haven’t had the chance to meet personally, the last time I saw you was at the club but we didn’t get the chance to speak. I’m Eli, well, Elias Moore, but Eli for short.” he started saying in a jovial tone, pulling Chloe closer to his own body as he tried to introduce himself s Chloe’s boyfriend.

Beca wasn’t really able to pick up anything he was saying. She was too busy being annoyed by him.

“God, Beca, how drunk are you? You’re slightly tipping over.” Chloe then said, stepping closer and breaking away from Eli’s arms as she tried to hold Beca upright. “Let me help you get back where you’re staying.”

And Beca? She was just mesmerized by the vision of Chloe in front of her. And she was very much ready to do something stupid, maybe as stupid as what she almost did back in New York.

But Jesse seemed to be perceptive of her thoughts and quickly pulled her away before she could even do said stupid thing. “Don’t worry Chlo, I know I had a few drinks but I can take care of our DJ here.” He then said.

And Eli stepped up a little and placed his hands around Chloe yet again. “Yeah, Chlo. It’s late. How would you even get back by yourself? It’s not safe.”

“I can hitch a ride back with Jesse. He’s going back the same place as I would.” Chloe pointed out.

Eli was about to counter Chloe’s argument when Jesse spoke up. His tone a little more serious than friendly. “Don’t worry about it Chlo.” he said, sparing a glance at Eli.

And Beca could only thank the stars that Jesse didn’t seem to be too fond of him either. _Good job at being a best friend there_ , she thought.

Beca was sure she somehow found her way back to where she was staying at after that with Jesse’s help.

She wasn’t’ exactly sure when Jesse left though.

She just woke at some point in the early hours of morning, throbbing headache and all, but she couldn’t help it anymore. Her mind was keeping her awake. A strange feat really. It was close to three in the morning, so she turned to the radio and tuned to the late end of what was Luke’s old shift. Someone else was running it then.

Didn’t matter though. The song was fitting.

_I'm broken, do you hear me?_   
_I'm blinded, 'cause you are everything I see,_   
_I'm dancin' alone, I'm praying,_   
_That your heart will just turn around,_

She was with someone else. And she was moving on. She was continuing to move one.

And Beca knew, she couldn’t stand a minute of it.

_And as I walk up to your door,_   
_My head turns to face the floor,_   
_'Cause I can't look you in the eyes and say,_

She wanted to say, speak out the words she failed to say the last time.

She wanted to ask Chloe to wait for her.

Because this time she knew, she would come back no matter what.

She’ll fight the oceans that kept them apart. The mountains, the forest. The days and nights themselves.

She wouldn’t let _him_ win.

_When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,_   
_It just won't feel right,_   
_'Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,_   
_When he lays you down,_   
_I might just die inside,_   
_It just don't feel right,_   
_'Cause I can love you more than this,_   
_Can love you more than this_

But they were still starting over and Beca struggled to find the balance on what she should do and when.

When was too soon? When was too fast? How would she win Chloe back?

But somehow a thought was echoing in her head. Something about _going at their own pace_.

And some songs on her old lists of mixes too. Answers to questions in her head.

_If I'm louder, would you see me?_   
_Would you lay down_   
_In my arms and rescue me?_   
_'Cause we are the same_   
_You save me,_   
_When you leave it's gone again,_

But then a part of her seemed to think she’s done it before.

She needed to do something else this time.

But would it be fair to do it.

Do it when she’s given again.

London was a new opportunity, a part of Beca knew that. It was a way to expand her contacts and reach, and somehow, she couldn’t help but Fitz had set something in the motion for her.

But Fitz’s deal, to send her to London to work with the new British artist signed to their record label, it was starting to feel like a sentence to exile.

It would be like New York all over again.

Except this time she didn’t want to leave to get her head on straight. She wanted to come home.

_And then I see you on the street,_   
_In his arms, I get weak,_   
_My body fails, I'm on my knees_   
_Prayin'_

And so the words, they threatend to slip more and more.

_Yeah, I've never had the words to say,_   
_But now I'm askin' you to stay_   
_For a little while inside my arms,_   
_And as you close your eyes tonight,_   
_I pray that you will see the light,_   
_That's shining from the stars above,_

All she knew was nothing would be right until she’s fixed things.

Make things back to how tings used to be, or maybe even better.

_When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,_   
_It just won't feel right,_   
_'Cause I can love you more than this,_

Beca started to drift back to sleep. Her thoughts on Chloe.

No she wasn’t going to let Eli win.

Letting him win was like killing herself on the inside.

She needed time and she’s had time now.

She’s also made the realization that she indeed loves Chloe.

Still do, even without the past telling her all the ways that she does.

_When he lays you down,_   
_I might just die inside,_   
_It just don't feel right,_   
_'Cause I can love you more than this,_   
_Can love you more than this_

And for once, since the accident, Beca felt like she could love Chloe again, the way she deserved it.

Or she would at least die trying to prove just that.

* * *

 

Lilly sat by the corner of the lofty living area of the penthouse suite. It was Amy’s bachelorette and they were still waiting for the blonde Australian to arrive and make her grand entrance. Beca was sitting thoughtfully right next to her with Emily, the youngest of their group of Bellas chatting away about college, the new Bellas, sometimes even Benji. By the bar was Cynthia Rose with Jessica and Ashley, already making drinks, and to the other side of the room were Denise and Flo, setting up a few banners and streamers with puns that they thought would be appropriate for the event.

The elevator doors leading straight to the suite had opened to let in Stacie, Aubrey, and Chloe. Lilly noticed Beca instantly perk up, her eyes landing on the redhead who met her with a smile.

“So what was that about the other night?” Chloe asked taking the seat next to Beca.

“What about the other night?” Stacie quickly asked, Aubrey have drifted off to talk to the other Bellas by the bar. Lilly turned her attention to Beca too, showing her interest and concern. Sure she doesn’t say it much, but Lilly does care about the Bellas, and she cares about Beca and Chloe too.

“Well, Beca here was incredibly drunk. I caught Jesse on his way back to the apartment to check you were okay. You ended up ignoring you’re phone for a while.”

“You _caught_ Jesse on his way back? Where? At the hallway?” Stacie asked in a teasing brow, quirking her eyebrows at Chloe, who simply gave Stacie a look top dismiss her insinuations.

“I was avoiding a few calls so I purposefully turned my phone off since landing in LA.” Beca then remarked as if remembering something, phishing for her phone that was essentially dead. “Sorry about that.”

“Is this about Fitz?” Stacie asked unsure. “Seriously, Beca, what happened? You told me something was up but you never explained anything.”

Beca sighed. “It’s nothing, it’s all settled and sorted. Don’t worry about it. Just some drunken mistakes and stupidities.” Beca said, and though she did a masterful job at it unlike how she would have done in the past, Lilly could sense the anger in her tone. Beca was trying to downplay it.

Chloe simply nodded thoughtfully, looking away from Beca who tried changing the subject by asking Stacie if she knew where Amy and Luke were. Luke, being the Man of Honor, promised to bring Amy to the party, promising a spectacular entrance for the bride-to-be and a night to surely remember.

Lilly, of course, would be the true judge of that.

But before Stacie could answer, the lights turned off at the suite, with laser lights shooting out from everywhere. Smoke covered the floor and the elevator door opened. Lilly was quickly trying to figure out who rigged the suite up beforehand – of course she knew the how part already – being ever so slightly impressed before Amy finally appeared.

“What’s up pitches?” she screamed before stepping out of the elevator looking all glammed up, Luke just behind her.

Lilly noticed both Beca and Chloe relax a bit after that and while she wasn’t exactly sure what was going on with this Fitz guy – _side note, investigate Fitz –_ she did know one truth. This was going to be a long night.

 

* * *

 

Beca wasn’t sure how to admit it but she was having fun. Probably the most fun she’s ever had in a while.

Awkward discussions aside, and the idea of forgetting about what she would like to call her ‘exile’, Beca found herself relaxing at the penthouse of the hotel Beca and the Bellas were all staying at for the exclusive bachelorette party. It was her and Luke’s gift to Amy. The only downside to everything was that she wasn’t allowed to DJ that night, so Luke had her mp3 player set-up on some cool beats – Amy wanted her ‘on the front row seats of an epic night with the Bellas’ or so she had promised and claimed. The upside, of course, was that she get to spend the most of her time with the Bellas with Chloe too.

And after the initial weird conversation on Beca’s level of sanity and soberness the other night, she and Chloe resumed their usual conversations, their ‘normal’ ways.

Normal for them at least.

Chloe was the only thing on the forefront of Beca’s mind that night. She was pretty sure there was some chanting about strippers and Amy making it a point to tell everyone that Bumper has made her an honest woman so no strippers.

At some point, Luke – who was the only man present at the bachelorette being Amy’s man of honor – was being hounded by the Bellas to strip. He did honor them by taking off his shirt, “But nothing else is coming off, a’right?” he then said right after.

“I think it’s about time we slipped away don’t you think?” Beca then said just as Ashley was getting the Bellas riled up on some striptease acapella riff-off – _What even on earth was a riff-off?_ – and everyone seemed interested with doing it at their private room. Chloe giggled, gave a nod, and soon they were both off to the elevator, Luke barely managing to slip in.

“What? I’m going home to my girlfriend, who probably hasn’t stopped panicking about her rash life decisions of late, before things get way more out of hand. What’s your excuse?” Luke said with a chuckle.

“Wanted to go get some air before slipping into my own room.” Beca replied with a shrug.

“I’ll probably head on home soon too.” Chloe then said.

“You’re not staying with the Bellas? Wait, then who do I end up entrusting Emily too?” Beca asked, surprised to hear that Chloe would be leaving soon.

“Yeah, Eli wanted to go somewhere early tomorrow before the rehearsal wedding stuff.” Chloe gave as a reply briefly looking away. Not that Beca didn’t look away upon hearing _his_ name. It was the first time Chloe’s boyfriend was ever brought up that night.

“Kinda’ unfair I think.” Luke said under his breath. Beca gave him a look, concerned that Chloe might think he’s taking sides or something but Luke simply shrugged. “Look Chlo, barely even seen you since you started dating him. And I’ve tried to call you up for coffee a few times after my schedule cleared up a bit. Barely talked to you back in New York too, every time I tried he tries to insert himself in the conversation. I just, I don’t know. He sounds like a nice chap but I miss Chloe, my friend, not the package deal. I figure the Bellas too.”

Beca decided to simply listen to what Luke had to say, to which Chloe simply nodded thoughtfully. She didn’t know Luke had that kind of opinion of him, of Eli. From the way he spoke, he seemed mostly just irritated that he keeps popping up, a bit too eager to get to know Chloe’s friends. Really what’s grinding Beca’s gears was that he wanted her home even if it’s late when the night before he was using the reason that it was too late at night for Chloe to help Jesse get her to her hotel room safely. “I guess he really just wanted to meet the people that mattered to me.” she then heard Chloe say.

“Uh-huh.” Luke replied flatly. “Well, just thought it would be nice if all the Bellas spent the most of their time together for this joyous event. I mean we already know Beca’s flaky –“

“Hey!” Beca interjected.

“What? You always find the perfect excuse to leave when you’re done associating with people. It’s true.” Luke said to Beca. The elevator doors opened to the lobby and Luke was the first to step out. “But my point is my point. The Bellas are a family. Just thought you wanted to be complete in all sense of the word for this.” he said, leaving Chloe and Beca speechless for a moment.

The two found their way walking outside of the hotel, into the still busy streets of LA, walking in silence for a while. They didn’t linger too far off and stuck by the area of the hotel and its neighboring hotels. Chloe ordered an Uber, and Beca volunteered to stay with her, make sure she got the details and information of her ride to keep on the safe side too, despite not really wanting Chloe to leave.

“You shouldn’t go home.” Beca then said and Chloe smiled weakly.

“I made a promise Beca.” Chloe replied.

“You mean _he_ made you promise.” Beca grumbled but Chloe let it slide.

“You’re not even going back yourself.” Chloe pointed out instead. The two of them stopping just next to the entrance of the hotel everyone was staying in.

Beca shrugged. “I’m tired. I have a lot on my mind.”

“Like?” Chloe prodded, genuinely curios. She leaned back the stone walls of the exterior of the building, turning to look at Beca who looked pensive at that moment.

In Beca’s defense she wanted to carefully word her reply. She still hasn’t had the chance to tell Chloe much about Fitz’s deal, just the brief explanation that everything was sorted. Even Amy and Stacie didn’t know, just Luke, Kaelyn, and Emily. Jesse was brought to the night before. Chloe had looked at her curiously back then too, as if a question was forming in her mind but she hesitated to ask.

“Fitz.” Beca settled on as an answer.

To which Chloe replied, “Oh.” her eyes drifting away from Beca’s and falling on the ground. “Well, I suppose if everything’s been sorted…” she started to say as an aside.

“Huh?” Beca asked, looking at Chloe, confused by her reaction. She was expecting Chloe to ask something about Fitz, not be so… accepting.

Chloe took a deep breath and kept her eyes on the ground. “He did offer you your dream job Beca, and he knew you from high school. You’re only friend in high school or something…”

“Are you connecting the dots that Fitz, strangely enough, is into me?” Beca then asked.

“Yes, Beca. Isn’t it your little dilemma? Dating your boss? Potentially, I mean. Or something like that. You said he was drunk and being an ass, I don’t exactly know the context and you keep saying everything’s fine now too, it’s not like we talk about it or… anyways, I’m guessing he really likes you a lot and if everything’s fine then you’d have forgiven him or something, and that means a lot from you.” Chloe rambled on, her breath a little ragged as she spoke, trying to keep her tone from rising. She took a deep breath, “I mean, even if it’s not Fitz – I mean, is he jealous of someone you’re with? – I know at some point you’d want to mo- “

“No.” Beca said in a whisper, cutting Chloe’s nonsensical ramblings. “No.” she repeated, sounding more resolute.

“No?” Chloe asked, unsure what she meant. She finally tore her eyes off the ground and focused them back on Beca. “Are you telling me that you…? With anyone else? Or just Fitz? Sorry, I know it’s not my place to ask if you have anyone special or anything.” she rambled on, and Beca noticed that she was trying to control her breathing, trying to keep calm.

“No as in no, plain and simple. Chloe, if I didn’t have space for _you_ in my life because of my messed up mind, what makes you think I’d have room for anyone else? Fitz, especially.” Beca said slowly, understanding the words that left her lips just as she said them. She did her best to keep her eyes on Chloe, anticipating the moment the redhead eventually looks up. “I-I…” Beca started to continue when Chloe wouldn’t budge, her red hair cascading down her shoulders, caressing her cheeks and hiding away her eyes from Beca.

“Chloe,” Beca said a little firmly after pausing for a while, and Chloe finally decided to slowly look up. Beca gulped and she wasn’t sure where it was coming from but she found the strength to let the words slip and continue on. “I didn’t let you go because I stopped caring about you, Chloe. I didn’t let you go because I didn’t love you anymore just because I forgot who you were. It’s because I know that I was killing your dream, killing your life just to accommodate mine. You were giving up too much of yourself and that wasn’t right. I needed to leave and get my head on straight and you needed time to breathe on your own too. I know I hurt you, and believe me when I say that not a single day passes by when I don’t think about it or blame myself, but I know I would’ve hurt you more if I stayed. We’d keep hurting each other until there was nothing left. And I didn’t want that. And I didn’t want you to wait forever, in case fixing me, in case finding myself, took longer than forever. I didn’t want to put your life on hold just because of me. That was the only reason, but it was enough of a reason then.” Beca managed to say without mumbling, or rambling, or tripping on her words.

Chloe looked at her with glassy eyes. “Beca… I… what are you trying to say?” she asked in a whisper.

“I…” Beca started as her reply, not quite sure herself. “I don’t know Chloe.” she confessed and Chloe smiled lightly.

Soon Beca found herself transfixed on that one moment, Chloe leaning in ever so slowly, before gracefully closing the distance between them, her hands finding its way around Beca’s neck.

Beca felt the push and pull in her heart, the feeling of both flying and falling at the same time, drowning and breathing all at once. Something inside of her igniting sparks.

A countdown quickly began and ended in her mind, she barely even noticed, but she could hear the word ‘one’ lingering around in her thoughts.

_We missed ‘one’._ It went on and on repeatedly.

And as soon as Chloe had pressed her lips on her skin, everything disappeared.

Beca would have been slightly disappointed that Chloe’s lips didn’t meet hers and instead landed on her forehead, but for that moment she wasn’t on the streets of LA, outside of some hotel, waiting with Chloe for her ride.

But… she knew her eyes were open but the world around her had disappeared, it had transformed. Blue, purple, red, orange. The colors kept on changing, illuminating Chloe’s features and the outlines of a room bathed in nothing but the bright pallet of colors coming from outside. The sound of fireworks from the distance. From where she was she could see two beds, two desks; a room with a reasonable space. And she could feel her heart quickening in its pace, her cheeks burning a bright red. When Chloe pulled away, she could see her clearly in that room with her, leaving Beca speechless. Completely breathless even.

It was like she was seeing Chloe again for the first time.

A car pulled over and Chloe knew it was time to go, she said goodnight to Beca despite already being past midnight and walked away.

Taking away with it the surreal vision of the room long gone. Once more Beca was in LA, watching Chloe leave with her hand trembling as she found the spot where Chloe’s lips were on barely seconds ago.

* * *

  

“Can’t I ask for them to get back together as a wedding present instead?” Amy asked wistfully, leaning at the wall of the hotel exterior opposite where Beca and Chloe had been standing moments earlier. The hotel was at the corner of the street, hence the Bellas using it as an advantage to conceal themselves. Of course as soon as Beca and Chloe disappeared, the girls followed suite. Luke’s advice of where they could be turning out to be actually very helpful. Best. Man. Of. Honor. Ever.

Ashley passed back a pair of binoculars to Jessica, “But that forehead kiss has to count, right?” she asked and Jessica gave her a tentative smile.

“It could. Who knows?” Jessica replied.

“I really have no idea how you all managed to drag me here to spy on my best friend.” Aubrey complained.

And Stacie gave her a kiss on Aubrey’s cheeks to placate her. “You know how we're just so concerned about them. Besides, you were complaining about the strip riff-off.”

“Don’t try to justify this by telling me I just chose between the lesser of two evils.” Aubrey grumbled but nevertheless relented with her complaints.

“I wonder what they said to each other though.” Denise then said.

“That’s between them and should rightfully remain so.” Cynthia Rose replied.

Flo nodded. “But it looks like they’re getting back to a good place.” she said just as Lilly came back from wherever she disappeared too, quickly hiding wires and whatnots under her own clothes.

“Do you think… do you think they still love each other?” Emily quietly asked. “That they’ll find their way back to each other? Sometimes I think it’s just wishful thinking, but I still see it, in the way they are around each other. In every way they are around each other.”

“Trust me Legacy, I’ve been resisting the urge to just push them back together. Only time would tell, but I think, no matter how long it takes, those two are made for each other.” Aubrey replied and Emily smiled.

“I still say the frying pan plan might have been a good idea.” Amy then said as they made their way back inside.

To which Stacie sighed, “That wouldn’t have worked. Best case scenario is that you give Beca a concussion.”

“Worst case is she might end up losing _all_ her memories, and we’re back to a different square one.” Flo seconded as they rushed through the lobby trying to catch the closing elevator doors going up.

Only to reveal Beca inside.

The Bellas smiled at her a little too innocently and Amy could tell that Beca was suspicious.

“Should I even ask?” Beca asked as they all filed in the elevator.

To which the Bellas chorused with a “No”.

* * *

 

It was quite a night.

A wonderful night.

Chloe crashed down on the sofa, after finding her way back home from Amy’s party. It was around one in the morning, and Chloe had guessed that Eli was probably sound asleep in their room already and she didn’t want to bother him.

So sofa it is.

Besides, she didn’t really feel like sharing any space with him for the moment. She just wanted to close her eyes and focus on the fleeting moments she had spent with Beca that night.

Beca who was becoming more and more like the Beca she knew.

While they did spend the night with all the Bellas, Chloe noticed she spent the night with Beca the most, filled with private conversations by the fully stocked mini-bar of the suite, refilling their respective drinks, and sometimes even after they’ve had it they would linger on still.

Like they were stealing these quite moments to be alone together, away from the world they know, away from life and their realities.

And somehow Chloe was back in Barden, at Beca’s dorm room, at the quad and under the shade of a tree, at their booth at the diner, at the coffee shop they loved, in Chloe’s room, at the DJ booth of the radio station…

…once again stealing away moments to be just themselves despite the crazy hectic expectations that were demanded of them.

Quiet moments to just be Chloe and Beca.

Chloe stood up and tuned to the radio. On the airwaves was a different Midnight DJ, but her thoughts were on _hers_. Her right hand covered her lips as she closed her eyes.

She was going, going, and gone… traveling through her thoughts

_Walking down Brick Lane, feeling blue._   
_Winds blowing lightly and I picture you._   
_Sweet Sunday morning, with nothing to do._   
_Love is like a dream, when it's just me and you._

Somehow Chloe could imagine it clearly, Beca being in a DJ booth playing the song hoping to reach her with its words, with its steady rhythm.

It felt like the realest truest thing to Chloe at the moment.

_Open my window, sing me a song._   
_Baby can't you see that this is where I belong_   
_With your hand in my hand, still feel, feel the love_   
_Really wish that we could go back to the way that it was._

As real and true as the fact that she knew she nearly did it, the temptation never being as strong as the moment she let it slip. She knew it wouldn’t be right, steal a kiss on Beca’s lips. But she had to, she had to find a way to make Beca feel, let her know the quiet murmurs echoing deep within her heart. It was a moment of weakness, she had been so resolute with her decision of letting Beca go and move on.

But, for once, Chloe was at the very least starting to realize that perhaps she hasn’t really been going anywhere far from Beca. No, in fact she was going back to her. And it was back then, when she was blindly holding onto whatever was left that she could salvage, that she had been the farthest away from her.

She knew, a part of her did, what those quite murmurs were.

But Chloe was still afraid to admit it.

For now, only time would tell.

 

* * *

 

Beca buried her face on the pillow, not quite as drunk as she wished she would be anymore. She told herself to be aware, to be sure that she’d stay somewhat sober enough the whole night through and not to do anything stupid with Chloe.

But it was a futile attempt.

No, nothing stupid ever did happened. Just that for once in her life her words didn’t fail her and she had to go spewing all that nonsense to Chloe.

_Nonsensical truths though, you know that Mitchell_ , Beca told herself.

Because they were like magnets of opposite poles, forcing their way through whatever obstacle they had between them.

Beca turned to the radio clock, she was doing her best to clear her thoughts and process everything that had just happened before she and Chloe parted ways.

She closed her eyes and wondered, they were sharing the same night’s sky once again, would they be sharing the same song now? Would Chloe be listening to the radio, thinking of her? Or…

No, Beca wouldn’t allow her think of the alternative.

And what was that even? The thoughts that popped into her head, when Chloe’s lips touched her skin.

_I'm running fast, as fast as I can,_   
_To get you back, just to get you back again._   
_I cannot wait, I cannot wait, if we can be, we can be us again._   
_I cry at night, cry at night,_   
_I'll cry for all the words, all the words I didn't say._   
_Sweet Sundays, sweet Sundays._

Too many thoughts, too many emotions.

She really didn’t know what to think.

Just that she’s never felt more at peace since her accident, not until that moment they shared.

And what was that look in Chloe’s eyes?

What did she even mean when she asked about Beca moving on with anyone else? With Fitz even? Why would she even ask that?

She couldn’t have anyone then, she didn’t want to be when she felt so broken herself, when she felt so stuck in where she was.

And even now that she could move again, now that she was mending, she couldn’t allow anyone else in her life.

No one could ever compare, compete, or come close to how Chloe fits with her.

_They say if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger._   
_Oh, but I can't be without you any longer._   
_Every time I let it go, baby it's you._   
_Nothing compares to you._   
_Nothing compares to you._

Beca closed her eyes her thoughts drifting off to sleep.

And somehow she found herself in that room, replaying images of a moment frozen in time.

There she was, amnesiac Beca Mitchell, unknowingly reliving the past to help her reach her future. All while she dreamt of Chloe sleeping in her arms, of the pale moonlight etching the details of a past life onto the blank pages of her mind.


	15. A Moment of Silence and Some Clarity

It was all a shimmering shining moment. And if this was just the rehearsal dinner, then Luke was looking forward to the actual wedding reception.

All the worries of the past weeks had been slowly disappeared. Sure, there were some shenanigans between the bride and groom themselves earlier during the day when they were going over the details of their actual wedding with the rehearsal. Somehow, things felt like they were supposed to be, with only the Bellas and the handful of Trebles that still acknowledge Bumper’s existence – some of them were still really pissed off from him leaving just before his last go at Nationals with the Trebles – that it felt like the good old days again. Luke had to admit, the past year or two was mostly spent about reminiscing about the days gone by.

No expense was being spared by both Bumper and Amy, having a closed section of one of the hottest restaurants in LA at the moment solely for their group. Amy was having fun for a moment teasing Emily about Benji with Bumper jumping on their whole relationship train, giving relationship advice that Stacie was immediately shutting down in Benji’s behalf… for Emily’s sake…

Luke spared a glance at Beca on the opposite side of their table, she was having a conversation with Flo now. Earlier that day, she was making more and more of an effort of reaching out to the Bellas, getting her footing back how things were with the other relationships she’s built in the past and Luke smiled contentedly to himself. Sure, she was acting a little funny around Chloe the whole night through too, but then again, when did Beca ever not act awkward and funny around Chloe when her thoughts are filled with her? Whatever it was, Luke could only hope and assume it was a good thing, she was like that before when she was working it out on herself that she had feelings for Chloe, and when she was plotting and scheming her whole grand proposal with him. Heck, Beca was a nervous wreck just telling Luke that Chloe was ‘the one’ and she rambled on and on about how she wanted to marry the girl. Things unfolded quite differently from what Luke expected but he strongly had faith that those plans were only derailed. Beca was making progress. Sure, it was at a painstakingly slow rate but progress nonetheless.

And though there were still so much to fight for, so much to go through and face, Luke thought to himself about these little moments they’ve been enjoying, the past moments they’ve enjoyed in the past too.

It was then that Luke seized the moment with a smile on his face. Life isn’t perfect, it gets all murky and muddled up. What was the saying again, ‘Misery starts from apparent happiness’?

But happiness nonetheless.

And with the forever fleeting moments of life, Luke knew he shouldn’t waste them.

He stood up and cleared his throat, raising a glass. “I know, I know, I’m the Man of Honor, not the best man, and the best man’s usually the one who does the toast during the reception, but, what’s a little tradition breaking for us ragtag group of people now?” Luke started and the group of Trebles along with some of the Bellas cheered him on. “We haven’t exactly followed tradition, and for one thing, the courtship, so to speak, between our happy couple now is nothing short of what we’re all accustomed to with the love stories we read about and see and watch. And to that I say, screw tradition, screw the movies, and the books. We are real, we are alive, and Amy and Bumper’s rather bumpy ride to get to where they wanted to be is their love story. Bear traps, lake serenades, and camp fire realizations – apparently, I just heard the stories folks – oh, and the whole sneaking out at night to get together aside, we’re here to celebrate the love shared between two of our friends. And while I’m not exactly Bumper’s number one fan, I am Amy’s, and I see the happiness you both share. If anything, it makes me have faith in love and how it would win out in the end.” he continued, casting his eyes down for a brief moment as if to search for the right words from somewhere on the plates and dishes and napkins on the table. Luke chuckled as more memories of the past came rushing to his mind. He looks up briefly to see Beca smiling back at him too, a slightly nervous smile but the smile was there nonetheless and for a while he knew they were having a brief silent conversation of their own. “So, to Amy and Bumper.” he said, raising his glass a little higher, “May you not hurt yourselves when you inevitably break the bed on your honeymoon.”

And soon the whole room erupted in a mix of laughter and applause, Amy throwing Bumper a wink.

* * *

 

Beca spent the whole morning in a daze, a dream keeping her all rattled and unnerved. A dream had haunted her all night through, what with the words she let slip with Chloe and with things going on with her life, her heart, and her mind… everything was all starting to get mixed up in the jumbled mess of her thoughts.

But that dream, that dream was clarity.

That dream of what Beca could only guess was supposed to be some New Year’s Eve. A dream that Beca decided to dissect into its tiniest details, spending most of her morning on dream interpretation and symbolisms.

But it was quite direct if Beca was being honest.

Chloe said something about missing ‘one’ and Beca assumed it was something about the countdown to New Year’s.

Then Chloe kissed her, like she did that night, the redhead’s lips gently pressing on her forehead.

Beca kept replaying the dream on and on and on in her head the whole day through, only to find herself wondering, with each run-in with Chloe the whole day through, if that dream wasn’t a dream…

…if it was actually real.

But what on earth would that even mean? Was she remembering? Or did she just remember that one thing?

What if at the end of the day, she was actually just dreaming?

She wanted to ask Luke the whole day, she’s actually been dying too. But she couldn’t, Luke was a little busy being the Man of Honor and all.

And she would ask Chloe, but…

…but that would just open a whole can of worms on its own and truth be told, she didn’t want to build Chloe’s hopes up of remembering anything, if she was actually remembering something, when in the end she wasn’t sure if she’ll remember other things at all.

So Beca decided to get a little creative, talking to the Bellas, finding the ones she knew she could trust the most with slyly asking about what her dorm room at Barden looked like, if they knew. Stacie and Amy would be the best choice but they would be on high alert on things like this, or so Beca thought, and again, she didn’t want to build false hopes. Emily was just easily excitable too.

Beca managed to talk to Denise and saw her opportunity when she had opened up the topic and retold the story of waiting on Beca after she was arrested her freshman year. So she asked Denise to draw her room, asking details about it, saying she wanted to try and imagine how that went. But… well… let’s just say Denise wasn’t exactly an artist with a pen and a paper.

Flo was her next hope, but Flo never saw Beca’s dorm room.

Beca was cut short of her slow progress and she was about to decide on whether asking Aubrey for anything for this would be the best option for her or try out her luck with Lilly when Luke got up and gave her speech.

Convincing Beca that somehow it didn’t matter if it was a dream or if it was real. The kiss on the forehead the night before still happened, and still meant something. It must have meant something, it did to her and she refused to believe that it meant nothing for Chloe.

Lilly sat down next to Beca when the whole group erupted in applause and cheers with Luke’s little speech. “If I asked you to draw my dorm room from Barden with no apparent reason, would you?” she asked Lilly with a flat tone, almost giving up with the thought of figuring things out herself on a subtle note. She was thankful that the noise coming from their group pretty much drowned out her request that Lilly possibly didn’t understand anyways but Beca was surprised when the other girl pulled out a pen and grabbed a napkin.

In a matter of thirty seconds she had the most amazing quick napkin sketch of her life. Lilly had done it. In amazing detail too.

And Beca starred at the piece of paper thin material in front of her in awe. It was there, all in perfect detail, from the bed, her desk and mixing equipment, everything.

Who knew Lilly was quite the all-around artists?

But that was beside the point.

Her dreams, the setting and place of that quick view she had when Chloe kissed her on the forehead, the place that replaced the busy streets of LA when her visions blurred and her heart started skipping a few beats, it was all there in its miniaturized glory. On that one piece of napkin that Lilly had handed to her.

And Lilly couldn’t possibly be a mind-reader to guess what she saw in her head.

“Thank you.” Beca said almost breathlessly, still in awe as she gingerly folded the piece of napkin and kept in her pocket. It was the only piece of her past she could truly hold onto at the moment.

Lilly simply smiled and nodded, Beca thankful that Lilly didn’t ask her why she made her request.

Beca took the ongoing commotion to quietly slip away for a minute or two and take a breather, escaping to the stalls of the nearby restroom and getting her breathing under control. She was highly overwhelmed.

It was just one memory. One against possibly hundreds of quiet moments all thrown away thanks to that fraction of a second when things started to all go wrong.

One memory returning to her against years’ worth of things forgotten.

But that one memory…

…it was keeping her hopes alive.

And for the first time in months, Beca didn’t think about the future ahead of her. She was focused on paving the path to it in the present. And she was focused to that piece of the past she had retrieved after eluding her for so long.

It was a tiny victory on her way back to where she knew she belonged.

* * *

 

Cynthia Rose found herself alone in the restroom, taking a break from all the momentum that Luke has started with his little speech. Bumper begun singing the opening lines of ‘All of Me’ and of course the Trebles were quick to back him up as they serenaded Amy. The Bellas thought it was a nice touch, an act now fully reciprocated from when Amy sang to him, especially when the Trebles slowly fading in the background as Bumper’s serenade turned into a duet.

At first Cynthia Rose thought she was alone so she was a little surprised to hear someone else heaving a heavy sigh with a rather shaky breath. As if someone was crying? Or trying to fight back the tears?

“Is anyone here?” Cynthia Rose asked and after a minute or so she got a reply from the last stall from the entrance to restroom.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.” Beca said, stepping out.

Cynthia Rose looked at the DJ, studying her face carefully to be sure not to miss a single beat of what could be bothering her. There was a thoughtful look in Beca’s eyes, a weak and rather bittersweet smile on her lips. “Are you okay shorty?”

Beca looked up and shrugged. “Yeah, lot of things in my mind right now is all.”

Cynthia Rose nodded thoughtfully. “You know, the offer still stands. If you want to talk about anything… I’m here to listen.”

“I know.” Beca said, that bittersweet smile still on her face. “Thank you, by the way. I feel like you’ve all been extra patient you’ve all been with me.”

“I don’t know if we’ve said this enough times, or if you’ve ever gotten tired of hearing it, but once a Bellas, always a Bella. And you are a Bella, Beca Mitchell. We’ll always be here to stick it through the worst of storms with you. But, you know, sometimes it does help to talk it out you know, whatever is on your mind.”

“It’s just work, and stuff.” Beca shrugged off, she seemed a little hesitant and shy to open up about it, Cynthia Rose could tell. It was all in her ‘Beca’ ways, like how she mumbles towards the end of something she was saying, trying to shrug it off and leave it be. Then Beca would quirk her mouth to one side, she’ll shrug lightly and quickly away.

“Work stuff?” Cynthia Rose repeated, trying to quickly analyze the situation. In her years of knowing all the Bellas she had quietly mastered the ways of trying to figure out what was going on in the back of their minds, getting to know all their quirks and what they meant, defining the various versions of ‘fine’ with how each one of them say it and at what times. “Somehow I had the feeling that it was also related to a certain redhead, maybe I was wrong.”

Beca looked at Cynthia Rose curiously. “How’d you know?” she asked quietly. “Luke’s always been the only one who could read me, Emily sometimes. But those two, they’ve mastered the art that is ‘being Beca Mitchell’s family’. For that matter, I’m still trying to figure out how Amy or Stacie seem to guess what I need and when or say what I need to hear at what moment.”

“Yeah, Amy and Stacie are on a whole other level I’m afraid. You shared a room with Amy and Stacie almost always crashed if I’m not mistaken, so their skills are a little more refined than mine. But, when it comes to Chloe and anything related to it, all the Bellas can pretty much tell. When you’re thinking about her or when something reminds you of her. You have a tendency to smile a little to yourself, be happy or bittersweet, and you blush a little. And if something _is_ about Chloe or Chloe related in some ways, you mumble more and fidget a lot. I think, for as far as Chloe’s concerned, the only person you can talk to about her with a straight-face and perfectly cool temperament is Aubrey.”

“Huh.” Beca let out sounding a little more thoughtful. “I never noticed.”

Cynthia Rose shrugged. “So what about Red?”

Beca took a deep breath. “It’s just… things are nice between us now and I… See, it’s…” she started to articulate, falling short with her words each time.

“Do you, uh, do you still have feelings for Chloe? Did it sort of come back?” Cynthia Rose asked, trying to put into words what she thought Beca was struggling to say.

“I don’t think it ever went away.” Beca admitted almost breathlessly, helplessly, as she looked up to meet Cynthia Rose’s big brown eyes. “And, nothing is perfect, or as it should be. I know Chloe’s… and I have things with my stupid work and my stupid boss trying to manipulate a situation… I’m trying so hard to find my way back or build something new with her, whatever it is we end up building but I feel like everything around us is trying to pull us apart.” she continued, the words coming easily now. “And I… well, I think no one ever knows what to do. I want to fight for her. Do you know what I mean? I just, I know I probably don’t deserve her, I probably still can’t love her the way I loved her before, but…” Beca went on, her left hand instinctively clutching something inside her pocket, “But I want all that we still stand a chance of having. Not a perfect love story, I never really believed in those. I want _our_ story. I just don’t know if it’s even the right thing to do, given the situation now, or the things that may come.”

“Love isn’t something you overthink Beca, it’s something you feel.” Cynthia Rose said. “You actually said that to me once. I was asking for any song advice on something I was putting together for Denise for Valentine’s Day during our time at Barden. You said base my song choices on what makes me feel all the things that she makes me feel. Honest and good advice.” she continued saying, remembering the rare occasion when Cynthia Rose found herself standing outside the DJ booth of the radio station at Barden, talking to Beca while Jesse kept interrupting with his own romantic notions. Those days were long gone and yet somehow, it felt like it had just happened mere moments ago to Cynthia Rose. She smiled when she looked at Beca who looked like she was deep in thought, as if something had struck a chord within the DJ with the things she was saying.

“So let me tell you that now.” Cynthia Rose said picking up where she left off. “Good and bad, right or wrong, people make mistakes. At the end of the day, so long as you don’t ruin someone’s life or do something terrible you can’t undo, you should do what makes you happy and follow your heart. No matter what stands in your way shorty. Stop thinking, and stop thinking about wanting to have things happen now. It will all come. When it’s time.”  

Beca nodded and the two of them proceeded to make their way back at the party that was slowly reaching its end. Beca’s eyes shined with new life as she looked at the closed portion of the restaurant only open to them, her eyes landing undoubtedly on Chloe. She took a deep breath and as she slowly released it, Cynthia Rose could tell that her mood had turned lighter, becoming more and more hopeful. Like the proverbial weight of her shoulders have been lifted, if not completely, a good chunk of it for sure.

“You know what, I think you’re right.” Beca then said.

And Cynthia Rose couldn’t help but somehow feel proud.

 

* * *

 

Beca had gone and disappeared from the room for a while, and Chloe wasn’t sure if she had already left or only slipped out for the moment. If she had gone back to her hotel and left, then Chloe was definitely a little disappointed she didn’t even bid goodbye.

Or goodnight at least. Because that seemed to be all they could say to each other before parting ways.

Chloe had to admit, her thoughts were still on the kiss she had left on Beca’s forehead the other night. It didn’t necessarily need to mean anything, and it shouldn’t. But Chloe could feel it.

She could feel it deep within her bones, deep within the swirling feelings at the pit of her stomach.

Beca had broken her heart, she did because at the time it was the only way the DJ thought they could move forward. But scars heal and even broken bones mend.

And what did those words mean? The words that had so easily slipped between Beca’s lips.

What do they carry?

Chloe felt like her head was spinning, and for some reason she couldn’t quite understand, she couldn’t put a stop to the rush of feelings that rise up from within her every time she bumped into Beca that day.

And even all night long, their briefest of interactions seemed to reduce Beca into a nervous wreck while Chloe knew that it had brought her back to place that she never thought she would ever find herself in again.

A place she left behind at Barden.

Because once again, Chloe could see the signs. Once again, she was getting to know Beca.

And once again, Chloe was falling, falling, falling…

…even more helplessly than before.

And that in itself was complicated enough for her. She was crushed when Beca left, and yet she finds herself easily falling back in love with the same Beca she fell in love with before.

And the DJ doesn’t even know it.

To make matters worse there was Eli.

It’s not like she didn’t care about him, and quite honestly it would be easier if she was dating Tom again. But the thing is, Eli and her, they were friends too. That’s how it started in the first place. Chloe found herself alone in LA, and though she had friends at her workplace she didn’t quite find anyone like Eli. Sure, they moved a bit fast once they finally started dating, with Chloe’s initial hesitance at giving moving on a try, but…

…it was like he knew all the right words to say, the right things to do.

And Chloe knew, Aubrey was right.

He wasn’t Beca.

And she could probably fall in love with him, really fall in love with him, if her heart wasn’t Beca’s to hold.

If the DJ didn’t take it away with her.

_What are you even thinking, Beale?_ she asked herself as she took a sip of her drink, her eyes were now scanning the room for Aubrey. She really needs to talk to someone about all of this. Luke’s words were getting to her and she was starting to imagine a world with Beca again. A world where they were more than just friends. Where they could be…

…but…

…Beca, once again, represented an uncertainty. Chloe wasn’t sure just exactly what the she felt for her. But Eli, she was safety, something stable and sure.

Most of all, Chloe wasn’t sure if it was all just wishful thinking in her head, the possibility she was with Beca. And Chloe most definitely didn’t want Beca to feel like she needed to fit into being the version of herself that Chloe had a relationship with. She was getting back on her own feet, her own stable ground, slowly building a life for her, the one she wanted.

They said if you love something set it free, and if it comes back then it’s yours...

And Chloe couldn’t help but wonder if this is what all of this was about.

The wedding was tomorrow, the guests were all starting to leave. Sooner than later she knew she should make her way home too. She went around the room, gave Amy the biggest hug of her life, and started to bid her goodbyes to the Bellas. Chloe was still keeping an eye out for Beca and an eye on Aubrey who was with Stacie and Luke. Maybe talking to her sooner than later was the best idea to have.

Chloe decided to head outside and wait for Aubrey there when she ran into Beca. She was parting ways with Cynthia Rose. Beca looked up and smiled, a little less awkward from how she was the whole day and a little more comfortable with things.

“I was just looking for you.” they chorused and Beca let out a chuckled while Chloe brought a hand up to her face to cover it as she laughed nervously.

“I think we need to talk.” Beca said.

“That’s never a good conversation starter, Mitchell.” Chloe replied.

“Right.” Beca then said, her eyes widening upon realizing what Chloe meant. “But I think it’s long overdue? Like, I know we talk lot, and I know we’ve talked, somewhat. But I think there are still some things we need to talk about.” Beca rambled a bit.

“Yeah, I think we do.” Chloe agreed with all honesty. “But not tonight.”

“Agreed.” Beca then said. “I kind of also wanted to sort a few things in my headspace before.”

“Definitely. I mean, same for me.”

“Before I leave?” Beca then asked and Chloe nodded.

Beca smiled and looked up just in time to see Luke, Stacie, and Aubrey passing them by. Chloe noticed Beca, instantly reaching for Luke as she herself reached out for Aubrey.

Looks like they needed to talk to their number one confidantes.

“Looks like I’ll be checking on Amy then, make sure she makes it through her solitary night alone before the wedding.” Stacie then said just as Luke and Beca left. Beca was muttering something to her step-brother when she slipped a quick goodnight to Chloe, leaving her with Aubrey and Stacie alone.

“Sorry. Just really need to talk with this one.” Chloe then said.

“Oh, you’ll be able to talk a whole lot more with this one when we do move to LA. It’s in the plans now that Stacie’s adviser is moving universities and he seemed to be bringing his whole lab with him.”

Stacie shrugged. “It’s hard to find new students as good as us. I’ll see you lovely ladies tomorrow.” she said with a wink before turning around to leave.

“This is about Mitchell, isn’t it?” Aubrey asked as soon as Stacie was gone and Chloe smiled an innocent looking smile. “Guess we’re slowly getting back to our old ways then.” Aubrey muttered and for Chloe couldn’t help but laugh at how true it sounded, forgetting her worries for a short while.


	16. A Song You Might Hear in a Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured are ‘A Song You Might Hear in a Wedding’ and ‘Before You’ by Jon McLaughlin.

“Yep, so back to the square one. Totally called it.” Aubrey huffed as she laid down next to Chloe, the redhead was clutching a spare pillow closely to her chest, like she was holding on to it for dear life. It was a little bit funny, comical almost. But Aubrey fought off the building laughter. They were talking about serious matters. They were in her hotel room, Stacie still currently displaced elsewhere. This was a private heart-to-heart talk between the best of best friends. And her best friend had just unloaded her mind.

“What do you mean square one?” Chloe then asked, raising an eyebrow at Aubrey’s direction.

“Square one means you’re pining away for Beca, whether you want to admit it or not. Square one is we’re back at a place where you’re trying to figure out if she feels anything at all for you. I think the only difference now is that you actually care a lot for Eli. And I get it, you know, people are hardwired for that need to be happy and you can’t be broken and sad forever. It _is_ okay Chloe, I know you’re human. You want to choose whatever makes you happy and Beca broke your heart already, despite it stemming from a difficult situation. 

Chloe pouted. “I know what you’re trying to say Bree, but it’s not helping me at all.”

“Do you love Eli?” Aubrey then asked. It was the simplest way of getting to the bottom of this.

And she was once again met with silence from Chloe followed by a deep sigh. “Eli is, well, Eli.”

“Exactly. Look, I’m not questioning you love him some way. There are many types of love. Platonic for one thing. You trust him. And let’s be real, you know he’ll never break your heart because it’s not his to break.” Aubrey then said, looking at Chloe who was burying her head in the pillow as Aubrey spoke. She was acting like a child waiting to be told what the solution is and what she should do, getting frustrated that Aubrey can’t exactly do that. “It’s been tough Chloe, and I honestly don’t have the right answer you’re looking for. Pretty sure I never will. I can’t tell you to get back to Beca or stick with Eli, mostly because I can’t force you to feel what you don’t feel, I can’t force you to do something you’re not sure of doing. In the end, you’re the only who knows what’s best for you. But I can tell you what I see.”

“And what is that?”

“Chloe,” Aubrey started, turning to face Chloe on the bed. “Some people, they choose what’s easy instead of what’s hard. Some people, they meet the love of their life and let it go and slip away, live out their great love affair and move on to something more quiet, simple. They settle for what seem to be the most logical option. Why? Because it hurts less. It’s easier. They find more happy memories based on those picture perfect moments that society things should be part of the definition of how to be happy. And some? Well, they hang in there. They bear all the hurt and all the pain for that one minute of just pure bliss with the person they love. Now some people, they spend the rest of their lives forgetting about their love altogether, because they have duties to their families.”

Chloe looked up and gave a nervous kind of laughter. Her mood was lightening a bit. “When are you getting to the point Bree?”

“Impatient as always.” Aubrey remarked.

“Look who’s talking?” Chloe threw back teasingly and Aubrey laughed a little.

“What I’m saying, Chloe, is you can decide which of those you want. I wish I could have the powers to bring Beca’s memories back, or I don’t know, turn back the time and maybe make sure that the accident never happened. But, you know me, I also believe that things happen for a reason. I don’t know what would have happened if the accident never occurred. Would Beca still get that New York job offer? Would the two of you have moved again? Would other things slowly tear you apart or you know, test you? I know it’s terrible. It was heartbreaking. But Chloe, you were only living for that munchkin. Slowly, your dreams got overshadowed by hers, and you were ready to follow her to the ends of the earth for her to reach it. And I really, honestly, wanted to tear the hobbit apart for breaking your heart but Luke sat me down and talked me through it. You following me?”

Chloe nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yes, I am.” she sighed. “It’s still mending, truth be told.”

“I know.” Aubrey then said with a whisper. She sat up, still turned to face Chloe. “It’s hard to tell what’s going to happen next, or what might’ve happened. But it’s easier to tell what _you_ want to happen, even though that’s hard too, truth be told. At the end of the day, you can only do what you feel is right. Things take time and everyone has their own pace. Maybe you needed the time apart to refocus on yourselves. And now, well, you’ve had that time. I don’t know much about Eli, but I do know Beca, enough at least. You’re giving being friends with her a try again. If anything, I know that she cares about you, with or without the memories you’ve shared before. I don’t know if it will ever come back Chloe, but with Beca, why don’t you just focus on the memories you can still potentially make with her, instead of holding on to the past? You’re the expert on Mitchell, I shouldn’t tell you not rush anything, but I am. In this world of maybes and what ifs, maybe this time the two of you take your time. You’ve lived out the sweep off your feet romance already after your ‘will they/won’t they’ moments, maybe this time, if your friendship ever turns into something more, it’s time to slowly kindle a lasting flame.” Aubrey reasoned out, trying to be impartial. Deep down she was ‘Team Beca’ all the way, but that was between Beca and Eli. Between Beca and Chloe though, she’ll always be on Chloe’s side of things first and foremost. The distance between them already made it difficult to help her through the heartache she lived through, and Aubrey didn’t want to fail Chloe as her best friend. She wants to support Chloe with what makes her happy the most, and to do that, she knew she can’t be biased.

“That’s if, you know, that’s what you want too. With Eli, again, I don’t know him much. Only you can decide what you want to do with him. You can live out this relationship with him for as long as you want to, see where it takes you. But Chloe, more than being unfair to him, don’t be unfair to your heart. I know you’re afraid, it’s still in a fragile state.” Aubrey stated, continuing her speech before reaching out to grab Chloe’s hands firmly in her own. “But you’ve got me, okay. You’ve always got me. And if it gets broken again, I’ll always be here to help you stitch it back together.”

Chloe smiled and pulled herself up to reach out and hug Aubrey. She buried her face on the crook of her best friend’s neck and sighed, Aubrey rubbing soothing circles on her back. “Thanks Bree.” Chloe breathed out. “I honestly can’t wait for you guys to finalize your move to this city.”

Aubrey smiled. “Why did we ever think we can go through life living cities apart? We’re supposed to be inseparable.”

“I don’t know.” Chloe said with a chuckle, holding onto Aubrey even tighter.

And Aubrey promised that she won’t ever let go. They were sisters, those two, maybe not by blood but by the unbreakable bond they shared since the day they met.

 

* * *

 

“So, what do you think those two are up to? I mean they jetted off with their corresponding go-to secret keepers and all.” Amy asked flipping through the endless channels on TV. Stacie was slumped down an armchair next to her bed in her bridal sweet, deep at thought and on full concentration on whatever she was reading in her iPad. It was her wedding tomorrow and she just finished going on and on about her own excitement of finally tying the knot with Bumper, something she once never though would be possible. Settling down with someone. She could hardly get any sleep but thankfully Stacie gladly listened to her all night long to tire her out a bit, Stacie insisting that although Amy was undoubtedly beautiful in any state, she would be ten times more dazzling if she got her beauty sleep. But Amy still couldn’t and she wanted to tire herself out some more. Then of course after a few minutes of silence, she finally realizes why she just couldn’t get a wink of sleep.

Her mind was on her best friend and her best friend’s… well… to Amy, Chloe will always be Beca’s one and only love.

Amy looked up and tried to wave at Stacie’s direction to get her attention but to no avail. “Stacie, I’m getting married tomorrow and I’ve been nothing but the perfectly accommodating bride that I am, no bridezilla moments at all. Don’t make me have one right now because you’re too busy with whatever it is you think is more important. This is about our Beca and our Chloe and their potential heart eyes?”

Stacie chuckled. “I’m listening Amy, sorry about that. My boss just sent a paper for review… and he wants the write up in like three days. Of course… what does he think I am? A superhero?”

“What you do, I never understand why you do.” Amy commented. “But do tell me if you think I’m right or wrong? I mean, I’m glad that Shawshank and Red are getting all buddy-buddy again, I’m just still, you know… I’m holding onto hope that love wins at the end and all that stuff.”

Stacie placed her iPad down. “Don’t worry, I messaged Luke. I asked him to come straight to us after talking with Beca if anything’s up. The last few weeks in New York had Beca super stressed and she hasn’t said anything. I wanted to ask Luke if she’s doing okay too.”

And right on cue, there was a knock on the door. “Could that be Luke?” Amy asked eagerly. “I should go check.”

“Oh no, no, no.” Stacie then said, standing up and crossing the room in amazing speed to get to the door before Amy. “If this is Bumper breaking his part of the deal I’m kicking him out. No extracurricular activities tonight.” Stacie then said in a strict tone and Amy threw her a pout. “You two said you wanted to make your honeymoon special, I’m doing you the favor.”

“The more you spend time with Aubrey the more you sound alike.” Amy then said in a defeated tone before walking all the way back to the bed.

“Too bad then, ‘cause I’m never letting that girl go.” Stacie said as she swung the door open and in came a very tired looking Luke.

Amy watched as Stacie let Luke in and follow him back to their happy little nest by the TV. Stacie eventually sat back down her armchair, Amy smackdab in the middle of the bed in the middle of her happy little pillow fort, and Luke pondered a moment where to seat. He eventually pulled the chair by the office desk at the corner of the room and sat down.

“So what’s up?” Stacie asked.

“A lot.” Luke said in a sigh with a light smile on his face. “I think I should really be used by now at how Beca can surprise me with her maturity but her endless back and forth with uncertainties lets me forget it.”

“Why what’s going on?” this time it was Amy who asked.

“I don’t exactly know.” Luke said honestly. “Something’s definitely going on in that little head of hers and I can tell there’s something she’s not telling me. But anyways, we mostly just talked about plans on when she gets back and what she’s going to do. We’re starting on something simple, and I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t come up with this idea any sooner.”

“You’re not making sense Luke, we’re about to have a heart attack here. Stop building it up.” Amy then said, cutting into Luke’s explanation. “Also, what do you mean by ‘when she gets back’?”

“Right, right.” Luke said deep in thought. “I can give you the long version of the story some other time but short version is that Beca’s boss is a bloody sod, Beca’s getting her free out of her contract card with him by working on an album with a new and upcoming artist. But in London of all places.”

“Wait, Beca’s moving to London?” Stacie asked jumping in, she looked over at Amy and Amy didn’t need to second guess that they had the same shocked and worried expression on their faces.

“For a time being.” Luke quickly said, trying to de-escalate things. “An indefinite amount of time, but Beca wants to be back here as soon as she possibly can. And when I say here, I mean in California. And when I say in California, I mean LA. She wants to move back here in LA. Proof, she just proposed a business plan with me, co-own a club and she wants me to get on top of things fast too.”

“But what happens with her job at the label?” Amy asked, concerned.

“She’s free to quit. Producing records is a whole other thing, I’m not sure about what she plans on the whole making music in those terms. But we both agree that the club is a good idea, we both love music, I have money I can invest into something and Beca too, plus Beca _is_ an awesome DJ, so there is that.”

“That’s, well, that’s actually good news despite the London bit.” Stacie then found herself saying. “Bree and I are moving here soon. Amy and Bumper are settling down in the city too. I hear Cynthia Rose and Denise are heading to San Diego thanks to a great job opportunity for the both of them. Flo’s got that new job at Stanford, that’s in Palo Alto, but still. And Jessica and Ashley’s in San Francisco. It’s like we’re all slowly moving closer together. Like we’re coming together again.”

“Yeah, but London? I’m already crossing oceans to get back to my one and only Shawshank – let’s face it, she’s lost without me – only for her too move again.” Amy said bummed out.

“Would it help if I said I punched Fitz and got him real good?” Luke then asked with a smirk, clearly reminiscing the moment.

“Depends on if that’s the reason why Beca’s moving away.” Amy then said flatly.

“Yep. Because of it is, you’re in trouble Luke.” Stacie then simply added.

“Fitz is an ass. Punched him or not, I think he planning to send Beca to London all along. Maybe intentions changed? I don’t know. I get worried for Beca but looks like she’s putting aside all her fears. Plus, despite knowing she’s not fond of my relatives in the UK, they are just a train ride away from the city. So she has family. It’s tough times ahead but she’s motivated and inspired and that’s something.” Luke said with a shrug.

“Good answer there Walker.” Stacie replied.

Amy sat thoughtfully. “Well, that’s one down.” she muttered before turning to face Stacie with an innocent smile.

One more to go.

* * *

 

Stacie tried, she really did, to fish out whatever information she could out of Aubrey about the urgency of why Chloe needed to talk to her but Aubrey’s lips were stitched close. She tried every trick in her book for sure, but not a single peep, no.

The whole wedding happening that day did only make it harder to get anything out of her too.

Amy looked absolutely stunning, the Bellas all gathered in her bridal suite helping her get ready. Stacie couldn’t help but notice the ever so present stolen glances between Chloe and Beca but she let it be for now. They’ll get their answers eventually.

Once Amy was pretty much dressed, just a few more finishing touches here and there, the Bellas started to file out and Luke stepped in, making sure Amy was doing well. He had been standing outside the room as If he was on guard duty to make sure that if Amy needed anything, he’ll be ready to assist her.

“So, just the OG team then.” Stacie commented as she addressed the remaining people in the room with Amy. Her, Luke, and Beca. “Are you ready to become Mrs. Allen?” she then asked Amy.

“I never said I’m taking his last name. Still haven’t really decided.” Amy then replied.

“You nervous?” Beca then asked with a smile on her face. She hadn’t said a single word since she greeted Amy that morning.

“Me? I was born ready.” Amy said. “Okay maybe hesitant like years ago, but ready as I’ll ever be now.” she then added. “I’m just really excited, you know. I want to get through with this already so I can start being on the other side, married to Bumper.”

“Well, he’s surprisingly feeling the same way when I saw him earlier.” Luke then said with a chuckle. “Oh God, I can’t believe we’re all grown up now.”

“I know.” Stacie seconded. “I’m still wrapping my head around Cynthia Rose getting married years ago with Denise. Now we have Amy too. Any special requests as a single lady?”

“Just one.” Amy replied, a thought forming in her head and Stacie could only guess what kind of plot she’s been scheming, waiting for an appropriate time for it. Amy turned to face Beca before speaking again. “Beca Mitchell, I want an honest answer, no BS. Why do you want to come back to LA? Luke spilled the beans last night.”

Beca turned to Luke, a questioning look on her face before sighing. She was defeated. She had a smile on her face though, and somehow Stacie knew that whatever storm had come that fateful day of the accident, it was starting to lift.

And Stacie in knew it to be true when she heard the answer Beca had given them all. 

* * *

 

It was a beautiful day for a wedding. Seriously, nothing can compare. They even had celebrity guests. John Mayer and Jon McLaughlin included. Beca clearly pulled through for Amy but who knew Bumper wasn’t kidding about knowing John Mayer?

But that wasn’t what made it beautiful for Emily, nope.

It wasn’t the weather outside. The colorful flowers that lined the aisle. It wasn’t the touching ceremony. They did make for a perfect wedding though.

What made Emily incredibly happy was overhearing what Beca had to say to Amy, Luke, and Stacie, when she went back to check on them.

She never did check on them. She was too busy trying to contain her excitement. Beca’s plans, what she said… they were all baby steps compared to what they hoped and wished would happen. But they were steps nonetheless. And Emily knew, if they kept moving towards that direction then they would reach it.

There was hope. Especially since Emily could see that it still was clear on the little ways Beca and Chloe would interact.

And she couldn’t help but be proud of Beca for stepping up a little.

If only the complications would lessen.

Distance for one thing as the threat of living in a foreign land was looming near.

Eli for second.

Emily didn’t really have much of an opinion of him from before, but slowly she was growing annoyed of him too like Luke. During the reception, Eli was with Chloe the whole time. Getting a drink, going somewhere or talking to guests. When she finds her own time alone, he magically pops up too. Like during her conversation with the redhead, Benji, and Jesse at some point during the night. It was like he was waiting for an opening and then boom, he’s there.

But what grinds Emily’s gears the most is that she’s caught him glancing at Beca’s direction a few times, with her cousin not realizing he was looking at her. What’s more is whenever Beca or Chloe approached the other to talk, again, he’s there.

Like a mushroom spore that keeps popping up unexpectedly.

Emily was trying to keep her irritation to herself but it looked like Luke had noticed the same thing already.

“You can’t punch people in a wedding.” she heard Kaelyn tell him teasingly when Emily approached them.

“You can when they give you a reason to.” Luke replied in a deadpan tone.

“Let it be. Either he really just admires Beca or he knows just how close to Chloe she is.” Emily commented.

“Yeah, I don’t like neither options.” Luke replied, still watching him like a hawk.

“Aw, but he’s so nice.” Kaelyn then said.

But Luke simply replied. “I don’t trust perfectly nice. I mean even Emily has her bad days.”

Emily was about to contradict Luke but then she decided not to. She knew what he meant anyways. Instead she played back what Luke had just said over and over again, not being able to help herself but agree. Perfectly nice just doesn’t exist.

She’d rather have perfectly imperfect.

John Mayer had stepped up to play a song he wrote specifically for the couple as a wedding gift before he passed it to Jon McLaughlin. Before Emily could even put any other thought to it, Benji had approached her with his charming shy smile. No, even Benji wasn’t perfect but Emily loved him the way he was. “Can I have this dance, my lady?”

“Of course you can.” Emily replied beaming.

Nope, nothing can ruin this day for her.

* * *

Was she scared?

Hell yes.

She had no idea what she was doing, or what she wanted to do. It all sounded like a crazy plan in her head. But she wanted to. She wanted it.

And Beca convinced herself that she would take whatever she could take from it.

It’s not like she was going to tell Chloe about what she felt for her. Not yet at least. She still has no idea how to open up that conversation.

But she did want to talk to her. Talk to her about London, why she was leaving again and soon. And of course, she wanted to talk to her about her plans after.

She wanted to come back to LA. It was her dream for so long before, right? It would only be natural. But Beca knew. It wasn’t LA she was chasing after this time, it was who was in LA.

Chloe was the dream she lost when she forgot what her dreams were all about.

But she was slowly remembering it. At least one piece of it.

And no, she still hasn’t told Luke anything about it although for some strange reason she knows that Lilly knows. It’s like they’re little secret without even talking about it being their little secret.

Beca decided that the morning filled with the rush of prepping for the wedding would be a bad time for a talk. Besides, it was Amy’s wedding. It should be about her and Bumper. So she held off on that. She did want to check in on Chloe, talk to her about other matters, no matter how trivial they were. She was craving her company, craving her smile. And again, really, she’d take whatever she could get.

But like a painful reminder of what she had chosen to let go, Eli kept popping up whenever she gets the chance to be with Chloe alone.

But this was different. Eli had excused himself for a moment and Beca took the chance. Jon’s songs were always touching, it would be a perfect quiet moment. A soft moment.

It was a dance. All she was going to ask for was a dance. If it was too much for Chloe, then she’d give way. But if Chloe would say yes, then that’s a step forward.

_Forever, All, and Always_   
_Words I've used before_   
_On all the wrong faces._

_But I'm going to use_   
_The rest of my life,_   
_Proving to you_   
_Those words were lies._

_And of the million things_   
_A heart can hold_   
_And of all the things_   
_I've come to know,_   
_I Love._

Beca crossed the room, Chloe was still alone by herself. The song had started, it was simple and heartfelt as predicted. The guests had joined the newly wedded couple on the dance floor. The stage was set.

“Hey Chloe.” Beca said and Chloe looked up with a smile.

“Hey there to you too.” she replied.

“So…” Beca started to say, “…um, yeah. Uh, do you, maybe… Can I have this da-?” Beca started to ask, trying to build her confidence up. Her heart had started to pound loudly against her chest, her mind still swirling with thoughts asking her what on earth she was doing. But Chloe’s smile was growing bigger as she had formed the words and Beca could anticipate the ‘yes’ that she would answer.

But then, of course, right on cue was Eli.

“Chloe, can I have the honor?” he asked, reaching a hand out to Chloe, flashing his brilliant smile as he cut into the space between them.

Chloe seemed to hesitate at first, looking at Beca, waiting for her to finish what she was about to ask. But Beca didn’t want to just cut in between a couple. Yes, she wants to fight for Chloe, but she wanted to do it in an honorable way and if Chloe would want to dance with her actual boyfriend, then she should give way. There would be plenty of dances for the night. Beca nodded towards Eli before mouthing ‘later’ to Chloe. The redhead mouthed an ‘I promise’ back before accepting Eli’s offer and hitting the dance floor.

And once again, like magic, the scene had changed right before Beca’s eyes.

She wasn’t at the ballroom of a hotel for Amy and Bumper’s wedding reception.

She was at some sort of karaoke club. She wasn’t sure but she thinks she could even hear Amy singing.

For a brief moment everything flashes back to what it should be. The song Jon was singing was what she could hear and most of the guests were on the dance floor. There was a flash of lights and Beca could feel the blood slowly draining from her face, her starting to numb. She lifted her head up and once again it was the karaoke bar she was in. Her hand in some kind of brace.

Then back to reality as Beca blinked her eyes trying to focus on something. The movements in the dancefloor in front of her was causing her to feel dizzy. Her eyes land on Chloe, and she could see Chloe looking back at her, a worried look on her face was starting to set in. Beca fights the sinking pain in her heart at the sight of Chloe dancing gracefully in Eli’s arms and she tries to make her way to the bar.

She blinks again. She’s waiting for her drink. She looks back at the dancefloor and it transforms into the karaoke bar once more. The images had been hazy at first but now they were clearer. Her eyes had landed on Chloe again but Eli had transformed. It wasn’t him with Chloe, it was some other guy.

And it was some other guy that Beca could see Chloe kissing.

She closed her eyes, she didn’t want to see anymore, but then she gets transported to someplace else. It was dead at night but a group of people had been partying at some sort of amphitheater. College? Barden? Beca wasn’t sure. But there was Chloe again in the arms of a different guy.

Beca opens her eyes just in time to return to reality. The images feeling so real and true they couldn’t just be her dreams or her imagination.

She takes a sip of her drink, the alcohol helps her regain the feeling back in her ears and slowly she was firmly back in her reality. At Amy and Bumper’s wedding.

_People say we are where we belong._   
_We hold each other's hands_   
_As if we're holding on._

_And to me a little of your you_   
_Is like_   
_A little bit of sun_   
_That makes the moon._

_And if the "If's" we plan around become "When's."_   
_If our center aisle narrows and bends_   
_our Love._

That was the third one.

The third one of her ‘episodes’ as Beca had called it, the first being that forehead kiss.

The second happened last night, as soon as she parted ways with Luke. The words that Cynthia Rose had said echoed in her head.

_Love is not something you overthink, it’s something you feel._

It repeated over and over again, like how it did a few months ago, and more and more it transformed into her father’s voice, the one she still really hasn’t talked to since his visit after her accident, although that wasn’t really much of talking.

And then Beca closed her eyes, she was in a kitchen. Presumably her father’s. They were having coffee together. She didn’t know what they were talking about prior to that, and in what context, just those words. He said those words to her at some point in her stay at Barden.

Beca didn’t know if she would be frustrated about it or not, for so many reasons. . Her memories, no matter how broken or jagged this fragments were, they were returning to her now. But why only now?

Why not way back then when she wanted and needed it the most?

Then of course there was that other part of Beca that was just glad of whatever it was that she could hold on to, just thankful for whatever bits returned.

She really needed to talk to someone about this. Maybe a professional on the field?

“You okay Beca?” Flo had asked her, Beca didn’t even notice the other girl was there.

"Yeah.” Beca replied.

At least she thought she was going to be so she wasn’t exactly lying.

_And_   
_If there ever was a shred of doubt_   
_This hopelessly romantic now_   
_And_   
_I hope that time can slow us down_   
_And minutes pass like hours now_   
_And all the clocks counting down_   
_To Love._

Seeing Chloe with Eli, it was bringing back memories of times she saw Chloe with other people too. Maybe it wasn’t trying to remember that was getting her to remember. Maybe it was just finding a way back to being in tuned with her feelings and emotions. As the feelings resurfaced, of jealousy and regret, and of the heartache of seeing Chloe be with some other guy, that’s when things changed.

And it was that fluttering feeling when Chloe kissed her on her forehead that evoked the images of the past too.

For her father’s words? Beca wasn’t sure, perhaps it was the hopeful feeling of wanting to fight for Chloe.

Beca sighed. She decided to let herself relax a bit by the bar, trying not to pay much attention to Eli and Chloe. She’ll have the time to sort this thing out properly.

_I need Love._   
_I can see that I'll be alright_   
_With you now by my side._

_And if tomorrow you're gone_   
_And I still go on_   
_I'll promise to_   
_Spend the rest of me on you._

But as always Beca was being proven wrong, she should really start expecting this at that point.

Eli stopped Chloe from moving before shocking everyone, dropping on one knee probably thinking that it was probably the most romantic thing in the world. To Beca it wasn’t, who proposes at someone else’s wedding?

But the image before her starts triggering the same series of flashes to start all over again. Beca could feel her heart falling down into what seems like a bottomless pit, she could feel the blood draining out from her face yet again.

And she knew, yep, she knew deep down inside that she couldn’t stay to hear what the answer would be.

She needed to get out of there and breathe.  

* * *

 

Aubrey’s first thought with Eli’s impromptu proposal was that it was a little lackluster. At least even when things got messed up at the end with their engagement, Beca knew how to do a one of a kind proposal.

The second was how Chloe was feeling. Aubrey could see she was more than just surprised, especially with the things they talked about the night before. And of course Aubrey wasn’t surprised when she heard Chloe’s answer.

It was Eli’s initial reaction that got to her a little bit. But there was time to ponder on that later.

Mostly because of the third thing that immediately popped into Aubrey’s mind. Beca Mitchell herself. Aubrey saw Chloe looking for Beca’s face in the crowd before turning back to Eli. Aubrey quickly followed suit and it didn’t take long for her to realize that Beca was gone.

Aubrey quietly slipped out, running into Luke just outside the ballroom. The two decided to split up to look for Beca, both concerned at her sudden disappearance. It was Aubrey’s luck she was the one who found the DJ by the pool outside the hotel. She was sitting by the edge of the pool, her heels set to one side, her bridesmaid dress rumpled up to her knees, with her feet dangling by the edge and into the cool water of the pool. She had one hand covering her face, breathing slowly. Her hands were visibly shaking too.

Aubrey followed suit, reaching for Beca’s other hand that was gripping the edge of the pool. Her hands were cold and Aubrey noted for the first time that she was turning pale.

“You hanging in there Mitchell? You look sick, we could call…”

“I’m going to be fine.” she grumbled. Aubrey was having a hard time trying to figure out if the crack in her voice was out of frustration or sadness or both, but one thing for sure was that Beca was not doing too good of a job trying to hide it.

Aubrey gave Beca’s hand a squeeze and she relaxed a bit, bringing one hand down. “I’d ask the obvious question but it’s written all over your face.” she then said.

“I’m too late, aren’t I?” Beca asked weakly.

Aubrey took a deep breath and sighed. “I don’t know, Mitchell. It’s not like they’re breaking anytime soon, Eli was quick to cover up for his embarrassing situation.”

Beca turned to face Aubrey with a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Chloe said ‘no’, Mitchell. Almost instantly, to be honest.” Aubrey said remembering how the words had easily slipped from Chloe’s lips as soon as she realized Beca had gone. “Eli quickly took it back, saying he thought he’d just try but he understands if it’s moving too fast. He said he got carried away with the moment.”

“She said ‘no’?” Beca then asked in disbelief.

Aubrey nodded and smiled weakly. “You should be honest, Mitchell. To yourself and to her. It will be a long way to go but, if you love her, Beca if you still do, don’t let the words and the feelings die within you never being spoken. Fight for her, show her she’s got an option. She fought hard for you, every time you ran or pulled away.”

“Yeah, I want to stop that.” Beca then interjected, her breathing slowly returning back to normal.

“Look, don’t rush anything, take your time and figure out what you need to figure out, but when you’re done, come back home.”

“You think I have hope then?” Beca asked with a chuckle and Aubrey smiled. She was about to say that to Chloe, it would seem that she’ll always have hope. But she thought those words would better be said by someone else.

Aubrey looked up. She had heard the footsteps coming close to where they were. Chloe stopped a few steps away from them and Aubrey took that as her cue. She left looking back as Chloe took her place beside Beca by the pool.

* * *

They sat there in silence for a few good minutes, Beca trying recover a bit of the strength that had left her, and Chloe trying to come up with what to say.

Mostly because she was drawing up blanks, her eyes staring at the bottom of the pool. Maybe she’ll find the words there.

“We did both agree we need to talk.” Beca then said, drawing Chloe’s attention.

“You wanna’ start?” Chloe asked, still uncertain how to begin with everything. The last few minutes of her life had been a little too intense.

“Why are you here? I mean, why’d you look for me?” Beca then asked, it was her turn to keep staring at the pool.

“Honestly? I needed some air.” Chloe replied truthfully. “And I was worried about you.”

“Things never change then…” Beca had then commented.

And Chloe, she was ready to just get it out, all of it, in the open. Because Beca kept saying things like that, things that made her heart move and sway in a certain way that no one has ever done before. And she wants to know, desperately know, what it all meant.

But she never did. Because Beca beat here to the punch.

“About the whole thing with Fitz…” Beca started to say and Chloe remained silent for as long as she needed and listened as Beca explained her predicament.

“And after that Chloe, after that I’m planning to come back. Luke and I are working on some things that would hopefully pan out for the best. But first, I have to go to London.” Beca concluded. She already explained that part.

London.

But that was so far away.

Chloe took a deep shaky breath and sighed. A part of her wanted to scream, wanted to shout, wanted to just walk away.

Not again.

She was leaving again.

And she wasn’t even hers now, the situation’s changed, but the pain was there nonetheless.

They were mending, rebuilding their friendship, their foundation, and now?

Distance.

Distance wanted to keep them apart.

And Chloe knew, there was no certainty in a ‘them’, and she doesn’t know for sure what would happen next, but it was clear to her. She wanted Beca in her life, she needed her to be there. More than anything, they were best friends, and she wanted at least to have her best friend back.

Chloe sighed again, all while Beca was looking at her, studying her face, waiting for her to say something anything. But again Chloe was lost for words. She got why Beca was telling her this, but she didn’t know why she was doing it with that longing look in her eyes, with that desperate and pleading tone in her voice, asking Chloe to understand.

“You’ll call? You’ll Skype? Stay in touch?” Chloe managed to finally ask.

“Of course.” Beca said almost in a whisper. She reached out and held Chloe’s had in her own, giving it a squeeze.

Chloe nodded and tried her best to muster a smile. “So when do you leave?” she asked, dreading for the answer.

“I’m pretty much all wrapped up with New York, we kind of had that all set-up and ready. I have until tomorrow here in LA and I’ll be back in New York tomorrow late night. I’ll be off to London in three days’ time, they already need me there and it’s the first flight I could get.”

Chloe nodded silently, wrapping her head around Beca’s words. She grabbed Beca’s hands and pulled her close, wrapping her in a tight embrace, Beca clinging onto her just as tightly. “I _will_ miss you Chloe.”

“Not as much as I’ll miss you.” Chloe replied, still not letting go, and she was really just thankful that this time, Beca stayed in her arms for as long as she could.

* * *

 

It had been an emotional night. Beca knew that for sure. The one thing she regretted was that Luke eventually found them by the pool and they needed to get back to the ballroom. Amy wanted all the Bellas there when she throws her bouquet.

The brief episode of failed proposals seemed to be forgotten by the guests and the air outside coupled with the talk with Chloe had helped Beca clear her mind a little.

Beca had still felt a little uncomfortable with their return, and no, it didn’t have anything to do with the rather damp edges of her dress. She could feel Eli’s eyes on her the whole time when she got back with Chloe. That was when she realized she didn’t even ask Chloe how things with Eli were. She would assume they talked briefly or will eventually but with everything happening inside her mind then, it was really hard to process everything.

Amy eventually gathered the Bellas who were still single. Bumper made a joke about how if it lands on Chloe that would be awkward and everyone laughed a little, releasing whatever remaining tension was left. Amy just gave him a look then and threw the bouquet. The Bellas had been joking around about getting all competitive when the bouquet very nearly fell in front of Emily. Perhaps fearing that the youngest Bella catches it, Stacie and Aubrey – who were both standing on opposite sides of Emily – jumped in to grab it.

“Well, I guess we know whose wedding is next.” Amy had teased.

Beca excused herself after that, many thoughts to process and all. She spent all night wondering what to do next, wanting to call and reach out to Chloe, but she fought the urge, wanting to give Chloe some time to process everything that had happened that night. She wanted to promise endless promises that she will come back, she will return.

And if it wasn’t too much, she wanted to ask her to wait.

Because this time she knew for sure that she would go through any hell and fight her way just to get back to her.

She woke up late in the afternoon the next day and Beca knew she had to keep moving to be at the airport on time.

Luke was driving her off with Kaelyn in tow and Beca found herself staring out the window of the backseat of Luke’s car, her favorite headphones hanging on her neck. She was paying attention to certain cues in the conversation, replying to any questions Luke or Kaelyn asked her, all while listening to songs softly playing from her iPod. But her mind wasn’t on Luke’s excitement about places she needed to visit or Kaelyn’s reminders.

It was on what she didn’t want to leave behind.

It was on Chloe.

_I feel like somebody else_   
_I don't recognize myself_   
_Staring into the mirror_   
_Smiling ear to ear_

It’s always been Chloe, even when she didn’t know why or when she couldn’t remember the ways. _  
  
It's funny how all this time_  
 _I thought I was alive_  
 _Now I see things clearer_  
 _Smiling ear to ear_  
  
But Beca understands now.

And no, while she still hasn’t said anything about her ‘episodes’ to anyone, she did want to get to the bottom of things.

Before Beca knew it they were at the gate. “This is where we part ways then Becky.”

“You never will tire, will you?” Beca asked Luke and he beamed up with a teasing smile.

“I’m gonna’ miss you and all the trouble you give me, you know?”

“Yes. And I’m going to miss you annoying me too.” Beca replied just as Luke helped her with her luggage. She then briefly exchanged hugs with both Luke and Kaelyn and with a silent promise.

She will return.

And she will be better than ever when she does.

Beca took the heavy steps through the gate, her memories of the day she left LA for the first time resurfacing.

_It’s different this time,_ she told herself.

She loved Chloe. And it was real and it was true, not a dream and not an illusion. This time she won’t make the mistake of ever questioning that. And Eli be damned, or whoever ends up standing in the way, she’ll fight for her. She will.

And Beca knew that to be the truth upon looking up, her eyes landing on a vision.  

_Take whatever you like_  
 _Change me from the inside_  
 _I can feel you taking over_  
 _Smiling ear to ear_  
  
Chloe was standing there by the gate and for a minute or two Beca thought she was dreaming. “I saw Bree and Stacie off.” Chloe then said as she stopped just a feet away from her. “Now I’m seeing you off too.” she added, her voice soft and gentle as she smiled.

_Guns out blazing_   
_My heart is racing_   
_And even the ordinary's amazing_

No she wasn’t dreaming, she was afraid of that for a second. _  
_  
_Blasts of color bounce off each other_  
 _And you are the reason why I'm_  
  
“You promised to stay in touch Mitchell, I’m holding you accountable to that.” Chloe then said and Beca smiled.

Yes, this time it was different.

“I promise.” Beca uttered the words lightly and Chloe accepted her reply with a smile.

“Good.” Chloe then said nodding, before starting to walk away. Neither of them really seemed to want to move, but they had to. Beca guessed that perhaps this time, Chloe just didn’t want to watch her walk away.

But Beca stops Chloe from leaving, reaching a hand and wrapping it around Chloe’s wrist as she walked pass her. Chloe turned around, a silent question in her eyes.

_Screaming at the top of my lungs_   
_Finally I found someone_   
_Never knew what love could do_   
_Before you_

Beca wanted to say the words.

_Wait for me._  

But she felt it would be too direct.

She was sure though that she wasn’t letting Chloe go, not without knowing it. _  
  
And I am opening my eyes_  
 _For the very first time_  
 _I never knew what love could do_  
 _Before you_  
  


Beca’s eyes met Chloe’s and for the first time she thought she was really seeing Chloe. Like she was finally understanding what it all meant, whatever that ‘all’ was. Like everything was coming together even though the pieces were still missing. Beca knew there was a bigger picture, and it was reflected in Chloe’s eyes. She just wished she knew what the image was.

So Beca smiled. Fate decided to pull them apart, there must be reason for that, and she wanted to trust in whatever that reason was.

“I promise Chloe, I promise I’ll come back home as soon as I can.” Beca finally said, settling on an answer.

“New York would surely welcome you back with open arms.” Chloe replied with a gentle smile. Beca could see it, the wall Chloe was putting up as a defense. She was doing the best she could to let this be easy.

But Beca wouldn’t let her go with just that. Chloe turned to leave again and Beca pulled her back to stop her again.

“I meant to you.” she had said with a softness in her voice. “I promise Chloe.”

Chloe smiled pulling her once again in a hug before reluctantly and wordlessly letting her go.

And Beca watched as Chloe waved goodbye as she made her way.

And Beca knew with an absolute truth, the promise she had made was one she intended to keep no matter what it took.


	17. Still

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured are called ‘A Drop in the Ocean’ by Ron Pope and ‘Still’ by Brian McKnight.

Luke was currently running his radio program, sipping on a cup of tea as the current song played over the airwaves.

It’s been a long six months. He was being stretched thin with work and with all of his other projects – particularly the club that he and Beca wanted to open. With Beca gone and buried neck deep with her work in London, it was up to Luke to watch over and handle the actual construction and materialization of their little shared dream.

Well, Luke had to admit, it wasn’t just him. The actual good progress they’ve been making was also thanks to Kaelyn, aka the master assistant of one Beca Mitchell. Thanks to Beca’s connections and Kaelyn’s knowing ways of how to handle all the communication traffic, the club should open within three months’ time. 

All Luke was wishing was for Beca to wrap up her London work sooner than that. It would only be appropriate for the DJ to be there on opening night, setting the stage on fire with her sick beats.

 _A drop in the ocean_  
_A change in the weather_  
 _I was praying that you and me might end up together_  
 _It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert_  
 _But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven_  
 _You are my heaven_

“And that was a song by Ron Pope, who we will have as a special guest for tomorrow’s show. Don’t forget to tune in to that folks. But for now, it’s time for me to once pass the torch to my mate, Edrich Reiss, and his hour show. This is your favorite DJ, Luke Walker, signing off.”

“Great show as always there Luke.” Amy greeted as soon as Luke stepped out of the booth.

Luke chuckled. “I’m still amazed at how you manage to convince everyone to let you just waltz in.” he greeted her just as she checked his phone for any missed messages. They made their way to a famous bar near the station, Jesse already waiting for them.

“So, Bumper joining us for the night?” Jesse asked as they joined him by the bar. “Anne’s busy wrapping up a project, so she’s sorry she can’t make it guys.”

“No, not this time. He’s actually busy with a few things. Just you, me, and Luke. The usual bunch. Unless Red’s coming?”

“Nope. Extended the offer but they apparently have a spring play or something at the school.” Luke replied. “And Kaelyn’s busy finalizing a few things with the club.”

“Do you wanna’ head on over there instead of our usual?” Amy then asked with a mischievous smile making Luke laugh a little.

“Are you asking me to crash a high school play with you?” 

“Why not?” Amy then threw back with a shrug. “Bumper and I moved to LA to be closer with our pals, but here I am and all I ever see are you and Jesse and your significant others. Stacie’s still finalizing work stuff with Aubrey before they move. And I was hoping Chloe would be around a lot but apparently that’s a no. Which, by the way J-man, how’s living next door with Red and Eli going on?”

Jesse shrugged, sipping on his beer before addressing Amy’s question. “Quiet.” he replied. “I don’t know, they’ve been like that for months. I swear I feel like Eli glares at me sometimes. I still run into them sometimes when they’re getting back from a date, I think?”

“So… who do you think’s winning?” Amy then asked and Luke shook his head and sighed.

“I still can’t believe that you guys have a running bet on how long their relationship will last after the failed proposal attempt.”

“You joined the pool too, remember?” Jesse then teased Luke, trying to remind him that he’s not as innocent as he looked.

Luke sighed. “I was strong armed by this one.” he said before pointing to Amy. “I’m just glad Emily’s not in on this too. And seriously, admire Posen’s will for not caving in with Stacie’s persuasions.”

“Ah, yes, Stacie’s persuasive methods.” Amy then said wistfully, and Luke immediately started having flashbacks of video calls with Stacie huffing in annoyance at how Aubrey was able to disengage all her advances to get her to join. Well, someone had to remain rational.

“They are still giving it a go guys, we should at least respect that.” Jesse then replied.

“You’re just sad you already lost.” Was Luke’s retort. Jesse’s bet was a month, and while Luke did rationalize with him that Chloe’s probably going to at least give Eli the chance to let their relationship sort of slow down a bit and settle down a little, give it an honest try, Jesse was adamant that Chloe will soon realize that she was meant to be with Beca, and Luke appreciated that. At least given where Jesse stood before.   

“I just don’t understand why Chloe’s still with him is all.” Jesse then commented.

Luke sighed yet again. “Chloe has a tendency to see the good in people. That’s one. So maybe she sees the good in Eli and all. Honestly, we really don’t know much about their relationship to comment much about it. From what I last heard from Aubrey is that Chloe told her he was all apologetic for putting her on the spot in front of all of Amy and Bumper’s guests and he’s trying to make it up to her being all extra charming.”

“I just don’t get guys who pull of big stunts like that in the middle of a crowd. It’s like putting pressure on the girl to just say yes, you know?” Jesse argued.

“Ah, Jesse, we adore you, but weren’t you exactly like that?” Amy pointed out. “I mean, do you need a reminder of your epic failure of a serenade for our favorite little DJ?”

“Y-yes.” Jesse stammered, embarrassed by his past mistake. “But I’ve learned the error of my ways. I’ve repented and all.” he quickly replied before clearing his throat and turning to Luke. “But on the topic of Beca, how is she? I message her sometimes but she’s pretty much MIA with me.”

“Yeah, we talk through the phone sometimes but lately it’s been like she just fell off the face of the earth.” Amy added, bummed out. “I miss my Shawshank.”

“She’s been busy. Real busy. She really wants to wrap up her project now although form what I hear she’s been doing real well. She’s met some of the big names in the industry. She was too excited the last time I spoke to her about meeting her mentor and all now and that she’s been busy on something big. I don’t know she hasn’t told me the specifics, not even who the mentor is. Just that the bloke’s a Brit.” Luke then explained, remembering the rare occasion he’s had the chance to get a proper video call from his step-sister. But Beca’s really passionate about whatever it was she’s cooking up with her mystery mentor, so Luke shrugged it off to being a good thing.

“Can I be you’re carry-on luggage when you and Kaelyn visit her in a month’s time?” Amy then asked causing Luke to just burst out laughing.

They all really missed Beca.

“How about I tell her off for not calling any of you sooner?” Luke then offered as a compromise.

“I think that should do.” Jesse then replied and the matter was settled.

One thing for sure, Luke’s looking forward to see Beca in a month.

* * *

 

 _When the eagles forget how to fly_  
_When it’s twenty below in July_  
 _And when violets turn red_  
 _And roses turn blue_  
 _I’ll be still in love with you_

Beca was very much tempted to rip the phone of her new rather clumsy assistant, Jack, form the car adapter as he turned the volume on max, driving his car around the city to their usual pub. It was their thing, and Jack’s a pretty nice guy to hang out. His boyfriend, Milo, was also quite the entertaining fellow. Besides, they were both fans of hers of sorts. Missing acapella days and all.

It’s been six months and Beca couldn’t really get the hang of driving on the wrong side of the road and considering her accident ages ago, it was better to be the passenger for now.

Jack's tastes in music was superb, if not sometimes cheesy. It’s not his fault really, but lately Beca was getting antsy and everything’s been reminding her of Chloe lately. That’s what’s been irritating her.

She misses her so much. Who could blame her?

Her memories, they were still coming in short bursts. Most of what she’s been remembering lately she had been dismissing as trivial. Setting up a set-list for Nationals their second year, Luke’s Halloween prank on her at the station when he visited her third year, dinners at her dorm room her freshman year with Amy and Stacie, and Jesse talking her ears off about movies.

They would pop up at the oddest of times, sometimes when nothing even remotely close to the memory that returned was happening around her. She’s been keeping it a secret mostly to herself for now, the thing with her memories.  She wanted to see what else she might end up remembering before telling Luke or any of the Bellas.

Chloe especially.

And Beca knew she should be thankful, she was getting something of the past back. But none of them were what she wanted to desperately remember, memories of Chloe.

She’s been keeping her promise. That was what was important. She calls Chloe once a week.

She’s just a little disappointed that she gets to talk to her less or less.

It was either work or Eli wanting to go out of town or Eli all of a sudden needing her help…

It was getting annoying.

But she was keeping her word and whatever little bit of Chloe she could hold on to while she was away, she would gladly take.

London had been good to her in some ways too, and the problem of what she’d do after she finishes the record and finally becomes free of her contract with Fitz is getting solved too. She’s expanding her contacts, meeting all the right people, and Beca knew for sure which next step to take.

Beca was busy checking her emails on her phone, chuckling at Milo’s insistence that they should set her up with someone and Jack arguing that there’s definitely a girl Beca left behind and that’s why they couldn’t get her to go out on a date with anyone.

Beca was of course keeping mum about Chloe, they didn’t need to know since technically there wasn’t anything to know.

They know Beca’s got amnesia. They know she had missing years.

But she didn’t want to open up about almost getting married to the girl of her dreams only to forget about her. There were days that Beca still couldn’t understand why Fate would play such a cruel trick.

“Come on Beca, why don’t you just tell us, there’s got to be a girl!” Jack insisted.

“And I’m still your boss, so I don’t think you should keep pushing for information on something I don’t want to talk about.” Beca then replied.

“But of course there is a girl. Lovely red head, I believe she can give quite an intense glare.” a tall, rather intimidating German then said as she made her way towards their booth. “Fancy seeing you here little elf.”

Beca looked at her with intense curiosity. She was going to ask who on earth she was when Jack spoke up “We really ought to make shirts that say ‘I’m with amnesiac’.”

“Another one of your finer ideas Jack.” Beca deadpanned before turning back to unknowingly address the one and only she-wolf leader of Das Sound Machine. “Like he said, amnesia and all. You don’t really ring any bells.”

The Kommissar raised an eyebrow, “Oh?” she asked, “But you do know you’re name right?”

“I lost part of my memories, you got lost with them.” was Beca’s come back matched by her trademark smirk.

The Kommissar chuckled. “And here I thought I wasn’t forgettable. Luisa, that’s my name. And you are Beca Mitchell, the fearless leader of the Barden Bellas who once upon a time didn’t even know how to give a proper insult.”

“Well, that is my name. But, what do you want?”

Luisa shrugged. “Nothing really, I heard you’ve been doing well in the music industry, something I never thought would be possible. I’m here to extend an olive branch and maybe tease you about your girlfriend who strangely enough isn’t with you?”

That hit Beca a little hard – also, olive branch for what? – But she couldn’t be bothered about trying to figure out who Luisa was. Because of course, she had to ask about Chloe. Milo and Jack exchanged looks just as Beca racked her brain of something to say.

But her mind could only come up with one word for some reason.

 _Cinnamon_.

The sudden loss for words wasn’t lost on Luisa though. “Interesting.” she said as she hummed. “I suppose you never know what life throws at your direction.”

“I suppose.” Beca replied.

“Are you seeing someone for your problem? Specialists, doctors?”

Beca’s brows knitted together. “Were we friends or something? Why are you asking? Honestly, if not, then I don’t…”

“You were more interesting and fun when you were all fidgety and scared of making your girlfriend jealous.” Luisa honestly replied. “But I might know someone who can help you. If you’re interested.”

A part of Beca thought that she shouldn’t trust her, but something in Luisa’s tone did come off genuine and sincere.

People have a weird way of showing their true colors, she knew that now. Fitz ‘banished’ her to London but she was slowly understanding why, more and more opportunities were opening for her now. She was growing more and more in her profession. And a part of Beca knew that Fitz would have sent her to London anyways, even if the whole incident didn’t happen.

People shouldn’t be judged by their covers, by what they present to other people. One can always control how others would perceive them anyways.

And the other part of Beca who wanted to heal completely was very much desperately wanting to say ‘yes, of course she’s interested’.

Beca wasn’t sure what to do. But she did know she left Chloe another promise. To make it back to her.

And if this was a part of the way she needed to take to get back to Chloe, then by all means she’ll take it.

Hopefully, this was her making a new friend along the way.


	18. Almost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No songs this chapter, but the title is inspired by Tamia’s ‘Almost’.

He knows, he should have done this earlier, but Luke was going back and forth on the idea.

This was just him really not wanting to wait on the sidelines anymore. He wanted something to happen. He wanted to make things happen.

Chloe was at the coffee shop, already sipping on her cup of tea when Luke got there. “Hey.” Chloe immediately greeted as he pulled up a chair.

“Hey to you too. Haven’t seen you in a while.” Luke commented.

Chloe shrugged. “Yeah, I know. Got really busy. But so have you I heard. Beca told me how you guys are doing with the club.”

_Of course she keeps in touch with Chloe. More constantly than she does her won step-brother it would seem, why am I surprised there?_ Luke thought to himself.

“So, uh, how’s thing’s with Eli?” Luke awkwardly asked. “Really giving it a try then?”

Chloe shrugged again in response but said nothing.

“He’s not trying to keep you in a relationship you no longer want, is he?” Luke then asked and Chloe immediately looked up blurting ‘No’.

“It’s not like that Luke. He’s nice and he’s trying after his mess up. I think there’s this awkward tension after that but, things are going back to the way things were with us. Things with Eli… I really care for him. I want to give it an honest. He’s my friend too, it’s never my intention to hurt him Luke. So I want to see what’s really there.”

“But you don’t… do you?” Luke then asked.

“I…” Chloe started to say before she sighed. “There are things that never just go away even when you try to convince yourself they would, I guess.” Chloe replied honestly.

Luke nodded and placed the item he came there to give to Chloe in the first place. “I don’t know whatever is holding you back. I know you were hurt Chloe, and a thousand other reasons could potentially also exist, a person’s heart is a very fragile thing. You can go after what you really want and risk it all or go back to something safe. But whatever you decide that’s up to you. This though, this is for you. It can mean a lot, it can change everything, it can keep things the same, I don’t know. I just know you’ve been through enough and maybe taking a step forward to wherever you want things to be is the way.” Luke explained, pushing the envelope towards Chloe. “You gave Beca a ticket to her dreams before… but this one isn’t on a question of when but if you want to.”

Chloe took the envelope and peered inside before looking up at Luke with and understanding of what he said.

Once upon a time Chloe gave Beca a ticket to LA, to reach her dreams when she was ready, and chase them until it turns into reality.

And now, Luke was giving Chloe a ticket to London, for a flight that leaves along with him and Kaelyn tomorrow.

* * *

 

No, she hasn’t made up her mind exactly, but she was very tempted to go.

However, Fate seemed to have other plans.

Chloe had kept the envelope with the ticket inside the drawer of her desk at their apartment. She wanted to talk to Eli about possibly leaving for London for a few days and then she realized that that conversation wouldn’t really make sense unless she’s clear with why she’s going to London.

She cared about Eli. She treasured his friendship. He made her smile and laugh when she thought it would never be possible to even try ever again. He made her feel the possibility of entertaining romantic notions, even for whatever temporary moment that she could convince herself that she could move one and forget about Beca. But of course, that was all before she had started to rebuild a friendship with Beca. That was before she realized she couldn’t exactly live without her in her life.

After that, things just got all kinds of meddled in her mind. She told herself that friendship was all that she could offer to Beca, and that was all she could potentially offer back. They had it all then lost in all, and Chloe had to face dark uncertain days unknowing if she would ever cross paths with Beca again. And once she did, the uncertainty stayed, of just what they could be and what they now meant to each other.

The rekindling friendship was their safety net. And for as long as they didn’t think about what’s next and what could be they were fine. Chloe thought the sanest thing to do was keep moving on.

But then Beca… she had to just go say those lines, make that promise of coming back to her, of returning to Chloe.

After all of this London nonsense is through that is.

And while they did talk, they kept in touch, but they didn’t talk about what Beca meant. That was left to the future. Chloe found herself being incredibly terrified of that. The heart is what keeps us alive, but the heart is such a fragile thing.

But on the topic of the ticket… it wasn’t there. Gone.

She spent most of the night before looking for the stupid ticket and essentially missing the flight she wasn’t sure she should go on anyways. Eli left early next the morning, claiming he’s going to be running errands and Chloe continued the futile search.

_Really, Beale, the fact that you’re turning this place inside out should be very telling,_ Chloe thought to herself finally giving up the search sometime in the afternoon. Eli had been gone for most of the day, leaving her time alone for herself to think.

Think about what on earth she’s been doing with her life.

She knows, her heart knows what she wants but she’s scared. She’s scared of falling again without anyone catching her. But what’s life without any risks?

She knew she couldn’t keep moving forward, marching on, when her heart had stayed at the same place after all this time. The box she had kept buried deep in her mind, stuff full of memories and feelings she knew she could never outrun.

Chloe closed her eyes shut, slumping down the couch, tired.

She knew what she had to do.

After all, even when it was too late, she was desperately clinging on to the one thing that meant seeing Beca again. Desperately searching every nook and cranny of their apartment, even the hallways outside and the parking lot. Essentially, everywhere she knew she’s been.

But it won’t be easy. Eli was…

_Wait._ Chloe thought. _Wait._ And she immediately got onto her feet searching for the one place, one area, she didn’t think of.

No, it wasn’t on Eli’s desk or the drawers of her desk. But after going through the contents of his paper shredder she did find it. In pieces.

They never really talked about Beca, she did mention that she really loved the last person she had been with. It was why she was reluctant to start something with anyone at all. But he convinced her anyways, promised everything would be alright. She never said it was Beca.

But it looked like he knew.

Chloe was anxiously waiting for Eli’s return when he finally showed up with a bouquet of roses in his hand and some grand plan. He urged Chloe to get dress while saying such sweet words and his charming smile and kind ways.

But a storm had been building up from inside of her.

_If he knew anything, why didn’t he say anything?_ was the first thing in Chloe’s head.

The second was why on earth did he shred the ticket, throw it away without Chloe knowing?

 “Why aren’t you getting dressed? Chloe, is anything wrong?” Eli asked, his voice gentle, but Chloe couldn’t help but wonder if the man before her was the same person deep inside.

“Why did you shred it?” Chloe asked coolly.

“Shred what?” Eli asked back, stopping on his tracks.

“The ticket Eli.” Chloe answered, trying to keep her voice calm.

“I thought it was trash.” he lied.

“You had no right to go through my things.” Chloe started to say, but Eli was quick to try and de-escalate the situation.

“Look, I was just cleaning out. You ever mentioned anything about going to London or anything, so I threw it out.” he explained calmly. “If you really want to go to London, we can go there for a vacation sometime. Maybe on a special occasion?” he then added, his voice sickly sweet.

“Eli…” Chloe reasoned, she was still confused. But this time confused about whether to trust what he was saying.

“Look, I was going to do this tonight…” Eli started, feeling for his pockets before once again opening the black velvet box with the engagement ring. “It doesn’t have to be soon Chloe, I’m willing to wait forever. It’s more of just a promise…”

“You’re not listening.” Chloe then said in a whisper. “My answer is no, Eli.”

“Yes but we talked about this, it’s too soon and fast and I…”

“It’s still too soon and fast, and Eli, I can’t.” Chloe then said, cutting him short. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. Eli, you knew, I told you. I loved someone before and…”

“I’m not that someone.” Eli said firmly.

“Yes, but I think that’s the very problem. You asked me to give it a try, and I every time I’m scared to do so, you managed to convince me to just hang in there, have faith in you, not give up on us by letting the past haunt me forever. But… Eli… I can’t. I’m not holding onto the past, I know that now. Not anymore at least. I just…”

“Just what Chloe?” Eli asked, his voice and expression stoic.

“I tried. But I can’t give you all of my heart, it’s always going to be with someone else.” Chloe replied with all honesty. “I care about you Eli, I just… I can’t love you the way you wish I did. I’m sorry.”

Eli stood there for a moment unflinching. “Chloe…” he started to say in an expressionless tone.

But he was only met with Chloe’s immediate words. “I’m sorry. But this, this is it Eli. We can’t go on like this. It’ll be unfair to both me and you, mostly you. You’re a great guy, I’m just not the one for you.” she said.

Chloe felt like a weight had lifted from her chests. She reached out to touch Eli’s hands, closing the box with the ring and giving it back to him. She gave his hands a squeeze, his left cheek a kiss and gave him the space to think and process everything, leaving their apartment for the very same reasons. She promised she’ll be back, she promised they’ll talk it through. But for now, Chloe’s thoughts were just catching up with the decisions she’s made with her heart and she undoubtedly needed time too.

She’s also still mad about the ticket, deep down inside that is, and she needed to cool down from that before they sort everything out. She knew, she’d have to move, she’d live alone again, but somehow she knew it wouldn’t be as lonely as it did before. She wasn’t alone anymore, she had her friends now.

Chloe closed the door behind her and took a deep shaky breath. She knew she did the right thing.

But with everything that had just happened, the things she didn’t exactly plan and the things she knew were coming, she had forgotten her phone…

…unknowingly missing a very important phone call.

 

* * *

 

They were at the VIP section of one of the hottest clubs in London and Beca was on the moon.

It was done. The deed was done. Matter of fact, they were having a party to celebrate the news. The spotlight was, of course, mostly on the upcoming artist that Beca had worked with the last couple of months. Still, it was a victory for her. Beca had finished the album.

Luke and Kaelyn showed up the other day, the two sharing the good news with Beca and started their celebrations a day earlier that their actual last day of work. The pair had been missing from the party so far, Luke having been invited for dinner with some cousin who lived in the city. Of course Beca was invited, but she’s always been a little distant to the family she had somewhat ended up sharing with Luke when their parents remarried. In her defense, she had a reasonable excuse for the night.

“And there she is!” Fitz said. Beca didn’t even notice his presence until now. A part of her still just really, really wanted to punch the guy, but she manage to restrain herself. “Look Beca, I can tell you still hate my guts, but you can’t lie, London did you some good.”

“Maybe.” Beca replied with a smirk. Yeah, it really did.

If only Chloe had been here to share the moment with her.

“I know that look.” Fitz then said. “That’s the look of someone dying to just call the most special person in their life to share whatever good news they have. That’s the longing look of just wanting share the happiness we feel with said person. So where’s the lucky guy? Why isn’t he here?”

“Girl.” Beca corrected.

“Ah, never really had a chance then.” Fitz then commented. “I know we’re not on the best of terms Beca, but I wish you well. And I wish you happiness. I want you to know the reason why I sent you here is because I wanted you to grow more in this business – and if I heard right, your buddies with the one and only Simon Cowell right now, so I guess I did the right thing. But anyways, I know the deal I made with you. I’m here to personally say that I release you. You’re free of your contract.”

“Thank you. You’re still an ass though.” Beca then replied with a chuckle.

Fitz laughed. “Yes, but at least I know. Go, share the good news with your girl.”

“She’s not my girl.” Beca replied.

“Huh. But do you want to?”

Beca stayed speechless for a moment or too. “I want to fight for her but she’s with somebody else.”

“Fight for her anyways.” Fitz then said with a shrug and Beca smirked.

She’s got her old high school friend back.

Taking his advice Beca slipped out for a moment, the cold spring breeze greeted her as she stepped out of the club. She wanted to let Chloe know.

She was coming home.

The relief washing over Beca completely. A lot has happened since she was gone, and though nothing new of note has happened with her memories, although nothing new had popped up in her mind, she had found hope. There was hope with Luisa’s help. There was hope of her getting back to Chloe, and giving her all that she deserved. There was hope with her future plans, plans she had only discussed with the man who had been guiding her as her mentor, a certain Mr. Cowell who had developed an interest with her with all of her potentials, the past few months.

Things were falling into place. Somewhat, and nothing in this world would stop Beca from fighting for Chloe’s heart once she’s back.

And Beca had been anticipating to hear Chloe’s voice only to hear Eli’s on the other end of the line.

“Um, hi?” Beca replied.

“Beca Mitchell.” Eli said a little too stoic for Beca’s taste before she heard him chuckle on the other end of the line. “Good timing.” he then said, his voice picking up his usual cheery tone.

“Uh, yeah, where’s Chloe? Can I talk to her?”

“She’s… busy. How are you doing Beca, we never really got the chance to talk. How’s New York?” was Eli’s response, continuing the conversation in his usual jovial tone.

“I don’t know. I’m in London, have been for a while. Where’s Chloe? I’ve got some news for her.”

“Huh.” Eli replied. “Oh, she’s busy, like I said. I just proposed again, after all.” Eli then said.

“Oh.” Beca then said, her voice dropping low as she waited in trepidation for what’s coming next.

“Would you believe it? It’s really crazy. She finally said it you know.” Eli said, but Beca didn’t know he was purposefully misleading her with his half-truths before telling the actual lie. “She finally said ‘yes’.”

“Oh. Alright. Um, yeah. Bye.” Beca awkwardly replied as she rushed on hanging up her phone and shoving it in her pocket. Her hands were shaking… well… technically she was shaking through her very core.

She was late. She was very much too late.


	19. Beca's Ballade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured include snippets of ‘Broken’ by Lifehouse, ‘Nothing’ by The Script, ‘Mr. Brightside’ by The Killers, ‘I’ll Be Over You’ by Toto, and ‘This Love’ by Taylor Swift

For some reason, the music blasting through the whole place was fitting. A remix of ‘Mr. Brightside’

_Coming out of my cage_  
_And I've been doing just fine_  
_Gotta gotta be down_  
_Because I want it all_  
_It started out with a kiss_  
_How did it end up like this_  
_It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss_

Eli… he said it… he said…

_Now I'm falling asleep_  
_And she's calling a cab_  
_While he's having a smoke_  
_And she's taking a drag_  
_Now they're going to bed_  
_And my stomach is sick_  
_And it's all in my head_

Beca tried to get a grip of the situation. But the words were a knife to the heart. Besides, why would Chloe miss the call? Maybe she was hearing the news with other people right now. Maybe…

No, she had to keep herself in check

_But she's touching his chest_  
_Now, he takes off her dress_  
_Now, let me go_

But she can’t. The thoughts that kept swirling in her head were haunting her. The ache in her heart wasn’t disappearing either. She thought, she figured, that maybe she had hope. That there was hope. And now the hope was gone, she lost the fight.

Nothing was left but desolation. She’s lost Chloe forever.

_I just can't look its killing me_  
_And taking control_  
_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea_  
_Swimming through sick lullabies_  
_Choking on your alibis_

It all left a bitter taste in her mouth as she reached the bar and ordered for the strongest drink they had. One drink. Two drinks. Three. She wanted to numb it. The pain. Four. Five. Six. It felt like that before, when she walked away from Chloe. It felt like a part of her was being ripped away.

But no, it felt much worse now.

She was at a point of almost perfect bliss. Things were finally turning out right.

Looks like she paid the steepest of prices in the end.

_But it's just the price I pay_  
_Destiny is calling me_  
_Open up my eager eyes_  
_Cause I'm Mr. Brightside_

And she was shaken to her very core.

At some point Beca realized that her assistant, Jack, was talking to her. She wasn’t entirely sure what she mumbled in response, or if it was even coherent in the first place. She needed to get out. She needed to breathe. She felt like the crowd was suffocating her, like she was drowning.

Chloe has said ‘no’ before, why now? What could have happened?

Did she really move on completely?

Were those stolen glances meaningless after all?

Or was it just her, hopefully wishing that maybe she could get Chloe back? That maybe there was still something there?

She felt incredibly blindsided by all of it. The fact that Chloe wasn’t the first person who told her either, she figured, if anything, Chloe would have given her that respect, especially because of what they had.

But what did they have? Somehow, Beca thought it was something incredibly special even though all she had was one memory of happiness with Chloe – the New Year’s Eve memory. Maybe it wasn’t as special as she thought anymore.

Or what if she had just hurt her that bad? Beca knew she did, but was it beyond repair, with an absolute finality? Or does what she had with Eli just outweigh everything else?

No, she wasn’t going to even think about it. Beca felt sick to the stomach with the thought of it.

Beca soon found herself outside of the club. The cool evening breeze once again breathing her some life.

Or maybe she just really needed air, she was starting to feel nauseous at the club. She left silently, without saying a word, walking around aimlessly through London. She wanted to cry. She just really, desperately needed a cry, and she wasn’t entirely sure if she already was crying or not. But if she could, she’d cry a river of tears, mourning for what she has lost. She should have, she very well should have just died in that accident if living meant feeling this kind of pain.

She knew it was her decision to leave back then. It was what seemed to be the right thing to do. But now if she could turn back the time, she would. She’d stop herself from leaving – but then again, a part of her knew that even if she did, things would have imploded and maybe they were better off with her decision of leaving in the first place.

No, if she could, she’d turn back the time and stop the accident from happening in the first place.

Then maybe, just maybe, she could be happy with Chloe.

_As soon as my heart stops breakin'_  
_Anticipating_  
_As soon as forever is through_  
_I'll be over you_

A man had started singing in a drunken tone. His friends all trying to shut him off, calm him down, as he swayed from side to side, rambling incoherent words. Looked like it was a night for the broken hearted.

Beca wasn’t sure how but she ended up at a bar. Things were starting to make sense again, throb and ache in her chest, and so drink her sorrows away she must.

She drank more slowly this time though, taking her time as she nursed her heartbreak.

 _It’s not like you said anything Mitchell,_ Beca chastised herself. If Chloe was happy, she should be too. She loved Chloe, and she wanted the best for her. Of course she wanted her to be happy, despite the own pain she felt.

But this didn’t feel like just pain, it felt like dying on the inside.

And a part of Beca knew that Eli wasn’t exactly the best for Chloe. Even if in the end it wasn’t Beca herself either, she did think Chloe deserved better.

_They say a few drinks will help me to forget her_  
_But after one too many I know that I'm never_  
_Only they can see where this is gonna end_  
_But they all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense_

The song had been playing for a while but Beca only realized she was humming it when she started to drink from her newly served glass.

_And my mates are all there trying to calm me down_  
_'Cause I'm shouting your name all over the town_  
_I'm swearing if I go there now_  
_I can change her mind turn it all around_  
_And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words_  
_And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred_  
_Dialed her number and confessed to her_  
_I'm still in love but all I heard_  
_Was nothing_

And it was like she couldn’t escape her. Everywhere she turned, all she saw was Chloe.

The song felt familiar too.

Like the barrage of songs she’s encountering reminded her of a time long ago, of some time ago when she had been sulking in her own corner.

All of a sudden she could hear Luke’s voice.

… _if you really didn’t love her, and love her with all your being whether you were aware of it or not, then why is your heart still breaking? Why won’t it mend?_

“Why won’t it?” Beca found herself asking, and this time she was sure she was indeed crying. She could see the tears leaving stains on the bar counter.

“I think I should start cutting ya' off there, missy. ‘Sides, we’re nearly closin' off.” the rather portly bartender said. “You want me to call anyone for ya'?” he asked but Beca shook her head, paid her tab, and left before the bartender could call for a cab for her.

She liked walking. Walking felt like she could clear her head.

Luke’s words kept hammering through her mind. Over and over again like her father’s words did.

_Love is an addiction Beca_

Luke had said again, the words echoing in her head, the distant memory trying to break through.

_And heartbreak is the worst kind of withdrawal_

She could hear him still talking. Luke wasn’t there of course, and all Beca could see and hear from reality was the mixture of lights and sounds the city at what felt like one or two in the morning. She eventually found herself by the River Thames, on the Queens walk, near the London Eye at the South Bank.

She was wondering how she got there, she really barely noticed, and how she got there in one piece considering she could barely keep her balance.

_The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone_  
_I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home_

The song went on. She wasn’t sure where she caught ear of it, but it was stuck in her head along with Luke’s words. She walked closer to the bank, leaning on the railings. Her head was pounding so painfully so.

All she wanted to do was see Chloe. Fight for her, Eli be damned. She wanted to show her she had options, prove to her that after all this time, despite all that has happened, she still loved her.

Never really stopped.

_She’s the unexpected_

This time she heard herself say in her thoughts and a swirl of images from her father’s kitchen started appearing in her mind.

Beca closed her eyes, she knew she was tired, of course she did, and this could just be her being tired. She opened them again, and this time she saw her reflection on the water, from where she was leaning on the railings.

_Love someone who’s worth the pain, and never let that person go._

She heard her father’s voice say again, followed by a quick flash in her head of hugging him briefly.

Beca blinked. She was back to reality, her head still throbbing painfully. But more than that, all she wanted was to see Chloe then and there, tell her she loved her, and show her she could fight for her.

And if she could, she would. She’d fly all the way to LA that very moment. Even swim if needed be.

The throbbing of her head became worse, and she felt herself sway as she leaned closer to the railing. Flashing of things she could barely understand kept appearing in front of her, interspersed with the view before her. But one thought prevailed. Get to Chloe and tell her how you feel. She’d do anything to reach her right now. If she could reach the water she could swim. She can do it. Reach Chloe.

And Beca could feel herself almost toppling over.

Before she blacked out completely.

 

* * *

 

Chloe found herself in such an odd position. For one thing, she felt lighter than ever. She ran into Jesse on her way out of the apartment, and the Treble immediately picked up that there was something on her mind. They soon found their way at a local bar, just a few blocks off their apartment building.

And, Chloe would have to admit, even when things turned out for the better between her and Jesse, never did she ever think that one day she would be pouring her heart out to her once upon a time unspoken rival for Beca. In a way, it unburdened the heaviness in her heart.

Like a cloud was lifting. Thankfully, Jesse was an incredibly good listener.

But the cloud didn’t want to stay lifted at all.

Chloe was sipping on her glass of wine when Eli walked into the bar and immediately made her way to the two of them. Really, she wasn’t sure what she feels at the moment, still being torn about whether or not he threw the ticket away on purpose.

“Chloe.” Eli started, the gentleness back in his voice. “Please, let’s just talk about this.”

“Eli, we did.” Chloe replied. “I just… we can’t keep going like this.”

“Chloe…” he said, trying to reason with her. “I’m willing to wait, you know? No matter how long it takes for you to realize that I’m for you. You’re my princess, and I’m you’re knight in shining armor. I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll piece your heart together and I’ll keep the bad things away.”

“And I don’t think you’re listening to me.” Chloe replied, her tone starting to rise. “Eli, I just… I can’t love someone when I still love someone else.”

Eli chuckled, his mood changing. “How can you love someone who’s hurt you already?”

“Life isn’t perfect. And… I don’t know. The pain will go away. The love stays. Eli, I’m only human, I don’t even know the meaning of life, I just know we can’t go on.”

“Huh.” Eli replied. “See, at first I thought it was next door neighbor guy here, but I guess I was wrong. It’s like she’s got this spell on you, really, it’s sickening. I thought when you said that you were engaged before and that because of an accident, your fiancé left you, you were talking about some asshole somewhere. But then I started seeing it, you know. You cared about more about your best friend you never really mentioned until New York. You cared more about her going to London than anything. Than me proposing.”

“I’m sorry.” Chloe apologized, knowing that she should have been transparent about Beca. She was trying a way to articulate things to Eli, make him understand but he wouldn’t shut up. She wanted to deescalate the situation, be more mature.

“You’re really choosing that girl? Really? What does she have that I don’t? Honestly, don’t you think it’s sick?” Eli went on. “Chloe, you belong with someone like me, not some girl. No matter how successful with all her gallivanting adventures around the world.”

“She’s not…” Chloe started to argue, her voice rising a little more. She could feel a fire rising from within, making her blood start to boil. Eli was acting like a class ‘A’ ass.

An ass who just won’t shut up, seriously.

“What? Is she really that addictive? Is it the success? It’s probably the success. What else would you see in that squirt? What, you need the best of both worlds? Chloe, I’d understand that. I mean, if you really need to. Long as I have my girl back to me.”

Chloe wasn’t sure if that was when everything clicked. She was pretty much sure that it started when she found the shredded ticket. She was doing all that she could to stop herself from slapping him right then and there.

Eli was nice. He was a good guy. Kind. She didn’t know that there was this sick and hateful side to him. It made her feel blindsided by everything, their whole relationship. She almost could, she really almost could. If she had not known Beca, if they never were… maybe…

And that made her even angrier than ever. They said don’t judge a book by its cover. When it applies to human, Chloe forgot to be more careful. There was no such thing as ‘perfect’ in terms of people. If that person is, they probably aren’t and that’s the first sign you should run.

Eli was the knight in shining armor. And people keep forgetting that the shining armor part was actually a warning. He needed the shiny piece of metal to confuse and distract you, all so that you could not see the dark hollow rotten core.

A knight, a brave knight, is one with scars. With dents and tears in their armors and shields, the proof that life had tested their mettle.

Yeah, Chloe felt like the stitches that held her eyes shut were slowly being pulled away.

Jesse was starting to shake at the corner of the bar. Chloe could tell he was trying to keep his temper in control.

“What? Do you want hopeless guy here too?” Eli then spat out, he was really crossing a line. “Or is it the Brit?”

“Eli…” Chloe said seething. It was a warning.

“Doesn’t matter really.” Eli then sneered, throwing Chloe’s phone on the bar. “Not like she’d call anymore. I made it clear Chloe. You’re mine.”

Jesse beat Chloe to the punch with the phone. Eli did the honor of unlocking it already and opening the call logs. “You talked to Beca…” he let slip.

“I made a point.” Eli continued to sneer. “She won’t be calling anymore.” he repeated.

“What did you say Eli?” Chloe asked, her anger reaching the summit. “What did you tell her?”

“She’s not going to bother us, I made sure of it my princess.” Eli then said in a sickly sweet tone, stepping forward to approach Chloe.

But Chloe wouldn’t have it.

She was going to slap him. But slapping him would be too merciful.

Chloe didn’t even notice it, not until her fist connected with Eli’s face, knocking him down. His nose was bleeding right after and Chloe wouldn’t have noticed it was her who punched her if not for her hand hurting really, really badly.

“Damn it.” Chloe let out as she shaking her own fist. Was it really supposed to hurt that bad?

“What was that for?” Eli threw back angrily. Every guest at the bar starting to gather around them.

“For being an ass you sick, sick idiot.” Chloe shouted out, trying her best not to cry despite her eyes already welling up. Her hand still hurts. “You think you can just say the right things, at the right time, play with people’s emotions, pretend and manipulate your way into things. God! I don’t know what’s more infuriating, you being an ass right now or you lying to me. Somehow I feel it’s me believing in your lies in the first place. I was hurt, true. I was brokenhearted and alone, didn’t mean you should have used that to your advantage and get the girl. You exploited the moment, and here I thought you just really cared and you were genuine. God, you sick bastard!”

“Chloe.” Eli growled, trying to get up.

And to retaliate, since Chloe was also pissed she ended up hurting herself when she punched him, Chloe kicked him right where it hurts, keeping him down. “Really choosing pint-sized squirt over…”

“Over what? You? Yes. Definitely yes” she said cutting in. “And even if it’s still not Beca in the end, I’ll take anyone over you. I’d rather be alone, truth be told. And as for Beca, I loved her, with all my being Eli. And I still do. I never stopped. I just tried fooling myself that I can move on.” Chloe continued.  “And God, my hand still hurts!”

“That’s probably a fracture, we should get that checked out.” Jesse said and the very helpful bartender was already handing him a towel wrapped around a bunch of ice for Chloe’s hand. Maybe ease the pain.

Jesse started to usher her out when Eli tried crawling up, reaching for her. Jesse didn’t waste any time, throwing a punch just as he got on his fist, hitting him squarely on his jaw. “That’s for Beca.” Jesse said. “And when we get to the bottom of this, don’t you think you’re getting away easily.”

Chloe could still feel the anger rising in from within her, Jesse promising to call both Luke and Beca at the hospital after trying to call the DJ a few times already.

They didn’t get to see the bartender and the guests start pouring and throwing their drinks at the fool who thought he was perfect.

* * *

 

It’s been hours and Luke’s shaken to the core. Beca was missing.

She shouldn’t be missing.

His first impulse was to actually punch Fitz again when he saw him, thinking maybe he did something again that could have made Beca upset.

“We’re actually on okay terms Walker. I was talking to her earlier, I think she went out to call her girl, or not her girl but the girl she wants to be her girl.” Fitz had explained.

“Chloe? Beca was calling Chloe? Interesting.” Luisa then said, walking into the scene.

“What on earth are you doing here?” Luke asked incredibly confused.

“Oh what, did my little mouse not tell you? We’re friends now.” Luisa had given as a reply. Luke was going to ask what exactly she meant by that when Kaelyn showed up with Jack in tow, Jack explaining that she was rambling on about things being too late, that _she_ was getting married. All while getting herself incredibly drunk in a very short span of time.

And Luke could only guess who _she_ was.

Luke wanted to ask himself why Chloe would get married, and to Eli. _The ticket was supposed to push her to the right direction… or… is it the reason why she didn’t come with us? She chose Eli?_ Luke thought to himself, but at that point, he really couldn’t spare any more of his thoughts for Chloe. His main concern was Beca. And Beca was clearly taking things hard.

Really, really hard.

They decided to split up – him, Kaelyn, Luisa, Jack, Jack’s boyfriend Milo, and Fitz – believing it would be the best and fastest way of finding Beca.

He tried calling Beca a few times but it was a wasted effort. She turned her phone off. So as he scoured London – or at least the immediate radius he thinks Beca would end up traveling in her drunken state – he started ringing Chloe’s phone.

But no one was answering.

“What on earth is going on?” Luke asked himself through gritted teeth, trying his best not to throw his phone away from his anger. He was getting more and more worried about Beca the more time passes by without any sign of her.

Kaelyn just texted him before his phone died out, but the glimpse of the message told him all he needed to know. Beca wasn’t home.

Jack thought it would be wise to check the office, but she wasn’t there either.

So where was she?

Luke continued his search. Eventually hailing a cab to get around town faster. He found himself on the Westminster Bridge when he saw a faint figure by the lamp on the Queens Walk, leaning by the railings. He eventually got off the cab, asking the driver to wait for him, running towards where he though he saw the figure. He wasn’t sure if it was Beca but at this point he figured, he could try.

In truth, it looked like he got there almost a little too late, and if he had been, he wasn’t sure what he would have done.

Beca could have drowned.

But thankfully Luisa didn’t and before Beca could fall into the river, she managed to haul her away with one hand.

Luke found himself releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He collapsed on his knees near where Luisa laid Beca down.

“Looks like the little elf passed out.”

“Ugh, she’s really going to give me a heart attack one of these days.” Luke found himself saying. “So you really are mates now?”

“Mitchell isn’t half bad.” Luisa replied with a shrug. “Take her home, she needs to rest. Get to the bottom of things later.”

“Chloe’s getting married.” Luke said absent-mindedly.

“Somehow, I don’t think I believe that.” Luisa then said. “Something doesn’t feel right, and the redhead, I don’t think she would just drop Beca and hurt her this way. If anything, I’d think she would want to talk to her personally if she really was moving on.”

Luke nodded. “I think you’re right, but… I don’t know. I don’t really know what to think.”

“You really care for her, don’t you?” Luisa then asked, nodding at Beca as she lifted her up and passed her to Luke.

“She’s family.” Luke simply said before turning to leave.

Once again, he found himself carrying her home.

And no matter how long it took, he’ll always be there to help pick the pieces up and help her become whole again.

* * *

 

Amy didn’t waste a minute to get to the hospital when Jesse texted her about the gist of what happened. Thankfully she was there keeping Chloe calm.

Yeah, Jesse has never seen Chloe this mad. Ever.

He didn’t even think Chloe could get this mad.

It did help her process with the pain of her swollen hand at the moment, so there was that. With Amy assisting Chloe with anything she needed, Jesse took his chance to ring up Beca and sort things out, figure out whatever sick thing Eli could have told her.

_She won’t be calling anymore_

God, just the way he sneered when he said it, Jesse was ready to pound the guy.

But onto matters more important. Luke wasn’t answering. Beca too. And Jesse wasn’t entirely sure what was more worrying really, the fact that Beca was hard to reach or Luke.

Because Luke not answering is definitely an indicator of terrible things happening.

And Jesse was most certainly not happy about that.

* * *

 

“Do you want some tea?” Kaelyn asked, her voice soft and gentle. Luke shook his head in response.

“I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” he replied with a weak smile and Kaelyn nodded, tiptoeing out of Beca’s room at her London flat, leaving the two of them alone.

Beca was fine. Luke’s cousin was a doctor and so he gladly came in to check on her when he called. She was unconscious, heavily drunk, but fine nonetheless.

But somehow, Luke knew it won’t all be better until he sees Beca wake up. So he resigned himself to watching her over the night, waiting out the coming dawn that was barely hours away.

He was still dying to know what exactly happened, but his phone was still charging by the socket near Beca’s bedside table.

There was a knock on the door and Kaelyn quickly popped back in bringing him anyways. Chamomile to help him relax. It was an intense evening. But that wasn’t all that Kaelyn brought with her, handing Luke her phone. Luke gave her a curious expression on his face but Kaelyn simply shrugged. “Says he wants to talk to you. Been trying to call you all evening before realizing he could actually call me too. Also was trying to call Beca, didn’t tell him anything yet though.” she said in a low voice.

“Thanks.” Luke replied, accepting the phone.  And with a deep sigh, he asked Jesse “What do you want Swanson?”

 

* * *

 

“Luke! Man, where have you guys been, I’ve been calling you and Beca all night long!” Jesse exclaimed. It was the truth. He really had been. Endlessly too.

They were at Bumper and Amy’s apartment. Bumper was getting a bat ready and rallying the Trebles he knew lived in the city to go grab al of Chloe’s things from her apartment with Eli. There was no way Chloe was ever stepping foot in that place. Amy made a suggestion of adding a few more ‘muscles’ with them, saying she already called Lilly and that she’d meet the whole group a block away from Chloe’s apartment building. Anne, Jesse’s girlfriend just got there. She was helping Amy with Chloe – who was currently pretty drugged up on pain meds at the moment – making sure that she would be okay.

So yeah, Jesse took this to be the perfect time to retry calling Luke, and thanks to Anne suggestion of calling Kaelyn, he finally got a hold of him.

“Been a little busy Swanson. My phone’s dead, Beca’s fell off into a river at some point.” Luke replied grumpily.

Which was the first indication that things are not good in any way.

“I heard Beale’s getting married.” Luke finally said with a sigh.

“No!” Jesse almost yelled. He decided to bring his voice down a notch when he saw Amy peak out of the guest bedroom, signaling for him to lower his tone. “Look, that’s why I’ve been trying to call. We have a little situation here, you see. But no, Chloe’s not marrying the psycho. They broke up, actually.”

“Keep talking…” Luke said flatly and Jesse wasn’t entirely sure if he’s mood was getting better or not. “And be quick about it.”

“Yeah, right. Uh, so Chloe lost the ticket, she thought Eli threw it out on purpose then they sort of argued? I’m not sure. I ran into her on the way out of the building and we decided to go grab drinks and talk. She said they broke up, this despite Eli proposing again. We talk, mostly about feelings and Beca, then Eli shows up with her phone. He said Beca called and he was acting all jealous and all, throwing in a bunch of insinuations about me and Chloe or Beca and Chloe – and by the way, dude’s incredibly homophobic, it really grinds my gears – then he goes on giving Chloe a speech about him being her shining knight and she’s the princess and they belonged together. Anyways, he says he made that clear to Beca, Chloe’s concerned, dude acts more like an ass and I think Chloe got to the point of no return and punched him! Chloe Beale actually punched a living person!”

“Wait… wait… Chloe punched him? Chloe Beale? Sweet, kind, sometimes scary redhead?”

“Yep. Also, scarier to see her really mad up close and personal. By the way, she also kicked him in the nuts. He tried getting up but I threw in a punch there for Beca… and hang on, why do you think they’re getting married?”

“Because that’s what he said to Beca.” Luke replied flatly and Jesse was starting to understand why Luke’s voice sounded grave and tired and weary. He was starting to understand that feeling of foreboding that’s been gnawing at him since the hospital.

“Wha-… How’s Beca?” Jesse asked, dreading to hear the worst. “That prick! So that’s what he said... Luke, please tell me Beca’s handling things fine. Can I tell her personally that everything’s fine? Wake her up?”

“She’s… we’ll she took it real hard. You know… we know and we can see it. The way those two feel for each other. I think Beca’s quite aware too. She got real drunk, or so it seems, and we had to look for her all over London. Not fun.”

“You said something about a river?” Jesse then asked, a panic building inside him. “She didn’t jump into a river, did she?” he asked, keeping an eye on the door of the guestroom, making it’s closed, and bringing his voice down even lower.

“I don’t think that was her plan. Maybe she wanted to swim all the way back to America? She nearly fell is all that I know for sure. She’s still unconscious. Not sure what knock her out cold, I think she passed out before committing herself to jumping into Thames.”

“Beca…” Jesse then found himself saying. A new found wave of anger building inside him for Eli. A new found rage he was trying to contain. “Thank God you found her in time then.”

“I didn’t.” Luke said almost wordlessly, and Jesse could tell from the crack in his voice how much the thought of what might’ve happened was affecting him. “Someone else did. Lucky there was or else I don’t know what I would have done to that sorry excuse of a sod.”

“Who?” Jesse asked.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Just really thankful is all.” Luke said before heaving a deep sigh. “How’s Chloe?”

“Oh, right. We’re at Amy’s now. I called her earlier and she’s all ‘my place is the base of operations’ mode. She sent an SOS to the Bellas and we decided to meet on what we should do. Be here for Chloe and they most definitely want payback. Aubrey’s planning on jumping in via video call. Said she and Stacie would catch the first flight in. She’s really out for blood. I called her when we went to the hospital, see Chloe… she doesn’t exactly know how to make a proper fist… she has a Boxer’s fracture, her hand’s kinda’ swollen right now, like Beca did before. Remember? It’s actually kinda’ funny. It’s on the opposite hand VS what Beca broke. Like a complementary mirror image. Where are you right now? What happened after Beca nearly fell?”

“Took her home. Letting her rest. I’ll tell her tomorrow. But man, ugh, I wish I can be there right now so I can rip that guy apart. He better not run into me…” Luke said seething.

“Don’t worry. That’s going to all be taken care of.” Jesse then said. “Ugh, I just… that guy… Now that I know what he’s done… It just makes me sick. And I don’t know what makes me even sicker, he’s ideals of a happily-ever-after fairytale romance that just sounds so twisted the way he said it, or that I had those same ideals, about a guy finding a girl, getting the girl, you know?”

“Jesse, you and him, totally different mate. You make mistakes, you learn from them. And you learned with Beca. You’re not too out of touch with reality.” Luke then said. “Now do me a favor, please tell me you’re not planning on doing something borderline illegal with the Bellas. I’m all up for retaliation, teach the guy a lesson, but do not scar him for life... Physically… or maybe scar him for life a little? Just nothing illegal.” Luke said and Jesse chuckled. He says this sounding exasperated even though Jesse knows Luke himself was ready to murder the guy. If kissing Beca when she didn’t feel the same way had Luke pushing him up against the wall with a deadly look in his eyes, then messing with her mind and emotions like that was definitely a one-way ticket to hell.

“Don’t worry Luke, we’ve got this. I don’t think anything would be illegal per se… It’s not like we’re killing him or locking him up and enacting various horrific tortures from different time periods. I do have some ideas though. And don’t worry, we’re keeping Emily out of this, protecting her innocence and all.’’

“See, you say that and immediately I think you’re going to do a milder version of what you promise you won’t do so you can loophole your way out of this in case.”

“We’re the masters of loopholes, so don’t you fret Luke.” Jesse then said.

“I… oh I don’t even want to know. Just let me know the outcome…” Luke replied sounding exasperated yet again. “Keep me posted. And, Swanson, I know Chloe deserves the truth with what Eli did, but maybe don’t tell her about the river incident until I talk to Beca. I don’t want Chloe to freak out too much.”

“Right. But I think the Bellas deserve to know ASAP.”

“Definitely.” Luke then replied before yawning at the other end of the line. “I’ll keep you posted too Swanson, alright? Give him hell for me.”

“Oh we definitely will.” Jesse then replied. Justice needed to be served.

A few hours into the morning and Lilly was back with Bumper with boxes of Chloe’s things. The Bellas were all at the apartment, and Stacie and Aubrey were all set-up on their video call while getting ready for an early morning flight. Jesse explained the situation to them, Chloe happily dozing off in the guestroom and Anne whipping them up something to eat.

The Bellas were all furious, Aubrey the most. Well, technically Amy was ready to go flay the man alive so Jesse wasn’t entirely sure who he would be most afraid of at the moment. The Bellas were already coming up with ideas, Jesse was both terrified and impressed by the dark machinations of their mind, but he has a brilliant plan of his own.

Jesse coughed, trying to get everyone’s attention. “Pavlov’s dog.” Jesse initially said. “You guys know it, right?”

“Yes Swanson, we know about Schrodinger’s cat as well. What’s your point? There is a point, right? You’re not just naming experiments, actual and theoretical ones?” Aubrey then cut in, her tone icy and sharp.

“Yes, there is a point Aubrey. Pavlov’s dog is a classical conditioning experiment. Think back to the day where you guys haunted Tom with that song back in Barden to the point that whenever I saw him and that song was playing, it drove him insane. That and the whole pheromones lesson I had with the woodland creatures… I was thinking of applying a song to the concept of conditioning… except this time a great variety of popular songs that should express our sentiments… and say have the same bad thing happening to him on repeat in conjunction with a particular song ala the 75th Hunger Games featured in _Catching Fire_ I think we have our revengenda all set.”

“I kinda’ like where Swanson’s going with this. I’m in.” Cynthia Rose then said.

“Will there be any mutilation of any kind?” Flo asked. “I might know a guy.”

“No, I promised Luke nothing illegal.” Jesse then replied. “But mean-spirited pranks should be fair game.”

“I kinda’ feel bad about doing these, but if it’s on a guy like Eli…” Ashley started to say.

“He messed with Beca’s minds and emotions, and who knows what he could have done with Chloe!”  Jessica rationalized.

“I don’t know. I liked the mutilation idea. He did mess with my best friend and her happiness.” Aubrey muttered before Stacie gave her a look. “Fine, nothing over the top then.”

“In other words, we’re all in Jesse.” Denise then said, speaking in behalf of the group.

“So what do you have in mind?” Stacie then asked, “I still have the right contacts, just so you know.”

“I think I might actually have a brilliant plan for that we might need some Tazmanian devils at some point.” Amy then said. “Yes, yes, Lilly, I hear you. I like all of your unspeakable horrors of ideas and we’ll get those in there too.” She added after Lilly whispered something Jesse could only guess was delectably mortifying, and soon the Bellas wasted no time in preparing Eli’s own personal hell.

* * *

 

There was still a pulsing pain in her head, but she could feel herself slowly coming to.

Water.

That was the last thing she knew.

The last thing she saw.

Did the pulsing pain she felt mean she was dead?

No. Maybe not.

The radio was playing softly in the background, or maybe Luke’s playlist, she wasn’t sure. She never opened her eyes, she didn’t bother. She’d rather just sleep.

But the song was a warm welcome, lulling her back to sleep.

_Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in_  
_And I could go on and on, on and on, and I will_  
_Skies grew darker, currents swept you out again_  
_And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone_

It was late at night. Luke picked her up from her internship at _Residual Heat_. She’s been nervous the whole night. Week. Month really.

Technically ever since the thought popped up in her head the Christmas before.

“What’s in that little head of yours Becky?” Luke asked on their way back to Barden.

Beca decided to just let it all out. Tell someone, because she’s been keeping it to herself the whole time and it was going to kill her.

If she could, she would shout it out to the rest of the world.

“She’s the one.” Beca then said. “Luke, she’s the one.”

“I’m assuming we’re talking about Chloe?” he asked rather interested in where this would lead to.

“Yes.”

“Well, I already know that.” Luke then said simply.

“No, I mean. She’s it. She’s the one Luke. Chloe. She’s the one I want to marry someday. Who I want to marry period. She’s the one for me. The real actual one and I… I…”

“Wait, Beca, are you telling me you’re…? You’re planning to propose?” Luke asked in disbelief. Happy but still trying to process things.

“You think she’d say yes?” Beca found herself asking uncertainly.

“Within a heartbeat.” Luke said, smiling proudly at her.

 _In silent screams,_  
_In wildest dreams_  
_I never dreamed of this_  
  
Beca groaned and pulled the covers over her head. Somehow the scene changed and she was out ring shopping with Aubrey. They were arguing all day about the perfect ring.

“I can’t believe I asked you for this. Maybe I should have just one myself.”

“Mitchell, if you’re proposing to my best friend, you have to do it the right way and with the right ring.”

“Gee, don’t you think I know that?” Beca replied sarcastically.

The two ended up bickering the whole day through, in the end, Beca was even pickier than Aubrey and they couldn’t agree on anything.

 _This love is good, this love is bad_  
_This love is alive back from the dead_  
_These hands had to let it go free_  
_And this love came back to me_  
_  
_ Beca kept tossing and turning around. Somehow she went back in time before the ring shopping. It was Thanksgiving, at Chloe’s parents’ house. 

It was a rare event, getting a chance to be alone with just her mom and dad. Beca was nervous the whole night, but now was her chance and she just got off the phone with Luke who had been building her confidence up.

 “What is it darling?” Chloe’s mom, ever intuitive asked her.

Beca started rambling on and on about how unorthodoxed it might be but she knew for sure that all she wanted to do was make Chloe happy.

“And um, well, I… I wanted to ask the two of you for Chloe’s hand in marriage. I mean, if you would give me your blessing, I’d very much like to propose to your daughter and ask her to marry me.” Beca finally got the sentence out and she was met by two beaming smiles that confused Beca on whose smile was bigger. 

If anything, the whole thing endeared her to them even more.

 _Tossing, turning, struggled through the night with someone new_  
_And I could go on and on, on and on_  
_Lantern burning, flickered in my mind for only you_  
_But you're still gone, gone, gone_  
  
Beca pulled the pillow closer to her face. Burying it more and more.

The ring was still a problem and Beca decided to ask help with someone who had an experience or two with ring shopping.

Her dad.

Thankfully he listened to her predicament with a gentle smile on her face. He was happy for her more than anything.

“Don’t ever let her go Beca. No matter the hurt or pain. Chloe’s special.”

“I know. But it would seem no ring ever matches her in terms of being special.”

“I might have a solution for you.” Her father said, disappearing for a while in his study before reappearing with the most beautiful antique ring in the palm of his hand. “This was my mother’s.” he started to say. “I never actually used this to propose to anyone, but I think Chloe is the right kind of special for it, don’t you agree?” 

Beca smiled, touched by the gesture. She stood up from her father’s couch and wrapped him in a tight embrace. “Thank you so much dad.”

“Anything for the two of you.” he then said with a warm smile.

 _Been losing grip,_  
_Oh, sinking ships_  
_You showed up just in time_  
  
She turned around and settled for laying on her back. The throbbing kept coming and going.

Beca was unsure it would work, but she had to try. She was at the radio station, desperate with her attempts at reaching Chloe.

But she had to keep trying.

She took a deep breath, turned the volume down on the song, removed the voice changer on the mic and started speaking.

 _“Chloe Beale, if you are listening, then you know what I have to s_ ay.” she started. She could feel her heart beating loudly against her chest, but she had to keep speaking. _“You're not allowed to come crashing in, barreling your way through my defenses and uprooting my monotonic life and then just leave. I won’t let you. You're the greatest thing that happened to me and… God, I don't know why I'm starting to get emotional right now…" she continued, her voice cracking up a bit as she was slowly being overwhelmed by what she felt. “But… But… you're the reason behind every song, I hope you know that. You’re my symphony. And I was lucky to have met you. I can't believe I almost didn't. I was chasing away some other dream when you crash landed right in front of me so unexpectedly. You changed me and you keep on bringing out the best in me. And I… I won't just give you up without a fight… I… Chloe, I lo- Chloe?”_

  
_This love is good, this love is bad_  
_This love is alive back from the dead_  
_These hands had to let it go free_  
_And this love came back to me_  
  
Beca jolted up, waking up fully this time. Her face in her hand. The realization of it.

It was there.

Not all there.

Still had some holes in between but it was there. Almost all of it all there.

Her memories.

 _This love left a permanent mark_  
_This love is glowing in the dark_  
_These hands had to let it go free_  
_And this love came back to me_  
  
She looked up, Luke was staring at her intently, quite upset. He got up, walked towards the windows and tore the curtains open, letting the sun and all of its bright glory to shine inside the room and reach Beca.

“Dude! What the hell?!”

“I could ask you the same bloody question Rebecca?! What on earth were you thinking?!” Luke started not at all calm. 

She got an hour long lecture after that.

_Your kiss, my cheek, I watched you leave_  
_Your smile, my ghost, I fell to my knees_  
_When you're young you just run_  
_But you come back to what you need_

The rest of the day Beca found that the missing pieces kept coming back slowly. Even more easily now than before. Luisa dropped by to check on her and she asked for that number of the doctor friend of hers, a specialist on cases like hers. Maybe that person could help.

And maybe she could truly keep her promise to Chloe. Especially now that Luke told her Eli had been lying.

Her first impulse was to call, but then Beca realized she didn’t know what to say. She wanted to be able to sort everything out first.

Besides, Luke said the Bellas has got it. 

And if anything, Beca’s faith in the Bellas is unwavering when it comes to these things. _  
_

_This love is good, this love is bad_  
_This love is alive back from the dead_  
_These hands had to let it go free_  
_And this love came back to me_

There was still the question of what’s next. Luke’s initial lecture on not getting drunk and wandering near rivers came with many follow ups that day. Towards the night, they found a moment alone, and Beca knew she had to tell someone. __  
  
This love left a permanent mark  
_This love is glowing in the dark_  
_These hands had to let it go free_  
_And this love came back to me_

Luke stared at her in disbelief. “It’s really back.”

“Yeah, maybe the almost traumatic thing from last night jump started my memories, I don’t know.” Beca said simply. “I might take a sabbatical for now, you know, take my time. Luisa knows this person, doctor, in Paris. I might head there and stay for a while. A month tops before returning to LA. You know, initial consultation and visits. There are still some missing pieces Luke, it’s not all back. But I’m taking a more proactive approach to this. Last time was when I just got out of the hospital and I was entirely frustrated of everything. This time… I won’t give up Luke.”

Luke smiled and looked at her with pride. “So long as you don’t step anywhere near the river Seine.”

Beca chuckled. “I promise.” she said with a smile. 

It was back. It was really back.

_This love, this love, this love, this love_

And it was like a breath of fresh air.

“Luke, one more thing.” Beca called out before Luke disappeared into the guest room.

“What is it?”

“Don’t tell anyone else yet. I want to do it on my own, and in my own terms.”

“I promise Beca.” Luke said, walking back towards her and wrapping her in a tight hug. “I’m just glad you’re okay, and that you’re back.”

Beca chuckled and smiled. She could swear Luke was actually crying, but she was crying too, staining his shirt with her tears of joy.

She promised to make her way back to Chloe.

Funny how the night before she never felt further away, and now, she’s never been closer to her, to home.


	20. Be Still

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in this chapter are ‘Why Georgia’ by John Mayer, ‘When We Were Young’ and ‘Remedy’ by Adele, and ‘Be Still’ by the Fray.

That stupid bastard.

Although technically she shouldn’t be calling him that. But Beca was still pissed.

Among other things.

Beca surprised the driver of her car service by lifting her own luggage into the trunk of the car then slamming down the trunk shut before hopping into the back seat with a huff.

“Where to Ms. Mitchell?” the driver asked uncertainly, noting the ill mood that Beca was in.

“The hotel.” Beca muttered.

_I am driving up 85 in the_   
_Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon_   
_Just stuck inside the gloom_

The driver obliged, lowered the volume of the radio, the station was as always, tuned into the Barden radio station. But that was just how things were since she came to Barden. Truthfully, since Luke came to Barden.

_4 more exits to my apartment but_   
_I am tempted to keep the car in drive_   
_And leave it all behind_

Beca huffed again and asked the driver to turn the volume up and he of course happily obliged.

_Cause I wonder sometimes_   
_About the outcome_   
_Of a still verdictless life_

Guess this was Beca’s homecoming to Barden.

_Am I living it right?_   
_Am I living it right?_   
_Am I living it right?_   
_Why, why Georgia, why?_

She was in Paris for about a month and a half. The progress she was making was remarkable, as noted by her doctor, Tiffany Deveraux, Luisa’s friend. Still holes in the memory, but things were being uncovered rather fast.

Even things she simply thought she had forgotten had been slipping back and coming up front and centered in her head.

And with it came all emotions and understanding and the letting go of resentments she stubbornly held on to.

_I rent a room and I fill the spaces with_   
_Wood in places to make it feel like home_   
_But all I feel's alone_   
_It might be a quarter life crisis_   
_Or just the stirring in my soul_

She leaned in closer towards the right side of the back seat of the car, looking out the window and sighed.

The first thing she had done the day following Luke’s long list of lectures, and her decision of seeking professional help, Beca did what she knew was the right thing to do. Call her dad, tell him everything’s good. Tell him her memories were returning.

And of course apologize.

She forgot the whole ‘tell him everything’ part but she did tell her the gist of it. It was something, at the very least, as noted by Dr. Mitchell himself.

Beca was the one who extended the olive branch, and for a while things were turning for to the Brightside. She was rebuilding bridges she kept on burning down.

_Either way I wonder sometimes_   
_About the outcome_   
_Of a still verdictless life_

_Am I living it right?_   
_Am I living it right?_   
_Am I living it right?_   
_Why, why Georgia, why?_

They were patching things up. Aside from Luke, her father was the one person she kept in contact with during her brief sabbatical. She sent Chloe a quick text message or two, saying she’s fine, nothing to worry about. That if she ever saw that slimy delusional pathetic excuse of a human man-child she will most certainly painfully rip him into the tiniest bits and shreds until he was fully decimated.

Chloe seemed all up for it with her short reply of ‘By all means’.

But that was it really. She wasn’t entirely sure how to tell Chloe, break the news and all, that she was fully getting her memories back.

Because Beca felt a little lost with where to begin.

And she wanted to make sure she could make it clear to Chloe that even without her memories returning, falling for her wasn’t even a question. It was an absolute.

_So what, so I've got a smile on_   
_But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head_   
_Don't believe me_   
_Don't believe me_   
_When I say I've got it down_

But the thing with Chloe is currently pushed to the back of her mind. That, she can face when she finalizes her move to LA.

Her current focus was on her father. The guy who he’s been confiding most of her problems with again, once more opening up to.

Reconnecting and all.

That’s the reason why she was going back to Barden in the first place.

_Everybody is just a stranger but_   
_That's the danger in going my own way_   
_I guess it's the price I have to pay_   
_Still "everything happens for a reason"_   
_Is no reason not to ask myself_

But stupid bastard didn’t tell her anything. They were supposed to have an open line of communication. As a matter of fact that was the first things he told her when she reached out with that first call.

And now Beca regrets never finding the chance to say all the things she had decided to shelve then.

_Am I living it right?_   
_Am I living it right?_   
_Am I living it right?_   
_Why, why Georgia, why?_

Because of course now that her sanity has returned it was time for him to go.

He should have said something.

Instead of quietly going into the night.

 

* * *

 

With everything that’s happened so far, Chloe never thought she’d find herself at Barden again. Much less for the reason that she had. Technically, they were all supposed to meet at Barden in just a matter of a few weeks. For Emily’s graduation.

But Chloe’s plans were pushed on ahead, being the only one of the Bellas able to come and pay respects to Beca’s father.

Luke was there too, the ever absent Beca Mitchell’s representative, along with his girlfriend, Kaelyn, Emily and Benji.

“How’s Beca?” Chloe asked just after the service, walking back to where she parked her rental car with Luke.

“That’s a rather difficult question to ask.” Luke replied sounding a little irate. Chloe could guess that something must have happened – because of course there was, especially when Beca suddenly basically dropped out of thin air. Chloe would try to call her, Luke coordinating any updates on Beca’s contact details with her, but she was mostly MIA. She’d text back once or twice that she’s doing fine and asks about how she was doing, but even when Chloe responds, she never replies. Not after that initially checking in with each other after the whole mess Eli created between them.

_She’s probably processing the whole Eli thing too_ , Chloe thought. She still can’t think about the bastard without her blood boiling, but at least he wasn’t bothering her.

She never saw him again after that confrontation at the bar. She took a week off, mostly for herself, and mostly to avoid murdering her in the halls if she ever saw him. The Bellas helped her move, temporarily staying with Amy and Bumper for about a week and a half before moving to an apartment of her own. New place for a new chapter of her life.

Last she heard at the school after her return, Eli started muttering about ghosts, ninja stalkers, rabid tazmanian devils, woodland creatures, zombies, and a few other random mutterings of things hunting him down every time he heard a few songs. Apparently, a particular song triggered a particular reaction. It got real bad to the point that he wet himself in the cafeteria when one kid started playing one of the songs.

The school thought he was having a nervous breakdown.

Their colleagues had asked Chloe what on earth happened – of course they knew they were dating – and Chloe had to explain that Eli turned out to be a bit unhinged and with his weird behavior and public humiliation, Chloe didn’t have to explain further. They were just glad that Chloe was okay.

And Chloe? There was an unwavering knowledge that the Bellas were probably behind it. The dead giveaway was the zombies. Jesse’s girlfriend was a costume designer who was currently working on a horror movie. Truthfully, she didn’t want to ask the specifics of what they did… or maybe in the near future?

She had been dying on asking Luke what Beca’s been up to but the last few times she asked, Luke’s answer had always been that she’s on sabbatical and was staying in Paris for a while.

But this time was different. Chloe was worried, not in the ‘is she in danger’ sense of things, bit on how she’s processing everything. “She wanted to come Chloe.” she then heard Luke say just before Emily rushed to join them. She immediately hugged Luke and buried her tear-stained face in his shirt. “Always the emotional one?” Luke then asked with a smile.

“It’s just really sa-sa-sad, okay. Even I didn’t know he got sick. He didn’t… he… he didn’t say anything. I kept run-run-running into him this semester and all.” Emily replied in between sobs. “I-I just… Beca... you know? Does she know? Like… tha-that he was sick?”

“She only knew when we did Emily. And Beca’s strong.” Luke reminded her before turning to Luke at Chloe. “You joining us for dinner Beale?”

“I might actually just take the night off. It’s been a long day. Maybe grab a quick bite to eat.”

“Are you staying ‘til the grad or are you traveling back and forth?” Benji asked and Chloe shrugged. She still wasn’t sure about her plans. The Bellas would undoubtedly pursue the plans to be here for Emily on her big day. She might actually just stick around.

And again she was tempted to ask about Beca, would she be here? Would she show up and eventually make her way to where her father was?

How’s she processing things? The last time they ever talked about him, Beca was still on the fence about trying to open up to her father again.

And the questions she really didn’t want to think about because of she wasn’t quite sure how to handle them.

Like, did Beca finally move on?

Was that the reason she went to Paris?

Chloe soon parted ways with her friends, finding her way back to Barden.

Boy, did it bring back a lot of memories.

She decided to stick with just driving around campus, there would be more time to explore another day. Nostalgia started hitting her hard until she found herself outside the old diner she used to go to. It was her favorite place ever since her freshman year at Barden, it’s always had this homey kind of feeling. She used to bring Aubrey there for late night cravings. And eventually, it was Beca who she dragged.

Thousands upon thousands of conversations. That’s what they had here. From the day she promised Beca she would support her dreams and be with her in LA, to that last day they had at Barden before they actually moved.

She’s been standing outside for a while before she realized she should probably grab a bite to eat before heading back to her hotel.

Coming inside just turned the nostalgic factor up a notch. The familiar smell of coffee and the mixed scent cinnamon and vanilla greeted her home. They had a little bakery selection just as you enter.

And of course, when in Barden, there was only one radio station that mattered.

_Everybody loves the things you do_   
_From the way you talk_   
_To the way you move_   
_Everybody here is watching you_   
_'Cause you feel like home_   
_You're like a dream come true_

Chloe made her way further inside, old familiar faces greeting her with warm excited smiles. “Looks like today is the day of familiar faces.” Old Ben who manned the register said as Chloe said hello. Chloe gave her a curious look which he returned. That only made Chloe even more confused. She was about to ask him what he meant when he pointed at the booth towards the left end of the diner.

_But if by chance you're here alone_   
_Can I have a moment_   
_Before I go?_   
_'Cause I've been by myself all night long_   
_Hoping you're someone I used to know_

It was their old booth. The one she had shared with Beca during their time at Barden.

And the brunette girl with her head down resting on her arms on the table currently sitting in their booth and ignoring the cup of coffee to her side? Why of course it was the one and only Beca Mitchell. The sight of it was enough to have Chloe frozen still on the spot where she stood, just really taking in the sight of it.

For some reason it felt like they were back in the old days.

_You look like a movie_   
_You sound like a song_   
_My God, this reminds me_   
_Of when we were young_

Chloe could feel her heart sway, start skipping beats. Once again she was senior in college Chloe and somehow she couldn’t help but think Beca was back to being her old sometimes grumpy and broody Beca. The same girl who got arrested for punching some guy causing trouble with her friends.

Except this time, Chloe’s hand was the one still in a cast.

_Let me photograph you in this light_   
_In case it is the last time_   
_That we might be exactly like we were_   
_Before we realized_   
_We were sad of getting old_   
_It made us restless_   
_It was just like a movie_   
_It was just like a song_

Beca looked up and she seemed surprised to see Chloe but she nevertheless smiled. And Chloe couldn’t help herself but smile back.

Beca was finally home and she had been missing her so.

* * *

 

They sat there in silence for a while, just stealing glances at each other even after Chloe’s order of a cup of tea had been brought to her.

“So how was Paris?” Chloe finally asked as she took a sip of her drink.

Beca chuckled lightly. “It was okay I guess.” she replied, keeping her eyes on her own drink.

“Okay, you guess?” Chloe asked with a bit of laugh forcing Beca to finally look up and wonder what she could be thinking at the moment. “Beca, you were, for some reason, in the city of lights, the city of love, and you think it was just 'okay', you guess?”

“What would you want me to think of Paris then?” Beca then asked, keeping her eyes on Chloe’s. The pair of ocean blue glimmering like they never had before.

Chloe looked away, biting her lip. “I don’t know. One would think you would find love in the most romantic places on earth?” she said with a hint of sadness in her tone.

Beca shrugged. “I was there to clear my head of a few things really. I mean, technically I’m out of a job.”

“So you went to Paris?” Chloe asked with a chuckle yet again.

“I said I was out of a job, I didn’t say I was out of a plan, Beale.” Beca then said with smirk on her face. Technically she did get a lot of stuff done, other than make progress with her memory of course.

“But you didn’t call.” Chloe said in a whisper, before casting her eyes down to her cup of tea, Beca following suit.

Except her eyes didn’t land on Chloe’s cup of tea. It landed on Chloe’s cast.

“You’re not allowed to ever punch a guy again Beale, whether they deserve it or not.” Beca then said, reaching out to touch Chloe’s hands. The tops of their fingers met briefly, before Beca’s started tracing the cast on her hand.

Chloe smiled briefly, following the movements of Beca’s fingers, before looking up. “It’s not my fault I don’t know how to make a fist. Besides, who’ll punch them for me?”

“Uh, I don’t know, me?” Beca deadpanned.

“You live far away.” Chloe pointed out.

“Not for long.” Beca said, looking up again to meet Chloe’s gaze, hands gently resting on Chloe’s own. “I promised, didn’t I?” she reminded Chloe, her voice soft.

“Yeah, you did.” Chloe replied, tearing her eyes away from Beca once more.

And deep down inside, Beca knew she lived for the moments where she could make Chloe Beale smile and blush like she did then. It was enough to make her forget the dozen or so other emotions running through her then. She found a place of peace in Chloe’s company.

* * *

 

They stayed in the diner for about an hour before Beca brought up the idea of walking around or a bit. And how on earth could Chloe say no to her? Especially when more and more it felt like Beca was acting like her old self again.

Walking around town, it was no longer a dream, a wishful thought from the past to have Beca there by her side. She was back.

Chloe had about a month and a half to breathe and just be. Something she wasn’t able to do before. It felt wonderful, really, clearing the cobwebs that had formed in her mind.

And for some reason, it brought about her feelings for Beca front and center. Even when she focused on herself, she found herself thinking of the DJ every now and then. Missing her company, their conversations…

…what they once had.

But again, Chloe reinforced the idea, whatever Beca wanted, she would respect it. Deep down inside though, Chloe knew, Beca was just something she’ll never be able to walk away from.

They made their way through the old college town before Beca stopped just outside an old café that had just been recently closed down. Chloe couldn’t help but notice the very visible frown on her face when she saw the sign.

“What?” Beca asked when she finally realized Chloe was looking at her.

Chloe shrugged. Her thoughts asking the same question.

_Does she know?_

It was an old café where they had frequent dinners at, many date nights were most definitely spent there.

“I’m hungry, aren’t you?” Beca quickly replied, snapping Chloe back to reality.

Yes, yes she was. In fact that was the very reason she entered the diner at the first place but she had forgotten about it after seeing Beca.

“There’s a pizza place close by. It’s where Amy usually goes to get the Bellas pizza.” Chloe then said, nodding to the direction across the street where it was.

Beca nodded. “Pizza sounds good.”

_I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be_   
_So desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breathe_   
_Right before my eyes I saw, my heart it came to life_   
_This ain't easy, it's not meant to be_   
_Every story has its scars_

There was a little waiting area just by the register counter at the pizza place. Beca looked thoughtful as they waited for their order and Chloe simply couldn’t help but just watch her and try to guess what she was thinking. She wanted to have dinner with the redhead and so she invited her back to her hotel room, a more private place to take and just breathe and relax.

“Their keeping a good job at it, don’t you think?” Beca then asked and Chloe threw her a questioning glance. “The campus radio. It’s been following me since I got here.”

“You _did_ do a nice job at handling things when you were working at the station.” Chloe commented. “They have a reputation to live up to.”

“And I’m glad they are.” Beca noted.

_No river is too wide or too deep for me to swim to you_   
_Come whatever, I'll be the shelter that won't let the rain come through_   
_Your love, it is my truth_   
_And I will always love you_   
_Love you_

A few minutes of silence followed and Chloe figured, she could probably finally ask the question she had asked Luke earlier. “How are you?” Chloe asked, her intention clear in her tone.

And Beca didn’t miss it. “I’m hanging in there.” she replied simply.

“Beca… I…” Chloe started to say before Beca smiled at her and shook her head. It was a bittersweet smile.

But her eyes, they told her of the storm raging on inside of her. And Chloe knew, it was Beca’s way of pleading…

_Not here._

Otherwise she was going to cry.

She was most definitely not okay.

_When the pain cuts you deep_   
_When the night keeps you from sleeping_   
_Just look and you will see_   
_That I will be your remedy_   
_When the world seems so cruel_   
_And your heart makes you feel like a fool_

There order was done. They were free to go.

And on their way back to Beca’s hotel Chloe found herself promising that she would be whatever it was that Beca needed her to be during this hard time. She lost her father, and whatever it was that Beca felt for him, Dr. Mitchell was still her father.  
  
_I promise you will see_  
 _That I will be, I will be your remedy_

And she would be there, by her side, as it always had been and as it should be.

 

* * *

 

Beca was two slices in when Chloe gave her a look. She took a deep breath and tried to control her breathing. Chloe saw there was something going on inside of her and in her usual Chloe fashion figured it out. Also in the usual Chloe fashion, she was silently asking her.

_You promised_.

Beca smiled awkwardly. They were sat down the middle of the bed, the box of pizza in between them.

“Mitchell?” Chloe pressed on, this time verbally.

“Fine.” Beca relented.

“Fine? Why weren’t you there?” Chloe asked and Beca didn’t have to second guess what she meant by it.

“I wanted to, but… there’s just, you know, too much stuff.”

“Beca…”

“I’m not mad at him Chloe, not anymore.” Beca said rather calmly, interrupting Chloe. “I just, you know?” she continued, trying to fight the tears that were coming. “I figured… ugh, damn it.”

The tears started trailing down her cheeks, no matter how hard he tried to fight them. “I called. I called him before going to Paris. We talked and we kept in touch, a whole lot while I was in France. I was trying to rebuild the things we’ve lost. I was… And the stupid fool didn’t say a thing.” Beca recounted, the tears continuing to fall.

She was unloading the heaviness of her heart, the one she’s been keeping to herself.

Chloe spared no second in moving away the box, and pulling Beca in her arms. She placed a gentle kiss in her hair as she rubbed soothing circles in her back.

And she still held her like that until they both dozed off. Beca finding a shelter to the storm of her emotions in Chloe, once again having the deepest and most profound conversation with her without even saying a single word.

Chloe knew, she understood, and she would listen to her words or silence or whatever means Beca preferred to say what she wanted to say.

Making Beca feel lighter, her resentments on missed chances lifting.

 

* * *

 

She wanted to say a lot of things.

_I’m here Beca. I’ll keep the secrets of your heart. I’ll share your burden._

But Chloe wasn’t sure if she had any right to do so anymore so she held her tongue and simply held Beca in her arms until they both drifted off.

At some point in the early hours of morning, Chloe sat up, the radio continuously playing silently in the background, as if the songs were there to welcome Beca home and soothe her emotions.

_Be still and know that I'm with you_   
_Be still and know that I am here_   
_Be still and know that I'm with you_   
_Be still, be still, and know_

Chloe tucked away a few loose strands of Beca’s hair and gazed at her face. It looked at peace, trouble free and relaxed. She cried her heart out, her cheeks still stained with tears. Chloe traced the lines with one of her fingers, trailing down her cheek.

She’s almost forgotten how soft her skin felt.

_When darkness comes upon you_   
_And colors you with fear and shame_   
_Be still and know that I'm with you_   
_And I will say your name_

Chloe sighed.

She missed Beca, she really did. And this was the first time she’d ever been this close to her again, causing her heart to sway and dance to the rhythmic beating of her chest.

God, she loved her. She really did. And it was probably the oddest of times to think of it now, but seeing Beca without her walls, her masks, her inhibitions… Beca allowing Chloe to see her at her most vulnerable, opening out her emotions, her sadness and heartbreak…

It made her realize the inescapable truth she already knew.

_If terror falls upon your bed_   
_And sleep no longer comes_   
_Remember all the words I said_   
_Be still, be still, and know_

And no, Chloe doesn’t know what will come next. She wasn’t sure if Beca will ever feel the same way ever again.

But she’ll love her nonetheless.

Friend or something more than that.

But for now, she’ll be her friend and confidant. She would push her feelings aside, she can’t be selfish, and allow Beca to process everything. Leave her room to breathe with what she was going through.

_And when you go through the valley_   
_And the shadow comes down from the hill_   
_If morning never comes to be_   
_Be still, be still, be still_

But one thing for sure, even if Beca leaves again, this time she’ll have faith.

And for now, for always, she would be there.

_If you forget the way to go_   
_And lose where you came from_   
_If no one is standing beside you_   
_Be still and know I am_

Chloe placed a soft kiss on her cheek before sliding back down, resting her head on her pillow. Her eyes blinked heavily as her tired mind soon sought its way to find rest in her dreams

_Be still and know that I'm with you_   
_Be still and know I am_

She didn’t even notice Beca smiling.


	21. Somewhere Only We Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song title inspired by ‘Somewhere Only We Know’ by Keane (there’s also a version by Lifehouse) and song featured is ‘If You Could See Me Now’ by the Script. Also, Tracy Chapman’s ‘The Promise’,

Chloe woke up the next day to find herself in Beca’s arms, their limbs a tangled mess. There was an urge of wanting to simply stay still, as they were, let Beca decide what she wanted to do when she wakes up, but Chloe knew that would be unfair.

Once upon a time Beca needed the space to breathe and grow. Chloe thought she was doing what was needed without realizing she was only somehow holding onto Beca tighter.

But once upon a time was gone. While there was a part of Chloe that was scared of what might happen next, of opening up to the possibilities ahead of them.

And Chloe has really just found her center again.

She really didn’t want to mess things up. And Aubrey’s words about taking their own time echoed through her mind. They did that once before, following their own pace. That’s how they came to be.

And if time is what it takes, she’ll wait out forever this time. She’s already waited. She’s already tried rushing into running away from how she felt and moving on.

So, not wanting her emotions to cloud her mind and cross boundaries she wasn’t sure should be crossed, Chloe lifted herself up and carefully untangled herself from Beca. She got up and out of bed and went to check any messages on her phone.

It didn’t take long for Beca to wake up, she looked a little at a loss but she quickly recovered, looking up to smile at Chloe. “Sorry about that.” Beca replied. “Didn’t mean to just dump all the things going through my head on you.”

Chloe shook her head. “Don’t apologize Beca. I get it.” she replied. “Well, maybe not what you’re going through exactly but I’ve seen you go through things with your dad, and losing him, no matter what your history with him was, it means a great deal to you. Especially since you did say you started reaching out again only for this to happen.”

“Right.” Beca absent-mindedly replied. “What’s your plan for today?”

“Nothing much. I was planning on meeting with Emily and Luke and the rest later. By the way, does Luke know you’re here?”

“Ah, well…” Beca started to say before smiling sheepishly at Chloe. “We had a very long phone discussion on what I should and shouldn’t do after I heard the news. I wanted to come but I was a bit on the fence of things, mostly because I wasn’t sure how things would go or if I even have the right to be here given everything that’s happened. I wasn’t sure if I would be ready to be.” she explained. “It was kind of a last minute decision, really. But, uh, would you mind if… I wanna go visit my dad and I don’t to be alone.”

Chloe nodded, “Yeah. Definitely.” she immediately said. “Um, yeah, why don’t you get ready, I’ll go back to my hotel and we can meet up and grab a quick breakfast before heading there.”

“That sounds good. Um, I do have a service but would you mind just picking me up?”

“Still not driving?” Chloe asked.

“I tried but I’m still avoiding it. Owning a car isn’t really that practical with not many places to park back in New York and driving on the wrong side of the road than I was used to was a little tricky for me. Slow progress.”

Chloe chuckled, that was one less thing to worry about. “Alright, I’ll be back in about an hour?”

“Perfect.” Beca replied before once again rolling into bed and hiding under the covers making Chloe chuckle.

Somethings never changed.

 

* * *

 

Beca was anxiously tapping the armrest of Chloe’s rented car as they drove to visit where her father was interred. She couldn’t help it, she was nervous. Mostly she was still trying to keep her emotions at bay.

She lost so much along with the memories she had forgotten. And she’s wasted so much time. Now that they were slowly returning, she was surely slowly regaining the things she’s lost. But in this case, what good would it do?

_Closure_ , Beca thought to herself. She had let slip the chance to say the things she wasn’t sure she ever had the chance to say to her dad. If she ever did, the memory hasn’t returned.

And now she doesn’t get the chance to say it to him anymore. All she could hope for was that someway, somehow, he would still hear her.

_And there are days when I'm losing my faith_   
_Because the man wasn't good he was great_   
_He'd say "Music was the home for your pain"_   
_And explained I was young, he would say_

Chloe parked the car, turning to look at her wordlessly. Beca couldn’t stop tapping away anyways, the rest of the song already stuck in her head.

“You ready?” Chloe asked. “Do you… um, want to go there alone or…? I could walk with you, but if you need space I can just come back to the car after.”

Beca smiled weakly. “That would be great.” she replied.

_Take that rage, put it on a page_   
_Take that page to the stage_   
_Blow the roof off the place_   
_I'm trying to make you proud_   
_Do everything you did_   
_I hope you're up there with God saying "That's my kid!"_

They slowly made their way out of the car and to the fresh grave near the shade of a tree. Beca wrestled with the thoughts of her father in her head. The last time they spoke, it was as if all ill feelings of the past had disappeared. The air had cleared between them. He was mostly just really happy that Beca decided to reach out.

Was he happy because Beca was growing up? Because she was being mature and letting go of things she stubbornly held on to, a past that was long gone? Or was happy because he was proud of her, of the things she’s accomplished? Was he happy because Beca called when he thought he would never be able to even talk to her again before he was gone?

_I still look for your face in the crowd_   
_Oh if you could see me now_   
_(Oh if you could see me now)_   
_Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow_   
_Oh if you could see me now_   
_(Oh if you could see me now)_

With every step, the emotions overwhelmed Beca. She instinctively reached out for Chloe’s hand, interlacing her fingers with the redhead before gripping it tightly. Chloe looked up for a brief second before she returned the gesture, giving Beca’s hand a gentle squeeze.

It spoke. _I’m here for you._

They reached their destination and Beca very reluctantly let Chloe’s hand go. She looked at her with a weak smile. Chloe nodded before she slowly moved away, giving Beca the space she needed. Beca took the last few steps to reach the marker engraved with her father’s name before slowly kneeling on the ground, her fingers tracing the letters on the stone. She had been very disappointed with herself for not having the strength to even show up the day before, during the actual funeral, but in some ways she was glad that she went here alone – or rather with Chloe and only Chloe – and that she would get the privacy she needed.

“You know, I’ve been wrestling with what I wanted to say. Mostly it’s a few very un-pretty things. You left me again, you know? You left again without saying goodbye.” Beca started to say. “I know you didn’t mean to, you never did, but this time I guess you really didn’t have a say now, did you? If you did, it’ll only piss me off even more.”

Beca ran her hands on the dirt on the backfilled grave. “I would have wanted to see you again. Be there on the happiest days of my life.” Beca started to say, tears gently streaming down her cheeks. “But I have a feeling you’ll always be there even now. God, I really hope you can hear me, otherwise I’d feel so stupid, but… I remember. I remember you telling me if I love someone, no matter the pain or hurt, to fight for them and hold on. I remember all the advice you’ve given me. And I remember the ring you gave me for Chloe – which I think is still actually with her? In advance, if I don’t ever find that ring again, I sincerely apologize.” she continued with a chuckle. She rubbed her eyes dry with the back of her hands and smiled.

“But mostly... I can tell you anything, I can tell you an earful of stories I never get the chance to say, but… I think I can do better than that. Sum it all up.” Beca then said. “I am sorry, for being stubborn, for making it hard for you sometimes. Thank you for everything, your wisdom, and for the ways you tried to show me you loved me despite me not seeing or understanding said ways. I forgive you of the things I’ve held against you. And dad… I… I love you. I hope you know that.”

Beca sighed, her breath was a bit ragged as she tried to get it under control. She wasn’t sure if it was all for naught or if by chance her dad did hear her, but she did feel lighter.

With that, Beca got up, wiped away her tear stained cheeks, and walked back to where Chloe was by the car.

“You okay?” Chloe asked uncertainly. It looked like she wanted to wrap her in a hug but hesitated on the last minute. Beca smiled and nodded, crossing the distance between them and hugged the redhead instead, taking her by surprise. It was brief, Beca pulling away soon after.

“Yeah.” Beca then replied. “Now, I believe you said lunch with my step-brother and Emily?”

“Yes. We don’t have to go, I mean, if you don’t want to and you want me to keep you company.”

“I am hungry.” Beca then replied with a smirk and Chloe shook her head and smiled.

* * *

 

“Do my eyes deceive me or is Beca Mitchell actually at Barden once again?” Luke beamed as soon as they saw Chloe walk in the restaurant with Beca.

But before Luke could even welcome Beca back to the States and all, Emily beat him to the punch, running the distance between their table and where the entrance was and immediately tackling Beca with a hug. Thankfully they didn’t topple over.

“Beca! I can’t believe it! You came home!” Emily said, incredibly excited. “I was afraid you wouldn’t with what happened with your dad and all and things being so sudden.” she immediately rambled on as she finally let Beca go.

Thankfully Beca wasn’t looking too annoyed either.

“I did promise to be here for your graduation and all.” Beca then replied. “And I swear Emily, did you actually get a few inches taller while I was away.”

“You just haven’t seen me in a long while.” Emily then replied, ushering both her and Chloe to where they were sitting.

“Benji.” Beca greeted rather formally.

To which Benji returned the favor with a nod, “Beca.”

“Beca! How’s Paris?” Kaelyn asked, giving her a quick hug.

“Stayed away from the River Seine I hope.” Luke commented just as they were about to seat down. Emily didn’t fail to notice the quick twitch in Beca’s features and quickly turned to Luke with a questioning glance. Luke simply shrugged. Chloe looked just as clueless and lost with what Luke had meant.

But that was pretty much all there was with the awkward comment. The conversations immediately smoothed out to talks about the future and Emily’s graduation in the coming days. There was seeing the Bellas too.

And after a good while of nothing but sad news, Emily felt relief wash over her, the family she had grown to love and care for, the family she has made was slowly coming together once more.

“What’s with the goofy smile Ems?” Beca asked, raising her brow.

Emily shrugged. “Nothing, just, happy I guess? Benji and, we’re also moving to LA soon, and Stacie and Aubrey just finished moving, I think?” she replied, looking for Chloe for support.

“Yup, we’re neighbors, so to speak. Her apartment building is right across mine.” Chloe replied.

“Ah, the Bellas all getting back together then?” Benji then asked, joining in the conversation. “How about you Beca? Any news?”

Emily turned to Beca with a smile, expectant of a positive reply. Beca chuckled. “First of all, Luke would kill me if I let him and Kaelyn be the only ones to handle the club entirely. “Second of all, I’m pretty sure Emily would throw a tantrum if I don’t return home – have you ever seen Emily throw a tantrum? Not a pretty sight.”

“Beca!” Emily then interjected, looking all indignant. She threw a tantrum only once in her life. Beca promised to hang out with her once, she was six, and Beca bailed out on the last minute for some random excuse that was her discovery of a new record store in town. In other words, Beca Mitchell forgot and Emily gave her hell for it.

“I’d rather not know then.” Benji awkwardly replied. “How was the sabbatical thought? What are you going to do when you come back? New York or LA? New record company got you?”

“Nope.” Beca replied, prompting Emily to look at her curiously.

And then Emily realized that she wasn’t entirely sure of what comes next in terms of Beca. She knew she was planning to come ‘home’ at some point, Luke reassured her of that when he got back from his recent trip to see her, and that they have the club too.

On that note, Emily never really realized just how dodgy Luke had been about Beca since the UK trip. All he would say was that Beca’s working on something and that she’s just taking her time on her sabbatical to breathe new life into her work or something – it was getting more and more cheesy as of late, but it was almost always something along the lines of Beca trying to reenergize and reinvigorate herself before digging her heels in and getting started with work.

Which leads Emily to wonder…

“Nope?” Benji asked looking just as confused as Emily.

“I don’t intend to work for anyone else anymore.” Beca simply replied. “But yeah, moving back to LA soon. I have some of my people looking into prime real estate in the city.” Beca said with a chuckle, and Emily could tell that even Beca herself was still not used to the idea of having _her people_.

Beca kept dodging question regarding the specificity of what it was that she would be doing back in LA if not work in the world of music. She had spent most of their lunch being coy about things, not really wanting to divulge any information or details. At some point Luke complained that Beca missed the grand opening of the club.

“Hey, at least I convinced David Guetta to make an appearance.” Beca retorted. “Just thank me for calling in the favor, will you?”

“You’re only getting a pass because Guetta being there and playing an actual set generated some much needed buzz.” Luke replied. “But when you’re all settled I’m expecting weekly gigs like the one you had in New York!”

“That’s in the works for sure bro.” Beca replied with a smirk and Emily couldn’t help but smile.

Beca’s usual rapport at least with their little group, was back.

She’s just really thankful that whatever it was that she did in Paris, it seemed to have helped her loads.

At some point they agreed to just roam around Barden for a while, Emily doing her best to convince Beca to visit the Bella house that afternoon.

“I don’t know, there’s a lake near that house…” Luke teased, looking rather thoughtfully.

“Ugh, you’ll never let me hear the end of it, will you?” was Beca’s reply to which Chloe looked at them in turn with growing curiosity. “You know you can’t ban me from every body of water out there.” Beca then told Luke.

Luke shrugged. “You’ll never know Becky. I can always try.”

“What on earth happened?” Chloe finally asked a little fed up with the mystery but Luke and Beca were resilient in their silence.

“Nothing.” they chorused.

Emily wanted to know too, but she knew she would never be able to get an answer from the two. So, Emily slyly took her phone out and shot an inquisitive message to both Stacie and Amy.

Only to be met with their replies…

…two astute ‘No’s…

…among other things.

_Stacie [3:20 pm]: sorry kid, not now… if Beca tells you we can talk. Or maybe when you get to LA._

_Amy [3:23 pm]: It involves A LOT of things better discussed in person… BTW, mission report? >:)_

_Emily [3:30 pm]: Mission report??_

_Stacie [3:31 pm]: THE MUNCHKIN AND MY BEST FRIEND LEGACY –A_

_Stacie: [3:33 pm] Sorry, Bree stole my phone. Told her Beca was back and with Chloe_

_Emily: [3:40 pm] Got it. Sorry. At the Bella house with Luke, K, and Benji…_

_Emily: [3:43 pm] Aaand the two apparently snuck out… maybe talking privately? One of the girls started  
                                fawning over Beca and she’s weirded out by it_

_Stacie [3:45 pm]: KEEP US POSTED AND THAT’S AN ORDER –A_

_Amy [3:47 pm]: What the Aca-Nazi said. Don’t fail us Legacy!!! You’re our eyes, ears, organs, and  
                                everything until we get there for your grad_

_Stacie [3:50 pm]: Sorry my supposed better half keeps using all caps. But yeah. We need updates Ems. ;)_

_Emily [3:55 pm]: Copy that! :D_

 

And so, Emily resigned her faith as being the Bellas spy for now.

If only it would be as easy as one would hope it would be.

* * *

 

After the whole ‘Beca Mitchell has a fans club’ at the Bella’s house thing, Chloe snuck out with Beca and found themselves roaming round the familiar grounds of Barden. For the most part, she let Beca lead the way, exploring the campus like a child in awe of the place.

_What’s going through your head Mitchell?_ Chloe asked as Beca stopped dead in the middle of the quad, starring off at some distance.

Chloe tried to follow the direction she was staring into, almost imaging the quad bursting into life. Like it did that day.

The very day they first met.

Because Beca had been staring at the place where the Bellas booth had been, or approximately where it was.

“What are you looking at Mitchell?” Chloe voiced out and Beca shrugged, turning to look at Chloe with a smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

“Just enjoying the view I suppose.” Beca then replied.

Before long they found themselves at the old coffee shop they used to frequent at Barden, Beca smiling at the sight of a table they had passed by – mostly because she was remembering the day she met Flo there, giving her advice on Chloe, but Chloe doesn’t know that.

_If you wait for me_   
_Then I'll come for you_   
_Although I've traveled far_   
_I always hold a place for you in my heart_

_If you think of me_   
_If you miss me once in a while_   
_Then I'll return to you_   
_I'll return and fill that space in your heart_

“We really ought to visit the radio station at some point.” Beca half-said and half murmured while they were waiting for their drinks. “They have a good mix going on with sold songs and new ones. I like the balance. They’re doing a good job.”

_If you dream of me_   
_Like I dream of you_   
_In a place that's warm and dark_   
_In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart_

“Well, you did influence them.” Chloe explained. “Luke’s flat-mate and best friend, Matt, he has a brother about Emily’s age. He came to Barden to become your protégé at the station.” she continued. “I agree, we should say hi, if you’re up to it.”

Beca nodded and Chloe accepted that as a ‘maybe’. She didn’t want to force new people – or should she say old people that are seemingly new to Beca – if she doesn’t want to encounter them.

She’s resigned herself to not pushing Beca to remember anything at all. The past carried with it significant weight, it was what made them who they were in some ways. It told the story of how they met and fell in love in the first place.

 But if they have a tomorrow, a future back together, Chloe knew, that holding onto the past and letting it weigh them down won’t be the way to go. She’ll always treasure the past. But the future with Beca… a future with her… that was worth so much more.

_Oh, I've longed for you_   
_And I have desired_   
_To see your face, your smile_   
_To be with you wherever you are_

_Remembering_   
_Your touch_   
_Your kiss_   
_Your warm embrace_   
_I'll find my way back to you_   
_Please say you'll be waiting_

As soon as they got their drinks, they made their way back to the quad. It was a great day to be out, a nice afternoon ahead.

Storm clouds were lifting and the sun was shining.

Beca walked uphill before settling to seat down under the shade of a tree. Chloe smiled, mostly to herself, wondering what on earth could possibly be going through Beca’s head for the umpteenth time that day. The spot Beca chose was very special to her, it was the first time Beca opened to her in a way. It was where she first shared her headphones with her one afternoon when Beca’s class was cancelled and Chloe had a period.

_Together again_   
_It would feel so good to be_   
_In your arms_   
_Where all my journeys end_   
_If you can make a promise_   
_If it's one that you can keep_   
_I vow to come for you_   
_If you wait for me_

_And say you'll hold_   
_A place for me_   
_In your heart_

Chloe settled down, next to where Beca was. The DJ busy untangling a pair of earbuds before connecting it to her iPod, offering one ear piece to Chloe to share.

_A place for me in your heart_

“Shouldn’t we go back?” Chloe asked as she accepted Beca’s offer.

“Nah, I think we deserve the quite before dinner.” Beca simply replied with a smile. 

And Chloe never really noticed it before until then. She really, _really_ loved Beca’s smiles. __  
  


* * *

 

They went to a sports bar after grabbing a quick bite at a pizza place on campus. Luke was feeling rather competitive and wanted to try his luck at the weekly trivia held there.

“Me and my mates were once the reigning champions after all.” Luke grinned as he said it on their way to the place. Chloe was talking with Emily, the two excitedly chatting about the younger girl’s move to LA. Benji, meanwhile was busy talking with Kaelyn about God knows what. “So, you excited to see the Bellas again, given, you know?” Luke then asked.

And Beca shrugged. It felt like there was nothing much of a big deal or change with her memories back but a part of her knows that it would indeed be special.

It was like she was gone for so long and she’s only gotten back home now.

“I would appreciate that you cut the river jokes short.” Beca decided to settle as her opening response to Luke’s question.

“The Bellas know, remember?” Luke then replied in a hushed tone. “Just haven’t said anything to Chloe or Emily about your little incident. Emily’s gonna get all emotional, and let’s face it, Chloe would most likely have a heart attack. Then maybe resort to finding the bloke that was responsible for the mess and murder him.”

“What did happen to _him_?” Beca asked with great distaste in her tone.

“Bellas gave him a mental breakdown, what else?” Luke replied nonchalantly. “But don’t worry, haven’t told them about your other secret. That’s yours to tell and yours alone, although you really ought to tell them soon.”

“I know.” Beca replied, starting to feel guilty about it. The nice little campus tour she had with Chloe earlier was mostly spent reminiscing about days she thought she had lost forever. She had wanted to tell Chloe, say something about it, but she held back. “But how on earth do I even begin to tell her?” she asked loud enough for only Luke to hear.

“What do you mean?” he replied.

“I want her to know that was falling in love with her all over again even without my memories back. I want that to be clear. I don’t want her to think that I’m in love with her again just because my memories are back when the truth was that I never really stopped.”

“Why don’t you just tell her that?” Luke asked with a shrug.

“Because life happened in between the past and the present and all sorts of insane other things and… where do we even begin? I want her back Luke, not the Chloe I loved before but everything she is now. I want to win her heart, show to here all the ways I love her. But nothing simple pops into mind and everything else is just cheesy and cheap tricks. I want to find the right way. _Our_ way.”

Luke chuckled just as they were nearing their destination. “I don’t think you need to think that hard at all Beca, trust me about that.” he said with a wink.

And Beca believed those words to be true.

She just wished she knew what he meant by that.


	22. Baby Can I Hold You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured are ‘Baby Can I Hold You’ by Tracy Chapman (also has a version by Boyzone and Ronan Keating by himself); ‘Baby be Mine’ by LFO; ‘Water under the Bridge’ by Adele; and ‘Waiting’ by Beyoncé ft. Ne-Yo (it’s an unreleased song, I think Ne-Yo originally wrote it – check the full song out on YouTube, it’s worth it).

The next two months have been busy for Beca.

Sure, she actually enjoyed being toppled over by the Bellas tackling her down when they came for Emily’s graduation at Barden. She used to hate it, really, but now she welcomed it. And she knew for certainty that it was because once upon a time she had let Chloe Beale come storming into her life.

Scratch that. She never ‘let’ Chloe do that, she did it on her own and Beca stood helpless and in awe as she watched the redhead with all her grace and beauty break down her walls and let the sun shine through, brightening up her days endlessly.

She had returned to her usual ways with Chloe, keeping in touch though messages and calls. Despite successfully moving back to LA and being much closer to her friends and family, she still rarely saw any of them. She saw Luke and Emily a lot because of work, but that was mostly it.

Ah, yes, work. It was the one thing that kept Beca busy, but she figured the sooner she establishes things and get them done, the sooner she could focus on her life too. It was the first step she was taking to reorganize everything and get things back on track.

With her connections and support from them, Beca was slaving away with starting her new label. Emily’s been wrestling with the decision if she wanted to be an artist or not, and Beca respected her enough to make that decision on her own. For now, she was sort of Beca’s protégé. No, she wasn’t into the producing music business, but she’s learning from her cousin. And Emily continued her song writing hobby and putting was now putting it into good use. Beca also tapped Kaelyn’s help as well as Cynthia Rose in terms of building their talent. Kaelyn was once again Beca’s expert assistant and both Cynthia Rose and Emily collaborated on some projects to speed things along. Meanwhile, Beca kept tapping into old and new artists she discovered and kept discovering. Some of her industry friends still clamoring for her to produce a track for them.

There was her steady DJ gig too. And while that was a constant, the Bellas weren’t always able to make it during the nights she performed at the club, with her friends being busy with their own work and personal life too.

Yep, Beca’s been slaving away with work, that’s why that day she found herself wholly convinced she deserved some rest and headed out exploring the neighborhood.

Though in the end she was basically halfway between her neighborhood and Chloe, Aubrey, and Stacie’s neighborhood.

That’s how she found herself at the record store, skimming through a few albums when she spotted the unmistakable profile of a certain Chloe Beale, standing not far away to the left side of the store.

Beca smiled to herself, her mind going back to a day not so long ago when she found herself at a record store, Chloe singing her a song to convince her to forgive her and the Bellas after the Regionals mess.

_I love you_   
_Is all that you can't say_   
_Years gone by and still_   
_Words don't come easily_   
_Like I love you I love you_

And as luck would have it the song playing was the same one that Chloe started singing out loudly.

_But you can say baby_   
_Baby can I hold you tonight_   
_Maybe if I told you the right words_   
_Ooh, at the right time you'd be mine_

Beca slowly made her way through the aisles, smirk on her face, before stopping just right next of Chloe, pretending to be skimming through the same records Chloe was looking at.

Chloe eventually noticed the DJ standing right next to her and smiled without turning to face her. She cleared her throat “They have interesting stuff in the store, don’t you think?”

“I think the people who frequent it is more interesting.” Beca replied still smirking, keeping her eyes fixed on what was in front of her instead of at Chloe.

“Oh? Didn’t know you frequent this place too. What did you say your name was again?”

Beca chuckled. “Beca, Beca Mitchell. I was actually just here looking to run into a friend of mine, gorgeous redhead, beautiful blue eyes… maybe you’ve seen her?” she replied and Chloe laughed.

“Okay, fine, you’ve got me with the compliments Mitchell.” Chloe then said. “What brings you here though? Last time I check, Kaelyn started trying to schedule the Bellas coming to see you because you’re supposed to be busy.”

“I’m playing hooky.” Beca announced with a straight face. “Seriously though, feeling a bit tired and just decided to go around and all.”

“You should have called.” Chloe replied. “I know how to have fun.” Chloe said with a wink before turning to head towards the exit without buying anything.

“Didn’t find what you were looking for?” Beca asked, chasing after you.

“I did.” Chloe replied knowingly with a smile on her face. “Come on, there’s this nice little café in the corner, they have the best cheesecakes.”

Beca smirked. “Is this you inviting me for a coffee date?”

“I wouldn’t call it a date. Stacie and Bree were planning to head there and I was supposed to meet up with them in the first place.” Chloe explained. “But the cheesecakes can wait if you have anything else in mind.”

“Nothing else really. I’m taking you up with your offer this time Beale.” Beca replied and they soon found themselves falling into their usual flow of things. At the back of Beca’s head, she knew there were still a few things she needed to talk with Chloe about, there was still the whole coming clean about her memories.

But with everything life was throwing them, keeping them busy as they respectively chased away their dreams, Beca figured she could wait.

Timing was everything after all.  

 

* * *

 

“Mitchell I need your honest to God help here!” Stacie complained all the while Beca tried to strain her ears, listening to some guy playing on his guitar on the corner of the street. They were seated on the outside patio of a café near Beca’s office. It was one of the times the DJ was free and so Stacie took the chance.

If only Beca would stop thinking about work.

_I know you know that I care about you girl_   
_And I want you in my world_   
_So baby be mine_   
_And you know I know that you care about me too_   
_So tell me what you wanna do_   
_Baby be mine_

“Is it the song and the lyrics of the song or the singer?” Stacie then asked with a sigh, resigning to her Fate.

“Maybe a bit of both.” Beca commented absent-mindedly. “Sorry, you were saying.” she then said, shaking her head and focusing her attention on Stacie.

“I said, would you help me? Amy’s already helping out but, you know, wouldn’t hurt to have the Beca Mitchell touch to things.”

“Come on Stacie, I’m the one who needs your help most of the days.” Beca started to say but Stacie gave her an intense stare down.

“Exactly, I think you’d owe me one. On that note, Chloe definitely deserves to know that stupid little incident of yours, so when are you planning on telling her that?”

Beca visibly gulped looking away from Stacie for a second. “Just… there’s a couple of other things really… I… Look Stace, there’s something I – “ Beca started rambling on though she never got to finish what it was she was trying to say.

“Stace, what on earth are you doing here?” Aubrey asked, walking towards there table with none other than Chloe Beale.

“Having lunch with my best friend here.” Stacie pointed out, looking at Beca curiously. She was about to say something, she was sure of it. But Beca decided to hold back as soon as the two approached them. SO was it Chloe related?

_What a stupid question Conrad, anything that rattles Beca is **always** Chloe related, _ Stacie thought to herself.

“I thought you said you had plans with Chloe?” Stacie then asked Aubrey.

“Yeah, for lunch here.” Aubrey then replied with a bit of a laugh. “Well, since the two of you are already here, mind if we join you?”

“Never.” Beca replied although she was saying that to Chloe who chuckled.

Aubrey quickly pulled up a chair with Chloe, settling down and looking over the menu. Stacie saw Beca take that chance to catch her attention and mouthing her reply with a smirk.

_I’ll help._

Stacie, who had been a bundle of nerves for the last week over because of that little request she had made to Amy and now to Beca finally relaxed and smiled back.

_Thanks_ , she mouthed, just in time for Aubrey to place the menu down and turn to her to ask her something.

The problem of what Beca was about to say before they got interrupted being momentarily forgotten.

But Stacie knew that it was something that would be at the back of Stacie’s mind for a good while.

 

* * *

 

The weekend was finally strolling in and Chloe was out for her morning run. It was a god way to take a break and keep her mind clear of everything else. Lately, things have been falling into place, into a steady rhythm.

For once there was stability.

The aches of the past heartbreaks were gone and she knows that for sure something had changed within her. She wasn’t sure how, but she feels better. She’s doing what she loves, starting new programs at school and starting a few outreach projects as well.

She remembers how different she was from who she was her senior year of college. She only wanted one thing, other than winning Nationals with the Bellas of course. And that was Beca.

Meeting Beca, falling for her, it was like a whirlwind of events, of ups and downs, and heartbreaks until they finally got together. And then… well… the future that scared her had disappeared. She had been relentless in focusing on being with Beca no matter what. Sure she pursued her graduate studies, she found a good job back on Atlanta while waiting for Beca to finish her studies and when she moved to LA.

But she never realized until she finally had a moment to just be Chloe all by herself that she hadn’t really ben living a life that was truly hers. Everything was focused on Beca and being with Beca and letting Beca shine that she had faded into obscurity. Who she was, what she wants, and just about everything about her. Proof? When Beca was moving to New York she was ready to blindly follow.

Because she loved her, she forgot to love herself.

But now it’s different.

Know she dreams and plans her future, with hopes of sharing it with Beca, maybe one day.

She knows, she still feels the same way for Beca. It never really changed. How Beca feels for her now, she wasn’t entirely sure, but she’s not scared anymore. She understands, no matter what happens, the two of them share an unbreakable bond.

Chloe stopped short just as she reached the hilltop at the little park near their apartment. It was her usual spot to take a breather and rest for a few minutes before making her way back.

But that morning was different.

_If you're not the one for me_   
_Then how come I can bring you to your knees?_   
_If you're not the one for me_   
_Why do I hate the idea of being free?_

Beca was sitting by the park bench, her legs crossed with her laptop perched on her lap. It was still quite early in the morning, and there were barely anyone else in the park except for the handful of joggers. She was listening to what Luke had begun to call her ‘UK playlist’ considering it only had songs from UK-based artists, some Chloe was sure she never even heard before, without her headphones.

Chloe slowly made her way to where she sat, noting the brown bag next to Beca and the two cups of coffee next to it. Beca reached for her cup without looking away from whatever she was reading on her laptop, trying her best to stifle a yawn.

_And if I'm not the one for you_   
_You've gotta stop holding me the way you do_   
_Oh, honey, if I'm not the one for you_   
_Why have we been through what we have been through?_

“It must be the apocalypse if you’re sitting on a park bench this early in the morning.” Chloe commented with a chuckle as she sat next to the brown bag. “Are you with someone?”

“Hmm, nope.” Beca said, her eyes finishing the last lines of the email she had been reading before turning to face Chloe. “The coffee is for you Beale. The bagels in the bag are mostly for me, you can have one, if you want.”

Chloe looked at her inquisitively. “Okay, not that I don’t appreciate the gesture of you ambushing me on my morning run with coffee and bagels, but what’s the catch?”

“Nothing much. Haven’t seen you a while. I’ve been busy, you’ve been busy… Hey, I’m making an effort here. I have meetings all day and this is my one chance to catch you. Stacie mentioned about your routine, I thought it might be a nice surprise.”

“It is.” Chloe replied with smile, grabbing the coffee before taking her first sip.

No, Chloe’s been having a hard time figuring what’s running through Beca Mitchell’s mind, but then again that’s how it has always been. Over time, it became easier and easier to predict Beca thanks through the things they’ve been through, making her easy to read.

Not now though. Beca has changed, she grew into her own person too, the person she wanted to become. She’s still the same Beca deep down, Chloe knew that. Although now, the DJ has her always guessing what she thinks, what she feels, why does she keep doing the things she do…

…like her nice little surprise that morning.

But with the future being uncertain and all, Chloe’s most definitely not worried.

 

* * *

 

Amy was most definitely psyched. For one thing, she definitely has a thing for plotting and planning, and scheming things.

But the things she were scheming and conniving with Beca and Stacie now was definitely something big.

While Stacie was busy with Aubrey that day – the blonde’s parents decided to come for a visit to LA – it was up to Amy and Beca to hold the fort.

Beca, however was busy all day every day lately, so Amy made it a point that with the task that Stacie asked them to help her with, she had to corner the DJ at some point.

And thus, Amy started her long wait at Beca’s office that beautiful Sunday morning, because apparently Beca doesn’t know weekends anymore.

“There you are Shawshank!” Amy exclaimed as Beca made her way out for what was supposedly only a coffee run. Beca looked surprised but instantly smirked when she realized why Amy was there.

“I can’t today Amy.”

“You always skip out on things, do you have an important meeting?”

“Today? No. Thankfully got everything done the other day. Just a few paper work that Kaelyn’s been hounding me on.”

“How important are these papers, really, when you’re actively procrastinating on them?”

“I’m only free for a quick coffee break.” Beca reasoned.

“I rarely see you anymore Shawshank! And I crossed oceans to be right next to you knowing how lost you get without your incredible best friend right here. Come on, one hour, max, I promise? For that things Stacie’s asking us to help her with? You know Stacie? Good friend of yours too, you totally owe her for a couple of things even when you’ve forgotten about them completely.

Beca laughed and Amy knew her argument was won. That’s how they found their way to Amy’s recently opened and totally new favorite coffee shop. Beca had been humming something on their way there, and Amy’s been dying to know if it was a new song she was working on.

Then Beca started singing it.

_So_  
 _I’ll be waiting_  
 _‘cause I can’t smile until I see your smile_  
 _I’ll be waiting_  
 _Nothin’ else that i would rather do_  
 _I’ll be waiting_  
 _‘cause I can’t sleep until i feel your touch_  
 _I’ll be waiting_  
 _Patiently I’ll wait right here for you_  
 _Waiting for you_  
  
“Wonder for who that song is for?” Amy finally asked, while waiting for their drinks. “Beautiful lyrics there Shawshank, is it Emily’s or CR’s or some person you work with? Is it yours?”

“No.” Beca quickly answered. “It’s an unreleased song I found ages ago online. Really good song.”

“So why are we singing it then?” Amy asked feigning innocence hoping that Beca would give her the answer she was looking for.

_Please say it’s because Red’s on your mind_ , Amy thought.

But Beca never was able to give her an answer to that. Soon as Amy asked, she heard the familiar sweet voice of the redhead in question. Beca looked surprised but quickly shrugged it off, adopting her signature smirk as Chloe made her way to join them.

“You totally owe me.” Amy managed to whisper, trying to claim her genius for the whole incidental run in.

Beca simply chuckled and immediately turned her attention to Chloe.

And Amy smiled, the way they talked, how they were relaxed with each other’s presence, just the way they both smiled…

_Yep, they’re totally still in love_ , Amy noted to herself just before she began scheming on a new plan involving Beca and Chloe.

 

* * *

 

Chloe couldn’t believe her luck when she saw Amy and Beca at the coffee shop. It was supposed to be a quiet afternoon alone, Chloe was planning to finally finish the book she had been reading at the new coffee shop everyone she knew was raving about, but plans change suddenly sometimes.

“So what are you guys doing here?” Chloe asked as they settled down at a table near the window.

“It’s a secret Red.” Amy then replied with wink and a coy smile that reminded Chloe of her usual demeanor when she was trying to pull something off on the Bellas.

But, whatever it was that brought them there, Chloe wasn’t going to complain. At least she gets to spend more time with Beca.

And Chloe was happy about that.

What she wasn’t happy about was what happened next.

“Well, well, well, look who we have here. Why do I keep running into you in different places  _meine kleine maus_?” Luisa, aka the Kommissar of the one and only Das Sound Machine, said as she approached the table.

And Chloe’s blood was ready to boil, memories of how Beca would act like complete fool in front of the tall Valkyrie of a German acapella singer surfacing to the forefronts of her mind.

“Luisa, didn’t know you’re in LA.” Beca then replied simply.

Which, if Chloe was being honest, threw her off a bit. “Luisa?” Chloe repeated, sounding incredulous that Beca and the DSM she-wolf were on a first name basis.

“Ah, well if it isn’t the redheaded lover? Or I do believe it is ex-lover? How are you?” she replied before turning to face Beca again, cupping her cheek. “Tiffany does send her regards. The last I saw you, little elf, was at that party at Marseille.”

“You were with her in France?!” Chloe exclaimed, she couldn’t help it. Beca looked absolutely surprised by her reaction, or maybe a little scared? Amy was quick to reach over to Chloe to keep her restrained before she jumped to conclusions and jump on the Kommissar to unleash her wrath.

“It was a party of a common friend. Relax Chloe, we’re friends.” Beca quickly calmly said.

“But Beca… she… they… nemesis! The DSM! Das Sound Machine!” Chloe began with her incoherent babble.

“Oh-ho, looks like our little redhead is afraid I’m corrupting you little DJ.” Luisa said with a grin as she placed her hands on Beca’s shoulder.

Beca turned to look up. “You’re not really helping.” she then said flatly before excusing herself from the table.

Luisa and Beca, friends?!?

That was the most farfetched idea Chloe could ever conceive of.

And of course now her brains is running a thousand and one thoughts on how Beca and Kommissar’s adventures in Paris. Which totally was not helping…

 

* * *

 

“Relax, Beca, I’m only having my fun. Who knew teasing your Chloe is more fun than teasing you?” Luisa then said as they made their way away – as far away as possible – form the table.

“I’ll relax when you stop giving Chloe an aneurysm.” Beca then said.

“Haven’t told her I presume? You really ought to do that soon. If it’s how she feels for you that you’re worried about, I think it’s pretty clear, don’t you think so?”

Beca chuckled. The way Chloe was acting now… it most definitely resembled how she acted when it was only the two of them, after Beca has made a complete fool of herself in front of DSM by endlessly complementing Luisa and making her jealous. “What are you waiting for?” Luisa then asked.

“Nothing.” Beca replied honestly. “Maybe just, really it’s more on trying to figure out what to tell her. I think I’m overthinking it for sure, but I’d rather do this without rambling for once and be clear about everything. Be honest. And truthfully, I still don’t know how to tell her what happened in London. What jogged my memory, you know?”

Luisa sighed. “I suppose I do. But anyways, I’ll be in town if you need me. Go calm your love down.” she then said. “Beca? Do remember, you have nothing to fear. Chloe, the way she feels for you, it’s clearer than a sunny day.”

Beca smiled and nodded. “Thanks.” she replied before turning to make her way back to their table, figuring out how to get Chloe to stop huffing and rolling her eyes at her.

But if anything, what Luisa said was true. Beca could see it.

What Chloe felt for her was truly clearer than the day itself.


	23. Serenade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 23 featuring a free for all riff off with the Bellas, beach house shenanigans, thunder clouds a rollin’, and a whole lot of songs namely: ‘Rocketeer’ by Far East Movement; ‘Take Your Sweet Time’ by Jesse McCartney’ ‘Let’s Stay Together’ by Al Green (with a version by Maroon 5); ‘Meant to Be’ by TLC; ‘Don’t You Remember’, ‘Love in the Dark’, and ‘All I Ask’, by Adele; ‘Still’ by Brian McKnight; ‘Come Back to Me’ by David Cook; the end part of ‘Back to You’ by John Mayer, ‘Promising Promises’ by Jon McLaughlin; ‘Never Told You’ by Colbie Caillat; ‘Where You Want Me’ by Blue; ‘This Love’ by Maroon 5; ‘Part of the List’ by Ne-Yo; and ‘Unbelievable’ by Craig David. All songs are definitely worth checking out :3

It’s been two weeks since the ‘café incident’ as Amy dubbed it and Emily has never seen Beca as worried for her life, so to speak, not like the last two weeks that is.

They were currently on their way to a beach house in Malibu, to a place owned by one of Beca’s more famous friends. A ‘summer house’ so to speak. Beca’s friend offered the place up when she mentioned that the Bellas had been dying to have a mini-vacation with each other, it’s been a long time since they really had a good break from life and all, just a good old fashioned vacation.

And of course, Beca, on the last minute had to clarify to Chloe that no, it was not the leader of DSM who owned the place but some British actor.

She had to do that over and over and over again.

Truth be told, Emily has seen Chloe mad quite a few times already. Particularly her freshman year of college. Funny how most of them involved the same people. Chloe, Beca, and a certain German Valkyrie that apparently flustered Beca and turned her into a compliment machine. Those days were long gone, true, but it was always the same. Beca could never really articulate anything well and Chloe would be mad for days on end and Beca would pull of some grand gesture that would appease her anger.

This, however, was not the case.

Beca has shown up at Chloe’s apartment, sometimes outside her workplace, with a cup of coffee that was immediately thrown out the trash, a teddy bear that got bloody murdered by the redhead, a bouquet of roses that also got thrown out to the trash, and a USB drive with mixes that was smashed against a wall.

Yep, Chloe has never been that mad.

The USB drive being the clear cut sign that she’s really hit the tipping point about something.

And Beca’s been wanting to just talk it out with her but it would seem that the ‘misunderstanding’, as Beca called it, was getting out of hand. But Chloe had ignored her, and Emily honestly thought that if Chloe was really mad then it would be best to let her calm down a bit first, how else would they ever be able to talk to each other sensibly?

Beca only started to agree when Aubrey told her the same thing and so, despite really just dying to talk to Chloe. Emily had asked why the need was so great but Beca only started muttering incoherent responses that she just couldn’t make anything out of any of it.

Sure, Emily’s all kinds of confused on the why, the how, the why, seriously, why, and honestly how on earth part of Beca and Luisa being friends. More shockingly was the fact that Luke doesn’t mind at all while both Stacie and Amy were giving Beca the hardest of times.

Aubrey too at first, but she was a little more forgiving – again, quite the shocker here – than Beca’s two best friends. When Emily asked the blonde, Aubrey simply shrugged. “From what I heard from Amy, Beca could talk normally with Luisa, that she wasn’t getting flustered at all. I think that means something. I just think what it means got easily misinterpreted. I mean, the hobbit only ever got flustered by that German devil and Chloe. Mostly Chloe. If she’s no longer flustered by the DSM leader, then I don’t think there’s anything to worry about.” Aubrey had said. At the time Emily simply agreed despite not really following Aubrey’s rationale.

“You traitor!” Ashley and Jessica shrieked rather melodramatically when they both Emily and Beca got to the beach house, the other Bellas already settling in. They were teasing Beca, partly at least, but they were also partly mad.

Hell, all the Bellas were confused with the same things Emily was confused about.

Things didn’t get easier for the rest of the day with Chloe purposefully ignoring Beca and giving her the silent treatment.

“Do you have any idea, insider info, anything about all of this mess?” Cynthia Rose then asked Emily while the Bellas prepared for something to eat as an early dinner.

Emily sighed. “No, I think Beca’s main concern is getting Chloe to listen. She has a bad tendency of having a one-track kind of mind if you haven’t noticed.”

The Bellas were all on duty for one thing or another, setting the table, cooking, cleaning up after the mess. Chloe was handing a stack of plates to Flo when Beca came up to her once more. “Chloe just, give me a second already.” she said. Emily could tell that Beca was starting to become very desperate at getting Chloe’s attention. Maybe a little frustrated that Chloe had finally reached the point where she would never budge.

“Chloe please.” Beca reiterates and stops her from turning to leave, grabbing her hands lightly and trying to pull Chloe towards her direction so that she would face her.

“What?” she asked coolly, finally acknowledging Beca, and Emily knew that at that point all of the other Bellas stood frozen and silent still, not wanting to miss a beat of what would happen next.

“We-well…” Beca stuttered, she wasn’t expecting Chloe to actually acknowledge her this time.

“Out with it Mitchell. What’s your excuse this time?” Chloe then asked, her tone rising. Yeah, she clearly hasn’t cooled off.

“Excuse?” Beca asked confused. “Chloe I’m not giving you an excuse. All I want is to explain.”

“Explain why you’re fraternizing with the enemy?”

“This isn’t war Chlo.” Beca sighed. Emily noticed Stacie almost dropping a fork having seemingly realized something but looking a little confused too when Emily turned to look at her.

“It kind of is though. Maybe not anymore, but she ridiculed the Bellas at some point. Belittled you, us, and our ability to win the Worlds. This is a woman who got a kick at teasing you and making fun of you…”

“The nicknames, as irritating as they are sometimes, is just really her ways of endearment. She thought, still does really, that it’s fun to tease me or you.”

“Of course, and now you’re defending that.” Chloe commented after Beca cut her off, rolling her eyes while saying it. “So what other _terms of endearment_ did she call you while you were cozying it up in Nice or Marseilles or wherever the hell in France?”

“Is that…? Chloe, she’s just a friend, we’re friends. She’s actually a good person, has a funny way of showing things, but… Ah! What am I even saying?” Beca rambled on, hiding her face behind her hands before sighing deeply. She ran a hand through her hair and looked Chloe straight in the eyes. “Chloe, just… I… it’s not what you’re making this out to be.”

“Really? ‘Cause why else would she just put on display how much she adores you, call you her little mouse or elf or whatever? Why else would you go off gallivanting to Paris with your ‘friend’, while I…”

“While you what?” Beca dared ask.

“Oh gee, I don’t know Beca, you were the one who said you promise to come home and I don’t know what you mean by that then but I thought it meant wait, for whatever it was that I should wait for. While I struggled with my decisions of… you don’t even…” Chloe started rambling off. “While I was here.” Chloe eventually settled on. “While you go leave me, like always, and you go off having the time of your life! And then let’s not forget me having to deal with the fact that the person who very nearly got me to believe that I can ever move on from you turned up being a psychopath. I was here breaking my heart, suffering, living in a steady state of anger and sadness and… you… You were off to London, living the life of a famous music producer, then off to Paris with tall intimidating… she was always trying to steal you and… well clearly why else did you drop off the radar when you went to Paris with not so much as a peep coming from you? Huh, Beca? Tell me the truth.”

Emily and the rest of the Bellas remained silent as Chloe unburdened some of her long held onto thoughts and feelings.

This time none of them spoke not because they wanted to eavesdrop, it was because there was nothing really left to say.

Beca took a deep breath and stayed silent for a minute. “You want the truth?” Beca simply asked, her voice wasn’t even shaky or rising. It was calm. “The truth is, Chloe, that maybe I don’t have much of a right to complain. I have everything. Except for that one missing thing, the one that is the most important of all. The one that gives meaning to everything else and I was in London working my ass off a ‘sentence’, so to speak, that maybe in the end turned out to be a blessing for me too, all while dealing with my own heartbreak. The truth, Chloe, is Luisa ran into me at a bar with my own friends back in London teasing me and asking for you and when she found out about what happened, she actually wanted to help me. The truth, is that when your psycho ex-boyfriend – and I still swear if I ever see him I will bloody murder him – told me a lie that you were going to marry him I just lost it, lost all hope, and got very drunk and stumbled around London because what I lost, I knew, I thought then, I lost forever. And stumbling around brought me to Thames and my drunken logic almost got me drowned.”

“Wait, is that why Luke keeps…” Emily then interjected, she couldn’t help it.

To which all the Bellas sent a glare towards her direction.

Except for Chloe.

Chloe looked like she was too busy processing everything Beca had just said.

“Banning me from all types of bodies of water? Yep.” Beca replied, still acknowledging Emily’s stupid question. “Luke was essentially too late. I nearly fell into the river. And I would have if Luisa wasn’t looking for me too. If she didn’t stop me, I’d be fish food. So yeah, Chloe, we’re friends. That’s all. I went to Paris for a few reasons, but mostly for myself.” Beca then said. “I wasn’t there for anyone but me. Not with anyone at all.”

Beca took another deep breath and everyone remained silent. “I think I need some air.” Beca then said, excusing herself from everyone else.

And rightfully so, at least from how Emily saw it.

Beca’s mind went to a very dark place that night in London. And Emily was shaken by it.

She lost all hope, and for whatever she was thinking – hopefully, it was to swim to Chloe and win her back, she needs to get that clarified with Beca – she still very nearly died.

And she could see it was hard for Beca to admit that. It would be for anyone whose thoughts got too clouded or dark. And it was just as hard for Chloe to understand.

Really, if Beca would just open up and talk about things, this wouldn’t be a problem.

But Emily also knew the things Beca had gone through that stops her at each and every turn.

So personally she was torn.

She could only guess that Chloe was too.

But the Bellas… they looked more scared?

And clearly Chloe picked up on that.

“You lot knew about this, didn’t you?” she pretty much growled and the Bellas pretty much scrambled up to Aubrey for her to come up with a good enough justifiable defense for it. Thankfully Emily remained an innocent.

She would hate to be at the receiving end of Chloe’s wrath.

 

* * *

 

The Bellas had a silent dinner after very narrowly escaping with their lives from the wrath of a certain Chloe Beale. Thankfully, Aubrey was clear at explaining to Chloe that they didn’t know the DSM she-wolf saved Beca. They knew what happened from Luke but they didn’t tell her because she was already going through her own ordeals. Then of course it was the perfect timing for Beca’s return when they started to get seated and no one wanted to bring anything up and…

…well.

It was a tense evening.

That’s why after getting everything cleared up Amy came up with a brilliant plan.

“We always do this though? Must we really?” Denise complained as the Bellas marched off to the beach, Aubrey and Chloe bringing up the rear as Amy lead the way. It was a beautiful and clear night, it was kind of windy, but beautiful nonetheless. At least to Amy.

“We are, were, whatever, acapella singers. And it’s just a fun game.” Flo responded while Cynthia Rose was preoccupied explain the rules of the game to Beca.

“Come on, don’t you even miss having riff-offs?” Jessica then seconded, excited about just bringing it back to the good old days.

“Yeah, and no categories. Same rules, sure, but just cutting in with any song? It’s a fun chaotic twist.” Ashley chimed in with a wide grin.

“Okay, no teams, just this time, whoever wants to jump in, jumps in. Winner doesn’t have to wash the dishes during the entirety of our stay here.

“Fine, I suppose you’re right.” Denise then said, finally giving in. “So who goes first?” she asked just after the Bellas settled down, making a circle on the sand while Cynthia Rose started a fire in a fancy looking fire pit to keep them all warm.

Amy shrugged, as she sat down next to Beca. No one volunteered for a while until Lilly cleared her throat and stood up, starting to whisper the words to the song.

_Here we go, come with me,_   
_There's a world out there that we should see,_   
_Take my hand, close your eyes_   
_With you right here, I'm a rocketeer_

_Let's fly_

Emily, who was right next to Lilly and thus one of the people who could actually hear her, decided to cut in at that moment. She stood up and as soon as she started singing, Lilly sat back down.

_fly_   
_With someone else's wings, I know_   
_Wherever you go_

_Take your sweet, sweet time_   
_I will be here when you change your mind_   
_Take your sweet, sweet time_   
_I will be here for you baby_   
_Anytime_

_I_

And while Emily’s efforts were clear, sneaking a glance at Beca and Chloe, who sat opposite each other, as she sang, Amy thought that that wasn’t enough.

So Amy stood up. Picking up on the Legacy’s idea, she should be the one to drive home the subtle message.

_I, I'm so in love with you_   
_Whatever you want to do_   
_Is all right with me_   
_Cause you make me feel so brand new_   
_And I want to spend my life with you_

_They say since, baby, since we've been together_   
_Loving you forever_   
_Is what I need_   
_Let me be the one you come running to_   
_I'll never be untrue_

_Let's, let's stay together_   
_Lovin' you whether, whether_   
_Times are good or bad, happy or_

Jessica then picked up on the hidden and secret category that Emily started and Amy continued, jumping in.

_or right_   
_We will always there_   
_Sharing this love, sharing this life_

_'Cause we knew, said we always knew_   
_And no matter what would've come_   
_That we were_   
_Meant to be_

_And it ain't going to be easy_   
_And no matter what baby we're meant to be_   
_We ain't never had known if_   
_We were_

Ashley then decided to take her turn, standing up and singing ever so passionately.

_were in_

_I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness_   
_And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head_   
_But don't you remember, don't you remember?_   
_The reason you loved me before_   
_Baby please remember me once more_

Amy smiled, all the Bellas seemed to be getting the message. She took a sneak glance at Chloe who kept her focus on the fire, biting her lips, while Beca did the same thing, smiling lightly. Amy turned over to Stacie, who seemed to immediately pick up on what Amy was thinking. So Stacie was preparing herself to stand up to cut into Ashley’s song.

_When was the last time you thought of me?_   
_Or have you completely erased me from your memories?_   
_'Cause I often think about where I went wrong_   
_And_

But in the end it wasn’t Stacie who jumped in.

It was Beca.

 

* * *

 

To Stacie’s surprise, Beca beat her to the punch. So, Stacie happily stayed seated in her place next to her girlfriend and gave the floor – or technically sandy beach – to Beca.

And so Beca sang, keeping her eyes, no longer trained to watch the flames in the fire pit, but looking straight into Chloe’s eyes

_And think_   
_Time goes faster than you blink_   
_Nothing's ever like it was_

_But girl we've got a special thing_   
_All the happiness it brings_   
_Is more than enough_

Stacie looked at Beca with a smile before turning to where Amy was and shooting her a subtle wink. She gave a confused looking Legacy a thumbs up, before turning to see Chloe’s reaction.

_I know it's hard to believe_   
_You're still the biggest part of me_   
_All I'm living for_

Beca continued and Chloe finally looked up, training her features to be unreadable as she looked straight back into Beca’s eyes.

_I still think about you_   
_I still dream about you_   
_I still want you_   
_And need you by my side_   
_I'm still mad about you_   
_All I ever wanted was you_   
_You're still the one_   
_You’re still the one_

Aubrey gave her a nudge and Stacie looked over at her. She gave a subtle nod at Beca. “What is she playing at?” she asked in a hushed tone.

“Does it look like I know?” Stacie replied.

“You looked like you were having a breakthrough earlier.” Aubrey pointed out.

_It's hard to breathe when were apart_   
_You're like sunshine in my heart_   
_I keep you here inside_

“I just noticed something. That was all.” Stacie simply said.

_You've been everything to me_   
_You've been and always will be_   
_The apple of my eye_

_And_

Aubrey was about to ask Stacie to elaborate, she could tell, but then things got interesting.

Because Chloe got up.

And Beca remained standing as she sang. __  
  


_And when you see what you need to see_   
_When you find you come back to me_

_Take your time I won’t go anywhere_   
_Picture you with the wind in your hair_   
_I'll keep your things right where you left them_   
_I'll be here for you_

Stacie exchanged looks with Aubrey who shrugged before looking over at proud and giddy Amy.

_Oh and I'll let you go_   
_I'll set you free_   
_And when you see what you need to see_   
_When you find you come back_

The rest of the Bellas looked giddy, in fact.

And when Beca jumped back in, they knew the game was over for all of them. This was Chloe and Beca’s stage now.

_Back to me_   
_I know that it comes_   
_Back to me_   
_Doesn't it scare you_   
_Your will is not as strong_   
_As it_

Beca started singing, but Chloe, who was also still standing shook her head. With a smile on her face she changed her tune and started singing a different song, cutting Beca off.

_it morning already?_   
_I hate the sun for setting on yesterday_   
_When I wrote my feelings_   
_On the walls and ceilings_   
_Like drugs I'm dealing and you just walked away_

_The trees all sway and swing_   
_The wind and I are both singing_

“How about Chloe?” Stacie asked Aubrey in a whisper.

“What about Chloe?” Aubrey asked back.

_I was giving you everything I had to give_   
_Wasn't it enough?_   
_All those promising promises were on your lips_   
_But you wouldn't give them up_

“Well, she’s clearly trying to get a point across.” Stacie pointed out.

“It needs to get across.” Aubrey replied with a smile.

“I’m not saying it shouldn’t either.” Stacie then immediately replied. “But…”

_So let me just say for the record_   
_That you can spare me the lecture_   
_'Cause ever since I_

But before Stacie could finish her sentence and Chloe finish her song, Beca jumped in.

_I miss those blue eyes_   
_How you kiss me at night_   
_I miss the way we sleep_

_Like there's no sunrise_   
_Like the taste of your smile_   
_I miss the way we breathe_

Beca sang, as if trying to placate the angry fire that was stirring in Chloe’s soul. As if trying to apologize and soothe her pain and scars.

“I think their having a conversation the best way they know how.” Stacie then simply whispered into Aubrey’s ears, reaching for her hand and interlacing them.

“You know, I don’t remember much about psych 101, and even if I do, I don’t think our particular case with Bechloe here could be analyzed with simple general psychology, but I think you’re right.” Aubrey replied.

_But I never told you_   
_What I should have said_   
_No, I never told you_   
_I just held it in_

Stacie hummed in agreement but she kept her eyes trained on both Beca and Chloe. Something was definitely happening.

Particularly with Beca…

_And now,_   
_I miss everything about you_   
_Can't believe that_

But while Stacie was keeping her eyes trained on Beca, Chloe jumped in again, cutting her off with her own song.

_that you're about to pull me in to deep_   
_The more I try to walk away_   
_The harder it gets to believe that I don't need you_

_You've got a hold on me_  
 _Got to find the release_  
  
_Why do I feel so weak_  
 _When you are near me_  
 _You've got me in too deep_  
 _So help me baby_  
 _You're living in my dreams_  
 _You're always with me_  
 _You're the dark in my light_  
 _You're the black in_

And before Chloe could get far with her song, Beca jumped back in.

_in my heart_

Yup, those two are definitely having some weird conversation with music.

_This love has taken it's toll on me_   
_She said goodbye too many times before_   
_And her heart is breaking in front of me_   
_I have no choice 'cause I won't say goodbye anymore_

_I_

And it was probably the nerdiest and most romantic and cheesiest thing Stacie could think of happening at the moment. She noted Beca’s smirk on her face, the DJ starting to relax a bit just as Chloe jumped back in, singing as passionately as ever.

_I can't love you in the dark_   
_It feels like we're oceans apart_   
_There is so much space between us_   
_Maybe we're already defeated_   
_Ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me_

_You have given me something that I can't live without_   
_You mustn't underestimate that when you_

And Beca sang with just as much passion as Chloe did when she cut in.

_You stare_   
_As if you see, right through to my soul_

_It’s your left hand and the way_   
_That it’s not quite as big as your right_   
_The way you stand in the mirror,_   
_Before we go out at night_

Stacie hummed once more. _There she is again_ , she thought to herself.

_A quiet time, your beautiful mind,_   
_They're all part of the list_   
_Things that I miss,_   
_Things like your, funny little laugh_   
_Or the way you smile or the way we kiss_

The songs Beca were singing also had a hidden meaning to them. A subtle message.

Reminisce, miss, dreaming about past things and memories…

_What I noticed is this,_   
_I come up with_   
_Something new, every single time_   
_That I sit an reminisce_

Then there she was earlier, doing something she’s never done in a long time. She hasn’t called Chloe ‘Chlo’ when her memories disappeared. Not that Stacie could recall.

_The way you sweet smell_   
_Lingers when you leave a room_   
_Stories you tell as we lay_   
_In bed all afternoon_

_I_

But before being able to think deeply about the matter, Stacie’s attention was brought back to the present moment when Chloe cut in.

_I ask is_

_If this is my last night with you_   
_Hold me like I'm more than just a friend_   
_Give me a memory I can use_   
_Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do_   
_It matters how this ends_   
_'Cause what if I_

But once again, Beca didn’t let Chloe get far. It was as if she was constantly saying ‘Message received’ and soothing Chloe’s fears with sweet nothings and hope for love.

_I would know where to find love_   
_Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough_   
_But sometimes I just felt I could give up_   
_But you came and you changed my whole world now_   
_I'm somewhere I've never been before_   
_Now I see_   
_What love means_

They were bearing their souls and the thoughts and deepest of feelings and truths of their emotions using the words of a song.

Like how once upon a time Beca took over the Barden radio station and sent her messages to Chloe through song upon song.

But this time, Chloe was able to send replies.

And Beca answered too, keeping things flowing between them

_It's so unbelievable_  
 _And I don't want to let it go_  
 _It’s something so beautiful_  
 _Flowin' down like a waterfall_  
 _I feel like you've always been_  
 _Forever a part of me_  
 _And it's so unbelievable_  
 _To finally be in love_  
_Somewhere I never thought I'd be_

Then something cut Beca off.

No, not Chloe this time.

It was thunder. Really, really loud crashing, rumbling sounds.

And before they knew it. The Bellas were all scrambling back to the house as storm clouds came rolling in.

 

* * *

 

After the whole ‘the gods have answered us’ moment at the beach, the Bellas pretty much started to disperse into their own rooms. Beca lingered for a while at the kitchen with Chloe but before the two of them could even talk Chloe’s phone started ringing and it was a call she couldn’t ignore. Work related, one of her little projects at school.

And if there is anything that Aubrey knew for sure, other than Beca, the kids Chloe work with and help out are always on the top of her priorities.

“So munchkin, what is your plan?” Aubrey then asked after being left at the kitchen alone with Stacie and Beca herself.

Beca chuckled. “Is this you asking me what my intentions are again, Posen?” Beca replied before shaking her head. “I’d say I’ll never hurt her again but clearly even when it’s not my intention to, I keep doing it anyways. I don’t really know what my plan is, Aubrey, but I want to fight to be someone who deserves to be with Chloe. That much is clear.”

With her little reply, Beca Mitchell excused herself and went to bed.

The next day was just as dreary as the night before, although with less scary thunder and lightning. Beca kept trying to ignore phone calls the whole day through, eventually stepping out of the living room and back into her room every time she got a call she just couldn’t miss.

But Aubrey couldn’t really hate her.

All of the Bellas, including herself would take time to check emails and send quick replies if they were important work-related things. Grown-up life sucked sometimes.

At some point during the day the Bellas started playing board game after board game from the massive stock pile available to them at the beach house. Beca soon decided to turn her phone off claiming she was starting to have a need of just throwing it against a wall because she actually gets tired of work too, and joined in with the many games they played.

Chloe excused herself just as Beca joined. Emily had started to come down with a fever herself, out of fatigue, maybe? She wasn’t caught in the rain the night before so Aubrey assumed she was just getting really tired and overworked. Chloe appointed herself as the mother hen and decided to take care of the Legacy for a while, help her get some sleep, although Aubrey thinks she volunteered herself as tribute for the task to avoid talking to Beca.

Honestly, the whole dancing around was getting on Aubrey’s nerves that she was starting to develop an obsessive-compulsive desire of just getting them locked up in a room to talk things through. But one look at Chloe and Aubrey knew, a part of her was still mad and another was ready to forgive Beca. She was torn. She was cautious but willing to move forward. And after everything she’s been through, she couldn’t really blame her.

Chloe deserves the heavens and the skies above and if Beca’s not willing to step up and meet that, then even Aubrey doubted they can make it through their storm.

“Ah, that’s another game of me winning.” Amy the satisfied after another successful round of _Clue_. “Hey, I have an idea, maybe we should play a live action game for the next round, you know, have someone moderate the game and someone play the victim and all. The house is big enough for it too.”

“I can moderate, quite frankly I don’t trust any of you not to pull any shenanigans.” Aubrey then said with a sigh.

“Can I volunteer as the dead body? I’m not really up to exerting that much effort into playing this game.” Beca said.

“Oh, I can already imagine who the murderer could be.” Aubrey then teased.

“You would, wouldn’t you?” Beca replied with a smirk.

And so the Bellas set to the task of making their own _Clue_ game, scrambling around the house to bring potential murder weapons and all, even leaving a rather confused Chloe staring at the Bellas as they took and brought back ladles, forks, and pans from the kitchen where she was making soup for Emily. They also made ‘cards’ for them on a pieces of paper before shoving random ones of each of the categories – murder weapon, room, killer – in  brown envelope. The storm outside seemed to start to calm down, which was a good thing considering playing a live game of _Clue_ with a storm going on outside just seemed to be asking for trouble.

When everything was set, Aubrey called for Beca into the living room while dismissing the rest of the Bellas and before they knew it, the game was on their way. After ‘examining’ the living room for clues the Bellas dispersed and went their own way around the house to look for the other hints and clues Aubrey hid around the house.

Fifteen minutes later Beca got up from laying down on the floor turning to face the sliding door that led outside. The rain had temporarily stopped. “How long do you think they’re going to take?” she asked Aubrey.

“Maybe an hour more or so.” Aubrey then replied simply.

“Cool, mind if I take a walk outside for a bit?” Beca asked.

“Don’t stay out too long. It still looks a bit dark out.”

“Yeah, but we went to the beach to enjoy the beach. It sucks if we only stay inside. I’ll be back before they figure out who killed me.” Beca then replied with a shrug.

Aubrey chuckled. “You suck at being dead Mitchell.” she said as Beca got up and stretched a little.

“You can call me a zombie if anyone asks.” she replied with a smirk before disappearing outside.

 

* * *

 

Beca took a deep breath. She was trying to keep it cool while lying down on the living room floor but something about pretending to be dead actually jogged some of her memories.

Her therapy was really working in retrieving those still missing pieces.

But the accident that started all this mess in her life was definitely something she wasn’t looking forward to remembering.

The memories of lying in the cold hard ground as flecks of snow took their time to fall from the heavens above.

Beca closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She focused on hearing the waves of the water, she was trying not relieve the pain or sadness. No, she didn’t want to remember the despair she was left in. She was trying, with every inch of her will, to fight the panic that was trying to take a hold of her.

She had probably been there for a while, trying to focus on some of the happy memories she made and she know remembers. She tried so hard to focus on remembering Chloe instead, and things with Chloe, and some with the Bellas too. But yeah, mostly those happy days with Chloe.

That was when a drop of water had hit her face, causing her to blink a few times. She looked up, the clouds looked ominous as the rain started to fall down on her on a steady rhythm before coming down harder with every passing minute.

Beca laughed.

Of course it was just her luck.

But instead of taking it as her misfortune, she simply smiled and decided to let all the negative feelings out and free, let the rain wash it all away.

And in some sense, it did make her feel lighter.

She stood in the rain for a while, unwilling to move. Summer was ending, fall was closing in for sure. Another season coming to pass as another year was coming to an end.

She took a deep breath. New images pop in her head. Images of Chloe running in through the rain after she had offered her an umbrella. Beca’s hands automatically reached for her lips.

_Right, that was the first time we kissed_ , she thought.

And that was the night at the radio station too.

How she wished she could just go back and relive that moment with Chloe.

“I don’t suppose you’re volunteering to be a lightning rod this time?” she heard Chloe say, causing Beca to snap back to reality. The redhead stood a few feet behind her with a disgruntled look in her eyes, waiting with a big enough umbrella for two. “You’re going to catch a cold Mitchell. And we already have Emily down for the count.”

“How is she?”

“Sleeping peacefully.” Chloe simply replied. “Come on, let’s go back inside.” Chloe added nodding towards the direction of the house and motioning for Beca to come underneath the shade of the umbrella.

Beca chuckled. She was already drenched anyways, no need for an umbrella, and so she ran back to the house enjoying the rain.

Right behind her was Chloe shaking her head, choosing the protection of the umbrella.

Once inside, Chloe shut the sliding door from the patio to the kitchen and huffed as she set the umbrella down. She already had a towel waiting for Beca ready by the kitchen counter.

_Wait, does that mean…? Did she see me go out? Was she watching me the whole time?_ Beca thought, not daring to as Chloe herself.

“You should’ve ran straight back when the rain started.” Chloe grunted, wrapping the towel around Beca and trying to dry her off.

Beca smiled a little. Chloe was mad, still, not really like before but she’s still upset.

But Chloe cared.

Chloe would always care. She’s Chloe, that’s just who she was.

“I don’t know. I kind of liked it. Refreshing in all.” Beca replied and Chloe gave her a look.

But Beca never really noticed what that look meant. Her head flashing back images of the night back at the radio station. Chloe running into the station, cutting her little declaration off just as she was about to say it.

All her mind could focus on was the fact that Chloe stood so close to her, the closest they’ve been for a while since they got back to LA, and Beca was painfully aware of just how close her lips were…

And Beca’s mind raced back to that night in New York, she really should have kissed her then. Maybe things would have turned out differently?

And they both didn’t have to suffer for long?

Or did the things that happened really had to happen?

“You need to take better care of yourself.” Chloe then said, the softness in her tone was not missed.

And it hit home.

The hypnotic spell shrouding Beca like a need. She missed her, so much. And she really just… she just wanted…

Beca closed the distance. Throwing all caution and though to the wind as she crashed her still damp lips with Chloe’s own. Her heart felt relief as she kissed Chloe Beale, finally, after all the time that had passed. The longing had seized. It was relief. It was warmth. It was home.

A shelter in the storm.

It was where Beca belonged.

And all Beca could really focus on was how her heart was beating loudly against her chest as Chloe Beale kissed her back.

* * *

 

It started out slow. A kindling flame. Innocent and gentle. But soon it felt like a dam had finally gone down and all the feelings Chloe had held back, all that she hid in that box and kept in the deepest and darkest corners of her mind, they came tumbling and crashing out, flooding all her sense.

Beca’s lips were on hers and the soft flame had turned into wild fire.

The need, the want, the passion, all of it, taking over as they kissed hungry for each other’s touch and affection.

But wild fire was dangerous. It was untamed.

And the last time it got Chloe burned real bad.

But she couldn’t help but feel it to be right. She was home again.

She was back to where she belonged.

But before anything escalates, Chloe pushed herself away from Beca, and with perfect timing too because Aubrey had very nearly stumbled upon the two of them kissing in the kitchen.

“Mitchell, games’ about to end and need you back playing dead… and why on earth are you soaking wet?” Aubrey asked all sorts of confused.

“Long story.” Beca mumbled as she pursed her lips and stumbled out of the kitchen. Leaving Aubrey to look for an answer from Chloe.

And boy did Chloe not want to give the answer at the moment, she was still reeling in from the kiss and she really needed to get her mind on the matter. Not just her heart.

The next day was the last day at the beach house. She and Beca had pretty much kept to themselves for the most part of the past evening and morning. Emily was feeling better but Stacie volunteered to drive their car back with them, Beca still all kinds of iffy about driving.

Chloe decided the night before that she needed to be clear with Beca. Yes, she loves her, she has feelings for her and care for her. Always will. But she won’t just be there wasting her life and dreams away, waiting for Beca forever.

If Beca wanted her back. Then she needs to work for it.

She’s tired of chasing after her. She’s the one always chasing after her after all.

Chasing if not moving away from her with all futility.

She found Beca at the patio, a beautiful day waiting outside, closing her laptop shut just as she ended a Skype call with a woman with a French accent.

“Before you say anything that was a doctor. I doctor I’m seeing. I mean, a doctor I’m talking to. I’m her patient.” Beca immediately mumbled.

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” Chloe replied, her angers and frustrations gone. She just really want to set things straight with Beca. “But you’re seeing a doctor?”

“Yeah.” Beca replied. “A specialist on amnesia cases. She’s a friend of Luisa’s and she helped me get in touch with her. That’s why I went to Paris.”

“Oh.” Chloe then said.

“I did promise to make my way back to you.” Beca then replied. “But you wanted to talk…”

“…yes, about last night.” Chloe finished for Beca. She took a deep breath and adopted a stern tone. “Beca Mitchell, you do not have the right to come and kiss me, or for that matter say all those stupid things you keep saying, making promises like making it back to me, and keep sending me mixed signals. If you want me, fight for me. Chase me. Show me you love me. No more grand gestures. No more simple sweet nothings. I want it all Beca. The actual all and entirety of you. Because I’ve given you more than all of me and I went through hell for it. Actual emotional hell Beca. I deserve nothing less than that. Because it’s unfair, you know? It’s unfair to love you so much and give up so much of me, understand you always, when you’re not doing the same thing. I can’t always be the one who gives. I know I’m not perfect, I have my faults too. But all I ask Beca, is if you really want to be with me, show it. Prove it. Because I don’t think my heart could take it if you break it again.”

Chloe took another deep breath after finishing what she said. She was ready for Beca to say something, sway her off her feet with words she couldn’t possibly realize had the effect of sending Chloe’s heart into a frenzy.

But Beca didn’t say any of those grand statements. Instead she simply said “I know.”

“What?” Chloe asked to clarify what Beca said, getting a little bit thrown off.

“I know.” Beca repeated. “Chloe, I’m not perfect either. And truth be told I don’t even think I deserve you, not the way I’ve been or the way I am now. But I won’t ever stop trying to become that person who deserves you. I get it now. You deserve more Chloe. The way you love… the way you haven’t… you know, given up on me… You deserve the world. And I’m not ever going to stop telling you and showing you how I feel about you. Even if. Even if one day we’ll find our way back to where we were before, I’ll never stop, never be complacent about things. I’ll chase after you, serenade you, woo you, every single day of my life.” Beca then added, every word ringing true.

But Chloe wouldn’t let herself believe those words just yet. “It’s not going to be easy Mitchell.”

Beca shrugged. “I’d go through hell over and over again for you.”

“Those are just words.” Chloe pointed out. “You’ll have to work for it.”

“Relationships _do_ need work.”

“Again, those are just words right now Mitchell.” Chloe repeated. “And I’m not saying yes, Beca. Not yet.”

“Then let me make them true. Besides Chlo, if you’re willing to wait for me, believe that I’ll wait for you too.” Beca said with a smile, standing up from where she was sitting. “And, Chloe, about the whole Paris thing, there’s mo – ”

“Hey Beca, we’re ready to go.” Stacie then said, walking out into the patio. “Oh, uh, sorry guys. Clearly you’re…”

“No worries, you didn’t interrupt anything.” Chloe said with a smile as she walked back inside. “See you Beca.”

“See you.” Beca replied back. The two of them still stubbornly refused to say the words ‘goodbye’.

The storm has passed.

It’s all up to Beca now.


	24. U Make Me Wanna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in the chapter are David Cook’s version of ‘Always Be My Baby’; ‘I Want You Anyways’ by Jon McLaughlin; ‘Don’t Give Up On Us’ by David Soul; ‘It Will Come Back’ by Hozier; and ‘U Make Me Wanna’ by Blue.

“Aw, I miss you too bud! Like a lot.” Beca had said as soon as she stepped inside Luke’s flat. Ghost jumped on her at the doorway, toppling her over in the process. Clearly her old dog with Chloe missed her so much.

“I can’t believe it. Beca Mitchell misses someone other than a bright and bubbly redhead.” Luke remarked with a chuckle. Kaelyn had left for some errands and the two found some alone time in the midst of the crazy past few weeks. Beca made a face before throwing her usual ‘Shut up Luke’ comment, still playing with Ghost on the floor. “So what brings you here Becky? How was the beach trip?”

“Tiring.” was Beca’s reply with a grin on her face that makes Luke question what she meant. “A lot of things happened Luke.”

“Oh, I’ve got the time.” Luke replied in a singsong manner, sitting down on his couch and calling Ghost over to him.

However, the dog ignored his call and stayed with Beca all the time. Beca eventually made her way to slump down next to Luke, Ghost close behind her.

And Luke couldn’t believe how easy it was for Ghost to forget him and jump back into Beca’s arms as soon as she came back. After all their time together…

“I do believe that explaining what happened requires words Mitchell.” Luke then said prompting Beca to roll her eyes.

“Well, for one thing, the ‘river incident’ is out of the bag.” Beca then said, drawing the words out slowly as she sounded thoughtful for a minute. Beca gave Luke a moment to let things sink in before picking it up. “Chloe’s still mad about things, and I can’t really blame her. I don’t know, but sometimes I just feel like I’m stuck. Just stuck in that moment of thinking and planning what I want to do, and it’s like it’s always so hard to just go ahead and do it, you know?”

Luke nodded thoughtfully before he shrugged. “Sometimes, people, they have to face themselves. It’s not always going to be easy and the things is, when there’s something you want, and you really, really want it, well… sometimes you just don’t think you deserve it. It’s a fight. I think that’s what’s going on inside you. The two of you, Beca, you’ve been through a lot and when all you do is think about what it is you want to do nothing is going to be done. I know you’re probably scared or uncertain and terrified of what’s going to come next, but you can’t just sit and wait forever. It’s like Schrodinger’s cat, it’s either the cat is alive or it’s dead and you won’t know until you decide to open the box.”

“You’ve been talking way too much to Stacie these days.” Beca then replied before she chuckled. “And the cat’s definitely alive.”

“What do you mean?” Luke then asked.

“I, well, Chloe and I talked but before that, I sort of um… I kissed Chloe.”

Luke nodded slowly and took a deep breath. “At least you’re taking initiative on something…. but I thought you said you want to do things the right way?”

“It’s all, ugh… just… stuff, okay?” was Beca’s incoherent reply. “But that’s not the point. Chloe said a few things that needed to be said, and I agree with them. And Luke, you know, I will do whatever it takes to win her back. I actually almost told her the truth.”

“About your memories?” Luke asked to clarify.

“Yes.” Bea then replied and nodded. “I want to be honest. I want us to start over and I have no idea where or how but I want that. I want to do things for her, be there for her. Support her just like she did, just like she always does, with me.”

“Then do it. You don’t need to think or cook something up for you to show Chloe that. Fight for her every day, fight for her every way possible. There’s more than one way of saying you love someone. The memories thing, don’t let that trip you over. I think when the right moment comes you’ll find a way to say it. We both know whether you remember anything or not you’d be in the exact same position as now. Just do it. And if you need my help on anything, you know I’m here.”

“Thanks Luke.” Beca replied with a smile.

The rest of that quiet afternoon went by faster than Luke would have wanted. As soon as Kaelyn came back she was all business as usual for Beca to remind her of a few important meetings. Beca smiled sheepishly as she worked on improving her schedule with Kaelyn, staying for dinner over at Luke’s and coming up with a plan or two of extra special things for Chloe.

That and a discussion of maybe slowly taking care of Ghost again, Beca wanting to reclaim her old dog with Chloe at least on the weekends when she’s not so busy. Maybe visiting a lot more during the weekdays too.

Luke came in to work the next day with a special plan coming together in his mind, starting his shift with a hopeful view of what’s to come. As soon as he had the first song playing for his show, he stepped outside his booth for a moment to ask his assistant to contact an old friend.

_You'll always be a part of me_   
_I'm part of you indefinitely_   
_Girl don't you know you can't escape me_   
_Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby_   
_And we'll linger on_   
_Time can't erase a feeling this strong_   
_No way you're ever gonna shake me_   
_Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby_

A lot has happened since their old days at Barden but some things never change. A mix of special things with the everyday efforts Beca wanted to do for Chloe could only help the DJ, right?

If anything, Beca’s gone a long way from how she was before she even met Chloe Beale, and Luke knew, those two deserved to be happy. He couldn’t help it if he wanted to make sure that it would happen.

* * *

 

It’s been day three since Beca had placed her plan of wooing Chloe back into motion and while the progress was slow, Chloe did say it would be hard, but she was not backing down.

_I gave up a long time ago_   
_Trying to find love_   
_TV told me it was like the movies_   
_But it never was_

_I couldn't beat it or join it_   
_So I just avoided it_   
_Come what may_   
_Then you came_

Beca knew, it was never perfect from day one, but she knew since that day her eyes met Chloe for the first time. The world had stopped spinning, time stopped moving, she couldn’t hear any of the words she said and in truth she had simply been taken away by the warmth of her smile.

_It's so self-betrayal of me_   
_I'm about to say all the things_   
_Swore I'd never say_   
_But my heart's in my mind_   
_Drawing lines I can't erase_

_And all of a sudden_   
_All that wasn't_   
_So beautifully is_   
_When we kiss_

Yes, she knew the that she was in trouble because all she’s ever wanted from that moment on was Chloe Beale, even if she wasn’t aware of it for the longest of times.

The song played softly coming from her trusty ol’ headphones that was currently hanging on her neck. She’s been good at keeping her schedule and working to be quiet productive by having shorter work days.

Which meant she had more free time to do things she wanted to do, take a break and all. Gave the time that she knew she should have given Chloe before too. Time that she never really thought of to be slipping away.

But she wasn’t on her way to Chloe, no. She wanted to show the redhead that she would fight for her but give her space too and Chloe insisted she was busy and tired and Beca was giving her the space that Chloe had often done with her.

So she was on her way to see Ghost instead.

Beca reached Luke’s flat in record time. With both Luke and Kaelyn away, she used the spare key they entrusted to her to let herself in and Ghost most definitely wasted no time in giving her a warm welcome.

“I miss you too bud. And you know who else I miss? Yeah, I bet you miss her too.” Beca said through bursts of giggles as Ghost wouldn’t stop licking her face. How the dog still loved her despite being gone for what felt like forever was a mystery to her, but maybe it was because Ghost was both her and Chloe’s dog. And like Chloe, their dog apparently has an incredible ability to love.

There was a click by the door as the knob turned to open. Beca tried to get Ghost off of her so they could move away from the entrance but she was too late.

“Beca? When you said you were going to relax for the night I didn’t think you would head on back to our apartment.” Kaelyn said as she walked through the door.

And surprise, surprise, Chloe was right behind her.

“Hey.” Chloe said sounding a little surprised to see Beca there.

But it was a pleasant surprise nonetheless. “Hey.” Beca replied, smirking while still sitting on the floor.

Kaelyn cleared her throat to regain their attention. “Well, since you’re both here, how about staying for dinner? I can make some tea in the meantime. Luke would _love_ the two of you being here.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Beca commented with a chuckle before Kaelyn disappeared into the kitchen. Chloe set her things down by the foot of the couch and walked over to where Beca was, sitting down right next to her, Ghost quickly jumping onto Chloe.

_  
The way the light hangs off you_  
 _I never stood a chance_  
 _See you changed every plan I had with one glance_  
  


“I thought you said you were busy?” Beca asked as Ghost assaulted Chloe with the same affection he did with Beca.

“Yeah, but I wanted to see this guy over here.” Chloe said through bursts of giggles, ruffling her hands through Ghosts white fur. “Seriously though Beca, I’ve been kind of swamped. School just started and all and we have a bunch of things going on.” Chloe then said. “We still have that interschool music program we’re doing with the nearby public school and all.”

Beca nodded thoughtfully. “Well don’t work yourself too hard.” she commented.

“I won’t.” Chloe replied, looking up. “By the way, I have been meaning to thank you in behalf of my workmates.” Chloe said, raising an eyebrow at her. “Oh come on Beca, ever since you dropped by the other day with that basket of mini muffins, and decided to continue the generous act even when you don’t show up yourself, they’ve been singing a different tune about you.”

Beca shrugged. “That’s not much of a big deal though.”

“Really? You’re not trying to court my friends and coworkers to help win me over now, are you?” Chloe asked with a teasing suspicious tone.

Beca chuckled. Not that it wasn’t entirely true, because it definitely was. She remembered the first time she came and visit Chloe, her co-workers were ready to hang her for the emotional hell she’s put Chloe through. But then Chloe being all playful with the way she throws her suspicion on Beca, it was reminding her of days gone by. Slowly but surely, they were finding their way back to where they were. And maybe, they’re even finding a better road to the future.

_And I wanna hold you in my arms_   
_I wanna let you break my heart_   
_I wanna feel the way it feels to make you stay_

Because that’s what she wants. It took her the longest of times to realize it.

The past helped her become who she was, shape her and all, but the past meant nothing when compared to the future.

So it didn’t matter if what she had lost was gone forever, and she should have seen that when she lost her memories. Because the future with Chloe still stood at the gar end of tomorrow.

More than the future was the present.

And Beca knew, making new memories, living in the moment with Chloe in her life, that all she could ever ask for.

So it doesn’t matter, what hell she needed to face, she’ll overcome any obstacle, trials, and challenges on her way. She’ll do it all just to be with Chloe. _  
  
And I know you'll bring me to my knees_  
 _I know you're way out of my league_  
 _I know I can't afford the price I'm gonna pay_  
 _But I want you anyway_  
  


“No, I just really wanted to get to know them. Besides, they’re not exactly my biggest fans and I just wanted to show they could trust me with you.”

“With baskets upon baskets of mini muffins?” Chloe asked with a chuckle.

“That’s just the olive branch.” Beca then replied with a smirk. “I do intend to show them that I can make you happy. I do appreciate that they’re very protective of you. By the way, not that I don’t like the surprise of seeing you here, but I didn’t know you visited Ghost too.”

“He is my dog too, you know.” Chloe replied, still playing with Ghost. The dog was too happy to have both of them around to play with. “To be honest though I haven’t really seen him much after, you know… but I’m starting to make up to it. I’m surprised you even remember you have a dog, what with the fame and the adoring fans?”

“Ouch.” Beca replied. “I miss him though. I’ve been talking with Luke about it, I kind of want to start taking care of him again.”

“I’m not gonna lie Mitchell, you might have to fight me for that. I miss Ghost too.”

“Well, I guess it can’t be helped.” Beca said and shrugged, as she started to run her hands through Ghost’s fur too. The wolf-like dog definitely loving the attention. “I mean, we can always work out a schedule on taking care of him.”

Chloe smiled. “I’d like that.”

“Good. That’s settled then.” Beca then replied with a grin. __  
  


* * *

_  
_

“So, are you going to tell me what’s up with that grin on your face?” Jesse asked as Beca got settled on the bar stool. It’s been there new found tradition to catch up with each other at least once a week at a bar near Beca’s place.

“That is none of your business Swanson.” Beca then said, her grin turning into a smirk.

“Oh come one Beca, how can I be the best friend if you don’t tell me anything.”

“There’s not much to tell.”

“How’s operation: win Chloe back?” Jesse asked.

“Okay. We’ve agreed to share custody of Ghost.” Beca simply replied.

“How on earth is that not much to tell then?” Jesse then said, trying to make a point to Beca and she couldn’t help but laugh.

In truth, Jesse was just really happy. Happy that the universe was once again bringing the Bellas together, particularly Beca and Chloe. He knows, oh how he knows now, those two belonged together.

And so Jesse once again jumped into his rant of picture perfect movie plots of showing romance. He was avoiding the highly grand fairytale like moments, somehow the thought of it was now leaving a bad taste in Jesse’s mouth. He was more focused on the cheesy lines, flower meanings, waltzing, and what nots.

“I know you’re just trying to help Jess, but those are all just cheap tricks. Chloe deserves better. She deserves whatever original thing I can come up with, besides, I’m trying to lessen the big gestures – even though they’re small gestures essentially – and just focusing on the important things. You know, like being there for Chloe and supporting the things she does. She’s always been ready to drop everything and follow me, give me the space I need to breath, win me back whenever I get too sensitive and hurt on things. She’ll rally the Bellas and sing me a song through Luke’s window or get me a ticket to my dreams, talk to my dad for me and smooth things out. It’s the little things Jess. And all I’ve been doing for the longest of times was focus on how I can be all grand in showing it to Chloe. I forgot about the regular days, the quiet days. I’ve taken her for granted and I didn’t even see it coming. This time, it’s going to be different. If takes my whole life, I’ll prove every day I love her. Never stop courting her.”

“Well aren’t you all grown up now, Beca?” Jesse then said proudly. “You even out mastered my romantic moves.”

The rest of the night was blur. Jesse felt like celebrating Beca journey of growth. They also talked about the Bellas a bit and he knew about the other things that needed to be celebrated in advance too so there was that. They talked about everything, and Beca’s good moods made Jesse notice that. At some point the two of them were walking on home, Beca trying to get Jesse into a cab while he was drunkenly singing.

_Don't give up on us, baby_   
_Don't make the wrong seem right_   
_The future isn't just one night_   
_It's written in the moonlight_   
_Painted on the stars_   
_We can't change ours_

“I swear to God Jess, if you don’t stop singing, I will punch you.” Beca had said while she helped him in the cab.

But Jesse ignored her and he kept singing along as the taxi driver drove away

_Don't give up on us, baby_   
_We're still worth one more try_   
_I know we put a last one by_   
_Just for a rainy evening_   
_When maybe stars are few_   
_Don't give up on us, I know_   
_We can still come through_

Jesse woke up on his couch, his lovely girlfriend ever the caring one. At some point in the night, he was sure she draped a blanket over him and that she was responsible for the nice smelling cup of coffee on the coffee table next to him.

He took his time to get his bearings for the day, trying to recollect the things he did the night before, just in case he was making a fool of himself when something about the things he talked with Beca started bothering him.

Jesse scrambled up to his feet and reached for his phone, instantly dialing Beca’s number, realization hitting him like a lightning bolt.

* * *

 

Chloe’s not going to lie, she was honestly expecting some kind of big serenade or flash mob at some point during their first week back since the beach trip coming from Beca, but that didn’t happen. Beca promised that she would do it, win her back, and fight for her.

And Chloe wasn’t going to lie, it took her a while before she realized what Beca’s battle plan was. She wasn’t winning her over with the flashiest or grandest or sweetest ways she would have thought she would try to do. At least not yet. Beca wasn’t hinging everything on one big fight.

She was fighting small battles every single day.

Every day, like clockwork, Beca would be outside the school. All the students would be gone, a few teachers were still left with some work to finish up, most of them already warming up to Beca. She would be there, with coffee or tea ready. She’d ask Chloe how her day was going with a call or a text around lunch time and be ready with the perfect drink Chloe would want to suit her moods. Chamomile tea if she’s too stressed, her favorite latte if she’s got a lot of things to do. There would be days when she’s got a meeting of sorts with the faculty where Beca would even buy coffee for everyone, and she gets all their orders right. The two of them would talk about their day while for a bit and catch up, Chloe listening to Beca as she talked about new artists or other famous ones who wanted to work with her, and Beca would listen in turn to Chloe to talk about her days.

By that point Beca would ask how one student was doing, or how the other was with Chloe always talking about how proud she was of them. How one of them decides to join the varsity or the other being incredibly musically talented and dreaming of Julliard.

The two of them would walk around the block for a while just talking like they used to, or even better than they used to, what with Beca picking on the little details she totally would have missed before. Then they would part ways – not that Beca hasn’t tried asking her out for dinner, Chloe just thinks it might be too soon – Beca either going back to the studio or going home, and Chloe focusing on the lesson plan or grading papers.

The basket of mini muffins were also a constant. Sometimes, Chloe would catch Beca talking to her co-workers too. But Beca would just shrug whenever Chloe would ask her about it.

Then of course there was the anniversary gift. Chloe was sure she hasn’t brought up her parents to Beca at all since the accident, so she was quite surprise to hear that she sent them a wonderful gift for their anniversary, a romantic trip to Switzerland apparently.

“So what was that about?” Chloe asked Beca during their usual walk.

Beca shrugged. “It’s my way of saying sorry to them I guess. And reaching out too? I know they’re probably mad at me putting you through everything that’s happened between us…”

“Beca, they’re not mad at you.” Chloe said simply with a sip of her coffee, interrupting her. “They know that the things that happened were beyond our control. Truthfully, they still adore you. You apparently won them over the first time you met them.”

“Still. I could’ve done better.” Beca commented.

“How did you know, by the way?” Chloe asked.

“Know what?” was Beca’s innocent response.

Chloe was about to the more specific question about her parent’s anniversary date when she heard the voice she swore belonged to her nemesis.

“Ah little mouse, so nice to run into you.” Luisa commented before turning to face Chloe. “Nice to see you too Red.”

Chloe tried to school her features. It’s not like Beca was acting stupid around the German anymore, and making a complete fool of herself. It’s just that the memories of those days felt too real and fresh whenever they run into each other.

But Chloe did argue did argue with herself that if it wasn’t for the German she-wolf, Beca… she probably wouldn’t be standing next to her then.

So Chloe tried her best to smile, more like grimace really, and simply ignored the leader of DSM.

“Now little elf, about that lunch next Sunday…” Luisa started to say and Chloe instantly tune into the words she was saying.

Beca. Lunch. And Her.

It’s already got her steaming really, her blood boiling. Beca had lunch plans with Luisa.

But the way she said it… It was probably the cherry on top for her. And Chloe was left to try and keep herself calm, despite simmering really.

“Yeah, sorry but I really have to cancel it.” Beca then said, and Chloe could instantly feel a tug on her lips, making her want to smile.

“No explanation though? So unlike you.” Luisa said, playfully tapping Beca on the nose. Beca, probably sensing the change in Chloe’s moods slightly backed off from Luisa in the pretense of checking her phone and turning to the streets to check something. And Chloe knows what she was trying to convey. At least to Luisa.

Beca still didn’t drive and so she typically texts her driver to pick her up where she needed to be picked up. She was trying to indicate that her ride was probably close.

“It’s not really my information to divulge.” Beca commented.

“You owe me little mouse.” Luisa then said with a wink before turning to leave. “See you two around." she then said, and with that Luisa was gone.

“Sorry about that Chlo…” Beca started to say while Chloe picked up her pace and started walking. Beca didn’t waste any time in following her.

“You didn’t need to cancel anything for me.” Chloe said with a bit of a cold edge that Beca didn’t miss.

Beca tried to say something but chose not to. Instead she just tipped her head to one side and sighed. They finished their walked and Beca was once again on her way leaving Chloe in a state of mixed emotions.

The next day Beca was back at it again. The morning was already looking rather dreary and Chloe was feeling a bit guilty for the way she acted around Beca that afternoon. “Looks like you’ve got a present.” Michelle, one of Chloe’s friends who taught English lit, said nodding towards a bouquet of white orchids and blue hyacinths at the teacher’s lounge with her name on it. Chloe sighed, she didn’t really need to guess who it was from.

The rain started pouring that afternoon and Beca was ready by her car with an umbrella, greeting her by the entrance, and ready with their usual shared drinks. “I got the flowers.” was Chloe’s opener, accepting the cup of coffee from Beca. Her tone was still a little cold, she couldn’t help it. Thinking of Beca with Luisa was driving her insane even though they were only friends.

Beca shrugged. “I should have explained what she meant by what she said. About the lunch and the cancelation and all.” she started to say.

“You really don’t.” Chloe said, casting her eyes down on the ground.

“How about we go for a drive instead of our usual walk?” Beca offered and Chloe shrugged.

“I’m not really feeling up to it.” Chloe replied honestly. She needed to get her emotions in check. It was stupid really, being this jealous. “And you really ought to learn how to drive again.”

“I’ll think about it.” Beca replied looking a little tense about it. “Let me at least walk you to your car.” Beca then said.

“No need.” Chloe shook her head and smiled, trying to make sure that Beca knows everything was okay between them before she ran to her car, braving the steady showers.

The following week Beca kept sending Chloe tiny notes with quotes from different poets along with a single stem of rose. Sometimes pink, sometimes white, sometimes red, then there was this one time that she sent a stem of blue rose.

_Let this be me giving you the unattainable_ , the note had said.

The notes and the stems of roses was Beca’s substitute for the week as she seemed to have disappeared with what she claims was a ‘secret project’.

So she wasn’t really expecting Beca knocking on her door that Friday afternoon with a bag of groceries in her hand and a really peeved expression on her face.

“You should have called.” Beca said sounding exasperated as she marched into Chloe’s apartment, Chloe letting her in, closing the door all while trying to keep herself wrapped up in her blanket.

Yeah, Chloe caught a cold.

She’s been feeling sick for a while and that day she just really wanted to rest so she decided to not come into work. Beca was quick with her lecture of how she should have called and how she should take better care of herself and how she shouldn’t have had to wait for Michelle to let her know that she, Chloe, was sick. Beca immediately got her back into her room, tucked her in bed and proceeded to head towards the kitchen.

“What on earth are you doing Mitchell?” Chloe asked Beca, stopping her from leaving her room. Beca turned and looked at her confused.

“Making you soup.” Beca announced before marching out of the room leaving Chloe speechless and confused.

Chloe nodded off a bit before Beca came back in with her food, helping her sit up and all. Beca sat by her side and started give Chloe a spoonful of the soup she made. “I can feed myself Mitchell.”

“Don’t take this away from me Beale.” Beca said with a chuckle and Chloe obliged, letting Beca feed her a spoonful.

And it was actually quite good.

“Please don’t tell me my kitchen is a disaster zone. I mean I appreciate the gesture but the last time you _tried_ to cook something you nearly burned the apartment down. It was a long time ago, I know, but still…”

“I _have_ learned how to cook Chloe. I survived New York and London by myself, didn’t I? Eating out gets tiring sometimes.” Beca explained as she got another spoonful ready for Chloe.

“You really didn’t have to though.” Chloe then said. “Don’t you have that whatever thing?”

“Stacie would understand, besides I hear Aubrey’s quite upset you didn’t call her to let her know you weren’t feeling well either.”

“She’s been busy. I didn’t want to be a bother.” Chloe replied. “And Stacie? You’re working on something with Stacie?”

“Some stuff.” Beca said with a shrug before the doorbell rang.

Beca looked hesitant to get up and leave Chloe but Chloe took the bowl away from her, “I can finish this myself Beca, why don’t you go check and see who’s there.

It didn’t take minutes before Chloe heard Aubrey’s voice coming through the walls, “I’m impressed, Mitchell. You didn’t even need a fire extinguisher this time.”

“I’m glad you’re impressed by my culinary skills, Posen.” Beca deadpanned as she followed Aubrey to Chloe’s room in record time.

“And the food actually smells good.” Aubrey then teased, “Looks like you’re serious about winning Chloe’s heart back.” Beca looked like she was about to respond when Stacie popped up in the view of Chloe’s bedroom door.

“How about we go for a quick coffee run, Beca?” she interrupted.

“Yeah, sure.” Beca mumbled but before she quickly disappeared she turned around and faced Chloe and Aubrey. “I’m dead serious, Posen. Even if I have to court her every day for the rest of my life, I won’t ever stop. I’ll court her forever. Woo her socks off and everything, just you wait and see!”

Aubrey chuckled as soon as they were gone before turning to Chloe who was smiling contently. Aubrey raised an eyebrow at her, looking at her questioningly. “What?” Chloe asked.

“You act like all this means nothing but we both know you’re all goo inside. Beca Mitchell’s all grown up.”

“And what does that even mean?”

“It means I don’t really understand what you’re waiting for.” Aubrey commented. “Is it good?” she then asked pertaining to the soup.

Chloe smiled. “Yes.” she replied. “But you can’t have any, Beca made it for me.”

Aubrey simply laughed and shook her head. Chloe started to feel better after that.

 

* * *

 

The Bellas were all gathered at the rooftop restaurant that Beca had helped Stacie reserve in advance, having just explained the plans. It was Sunday morning and they had less than 10 hours to get everything ready but it couldn’t be helped. Stacie didn’t want any leaks and she knew that if one of them slipped it would be over. Aubrey would know.

“Plus, we just really couldn’t trust Legacy here squealing everything to the Aca-Nazi.” Amy had commented before they all got to work.

“Hey! That’s strong coming from you!” Emily said in defense of herself.

“Excuse you Legacy, but _I_ can keep a secret.” Amy then said.

In Amy’s defense, she was right. Beca knew just how much Amy could keep a secret. She did keep her Midnight DJ gig a secret until Beca revealed herself to all of Barden.

_I know who I am when I'm alone_   
_Something else when I see you_   
_You don't understand, you should never know_   
_How easy you are to need_

The Bellas got to working, Chloe feeling better and all. Beca was happy to see her moods lifting too. “You should have said something.” Chloe then said when they had a moment of peace while taking a break.

“I tried.” Beca then said in her defense.

And soon enough she got dragged up by Stacie about something.

_Don't let me in with no intention to keep me_   
_Jesus Christ, don't be kind to me._   
_Honey don't feed me I will come back._

“Have told her yet, Mitchell?” Stacie asked after the Bellas were dismissed for the day, leaving Beca to help Stacie with some finishing touches at the place, making sure they stage everything perfectly. Beca, particularly, was trying to play around with the sound system.

Beca sighed. They talked about this during the coffee run the other day, Stacie deducing the same thing Jesse realized, that her memory was back.

“I wanted to, and I’ve been meaning to. I almost did about a week ago, I had a perfect opening to say it naturally with our conversation and all, but then Luisa showed up…”

“And then I cut in during the first time, right, right…” Stacie replied. “Will you tell her tonight?”

“I don’t want to steal anyone else’s thunder, Stace.” Beca then said. “But I am planning to tell Chloe. Of course I am. I just I don’t want to blurt it out, just out of the blue, you know?”

Stacie nodded and smiled. “Okay, but if you need any help on anything…”

“I know. I can always count on you. Now go home and get ready, I’ll finish things here. You need to get ready for a date.”

“Indeed I do.” Stacie then said with a shaky breath.

“Nervous?”

“Actually, no.” Stacie then replied. “Still, wish me luck Mitchell.”

“You know I do.” Beca replied.

_Can't be unlearned_   
_I've known the warmth of your doorways_   
_Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you_   
_Oh please, give me mercy no more._   
_That's a kindness you can't avoid!_   
_I want you baby tonight, as sure as you're born_

Beca soon finished things up and found herself on the way home to get ready herself.

_You'll hear me howling outside your door_

That night was going to be busy for sure.

 

* * *

 

Aubrey was, as usual, too invested in her best friend’s own life that she wasn’t suspecting anything. Stacie was all dressed and dolled up for the night while Aubrey was taking her time to get ready, going on and on about the tiniest of details about the way Chloe reacts to things that Beca would do. “Mitchell’s really putting the effort. I know she always had, just, she’s going the extra mile now.” Aubrey had said.

Stacie, as much as she cared about her friends and their love life, just really wanted to get to the restaurant. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about what Aubrey was talking about, truthfully she finds it adorable. But the thing is, she just really is excited. She wants to get to live the moment already.

_Wonder if this is what Beca felt then?_ She asked herself.

Stacie sighed however, when Aubrey wanted to change the necklace she was wearing all while talking on and on about Beca and Chloe. So Stacie decided to get Aubrey’s attention some other way and left their apartment while Aubrey wasn’t paying attention and rang the doorbell. Soon enough Aubrey opened the door looking at her curiously.

“And what was that for?”

“I’m here to pick you up for our date.” Stacie simply replied with coy smile on her face. “Seriously though Bree, it’s supposed to be our night. I think it’s fine for you to give the best friend duties a rest.”

Aubrey sighed. “I know, it’s just…” she started and went straight back to topic.

“Are you seriously going to be talking about Beca and Chloe the whole night through? Wouldn’t you want to talk about something else?” Stacie asked as she followed Aubrey back inside.

“Like what, Stace?” Aubrey asked as she clasped the lock of the necklace she had removed earlier deciding that she was going to wear the necklace after all.

“How about us?” Stacie asked, spinning Aubrey around to face her and giving her a kiss before she could even give another reply that leads to another long discussion about how their friends would most likely get back together.

That night was their night, after all.

“What’s gotten into you?” Aubrey asked as soon as Stacie pulled back from the kiss.

“See, I had this whole plan but if you’re going to keep talking about Chloe and Beca all night long…”

“Chloe’s my best friend.” Aubrey started to say. “I just… what on earth are you doing?” she then asked as Stacie got down on both knees.

“Tonight’s our night Bree.” Stacie started to say, pulling out a red velvet bag and the ring inside of it.

Stacie smiled, that did the trick.

Not how she had planned, but tonight was their night.

And more importantly, Aubrey said yes.

The Bellas had been waiting for what felt like ten years long until Stacie and Aubrey finally dropped by. Stacie had to text Beca that the plans had changed and the Bellas of course barraged her with their own messages.

So yeah, the message was not lost on Stacie that they were getting antsy.

Stacie was just glad that their friends were still at the restaurant when they got there and what was supposed to be the proposal ended up being the start of their celebrations.

“I can’t believe you made us wait this long.” Amy started to say. “Only to remove the joy of seeing Aubrey surprised.”

“Well, we kind of got sidetracked.” Stacie said, throwing a wink.

“Ew. Ew. Ew. Stop that. Don’t give me images I don’t ever want in my head in the first place.” Beca commented as she urged the Bellas to take their places. “That is, if you still want to go with this?” she then asked Stacie.

“Kind of a waste if we don’t.” Stacie then said, Aubrey looked at her with a questioning look. “Just trust me Bree.” Stacie then said and the Bellas immediately started laying down the beat for Stacie.

_To start it off, I know you know me_   
_To come to think of it, it was only last week_   
_That I had a dream about us_   
_That's why I'm here, I'm writing this song_   
_To tell the truth, you know I've been hurting all along_   
_Some way let me know you want me, girl_

Of course it wouldn’t be a Bellas proposal without a song involved. Stacie smiled and relaxed as soon as she saw Aubrey blush. This was supposed to be the proposal, but life doesn’t always work out the way you want to.

_Every time you see me, what do you see?_   
_I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen_   
_Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need_   
_Baby, that's why_

The way they started was unexpected. She didn’t even see Aubrey coming. Like how Amy wasn’t planning much of her future when she met Bumper, or Beca wasn’t even planning of making attachments when she came into Barden.

Funny how things turned out.

The Bellas, ever pros with last minute practices, gave their hearts out for the song. This was for their friends, for Stacie and Aubrey, and Stacie knew they were giving it all for the two of them.

_You make me want to call you in the middle of the night_   
_You make me want to hold you till the morning light_   
_You make me want to love, you make me want to fall_   
_You make me want to surrender my soul_   
_I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight_   
_You're the first and last thing on my mind_   
_You make me want to love, you make me want to fall_   
_You make me want to surrender my soul_

And Stacie smiled and laughed a bit as she sang, remembering a time long ago when she desperately tried wooing Aubrey, getting her attention.

And getting shut down until she has had enough and went down to business.

Straight to the point back then.

Straight to the point now too, except the song happened before and this time it happened after.

_I'll take you home real quick, and sit you down on the couch_   
_Pour some Don Perignon and hit the lights out_   
_Baby, we can make sweet love_   
_Then we'll take it nice and slow_   
_I'm gonna touch you like you've never known before_   
_We're gonna make love all night_

_You make me want to call you in the middle of the night_   
_You make me want to hold you till the morning light_   
_You make me want to love, you make me want to fall_   
_You make me want to surrender my soul_   
_I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight_   
_You're the first and last thing on my mind_   
_You make me want to love, you make me want to fall_   
_You make me want to surrender my soul._

The Bellas erupted in cheers as the song finished with a kiss. Another pair down.

“So, who’s going to be next?” Amy then asked, trying to wipe away her tears of joy before slightly turning to face Emily.

“Ah, no. Too young.” Luke answered for her as he arrived with the rest of their friends.

It was time to celebrate.

“Although I think I know the answer to Amy’s question.” Stacie said with a grin as she found Beca by the bar. Beca almost spit her drink out.

“How about baby steps?” she retorted back.

“Tell Chloe soon, okay?” Stacie then said in a serious tone.

“I’m planning too.” Beca then replied before she gave Stacie a hug. “Still Stace, I’m happy for you. At least one of us definitely ends their pining tonight.”

Stacie smiled. “Thanks Beca. I have a feeling the same can be said for you too soon.” she said. A part of her knew that things were definitely falling into place.


	25. Love Song For No One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here is chapter 25 featuring interruptions, a Luke inspired intervention – although it’s still technically Beca’s original idea – an appearance by certain John, and Beca teaching a bunch of high school students a neat trick in going after your dream girl ;)  
> Also featuring a few songs, namely ‘Love Song for No One’ by John Mayer; ‘Ordinary People’ by John Legend; ‘You are the Music’ by Mama’s Gun; ‘Words’ by Boyzone (originally by the Bee Gees); ‘The Man Who Can’t Be Moved’ and ‘For the First Time’ by The Script; ‘If You Come Back’ by Blue; ‘Unbreakable’ by Westlife; and ‘Madness’ by Muse.

It was a quiet afternoon and Beca was doing some small tasks she needed to do for her work, getting them out of the way now so that her workload won’t pile up. She could have an afternoon of working from home, but Stacie had warned her ahead of time that she and Amy might drop by for some planning regarding the wedding, and a certain white dress that Aubrey was not allowed to see.

So it was a pleasant surprise to Beca when she had a knock on her door and it was Chloe who appeared. Along with Ghost.

Ghost instantly jumped to meet Beca, knocking her off the ground. The pair of glasses she had been wearing knocked off, now hanging askew on her nose. Chloe couldn’t help but laugh a little as Beca tried to usher Ghost off of her and inside her flat before the redhead herself stepped inside, helping Beca up.

“What brings you here?” Beca asked with a smirk. “I thought you’re going to have Ghost for the weekend.”

“True. But I think he wanted to see you too. He was a bit gloomy today, until he realized we were heading here. Clearly the doorman knew just who Ghost is because as soon as he saw him, he let us in without question.”

“After tackling him?” Beca asked with a chuckle.

And Chloe smiled, Beca having correctly surmised what had happened. “Yup. After he tackled him.” Chloe replied. The two of them stood awkwardly by the door for a while before Chloe turned to see Beca’s laptop open by the coffee table and the mess that was Beca’s paperwork scattered everywhere. It didn’t help that Ghost knocked a few stacks of folders over. “Sorry, he just really missed you, I thought it would be a good idea to bring him here.”

“Only him?” Beca then asked, her voice teasing and hopeful and Chloe couldn’t help but let out a nervous laugh. And Beca, oh Beca just found herself lost in her eyes.

“Would you like some tea?” Beca then asked, shaking her head to snap out of the enchantment that was staring into Chloe Beale’s eyes.

Chloe gladly accepted and they soon found themselves in the kitchen sharing stories of their busy week, not that they haven’t seen each other. Beca kept up her afterschool coffee with Chloe, she kept up the mini muffins, and the single stems of roses, orchids, carnations and violets, accepting Jesse’s help in learning the language of flowers. However, their time together was steadily becoming shorter as Chloe was busy helping her ‘kids’ prepare for some musical recital of sorts.

The visit was definitely very much appreciated.

And Beca found herself becoming more and more comfortable in simply telling Chloe the truth that her memory was back. She was making plenty of progress, despite the fact that her sophomore and junior years of college were still pretty spotty. She was sure there were things involved with the Worlds that she still couldn’t really remember, all of which were involving Luisa, but she was thankful that at the very least those apparently embarrassing moments were out of her brain for now. She definitely would like to remember them one day, but with how Chloe reacts whenever she runs into Luisa, it would be best that Beca maintain her ‘innocence’ of her past failure of an interaction with the DSM leader and keep her cool.

“Chloe…” Beca started to say, after a moment of silence had passed. She could do it, she could tell her. She knew the delivery might not be perfect but Chloe would understand. She could explain her sentiments, that when her memories started to trickle in she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to give anyone false hopes. As for when a good chunk of it came back, she wanted to give herself space to process the things she has been through, retrieve the missing bits and pieces and work on having her world make complete sense.

She still wasn’t perfect, but then again no one is. So Beca decided, she could do one act of bravery and tell Chloe the truth. Now.

Chloe was sipping on her cup of tea when Beca tried to say it first. But then Ghost jumped on Chloe, placing his paws on her lap, a chew toy in his mouth. After getting Ghost happily settled in a corner and playing with him a bit, Chloe gave him clear instructions to behave and stay. Beca tried her attempt yet again just as Chloe sat down.

“Chloe, I… I ne-“ she started to say.

But then she was once again interrupted. A few knocks on the door indicated the presence of guests. And when the knocking wasn’t enough, there was a buzz.

“Were you expecting someone?” Chloe asked.

“Just Stacie and Amy.” Beca replied sounding a little bit annoyed. Beca got out of her seat and begrudgingly walked towards the door to let them in, the moment completely lost.

And as soon as her best friends walked in, Chloe thought it would be best for her and Ghost to leave. “I think it’s better that I don’t know anything, keep Aubrey surprised and all.” she had said before going with Ghost.

“Sorry, did we interrupt something? I feel like we did.” Stacie then asked as soon as Beca closed the door.

“Nothing that can’t be picked up some other time.” Beca then replied with a sigh.

It was the truth, but she had come so close to getting it over with.

* * *

 

Luke had been having a blast. He had a Thursday late afternoon show where he got the chance to interview celebs. The show that week was special, not just because he was essentially just interviewing an old friend now, thanks to Bumper really, but because of two other reasons. The DJ who took over his shift was having a baby and he had to extend his show time to cover for his. And what best way but to enact his own little scheme and invite Beca over as a special guest.

“Still, Beca Mitchell, have to say, it’s an honor to share the booth with you today. I haven’t seen you since the wedding.” John had said just as Luke had said something about a ‘radio show hijack’ for his comrade and hence the presence of the now famous DJ and music producer.

“Oh no, no, you have to believe me, the honor is all mine.” Beca had replied.

“I think you two forgot that the honor is really with me, sharing space with two very talented people such as yourselves.” Luke then said, jumping in. “Although I have to admit, having been there to see Beca grow up makes one lose his enchantment over her.” he teased.

“That really hurts Luke.” Beca then replied. “Not that I can’t say the same.”

Both John and Luke laughed at Beca’s comment. “But say, I hear you were a DJ at your college station before Beca, is that why Luke has you here?” John asked.

“No, it’s mostly because I’m the best thing he can get in such a short notice.” Beca replied. “Abusing your connections, huh Walker?” she continued.

“Well, that is what family is for.” Luke then replied. “But yes, I’ve somehow convinced Badass DJ Mitchell here for a special playlist for our extended hours.”

“Will it have the ‘Beca Mitchell’ touch?” John then asked, raising the question on every one of Luke’s listeners’ minds.

“Of course it would.” Beca then said. “But that is for later. Now though, I see you’ve got a guitar there John, planning to serenade us with a song?”

“That is the plan, yes. Any requests?”

“How about ‘ _Love Song for No One_ ’? I really love that song.”

“Very much obliged.” John then replied just as he began strumming his guitar.

_Staying home alone on a Friday_   
_Flat on the floor looking back_   
_On old love_   
_Or lack thereof_   
_After all the crushes are faded_   
_And all my wishful thinking was wrong_   
_I'm jaded_   
_I hate it_

_I'm tired of being alone_   
_So hurry up and get here_   
_So tired of being alone_   
_So hurry up and get here_   
_Get here_

Beca leaned on her chair, taking a sip of the coffee form the mug that Luke had offered her before the beginning of the show. She looked over to where Luke was and Luke flashed his signature grin. She was hesitant at first but he was glad he managed to convince her to do this with him.

It was like the good old days really. A blast from the past. Hopefully that would also send a certain message to a certain redhead.

Or at least a hint.

Also hopefully, get Beca moving even more.

It’s what Luke would like to call his ‘gentle shoves to the right direction’ really.

_Searching all my days just to find you_   
_I'm not sure who I'm looking for_   
_I'll know it_   
_When I see you_   
_Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom_   
_Staying up all night just to write_   
_A love song for no one_

_I'm tired of being alone_   
_So hurry up and get here_   
_So tired of being alone_   
_So hurry up and get here_   
_Get here_

Beca started mouthing along the words of the song, her fingers tapping the beat on the arm rest of her swivel chair. Luke chuckled. Somethings never changed.

He did note that the song choice was rather good. It helps set-up what the two of them have planned after Mayer leaves.

_I could have met you in a sandbox_   
_I could have passed you on the sidewalk_   
_Could I have missed my chance_   
_And watched you walk away?_   
_Oh no way_

Ah yes, the things – aka his ‘interventions’ – Luke does for love. Particularly, Beca’s love life.

But they’ve been moving to the right direction lately, he just wants to make sure no one messes anything up anymore. And maybe speed things up a bit.

Could anyone really blame him for that?

 

* * *

 

After the interview with John Mayer, the talk about working on his new album and a potentially collaboration on a track with Beca, it was time to unleash her musical brilliance.

And while Beca could have had selected upbeat tracks for her special list, essentially Luke was letting her steer the latter half of the extended show, Beca chose the more appropriate love song playlists. It couldn’t be helped. Said playlist with her revamped versions and mixes of some of the songs that remind her of Chloe and all she felt for her was growing extensively longer.

It was time for the world to hear them too.

_This ain't a movie love_   
_No fairytale conclusion y'all_   
_It gets more confusing everyday_   
_Sometimes it's heaven sent_   
_Then we head back to hell again_   
_We kiss then we make up on the way_

_I hang up, you call_   
_We rise and we fall_   
_And we feel like just walking away_   
_As our love advances we take second chances_   
_Though it's not a fantasy I still want you to stay_

_We're just ordinary people_   
_We don't know which way to go_   
_'Cause we're ordinary people_   
_Maybe we should take it slow_   
_Take it slow, ohh_   
_This time we'll take it slow_   
_Take it slow, ohh_   
_This time we'll take it slow_

The playlist had some old songs she used during her days as Barden’s Midnight DJ. It couldn’t be helped, the same songs were coming back to her along with her memories. They were tweaked a bit, made even better by Beca than how they were before. All she could really hope for is that Chloe appreciate the gesture.

  
_'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me_  
 _And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be_  
 _Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet_  
 _And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street_

_So I'm not moving_   
_I'm not moving_

Of course the playlist had new songs as well, songs that had been out for a while but Beca felt appropriate. Songs that had perfectly captured the words she failed to articulate herself.

_How many times have you heard in a song_   
_'I love you, I need you, you're the only one'?_   
_‘Cause love is the mystery no one can solve_   
_Time and time again_

_I spend all my times spinning circles in my head_  
 _Scattered lines of poetry and paper round my bed_  
 _And different is righteous but we fall in love the same_  
 _Time and time again_  
 _I believe you and me are destiny's child_  
 _Like the earth and the sun and the miracle of life_  
 _So I won't be afraid to commit the same old crimes_  
 _Because words are not enough_  


Songs that captured the beat of her heart. Songs that captured every single bit of emotion and life that Chloe had breathed in her gray, gray world.

__  
You are the music in me, girl  
_Everything Beautiful and true_   
_All of the wonders of the world_   
_Never compare to you_

  
_Impossible to hold it down_   
_Like trying to catch a particle of light_   
_And it's always somewhere out of reach_   
_But even if I'm closer now, I'll never get the words exactly right_   
_I'm hoping that you'll stay around_   
_Long enough for me to say_   
_The perfect way to tell you how I feel_

And of course songs that perfectly summarized everything that has happened between them, convey the message Beca kept failing to say. And once again, all she could really hope for was that she could still reach Chloe, still reach her heart with the songs and the symphonies, the pages of their hearts; with the lyrics and with the rhythm and the beats, the prose and narratives of their life.

  
_This world has lost its glory_  
 _Let's start a brand new story_  
 _Now my love_  
 _You think that I don't even mean_  
 _A single word I say_  
  
_It's only words_  
 _And words are all I have_  
 _To take your heart away_  


With the songs that tell the whole world of their unspoken story. Their love.

 

* * *

 

Chloe wasn’t really surprised when she saw Aubrey already waiting or her outside her apartment door when she got home from work, or that she insisted to stay and wait for her to finish grading some papers so they can focus on planning a few things for the wedding, aka Aubrey’s wedding dress.

What she’s starting to get annoyed with was that Aubrey kept turning the volume on the radio every time Beca played another song. They’ve been tuning into Luke’s show, something that the Bellas do to show their support for their friend, when the two of them were surprised to hear Beca joining Luke for the day.

That and that Beca gets to play radio host DJ for a day.

_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard_   
_But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine_   
_Sit talking up all night_   
_Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah_   
_We're smiling but we're close to tears_   
_Even after all these years_   
_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_   
_For the first time_

Chloe couldn’t help it. Hearing Beca’s voice again in the radio, it had her heart racing a little. A part of her curious as to how things will go this time, curious on whether Beca even remembers being a DJ especially when John Mayer asked her about it. Luke answered for her and sidestepped anything that might have given Chloe the answer she wanted to hear.

An answer to a question she didn’t even know she had. Chloe wasn’t really sure when she stopped asking herself if Beca even remembered her, at some point she was just sure that it didn’t matter anymore, because Beca was Beca with or without her memories. And the Beca in front of her loved her the same.

Loved her anyways.

Possibly started falling for her even before the two of them realized it, if how Beca was acting back in New York when they first reconnected or during Amy’s wedding was any indication of anything that is.

And while Chloe knew, she deserved more, when it came to Beca’s memories, really that’s all she could ask for.

_Maybe I didn't know how to show it_   
_(How to show it)_   
_Maybe I didn't know what to say_   
_(What to say)_   
_This time I won't disguise_   
_(Won't disguise)_   
_Then we can build our lives_   
_And we can be as one (be as one)_

Although now, Chloe couldn’t really help but ask herself if Beca remembered anything. Even in the faintest of traces.

_I swear_   
_If you come back in my life_   
_I'll be there 'til the end of time_   
_(Back to me, back to me, back into my life)_   
_Oh yeah_   
_And I swear_   
_I'll keep you right by my side_   
_(By my side)_   
_Cause baby you're the one I want_   
_(Back to me, back to me, baby come back)_   
_Oh yes you are, by my side_

What with the barrage of love songs currently hitting them in the airwaves, some songs forever placed in Chloe’s heart and mind from when Beca first used them in trying to win Chloe back. She remembered Beca’s words, all the songs were for her.

_And I swear_   
_If you come back in my life_   
_Baby, 'til the end of time_   
_(Back to me, back to me, back into my life)_   
_Oh yeah_   
_And I swear_   
_I'll keep you right by my side._

Which really, had her half expecting and anticipating Beca declaring her love to her for all of Los Angeles to hear.

_Took my hand_   
_Touched my heart_   
_Held me close_   
_You were always there_

“How many songs does the munchkin need to play before it affects you?” Aubrey then asked at the start of the next song. She placed a cup of tea by the stacks of papers that Chloe still needed to grade. In truth she had been grading the same paper for over the hour, her concentration currently divided thanks to Beca Mitchell’s love songs playlist. “Let me rephrase that, clearly it’s already affecting you. How long will it take for you to run into that radio station and into Mitchell’s arms?”

Chloe shook her head and chuckled. “I’m not doing that Bree.” she said resolutely.

_By my side_   
_Night and day_   
_Through it all_   
_Maybe come what may_

“Yeah, you say that but I don’t think you’re entirely convinced you won’t.” Aubrey then noted. “Look Chloe, I get that you want Beca to work for it, and in truth she should, but how much longer will you be putting your defenses up for her?”

“I’m not putting defenses up. I just want us to build something new.”

_Swept away on a wave of emotion_   
_Over-caught in the eye of the storm_   
_And whenever you smile_   
_I can hardly believe that you're mine_   
_Believe that you're mine_

“That won’t happen if you keep saying you’re busy when she asks you out for dinner, have a proper and actual date.” Aubrey then said. “Give her a chance to prove herself Chlo.”

“I am.”

“Give her more of a platform than coffee after work.” Aubrey then said. “Although be honest, you were all gloomy she had to cancel on you this afternoon because of ‘another commitment’. Judging by the bright rosy flushed cheeks of yours now, you’re happy _this_ was the commitment she was talking about, aren’t you?”

_Shared the laughter_   
_Shared the tears_   
_We both know_   
_We'll go on from here_

“Maybe.” Chloe replied, trying to shrug it off.

“Chloe…” Aubrey then said, quirking an eyebrow at her direction making Chloe cave.

Happy would be an understatement. Chloe was ready to be a little upset, presumably thinking that Beca was meeting up with her BFF Luisa.

So yeah, the serenades were definitely a nice surprise. It was a nice touch that Beca said that the songs on the playlist are all love songs for a particular someone.

_'Cause together we are strong_   
_In my arms_   
_That's where you belong_

_I've been touched by the hands of an angel_   
_I've been blessed by the power of love_   
_And whenever you smile_   
_I can hardly believe that you're mine_

Chloe already knew it of course, Beca Mitchell was winning her heart all over again, making her fall in love with her only deeper than ever before.

But what she wasn’t sure was possible was that she could still feel like a teenager, blushing and getting all giddy inside at the thought that this was all for her.

The playlist was enough to make anyone’s knees go weak too at the thought of the songs being dedicated to them.

_This love is unbreakable_   
_It's unmistakable_   
_And each time I look in your eyes_   
_I know why_   
_This love is untouchable_   
_I feel that my heart just can't deny_   
_Each time I look in your eyes_   
_Oh baby, I know why_   
_This love is unbreakable_

Chloe decided to tune out Aubrey’s teasing and focus on wrapping up on grading. Score one for Mitchell though, Chloe found admitting herself.

Although if Chloe would even be more honest, Beca was definitely winning the war for her heart, faithfully thwarting all of Chloe’s fears and uncertainties.

* * *

 

“Shawshank, where on earth are you going?” Amy asked getting all confused as she rushed out of her studio the next day. She was supposed to go meet her and Stacie that afternoon and Amy came to get her to make sure she doesn’t forget.

But as it would seem Beca Mitchell forgot.

“Haven’t forgotten anything Amy, but I did ask Stacie to take a raincheck.” Beca hastily explained.

“Yeah, but why?” Amy asked all confused. “Does it have something to do with a redhead you serenaded on the radio last night? It all felt so familiar Shawshank, I wish you know just how much.”

“Maybe I do.” Beca found herself saying, throwing Amy a wink before turning to leave.

“What on earth do you me-“ Amy started to ask.

But then everything – Beca’s current actions, the song choices and the whole radio show stunt, her and Stacie’s hushed conversations, and Beca’s irritation at interruptions whenever she and Chloe talked – made sense.

There could only be one reason.

And if she can’t get Beca to explain now, then she’d have to settle for Stacie to do the explaining.

* * *

 

“Beca?” Chloe asked surprised when she saw Beca at the amphitheater at a nearby park to the school. Some of Chloe’s high school students – judging from the uniforms they wore – were gathered by the stage along with some other students from other schools. They were planning to put up a recital as a culmination of the short workshop that Chloe had initiated between the neighboring schools around their area. They were in the middle of practice when Paul, the replacement drama teacher at the school she worked at, pointed out that the one and only Beca Mitchell was walking down the steps of the amphitheater.

Of course the group of teenagers panicking, zoning out, and getting excited was the second obvious sign.

“Hey Chlo, though I might drop by and get an idea of your program works.” Beca then said upon reaching them.

Chloe was about to respond when one of her students, Jamie, turned to ask her best friend “Did Beca Mitchell just call Ms. Beale ‘Chlo’? Did you know they’re friends? Oh my God are they friends?” in a not so hushed, rather incredibly excited tone.

Beca chuckled at the response of the students. “Yeah, we went to college together.” Beca replied with a smirk to which Jamie nearly freaked out, not being able to contain her excitement, the other students starting to chatter among themselves. “But seriously though Chlo, just thought it might be a nice change. I was in the neighborhood and all so… besides, I come bearing gifts.” she then said with a shrug just in time for her driver-slash-body guard, a nice and charming guy named Ethan, brought in a few snacks and coffee.

Just as one of the faculty advisers for the program from one of the participating schools started to act like Jamie did. “Be-Be-Beca Mitchell…” a Mr. Jackson Lawrence had said before very nearly fainting.

“Okay, I know people know my name, but am I really this popular?” Beca then asked as she leaned in towards Chloe and Chloe could tell she was clearly confused by what she thought was an ‘overreaction’ to her. She was never really good with handling the spotlight, she was just simply Beca.

And it was something that Chloe had always loved about her.

The next thing Chloe knew, Beca was jumped by all of the students gathered at the amphitheater, conducting informal interviews, asking for an autograph, trying to get her attention and perhaps help turn their dreams about fame and fortune into reality.

Beca happily obliged talking to the students, teaching them a thing or two about the music industry, and giving impromptu lessons. Under Beca’s guidance, the faculty members gathered had a bit of time to take a breather…

…but that was of course spent by interrogating Chloe about Beca, particularly by the teachers from the other schools.

“You’ve been holding out on us Ms. Beale.” Jackson then said trying to regain his composure.

“I have to admit though she’s good with kids.” Paul then commented as he nodded towards Beca’s direction. At this point the DJ seemed to be conducting the students like a choir, trying to get them to practice something while keeping their voices low, Beca constantly giving directions. “You should have brought your girlfriend sooner.”

“She’s… Beca’s not my…” Chloe starter to say mumbling, she could feel her face flush red. Paul and Michelle, exchanged looks and laughed.

“I don’t know, Chloe. Mitchell’s got us impressed. She has our vote already.” Michelle then said.

“Ah, so I guess I don’t have a chance anymore then.” Jared Thorne, the music teacher from yet another participating school, had said.

Chloe gave her reply with a sharp glare that seemed to have driven the point. She was going to say something about Michelle and Paul’s constant teasing that followed when Beca rushed up the steps to where they were seating, reaching out for Chloe’s hands with a huge smirk on her face. “Come on Chlo, I taught these music nerds a neat trick.”

“Beca, first of all, don’t call them nerds.” Chloe said just as Beca led the way down the steps, their hands perfectly fitting each other’s. The students all looked rather giddy and excited on stage, exchanging whispers as they made their way down the steps. The other teachers following suit.

Once there, Beca released Chloe’s hands and walked towards the stage. She clapped her hands together, “Okay my young apprentices, just like I told you. Warren, give me a beat.” Beca then said pointing to the slightly portly junior in Chloe’s class.

And soon enough Warren did lay down the beat.

The ground work of the song.

And Chloe had to admit, Beca was truly a musical genius. Beca pointed at a group of guys standing at the back row of students gathered together.

_Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma_

The boys started before Beca continued mixing the beats and the rhythm, the sounds all made by Chloe’s students simply with their own mouths. Like Beca was simply making a new mix on her software. Except with real live people, no programs needed. Acapella at its finest.

Led by the DJ who gave the Barden Bellas their own edge all those years ago.

Beca then pointed to Jamie, nodding along to the beats that the students were making all while urging her the girl who was fangirling over her earlier to take the lead.

_I, I can't get these memories out of my mind_   
_And some kind of madness has started to evolve_   
_I, I tried so hard to let you go_   
_But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole, yeah_

Beca pointed at a student from the school Jackson taught, Chris, and soon it was a duet between Jamie and him.

_I have finally seen the light_   
_And I have finally realized_   
_What you mean_   
_Oh oh oh_

Beca signaled Jamie to stop, asking Chris to continue the song.

_And now, I need to know is this real love_   
_Or is it just madness keeping us afloat?_   
_And when I look back at all the crazy fights we had_   
_Like some kind of madness_   
_Was taking control_   
_Yeah_

All while Chloe watched in awe along with her colleagues the magic that Beca brought with her.

“I wonder who this is all for?” Michelle then teased, making Chloe shake her head with a smile.

Paul jumped in before she could even say anything. “And don’t try to deny it Chloe.”

Beca signaled Jamie to jump in again and all the teachers watched transfixed.

_And now I have finally seen the light_   
_And I have finally realized_   
_What you need_   
_Mm_

Before being more amazed when Beca pointed to a few more students, their voices blending in perfect harmony. Chloe couldn’t help but be amazed at how the DJ managed to get them all to do the whole little number in a matter half an hour of being there.

_And now I have finally seen the end (Finally seen the end)_   
_And I'm not expecting you to care (Expecting you to care)_   
_But I have finally seen the light (Finally seen the light)_   
_I have finally realized (Realized)_

Having the Bellas master a performance in an hour was one thing. Having kids master something in a matter of minutes was more amazing.

Or maybe that was just Beca’s superpower?

_I need to love_   
_I need to love_

And of course, Chloe wasn’t stupid. She knew this was for her. Beca Mitchell wasn’t giving up

_Come to me,_   
_Trust in your dream_   
_Come on and rescue me_   
_Yes I have known, I can be wrong_   
_Maybe I'm too headstrong_   
_Our love is_   
_Madness_

The students jumped for excitement as the song finished, proud of their own accomplishment. Beca gave them a thumbs up, getting them even more riled up. The teachers of course applauded.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with the students getting Beca to teach them some more. Beca had to leave though and soon Chloe and her colleagues resumed their usual routines.

“We approve.” Jamie then said when Chloe turned to face her students, having just said goodbye to Beca. Chloe quirked an eyebrow at Jamie and the students all exchanged wide grins and smirks a la Beca Mitchell.

“Oh come on Ms. Beale, we saw how Beca Mitchell was around you. The way your eyes light up and all.” Warren then said.

“Also, would just like to point out that Beca Mitchell, like, told us that the whole surprise thing was, like, for you, Ms. Beale.” Anne, one of Chloe’s other students then said.

“Yeah, she said it would make you smile. And she said how much she _loved_ your smile.” Jamie then added before her students all smiled knowingly.

“Come on now kids, we have work at hand, this is not the time for teasing or intrigues.” Michelle then said, clapping her hands to get everyone back to work.

“We still ship it.” they all then replied in chorus, leaving Chloe shaking her head and smiling.

To Beca’s credit, the stunt would leave a smile on Chloe’s face for years to come.


	26. Here I Stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 26 featuring jealous Chloe (for possibly the last time), a bachelorette party, some flirting, more interruptions, and quite a few songs namely ‘Crawl’ by Chris Brown; ‘Crazy’ by Ne-Yo ft. Jay-Z; ‘Thinking Out Loud’ by Ed Sheeran; and ‘There Goes my Baby’ and ‘Here I Stand’ by Usher.

“Stacie.” Amy said in a serious tone after a few round of drinks. They were at what was now known to them as ‘their local bar’. In four days, it would be the bachelorette. And in seven days, it would be the wedding.

Yep, the past four months in prep for the wedding was a woozy, but then again with Aubrey at the helm, Stacie was actually surprised they didn’t get married in two.

Currently, however, they were at said local bar, having a their last share of drinks before they get caught up in wrapping things up with work and the whole whirlwind of said wedding event.

Stacie checked her phone, Jesse and Beca were supposed to join them but the two were running late, Jesse having dropped by Beca’s office on the behest of his boss about a possible project they want the music producer and DJ.

Luke was supposed to join too, but there was an event at the club and he wanted to make sure everything was running smoothly if Beca was joining them. He figured Beca deserved the time off with her friends too.

“What is it Amy?” she finally asked with genuine curiosity.

“So who is it? I mean, you never asked me. I don’t think you asked Shawshank. It doesn’t take a genius to know that Chloe is automatically Aubrey’s. So who is it? Who is your all-important Maid of Honor?”

Stacie held back a laugh when she saw Amy still looking deadly serious. “Well, I was going to ask Cynthia Rose since I didn’t want you or Beca to fight for the role. I didn’t want to do what you did with Luke, and even if I did, Aubrey would have said no. But…” Stacie started to explain before giving Amy an innocent looking smile. “See, Bree has this plan. Apparently she’s done watching from the sidelines of the whole Beca and Chloe thing…”

“Ah, so you’re choosing Shorty then?”

“Technically it’s Aubrey, but yeah.” Stacie concluded. “Sorry about that.”

“No, no, that’s actually pretty brilliant!” Amy then said with a huge devious grin that spelled trouble. “Especially now that the Aca-Nazi is part of our plans.”

Stacie was going to say something about Aubrey’s many botched attempts for a plan when Beca and Jesse finally came in. “Speak of the devil!” Amy exclaimed as the two of them reached the bar.

“Nice to see you too, Amy.” Beca then greeted as she pulled herself up on a bar stool.

“So, have you told her yet?” Amy then immediately asked, not giving Beca a moment’s peace. After the whole stunt that Beca pulled with the kids in Chloe’s program, the two have been making progress, spending more time together, with Beca helping Chloe out. The kids loved it, of course, and if Aubrey’s constant Chloe recap was anything to base Beca’s progress on, it sounds like they were actually already dating.

Well, kind of.

They just haven’t really gone out on an actual date. And Beca’s been planning with her three accidental confidants a super romantic date – although they’ve also scrapped every idea they ended up having because they were all pretty much ‘been there, done that’ – and a way to let Chloe know about the secret of Beca’s memories before anyone else figures it out.

AKA, before the Bellas or Aubrey figure it out too. Because Aubrey would definitely tear into Beca and rip her apart if that means straightening her out.

But Chloe’s been still hesitant to agreeing with either lunch or dinner.

And every time Beca tried to get the words out to Chloe it’s either Luke is having a crisis at the club and calls her, Stacie and Amy inadvertently walk in on them, Emily starts freaking out about something and runs into Beca, Ghost starts to jump onto her or tackle her playfully in a park and knock her over, or people recognize Beca on the streets and the conversation drifts away from the point.

Beca released a deep sigh in response and Jesse shook his head helplessly.

“If you guys turn off your radar on important things going down, maybe I can actually get a word out.” Beca then said sounding rather frustrated about it.

“But how is the memory business?” Stacie asked, taking a sip of her drink while Beca and Jesse waived at the bartender to give them their usual.

“Great really. I’m apparently still ‘blocking out’ a few things, my doctor thinks that it’s my subconscious’ way of telling me that I’d really rather not remember them. But you know what? I kind of do. The good times and the bad, they’re important to me now. I want the sun, true, but I want to remember the rain too. Understand the scars they left behind, whatever those memories are.”

“Wow, Shawshank, you still haven’t had a drink and you’re getting all deep now.” Amy commented and Beca shrugged.

“I’ve been talking to artistic people and scientific people combined.” she gave as her response.

Stacie decided to wait until Amy had left – Bumper having picked her up – before asking Beca if she would be okay with being Stacie’s Maid of Honor.

Jesse walked back with her and Beca to the DJ’s rather posh flat. Beca didn’t want the night to end just yet, having missed really getting together with her friends and just hanging out. They spent some time catching up on other things going on in their lives, with the wedding and getting Chloe back all they ever talked about, they really barely have heard anything about what each of them were doing.

And when Stacie finally asked it, Beca in all her drunken state simply said yes with a goofy smile.

“Do you think I should leave a note for her to read in the morning? I don’t think that registered in her brain.” Stacie said to Jesse as Beca started singing – rather passionately too – along to the music on the radio.

_Why did I change the pace_  
Hearts were never meant to race  
Always felt the need for space  
But now I can't reach your face  
So where  
Are you standing now  
Are you in the crowd of my faults  
Love, can you see my hand'  
I need one more chance  
We can still have it all  
  
“She gets mad at me when I start singing when I’m drunk, and here she is…” Jesse rambled as a response while shaking his head before turning to face Stacie. “I think she’d remember. But just to be safe.” he shrugged.

Stacie did what Jesse told her while sneaking up a glance at Beca putting up a performance in her living room. Stacie couldn’t help but chuckle.

_If we crawl_   
_Till we can walk again_   
_Then we'll run_   
_Until we're strong enough to jump_   
_Then we'll fly_   
_Until there is no wind_   
_So let’s crawl, crawl, crawl_   
_Back to love, yeah_   
_Back to love, yeah_

“Okay, that’s about enough for you.” Jesse then said when Beca jumped up the sofa trying to do some interpretative dancing of the song. He rushed towards her, getting her down before she attempts to jump and get herself hurt.

“Do you think if I sing really loud, Chloe would hear me?” Beca mumbled as she leaned on his shoulders and Jesse sighed.

No matter how strong of a fight she was putting up Beca still gets disheartened.

She still gets scared that she won’t ever get the chance again.

That no matter how much Chloe still loved her, they were just too broken.

Stacie smiled somberly at that, and while it broke her heart, she was resilient for her friends. She could see it, Aubrey could too, even if Beca’s strengths and insecurities would fail her.

And because of that Stacie knew that she had to lend her strength to one of her best friends.

“Probably not Becs, but I know for sure Chloe’s thinking of you all the time. If you wanna serenade her though, we can do that tomorrow. When you’re sober.”

“Promise?” Beca asked.

“Yes.” Stacie said with a grin, helping Jesse to tuck her in.

_Everybody sees it’s you_   
_Well, I never wanna lose that view_

Beca mumbled the song while they helped her into bed and Stacie tried to suppress a chuckle. “Thanks.” Jesse then said to her, finally braking her attention from Beca.

“You know Treble, I never once imagined this is where we’d end up to be a few years ago in Barden, but you’ve really stepped up to be one of Beca’s best friends.”

“I had a good teacher and role model.” Jesse said with a smile. It was compliment that Stacie would take any day. “Any insider info on what’s still stopping Chloe from trying again?”

“Nothing really other than she blushes and smiles that goofy smile of hers a lot whenever she thinks of Beca or Beca does something incredibly romantic – which in these days pretty much means all the time – and it’s driving my fiancée nuts, and by extension me too, that Chloe’s still hesitant. I can’t blame her though.”

“I’m not either, just wondering if there’s any way we can help them get there.”

“Don’t worry Jess, if we come up with something, you’ll hear about it. Especially with your help with our last revengenda plan. You’re like the second honorary Bella and all.” Stacie replied with a wink as they excited Beca’s room and made their way to the door.

Stacie led the way and chuckled, Jesse staring back at her confused. “What do you mean second?”

But Stacie never gave him a reply.

The answer should have been obvious.

 

* * *

 

Chloe wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing but she wanted to change things up a bit. Beca’s the one who, without fail, have been doing the kindest, sweetest acts she could think of.

The never ending stems of flowers, which Michelle had started to translate for her in case the message has been going over her head, the help, the interest in her projects, the quiet moments after work with their coffee or tea.

It only felt natural, really, to return the gesture.

And so, Chloe has found herself with a box of cookies she baked herself and thermos of hot chocolate she made from a recipe that Paul had shared to them one afternoon. For some reason, Chloe couldn’t _really_ put a finger on, she was a bit peeved that the recipe used _German_ chocolates. But, oh well. It was good hot chocolate.

_Lately it seems_  
 _Like every song I write is about you_  
 _Oooh, I love your style_  
 _That's what you do to me_  
 _That's what you do_  
 _That's what you do to me_  
 _That's what you do_  


Chloe found Beca at her studio, relaxing on her favorite chair, headphones hanging on her neck like always, singing along to a song only she could hear playing faintly from her headphones. It was so typical of her, so Beca in all ways, and Chloe just couldn’t help how cute and adorable she looked trying to be all professional music producer extraordinaire when she was still wearing combat boots.

__  
And it just don't make no sense  
_How my swagger is crooked_   
_If you ain't by my side_   
_That's what you do to me_   
_That's what you do_   
_That's what you do to me_   
_That's what you do_

Chloe was about to enter when a rather swift ‘get-out-of-my-way’ blonde rushed pass her by the door and headed straight to Beca. “Oh Beca, it’s been good to see you!” Chloe heard her say in a British accent as she lunged at Beca for a hug. Beca clearly didn’t even notice her, jumping out a bit on her seat. Chloe was starting to get really riled up with all her touchy-feel-y with Beca, invading her personal space, _like who the hell does that?_

_…You do Beale… but that’s a different point…_ Chloe thought to herself.

But before Beca could address her _‘aggressor’_ , as Chloe would like to call her, Beca noticed her, pulled away and went straight to where Chloe was standing.

“Chlo!” Beca said all excited as she reached for the box in her hand. “You okay?” Beca then asked when she let go of a deep sigh.

“Yeah, yeah. Just, sorry…. I didn’t know you were busy. I made you these.” Chloe replied, handing Beca a box.  Beca immediately grabbed a cookie, her face lighting up like a child – a good indicator that Beca totally loved the cookies – before turning to finally acknowledge the blonde.

“Sorry about that Amber. It’s good to see you too.” Beca quickly replied before turning to Chloe. “That’s Amber Sparks, she’s the artist I worked with in London before. I’m supposed to produce a track for one of my artists with her as a featured guest. In exchange, she made me promise to produce a track for her next album.” she then explained. “It’ll be a quick meeting for just some details on the song, wait for me?” Beca asked.

Considering it was a Saturday and Chloe really had nothing much to do, Chloe agreed.

She does, after all, want to make sure that the Ambre girl behaves properly around Beca.

Not that she’s jealous or anything.

She totally wasn’t.

Amber was just incredibly talented in an annoying way. And she just happened to be a fine specimen – Chloe wasn’t blind to not know that – who has arms all around Beca, _like how dare her?!_

Okay, maybe she was.

Especially when she had to watch Amber get all flirty and touchy-feel-y with Beca all the time, placing a hand on her shoulders, or her arm, trying to lean in over her shoulders when Beca’s showing her something about the song – because she kept wanting to change the arrangements and the lyrics, and seriously how did Beca manage to finish her first album in record time again? The woman was impossible to work with?

_Especially with all the incessant flirting?!_

“Ten pounds says she’s going to complain forever that Beca’s all oblivious again.” she then heard a man with British accent whisper to another man whose hands he was holding.

“That’s already obvious, Jack.” he replied. “Double it on her trying to make an obvious move that goes past our Mitchell’s head.”

Chloe looked up just as the two approached the couch she was sitting on. “Oh, hello, you’re new. My name’s Milo, I’m really just here to watch but I’m one of Beca’s mates back in London. Are you one of her mates here?”

“Sorry about the straightforwardness of my better half. We usually just deal with Kaelyn. The name’s Jack.” the other guy then said before Chloe could reply. “I was Beca’s old assistant.”

Chloe was about to reply when two more people entered the room, a rather slick and dashing tall man with a dazzling smile…

…and Luisa. Of course, Luisa.

Like this day couldn’t get any worse.

“My, my, who do we have here? This should definitely be interesting.” Luisa then said, catching Milo and Jack’s attention.

The tall man with Luisa turned to look at the DSM leader before turning to face Chloe. “Hmm, I don’t believe we’ve met in person but if I had to take a guess, you’re Beca’s Chloe, right?” he asked and the two Brits gasped.

Chloe wasn’t entirely sure but she blushed a little when he said ‘Beca’s Chloe’.

“My name’s Fitz.” he then said.

Yep, day couldn’t get any better.

“So you’re the asshole Luke punched.” Chloe then commented, blue eyes glaring at him, and Fitz laughed.

“You might say that.” Fitz replied with a good humor. “I’ve learned my lesson though. Really we’re just here to make sure Amber doesn’t do anything stupid. She’s been _demanding_ to get to work with Beca again. I’m amazed we ever finished her first album without difficulty before with all, well… she’s talented but she’s rather difficult sometimes.”

“That’s because Beca was only happy when we get things done perfectly and in record time.” Jack replied. “Every other time she was miserable. And Amber wanted her happy.”

“How else can she try her seduction eyes?” Milo retorted.

“Seduction eyes?” Chloe asked, flaring up a bit.

“Relax, little miss sunshine in the booth can try anything she wants but I don’t think our little DJ would even realize it, not when all she thinks about is a certain redhead.” Luisa replied with a knowing smile.

Not that it did much to appease her. Chloe turned back to the booth, watching Beca do her thing while Amber is bringing up her flirting skills to full force. While it was true that Beca didn’t seem to notice it, Chloe still found that she could barely contain herself. All she wanted was run into the booth, grab Beca, and kiss her.

Kiss her hard.

Mark her, stake her claim on her. Make it clear to the singer that Beca was hers.

_That Beca was hers…_ Chloe’s thoughts echoed.

Just like she’s always been Beca’s.

A truth she knew from the moment they met in Barden.

Chloe sat and watched Beca work with a keen eye at Amber. She tried to calm herself down and when they seemed to be done, Chloe took that as her cue.

“So, drinks after? It’s always good to celebrate, yeah?” Amber started saying.

But before she could even convince Beca to say yes, Chloe reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “Hey Becs, I was thinking of grabbing a quick bite by that café you love before dropping by to visit Ghost. He’s with you now, right?”

“So the cookies were to butter me up, sly move Beale.” Beca then replied with a chuckle.

“No, the cookies were for you, silly.” Chloe replied, tucking a lose strand of the DJ’s hair behind her ears, her fingers gently brushing Beca’s cheeks.

Beca smiled. “Well, I’m glad.”

“Who’s Ghost?” Amber asked, trying to get herself involved in the conversation.

“ _Our_ dog.” Chloe simply replied, placing an emphasis on the ‘ _our_ ’ part.

Amber was about to say something else but Fitz thought it would be best to cut in and distract his talent at that point. Luisa dropped by to say hello and tease Beca a bit about Amber, all of which didn’t really make an impact on the DJ. Jack and Milo also said their hellos.

They managed to make it out alive after that, before Amber could undoubtedly throw a tantrum, they’re hands still intertwined. As soon as they stepped outside, the early spring breeze greeting Chloe, refreshing her, she finally released a breath she had been holding since that brief interaction with Amber. Beca turned to look at her with a quirked eyebrow and Chloe bit her lip.

“Sorry, it’s just… I don’t like her.”

“Amber?” Beca guessed and Chloe nodded. Beca hummed thoughtfully before responding. “I mean, I’m not a fan of how she gets all handsy sometimes, but she’s okay. I mean she’s like that to some of her friends on rare occasions too.”

_Rare occasions, right. Probably just to put Beca at ease about it all,_ Chloe thought, which she did not like at all. “Beca, she’s practically trying to seduce you.” Chloe all but blurted out and Beca laughed hard, like she was telling her a joke.

The laughter died out however when Beca saw the serious look on Chloe’s face. “Oh, you weren’t kidding.”

“Does it look like I am? Seriously though, everyone else could tell!”

“Huh.” Beca replied, realizing things for the first time. “Don’t worry Chlo, I’ll make it clear to her.” she simply said in reply to reassure the redhead.

“Make it clear to her that what?”  Chloe asked for clarification and Beca chuckled, a smirk forming on her lips.

“I think the answer to that is pretty obvious, Beale.” Beca replied, stepping up closer to Chloe, inching a little to close the gap between them, letting the little distance between their lips linger while Beca looked deep into Chloe’s eyes. “And if you can’t figure that out…” Beca said in a whisper, Chloe feeling her breath graze her lips lightly, before the DJ shrugged and pulled away. The smirk on her face getting bigger.

And all Chloe could do was partly wish Beca had kissed her then but even so the point was made.

It was Chloe who set the pace now.

But Beca had chosen to hers and hers alone. 

* * *

 

“Okay girls, normally I don’t condone any of this, but I think we really need to make something happen here.” Aubrey said in hushed tones. They were at a private room of the club Beca and Luke owned for Aubrey and Stacie’s bachelorette party. Beca was doing a special set of remixed love songs for Aubrey and Stacie at the moment, and Emily, Cynthia Rose, and Stacie were busy talking to Chloe about the whole Amber incident.

From what she heard from Chloe, she hated the most currently loved international pop star. She hated that she would get all over Beca, even when Beca brought it up to her that she wasn’t comfortable with all the handsy affections.

Or that she was _in love_ – apparently Mitchell actually said the exact words, as she heard from Kaelyn who reported it back to her once Aubrey deemed it necessary to know some insider info about the whole incident – with someone else.

But no, instead, Aubrey had the pleasure of meeting Amber during a Bellas brunch the other day, claiming it was a coincidence that she just _happened_ to run into Beca that morning.

And she could see why Chloe’s all unsettled, despite Beca’s lack of attention of the girl. She’s actually really beautiful, Aubrey wasn’t blind to not see that. She was also incredibly talented, as evidenced by her ridiculously large fan base.

Really, she’d be glad to get rid of the girl soon.

“How about you focus on your wedding first, cap?” Jessica then suggested.

“Yeah, and then we can think of something after your busy honeymoon.” Amy added, wiggling her eyebrows to drive home the point. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m always eager for some mischief to be managed but I think Shawshank just wants to do things her way right now. If things still don’t progress, then I say we go do it.”

“Or we can always just try our hand for some mischief when Beca gets back here. She did say this was her last song of the night.” Ashley spoke up.

“Then we need to come up with a plan. How about – “ Aubrey started to say before Stacie interrupted her with a kiss on the cheeks.

“No scheming. You owe me a dance.” Stacie simply said, grabbing Aubrey’s hands.

And how could Aubrey disagree?

_So honey now_   
_Take me into your loving arms_   
_Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_   
_Place your head on my beating heart_   
_I'm thinking out loud_   
_Maybe we found love right where we are_

* * *

 

They were all idiots.

As much as they craved the mischief of their younger days how could they all be blind that they really didn’t need to intervene?

It felt cold, really cold, during the early days of the break up where everyone’s worlds were shattered along with Beca and Chloe’s.

But then slowly, it was warming up. The sun started to peak out of the clouds little by little. In truth, Flo thinks it all started back in New York.

And sure, it took time. Like a whole lot of a long time. But then again, it took Beca a long time to process and realize she was in love with Chloe too.

Sure, she wasn’t there to see everything, but she was there in a few of Beca’s quiet moments of uncertainties. She was there at Barden, tuning in to her show when she all but declared her love for her.

And Flo was sure that she would be there, along with the Bellas, to see the happy ending that Beca and Chloe deserved come to fruition.

All in due time.

_I've been waiting all day to wrap my hands_   
_Around your waist and kiss your face_   
_Wouldn't trade this feeling for nothing_   
_Not even for a minute_   
_And I'll sit here long as it takes_   
_To get you all alone_   
_But as soon as you come walking my way_   
_You gon' hear me say_

They all heard Luke singing as he burst in to the room, crashing the party, with Kaelyn in one hand. He was soon followed by Beca who was shaking his head with a chuckle.

“This is a bachelorette party Luke, what on earth are you doing here?” Aubrey demanded.

But Luke ignored her and kept singing, along with the song the usual house DJ was playing. Clearly already a few drinks in.

_There goes my baby_   
_(ooh girl look at you)_   
_You don't know how good it feels to call you my girl_   
_There goes my baby_   
_Loving everything you do_   
_Ooh girl look at you_

“Come on Bree, we all know Luke’s already an honorary Bella from the very start. Be nice.” Stacie then said.

She was quickly followed by Denise in approval. “Besides, what’s a Bellas’ party without Luke crashing it?”

Flo chuckled at that last comment. “Are any of our other honorary members going to drop by?” she turned to ask Emily who was sitting next to her.

Emily shrugged. “Benji said he’s going to just hang out with the guys tonight and Amy said that she explicitly made it clear to Bumper to not pull off any pranks.”

“Which means they would most likely show up at some point. There’s no chance in hell Bumper would let it slip.”

“No, come on Flo, they wo-“ Emily started saying. “No, they actually would. Remains to be seen I guess.”

Flo chuckled Yeah, sometimes her friends were helpless idiots, most of the times clueless too. But that’s why she loved them anyways.

Even Lilly agrees with her on that.

__

* * *

 

At some over the night, the Bellas moved their party at Beca’s flat, nearly missing Jesse, Benji, and Bumper’s attempt at sneaking in and crashing the party.

It was a more private affair then. Plus the comforts of knowing they could party hard all night long and not worry much about where they would wake up in the morning was an added bonus. That and they didn’t need to yell to talk to each other anymore.

Beca had hit play on her playlist and Stacie took that as her cue, stepping up to sing along with the song currently playing to serenade Aubrey.

_You're like a mirror to my soul, but a queen (My queen)_   
_And finally now I know just what that means (Oh yeah, yeah)_   
_You're the blessing that I never thought I would get_   
_And to the Lord I humbly bow my head_

The Bellas were back to their old routines of teasing and catcalling when Jessica looked around and noticed that Beca had disappeared.

She turned to Ashley who was standing next to her to ask if she had seen where Beca disappeared to.

But before she could ask anything, Ashley had cut her in with a question of her own.

_Just remember that_

“Have you seen Chloe?”

__

* * *

 

Both she and Jessica had become curious at where the two could have gone to. Before any of the other Bellas could notice that the two were gone and make a fuss about it, particularly Amy, they decided to get to the bottom of it.

Stacie’s voice echoed through the halls.

_No matter how far I go_   
_And no matter how long it takes_   
_No one or nothing can change_   
_Forever yours here I stand (Here I stand baby)_

That’s when they finally found Beca and Chloe talking in her home studio.

“They look happy.” Ashley commented.

“They look in love.” Jessica then corrected and Ashley couldn’t help but agree. The two had been flirting with each other all night long.

So maybe they were taking the long route back to each other, but Ashley couldn’t help but think that maybe that’s just how things were supposed to be.

They were on the right track.

Maybe no mischief needed to be managed after all.

However, Ashley was wrong, because as they soon proceeded to make their way back to the party, Amy had found them, sporting a wide grin.

So maybe mischief might still inevitably happen after all.

* * *

 

“I’m just saying, I had fun tonight. Clearly you haven’t lost your touch.” Chloe said with a grin. “And glad that no one unexpectedly stole you away from the Bellas.”

“Are we still talking about Amber? She’s not… never was, the two of us, a thing. Although you pointing out that she might have a thing for me certainly cleared up all of the teasing from my other so-called friends.”

Chloe nodded. But Beca could tell she wasn’t entirely reassured by that.

“Chloe, look, I told you.” Beca said in a more serious tone. “I told you that even if it takes all of my remaining life, I’ll never stop. Winning you back, professing my love, all that.” Beca said with a light smile.

And Chloe couldn’t help but blush a little as she chuckled. “I know. You said that over and over again already.”

“But?” Beca asked.

“What makes you think there’s a ‘but’?” Chloe threw back.

“Just…” Beca said, carefully choosing her words. She didn’t want to sound like she’s complaining or anything, but the whole ‘Chloe refuses to go on real date’ thing was bugging her still. Like she’s still afraid to try again, afraid that Beca would break her heart again.

“I won’t ever walk away again, Chlo. I hope you know that.” Beca finally said, her eyes seeking Chloe’s own.

“I know.” Chloe replied in a whisper before placing a soft sweet kiss on her cheeks. Beca smiled, Chloe’s effect on her never ceases to change or fail. The kiss was enough to for her to melt away.

“Chloe, I, well, I think you should…” Beca started saying as soon as Chloe pulled away.

She was going to do it. Say it. Let Chloe know the whole truth.

But then they heard a loud crash coming from the hallway. Chloe was quick on her feet and, without fail, the Bellas were all gathered outside and eavesdropping, sans Stacie and Aubrey who were still with some of their ‘bachelorette party crashing’ friends.

Once Beca stepped out, arms crossed above her chest, she noticed the houseplant she kept near the door to her studio had cracked open. It seemed the Bellas were all leaning towards the door, careful to hide their presence form them, what with the door in question being slightly opened and peering out through the hall.

Beca took a shaky breath, her frustrations about the interruptions hitting its peak.

But one look at Chloe said it all, she could let the redhead handle this.

And as for what she was going to say?

Beca knew there would be a time for it.

And that time was sure to come soon.


	27. Smash Into You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in the chapter include ‘Need the Sun to Break’ and ‘Scars’ by James Bay and ‘Smack/Smash into you’ originally by Jon McLaughlin (‘Smack into you’ was his original version but it got scrapped off his first album) before it became an amazing addition to Becyonce’s ‘I Am… Sasha Fierce’ album becoming ‘Smash into you’. Both versions of the song are just amazing, give them a listen to. I promise you won’t regret it.

It was a lovely place. Chloe couldn’t help but be lost in the beauty of it. Aubrey and Stacie found an old castle turned vacation place to rent – as grand as the Biltmore castle but not that far off – for the wedding. It was like a little treasure of a place not many really knew of, private and secluded.

And in truth magical.

It was the night before the big day. The two families were gathered for the rehearsal dinners, in-laws getting to know each other really. While the party was in full swing, Chloe didn’t really feel the need to stay. In truth, most of the Bellas decided to take an early night in.

Well, most.

Lilly, Amy, Jessica, Ashley, and poor Emily who got dragged along, decided to explore the surrounding woods a bit. Amy had claimed that she saw a lake not far from the main grounds and that there was apparently a trail that led there. The invite was also extended to Chloe of course, but in truth, Chloe knew that there were about a hundred and one ways that whole plan could go wrong.

Chloe found herself on some grand balcony just outside the hall, staring into the night. A lovely place with a lovely view. With all the stars in the night to greet her. She was alone, yes, but the faint music from the hall where Beca truly outdid herself – Aubrey wanted good music and as a wedding gift, Beca invited the artists themselves to provide good music for the entire event – and the party went on and on.

 _I'm halfway gone, sleepless I'm battle-worn_  
_And you're all I want, so bring me the dawn_

Chloe sighed. As much as she was alone, she knew she wasn’t. So many thoughts were buzzing in her head. The other night, during the bachelorette, it seemed that Beca had been trying to tell her something.

Thinking back, Beca had been trying to tell her something so many times in the past but they kept getting interrupted. Chloe always thought it was something not important, or maybe it was just Beca trying to ask, get clarity on where they stand.

But the other night, she said, Chloe was sure Beca said, that she needed to know something.

 _I need the sun to break, you've woken up my heart_  
_I'm shaking, oh my luck could change_  
_Been in the dark for weeks and I've realized you're all I need_  
_I hope that I'm not too late, and I hope I'm not too late_

But Beca hadn’t brought it up during the trip again, so it remained to be seen.

Besides, there was still so much more.

She hated it, seeing Beca with someone else, even when Beca wasn’t exactly with someone else. She hated other people trying to charm her, win her, and Chloe almost just lost it with Amber. The woman drove her insane, worse than Kommissar ever did. And while she’s gone now, Chloe couldn’t help but reflect on what has happened, what she felt. She wanted Beca, she wanted to just give up the space between them and just end it, tell Beca that she can stop now, all was forgiven and they can be what they were again.

But that would be a lie.

Because they have made so much progress from the way they were before.

And while Chloe knew, the things that kept them apart weren’t anyone’s fault, even when she knew she loved Beca, there was a part of her holding her back.

A part that was still scared of getting hurt.

But she wants to, oh how she wants to. Because she’s done waiting for forever.

 _Back of the room, how come my friends already know you?_  
_Feel like a kid, too shy to speak up so I keep it hid_  
_Oh butterflies, you steal my sleep each night_

“Penny for your thoughts?” she heard Beca ask as she leaned on the railings, standing next to Chloe.

Chloe smiled lightly. “Shouldn’t you be in there? You were the one who invited famous people for a wedding of people they don’t even know.”

“That’s not entirely true.” Beca said as a matter of factly. “Jon has met Stacie and Aubrey and Amy too. Plus he’s gotten to know the Bellas during Amy’s wedding. As for James, he ran into me and Stacie once in New York at our favorite bar and drank with us a bit. So really, not complete strangers.”

Chloe chuckled. “So you’re not leaving them to the sharks then?”

Beca shook her head. “No. Besides, they have their people here too.”

 _I need the sun to break, you've woken up my heart_  
_I'm shaking, oh my luck could change_  
_Been in the dark for weeks and I've realized you're all I need_  
_I hope that I'm not too late, and I hope I'm not too late_

Chloe nodded, accepting Beca's answer. “So, do you want to get out of here for a while?” she then heard the DJ ask.

“And where on earth will we go?” Chloe asked in return.

Beca smirked. “Well, I for one overheard Luke talking to Benji, Jesse, and Bumper. The boys seem to be planning a prank on Amy and the girls who went to the lake. What say we up the ante and scare the wannabe pranksters instead?”

“That is entirely devious of you.” Chloe noted with a chuckle.

“Yeah, but it would be fun.” Beca replied, her smirk turning into a grin.

* * *

 

Beca was all but laughing as they ran back to the castle. Luke, Benji, Jesse, poor ol’ Bumper who got trampled on by the scared Bellas, Emily, Amy, Jessica and Ashley, were all running after her and Chloe.

Except for Lilly. Somehow Lilly realized they were the true masterminds and switched sides.

Chloe called it her getting even plan for all the times they sneaked up on them and tried eavesdropping on their conversations. Sure, not all the Bellas were there, some were innocent too. But it was fun.

Amy and the girls were all happily hanging out by the lake, telling scary stories with each other when Luke and the boys were plotting to scare them. Apparently it was Bumper and Amy’s secret plan, something Bumper had told the two other former Trebles and Luke. Beca and Chloe had overheard them talking while hiding form them behind the thicket of trees that surrounded the lake.

In retrospect, the whole plan was just begging for trouble really.

That’s when Beca and Chloe conceived of a plot the scare the guys. Lilly noticed them, snuck away from the group, and helped them out.

A bit of mischief with natural props, a scary Joker laughing app, and pocket laser lights from Lilly, and the boys were running towards the safety of the girls.

And a bit more mischief later and everyone was ready to dive into the lake or run and hide.

Until Beca dropped one of the said props and they got discovered.

Hence the running.

The party was still on its way when Beca grabbed Chloe, open the nearest storage closet near the ballroom/dining hall, and shoved both of them inside. They could hear faint chatter of guests passing by and the music from inside.

Beca placed a finger on her lips, asking Chloe to try and contain the giggles, but Chloe didn’t seem to need it.

The cramped up space pressing their bodies close together was enough.

 _We grow apart_  
_I watch you on the red horizon_  
_Your lion's heart_  
_Will protect you under stormy skies_  
_And I will always be listening for your laughter and your tears_

It was a bit awkward, if Beca was honest. For a minute or two they were just staring into each other’s eyes and Beca had to fight the urge to just go ahead and kiss Chloe, her eyes flickering between Chloe’s and the redhead’s lips.

But she did.

Because all the words that still needed to be said hang in the air and Beca didn’t want to cross a line Chloe wasn’t ready to cross just yet.

 _And as soon as I can hold you once again_  
_I won't let go of you, I swear_

“Chloe…” Beca started to say in a hushed tone. She figured that this might actually be the moment she needed, hiding away from the Bellas and all. It might not be ideal, but one must make the best out of a given circumstance.

“What is it?” Chloe asked in an equally low tone.

“Chlo, I... I know this isn’t the most ideal place to have a talk, but I really need to tell you, you really need to know…” but Beca couldn’t even finish her statement.

Because it looked like Chloe was about to lean in, and it could totally just be the redhead trying to adjust with her position to be more comfortable.

Not like Beca ever did find out.

 _We lived through scars this time_  
_But I've made up my mind_  
_We can't leave us behind anymore_

It was as if Fate had been testing them, really because as soon Beca decided she would power through and she ready to say the words, Amy yanked the door of the storage closet open. “Aha!” she exclaimed.

“Oh for the love of God!” Beca then cried out as she and Chloe slowly – begrudgingly for her – out of the closet.

But before anyone else could say anything about the prank, Aubrey and Stacie stepped out of the hall and stumbled upon them. A group of former Trebles, and Bellas, and Luke completely out of breath. Beca annoyed about something, and Chloe just being a bit lost on what Beca was trying to say.

“What on earth are you all up to?” Aubrey asked. “Should I ask or will you act your age, considering we’re not in college anymore?”

“The latter, definitely the latter.” Amy mumbled and that was that.

Beca sighed. Another moment gone.

“Chloe.” Beca called out after the redhead.

But she was gone.

* * *

Chloe smiled at Aubrey, who was beaming shyly at her. Jessica and Ashley had just left the room, with a squealing Emily close behind them.  Even with the insanity that was what happened the night before, the Bellas looked like they were always ready to look all glammed up for the wedding. But Aubrey, she looked like she’s been born to where the rather gorgeous wedding dress she had on right now. “You look immaculate Bree.” she said, happy for her friend.

“I always thought white was my color.” Aubrey replied with a shaky breath as she turned to check her reflection in the mirror for the umpteenth time. She was visibly nervous, but in a good kind, and for once since all that had come to turn her life inside out had passed, Chloe thought that she’d get to go to a wedding where there were no last minute back outs, cancellations, or out of nowhere proposals that didn’t end so well in the end.

Today she was going to see her best friend marry one of her best friends and the love of her life.

Actually, she gets to see two of her best friends do exactly that.

Chloe smiled sadly at the memory of a wedding that never happened, one between two best friends too. Love can be a funny thing, and sometimes, it can be quite painful too. The bittersweet memories lingered in her thoughts over and over during the past months, years really, it was like something she just couldn’t escape.

Especially when the possibility of a future from that broken past still hung in the air. When a broken vow had a chance to be made true.

“What is it Chlo?” Aubrey asked cautiously, part of her knowing what had caused the sudden silence between them.

“Just thinking.” Chloe replied looking a little pensive. She recovered in time of Aubrey taking a step closer to her.  “You know, counting my debts and all. I mean, if you ever change your mind, I owe you like, what? One wedding? I mean I said no to my other psycho ex although if you want to count that revenge plan we both pretend you didn’t enact, we can make that two.” she then said, trying to adopt a nonchalant tone.

That was epically failing her…

Aubrey shook her head with a chortled laugh. “Not funny.” she muttered with a slap on Chloe’s arms before adopting a more serious tone. “Chlo, I didn’t say anything, you know that. I didn’t say much when, well, when you’d fall in and out of the steady rhythm of your life that was Beca, when you decided to move on from the inescapable, when you thankfully realized you were making a mistake with Eli, all that. I let you figure things out because you needed to and because I knew you needed space and you’d eventually speak up if you needed to. Also, partly because no one seems to know how to figure out love, Stace and I navigating through our own relationship blindly for the most part of the last few years too. But today I’m saying something, it’s my wedding and you can’t say no.”

Chloe rolled her eyes dramatically, “We both know that even when you didn’t say anything you were silently giving me a lecture all the time in that head of yours. Besides, you’ve been quite outspoken lately.”

“Are you going to listen or not?” Aubrey replied, quirking her an eyebrow.

“You made it clear I didn’t have a choice Bree.” Chloe replied with a defeated smile.

“Damn right you don’t. I’ll make Lilly my Maid of Honor if you do.” Aubrey then said, prompting a ‘Hey’ form Chloe before shaking her head yet again. “But in all seriousness. Chlo, you’re in love with Beca Mitchell. You always have been, you never, not for even one second, did dare stop. You stopped fighting to be with her, yes, and maybe you needed time to heal, a space to grow or something, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that you were actually able to move on from her. And you never will. So, please Chloe, I’m begging you, I don’t care how things are now, or whatever fear or insecurities taken a hold of you. Get your damn head out of your ass, it’s not a hat, and go get your girl.”

“But Bree…” Chloe tried to argue, how could she? Maybe what Aubrey said was true, a part of Chloe always knew it was, but she keeps having her reservations. Not that Beca hasn’t been perfectly clear with her intentions. It’s just that she got burned, badly the last time. And the hurt? The pain? They were too much. She wasn’t lying when she told Beca that she wouldn’t be able to handle it if she breaks her heart again. No, she won’t definitely make it this time.

And that was holding her back. All the possibilities, all the new ways this can go down wrong for them.

Beca was living a life far different from her now, her simple dreams had come true. Could there really possibly still be room for her life for Chloe?

Chloe knows Beca was doing everything to show her, prove to her that there was.

But…

“No buts.” Aubrey replied adamantly, as if she was reading her very thoughts. “I don’t have all the answers Chloe, I don’t know why love is messy, or why it makes me question everything I’ve ever known sometimes. I just know that if it’s real, if it’s that one true love people keep looking for, it will last forever. No matter how long it lasts. Look, Chlo, I just know that love is love. You love her, and whether or not the munchkin is aware of it – funny how that’s become the age ol’ question between us Bellas now – she loves you, she loves you like you’re her whole world, like nothing else matters but you. She’s not just _in love_ with you, _you_ are the very meaning of love for her. All I know is nothing in this world is more unnatural that taking two people who are supposed to be together and pulling them apart, you know? Not being with the person you love, I think that’s the worst crime ever. All I’m saying is fight for her. Please fight for her and for your happiness. Just like she’s clearly fighting for you now. Don’t let your fears weigh you down. Trust a little again, be the old Chloe who wouldn’t dare give up on Beca when I was wrongfully making assumptions of her. Let that be your wedding gift to me and Stacie.”

Chloe was left speechless by what Aubrey had just said.

What else was left to be said?

Aubrey summed things up pretty well.

Chloe wasted no time and pulling her best friend for a quick hug.

She had been a tiny bit foolish, waiting for something, like some clear sign from the heavens to wake her up and make her jump into the uncertain depths with Beca again.

She didn’t realize that all the signs she were asking for were already there.

She just needed to wake up and see it.

* * *

 

Beca chuckled. Something that neither Amy nor Stacie missed.

“What is it Shawshank?” Amy asked curiously. “Is there something wrong with Stacie’s dress? Make-up? More importantly, is there something wrong with my dress?!”

Beca shook her head as she watched Amy turn her attention to adjusting minor details in Stacie’s dress to check her own reflection in the mirror. Stacie stared at her curiously, trying get a read on her.

Stacie looked beautiful in her dress, and undoubtedly Aubrey too, and it’s only just begun hitting Beca that this was actually happening. That Stacie and Aubrey were actually getting married.

“Amy relax. It’s just, I never thought I’d see the day Posen will get married. For that matter, never really thought I’d see Stacie in a wedding gown and all and get married to Aubrey.” Beca finally said. “And you look so relaxed too, Stace, like marrying Aubrey is the easiest thing in the world to do.”

“It kind of is really.” Stacie replied. “It’s like why haven’t we done this sooner? You know?”

“Ah, isn’t it wonderful? Love is in the air, Beca’s been calling Aubrey by her last name again, the Bellas are all slowly getting hitched and soon we’ll all have little Bellas-to-be. Hopefully Beca can get Chloe alone soon too, and fix whatever needs to be fixed, get the wedding we’ve always wanted, and not get any more accidents. Like seriously, if you lose your memories again, Shawshank, I’m really hitting you in the head with a frying pan. ”

Both Beca and Stacie couldn’t help but laugh at Amy’s comment. It’s true, they’ve grown up so much that it’s hard to imagine they used to just hang out in a dorm room and share dinner every Thursday night, or slave away through rehearsals for the ICCA. And everything seemed to have slowly been falling into place again. Beca smiled lightly to herself before looking up at Amy who was already married to Bumper, the days of her sneaking off to meet one of her men already gone, and then to Stacie whose smile had dropped when she saw Emily all wide eyed and staring at Beca as if she had just realized something big.

Beca turned and looked at her slightly alarmed, afraid that something was wrong or that Stacie had forgotten something important. As soon as Amy had dragged Emily inside though and shut the door behind her, she realized why.

Not again, not another one.

She was supposed to tell Chloe first!

And as much as she loved Emily, the youngest Bella of the group could never contain her excitement of something as big as Beca’s current secret.

“No.” Emily said in a whisper, a result of the shock, before turning to Amy, Stacie, and back to Beca, her eyes conveying so many emotions at once. “You… you’re calling Bree by her last name again. After the accident, you never… and Amy said… Oh my God, Beca… oh my God, Amy said lose your memory again…”

“Ah. Yeah.” Beca replied, not really knowing what to say, things just kept unravelling.

“Beca… ho-” Emily continued to say to say but she couldn’t finish, the realization leaving her speechless. But from the way her body was shaking, Beca was sure she was going to pop out the room screaming her happiness about Beca’s memories being back.

“Yeah.” Beca then said with a sigh. “It’s still a bit splotchy and spotted really. I’m more of a fill-in-the blanks kind of girl for a few things right now. Still a few gaps. But yeah.”

“When?” Emily asked still dumbfounded.

“When I thought I lost her for good.” Beca replied in a murmur. “It came slowly, like when it’s about to rain. It starts with a few drops from the sky, and then it’s a torrential downpour.”

“Why haven’t you said a thing to us?” Emily asked before realizing that Stacie and Amy knew. “I mean, clearly…” she then said, pointing to the two. “Luke knows too, doesn’t he?”

“He was kind of there when it all came back.” Beca replied.

“The river incident…” Emily then said, realization dawning on her as she connected the dots. “But why haven’t you told Chloe?”

“Gee, I don’t know Ems, why do you think? I mean it’s not like you guys kept popping up with that uncanny ability you all have of dropping in on key moments.” Beca deadpanned.

“Oh.” Emily replied. “Oh, gosh! Beca, I’m sorry!” she added. “That’s what you kept trying on saying!”

“Yeah, in that regard, I that was mostly my fault Shawshank. I wanted to get a firsthand experience of seeing Chloe’s face light up when you tell her. At least during the bachelorette and you were all alone. All other times, they were accidents, I swear!”

“Will you tell her now though?” Emily asked.

“I don’t know Ems. Things are a little crazy, besides, it’s Aubrey and Stacie’s wedding.”

“Oh, by all means Beca, go tell her now. I’m pretty sure Aubrey would agree with me that it would be a great wedding gift for the two of you to just get back together already.” Stacie then replied. “Besides, I don’t want her to be talking about the two of you and how to get you two back together during our honeymoon.”

“Yeah, but…” Beca started to say.

“But what?” Stacie asked, cutting her short. “What if Chloe realizes that she doesn’t want to be with you anymore, what if that’s why she hasn’t even agreed about going out on a date with you? Why you feel like you’re hitting a wall? What if you already lost and all of this is just you trying to cling onto something? To be honest Beca, I think it didn’t really matter if you already lost or not. Somethings are inevitable.” Stacie replied with all of her wisdom. “Look, Chloe’s allowed to have her doubts and fears, just like you do. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you anymore, and you know that. So why don’t you just put all your cards on the table, tell her the truth, tell her everything, peel of the band aid and see where things go? I mean, you are sure you still love her, right?”

“I love her Stacie.” Beca replied before Stacie could even finish the question. “Loving her was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Letting her go the hardest. But I know the greatest struggle is in winning her back, I’ve hurt her too much. And I’m trying, I’m just, I don’t know how. Some days I’m not sure if it’s enough. She deserves the world Stacie, I don’t think I can give her that. I don’t even know what words to say, or what to do. It’s always been easier when she would just read me like an open book, but so much has changed that I think, I think that if I used to be terrified of what she made me feel, then she’s more scared than I am now.”

“Yeah, but you would’ve hurt her then too if you stayed. You said it yourself before, Beca. You weren’t you, and you needed to figure out who you were on your own. Chloe needed the room to breathe too.” Amy then said. “Everything that’s lost is found, anything that leaves also returns. And I think Red’s never stopped loving you, Shawshank. That much is true and as clear as the sky is blue. Besides Beca, no one ever knows what they’re doing either, at least when it comes to love. You should know that by now. Don’t let your fears fool you, trick you into giving up. When the two of you look at each other, it’s like the whole world lights up. That’s love. And you never have to stop fighting. You have to hold onto that.”

“Yeah, and weren’t you the one who said you’re going to woo her socks off?” Stacie asked with a chuckle.

Beca laughed. “I’m never going to escape that now, am I?”

“Nope.” Stacie replied.

“We won’t let you.”

“If anything, we’re always going to be here to support you. Although I’m still upset _I_ wasn’t brought into this.” Emily said.

Beca smiled, exchanging looks with both Amy and Stacie. “They weren’t supposed to know either Ems.”

“Somethings never change Beca.” Stacie then said. “We’ll always be here to help you woo Chloe everyday of your life though, so don’t ever feel weak. We’ll help you with the fight.”

Beca chuckled once again. “So we’re back to calling it ‘wooing Chloe’, huh?”

“You started it, Mitchell.” Stacie then said. “Now come on, and quit making me emotional and sentimental. I need to meet my bride at the aisle.”

Amy then whistled. “Then we better hustle or we’ll be late.”

“Right, something really never change then.” Beca commented and Amy and Stacie turned to her with a questioning glance. “What? I’m always late. Late at rehearsals. Late at Amy’s wedding. Late at realizing my feelings. Always.”

“Not a funny joke Mitchell, but they do say better late than never.” Stacie then commented.

“Yes, but that rule doesn’t apply to Aubrey so get your cute butts out of the door. We don’t want to upset the Aca-Nazi on her biggest day.” Amy then said as she started to usher them out of the room.

 

* * *

 

_Head down, as I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground_   
_Eyes shut, I find myself in love racing the earth_

The day had been perfect. The sun shining bright on them in the garden of the castle where they were having the wedding. Stacie had gone first, walking with her dad. With her, Aubrey took a deep breath, her dad by her side.

The walk down the aisle felt like it lasted forever. She knew, it wasn’t her wedding day, it was Aubrey’s. But it still gave her goosebumps that she couldn’t imagine.

 _And I'm soaked in your love_  
_And love was right in my path, in my grasp_  
 _And me and you belong_

It was picture perfect. The look on Stacie’s face undoubtedly as she saw Aubrey walking in behind her was priceless. If there’s anything Chloe could say about it, it was love.

Written all over their faces.

Upon reaching her spot, she took a deep breath and looked up to where Beca was standing, right across where she stood.

 _I wanna run (run)_  
_Smash into you_  
 _I wanna run (run)_  
 _And smash into you_

And Chloe found herself smiling back.

* * *

_Ears closed, what I hear no one else has to know  
'Cause I know that what we have is worth first place in gold_

Beca knew. It was Aubrey and Stacie’s day. But just as Stacie’s jaws nearly dropped upon seeing her blushing bride, Beca couldn’t help but imitate the look on her best friend’s face upon seeing Chloe. The lilac gown was just perfect, making her blue eyes pop.

It was enough to take her breath away, really, that Beca had to remind herself to breathe.

 _And I'm soaked in your love_  
_And love is right in my path, in my grasp_  
 _And me and you belong, oh_

Chloe stopped, standing right across where Beca was. Beca gave her a smile and she smiled back. If she didn’t know any better, she would think that Stacie and Aubrey did this on purpose just to see how she the two of them would handle it.

Well, for sure Beca was already losing the fight. When it comes to Chloe, Chloe would always win. Proof? It didn’t matter how long they’ve known each other, how long she’s been in love with Chloe, and what happened in between. One look from the redhead and Beca could feel the full force of the butterflies from her gut, taking her over and knocking the wind right out of her lungs. She turned to steal a look at Chloe once more, Beca finding Chloe sneaking a glance at her too.

 _I wanna run (run)_  
_Smash into you_  
 _I wanna run (run)_  
 _Smash into you_  
 _Smash into you_  
 _Oh_

And Beca found herself smiling nervously throughout the whole thing.

 _Head down, as I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground_  
_Eyes shut, I'm in love and I'm racing the earth_  
 _And I'm soaked in your love_  
 _And love is right in my path, in my grasp_  
 _And me and you belong_

It never ends really.

The way Chloe makes her feel.

And that’s when Beca realized, she doesn’t need to find the perfect time. Sure, she and Chloe need to talk about it, but she really just needs to tell her.

Because Stacie was right. Amy was right. Luke and Emily too.

Sure, it felt like no matter what she did, Chloe might never give her the chance, but if she ever dared give up, she’ll never see the day when Chloe finally gives her that second chance. And Beca knew, she only had to fight even more.

Fight even when she has her back.

Never stop, not one single day.

It doesn’t matter anymore. All the fears were real. But none of them can ever compare to a life with Chloe.

 _Oh, I wanna run_  
_Smash into you_  
 _I'm willing to run (run)_  
 _Smash into you_

Beca stole Chloe one last look and she knew, she’ll be damned if she lived another day without her.

* * *

Chloe felt Beca’s eyes on her, making her blush and smile uncontrollably. She dared look back and saw the DJ smiling once more, before dropping her eyes low and tuning into Stacie and Aubrey exchanging vows.

And Chloe knew she should probably do the same, but she couldn’t take her eyes off Beca.

She just couldn’t.

Because she felt light, she felt easy.

Like all the things trying to hold her back had disappeared. The fears were there, true, along with the uncertainties.

But she knew for sure that never knowing what the answer was because she let all the fears and uncertainties get in the way was not living.

Especially when she knew for a fact that for her whole life she will never stop loving Beca.

_I'm ready to run, run, run, run  
I'm ready to run, run, run, run_

Chloe finally managed to take her eyes off of Beca, and focus on her best friends. With one last a deep sigh, all of it, the nerves, the fears, the uncertainties, the pain of the past that she kept holding onto, they were gone.

Released in that one breath.

 _I wanna run, run_  
_And smash into you_  
 _I'm willing to run, run_  
 _And smash into you_

Chloe stole one last look at Beca, and she knew. She was ready.


	28. I Am Always Gonna Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is chapter 28 with Bechloe and featuring the song ‘I Am Always Gonna’ Love You’ by Jon McLaughlin (Yeah, I wrote this fic mostly listening to Adele’s, John Mayer’s, and Jon McLaughlin’s albums, okay? It can’t be helped)

“I can’t believe you’re getting me involved in this.” Jon said with a chuckle while talking with Beca. Near the garden was the set-up for the reception. White tents pitched up and ready, a ballroom floor installed near where the band had set-up. They got through the wedding without a hitch, and the party was in full swing.

Beca chanced a quick glance around where they stood near the garden where the wedding ceremony was set-up. “It’s the perfect song though, not just for me. It’s perfect for everyone here who’s ever loved someone so much. It’s your fault you, really.”

“Okay, but if this works…” Jon then started to say and Beca chuckled. She knew where this was going.

“Yes, the answer is yes.” Beca replied shaking her head with a smile on her face. “Look, I missed the dance I wanted to get and this is my chance, and the song has to absolutely be perfect. It’s the most perfect song I can come up with and you’re already here, so…”

Jon smiled. “Alright then, but it’s clear that you owe me.”

“Yes.” Beca replied, chancing a glance at the party guests. “Now, will you help me get my girl or not?”

“I will, I will.” Jon said with a chuckle before parting ways with Beca, making his way to where the band was currently playing swing music.

“What was that about?” Luke had asked as he made his way to approach Beca, the DJ nearly jumping from the unexpected company.

“Nothing.” Beca quickly lied.

Luke raised an eyebrow, he was trying to figure what Beca was up to. But Beca was adamantly keeping an innocent smile on her face before excusing herself to rejoin the guests.

There was something about that night, Beca couldn’t tell what, but she had a good feeling about it. She was happy, of course she was, happy for her friends and their happiness. But more than that, she was just unbearably happy.

Like the feeling you get when it’s Christmas morning and you know from how the night before played out that everything would be great. You can decipher from the shapes of your presents what they were and they were everything you’ve ever wanted.

Or like when you wake about to take a test you’re incredibly nervous about but now for sure that you’ve got everything covered from what you studied the night before. You take the test and you know you actually aced it.

It was hard to really put into words but it was like magic was in the air.

And Beca knew that everything would be alright.

Beca looked over to where the band was playing, Jon was busy talking to one of the guys. She wasted no time in making her way to where the Bellas were all gathered, talking with the newlyweds.

“Hello everyone, good evening. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Jon McLaughlin.” Jon started to say as he made himself comfortable by the keyboards, pulling the mike closer to himself. “Over the past year or so I’ve gotten the chance to know the brides and their tightknit family called the Barden Bellas. I’m glad to be here, folks, to celebrate yet another wedding with this group of friends. And so, to the lovely brides, if you could, and everyone else too, please join me by being on the dance floor.”

Aubrey and Stacie willingly obliged, the two flirting as they made their way to the dance floor. From somewhere not far from where she was, Beca could imagine Luke rolling his eyes. She soon found him walking to the dancefloor accompanied by Kaelyn. Her friends one by one followed too, Amy with Bumper, Emily with Benji, Jessica and Ashley, Cynthia Rose and Denise, Flo and the guy she’s been chatting up – someone Aubrey introduced earlier that night as one of his father’s assistants – Lilly and a Treble they haven’t seen for a long time, Donald?

Before anyone could even dare step up to Chloe, because there had definitely been a lot of guys trying to chat her up, much to Beca’s chagrin, Beca quickly made her way to Chloe, offering her hand with a smirk.

“I believe you owe me a dance.”

Chloe looked at her questioningly but before she could speak up they heard Jon say “This is my song ‘I’m Always Gonna Love You’ and this one is for all of you.”

Chloe accepted Beca’s hand and they made their way to the dance floor just as Jon started playing some of the keys on the piano. “I owe you a dance?” Chloe asked just as Beca placed her hands on her waist and pulled her close.

“From Amy’s wedding.” she quickly whispered in response.

And the two started to sway to the music.

_Well I felt it from the moment_   
_That you stepped into the light_   
_There was absolutely nothing I could do_

  _I be blessed or I be cursed_  
 _For the rest of my life_  
 _Cause I know that I was always gonna love you_

Chloe smiled lightly. Beca used to be so clumsy, she knew – technically she still was – but whenever they were close like that, when Chloe’s was mere inches away from her, and she’s holding her in her arms? Beca knew she could do nothing wrong.

_I'm gonna love you till my dying day_   
_I'll be beside you when you're old and grey_   
_Just like the feelings that I feel right now_   
_I'm never gonna go away_

It was like holding something so fragile and precious and beautiful. And Beca would be afraid that one single touch would leave it to crumble.

But it wouldn’t.

She knew, despite her reservations, it wouldn’t.

That’s sort of how their love was like,

There had been cracks on the surface, telling untold stories, but it stayed whole.

That’s why she couldn’t help but notice just how perfect they fit together.

_And if you ever hit your head_   
_And you lost your memory_   
_So that every morning started life anew_

Beca pulled Chloe closer, singing along only for Chloe to hear. The redhead leaned in, resting her head on Beca’s own.

Funny how their best conversations were never carried out with their own words.

They were always with songs and symphonies and quiet moments. They were always carried out with gentle touches and stolen glances, and meaningful smiles.

_Well with every passing day_   
_I’d invent another way_   
_To show that I am always gonna love you_

Beca felt Chloe smile and she smiled back.

Who would have thought that first day she stepped on Barden that this is where her life would lead her.

Sure there were times she was tired, where she wanted to give up, and she was truly thankful that she didn’t.

They needed to talk still, she also knew that, but at that moment Beca couldn’t help it.

She was happy.

Truly happy.

_I'm gonna love you till my dying day_   
_I'll be beside you when you're old and grey_   
_Just like the feelings that I feel right now_   
_I'm never gonna go away_

And nothing ever felt more right in that moment.

She was coming home.

She was holding on and never letting Chloe go, not ever again.

Chloe pulled away slightly looking at Beca inquisitively. Beca couldn’t even be bothered to wonder what Chloe was thinking, she was lost in her eyes; they were shining again.

Happy.

Smiling.

Like they were drowning, like they died with their struggles, and now they were being reborn.

Better than ever.

And Beca could once again feel the warmth that she knew always was associated with Chloe and all her smiles and her laugh.

Her love.

_From the picture perfect moment_   
_That I never wanna end_   
_To the couch and TV kind of afternoon_

Chloe laced their hands together, pulling Beca away from the dancefloor. Beca stayed silent, following Chloe, her eyes transfixed at her and only her.

It was like a dream, a quiet moment all to themselves.

And the smile on her face could only grow bigger and bigger.

_You're the light that’s always shining_   
_There's a million reasons why_   
_I know that I am always gonna love you_

The song was fading in the background as they made their way past the garden and through a little maze of roses.

Because, you know, sometimes you just had to get lost to be found.

 

* * *

Chloe pulled a stop when they reached the small fountain at the heart of the maze and took a deep steady breath.

She was overwhelmed.

By a lot of things.

But mostly because of that something that clicked mere minutes before.

She turned around, her hands still holding onto Beca’s, and smiled weakly, knowingly, at the DJ. “Since when?”

Beca dipped her head and half chuckled before shaking her head. “Since the day I thought you’d marry someone else. That night my heart broke completely. But then again, I broke yours first… To be honest though, I think bits and pieces started coming back when you kissed me on the forehead during Amy’s bachelorette. Like the whole world spun and it was just me and you in my dorm room at Barden again, New Years’ Eve…” Beca explained before she sighed. “I was planning to tell you, I tried countless times, but things – people – kept popping up like mushrooms, always interrupting us.”

“Why didn’t you chase after me back then? Why did you let me leave before?” Chloe asked. “You could’ve let me know Beca.”

“I didn’t know how to. I didn’t want to bring your hopes up for nothing. I didn’t want to hurt you, or disappoint you again. I wanted to fight for you, a part of me did, but I thought you didn’t want me to. You were with someone else Chlo, and I respected that. If I had known, I would have swam the entire ocean or flew or something, I would have done anything to get to you. Back to you in all sense of the word. I think, back in London, I was actually trying to, that’s why I almost fell into the river. Drunk Logic and all.”

“Beca!” Chloe said indignant that drunk Beca almost drowned because of that. It was still a memory of something she wished never happened.

“I’m sorry it took so long.” Beca then said before she could say anything else. “I wanted to make sure you know, even when I couldn’t remember you, Chloe, I loved you. I never stopped. I love you. And I always will.” she continued, the words simple and true.

Chloe smiled. This time it was her turn to shake her head with a half chuckle.

Yeah, it was all so overwhelming.

Like her heart was about to burst with joy, and love, and all the things she never thought she could ever feel again.

Chloe closed the gap between them, pulling Beca close. Their lips met and Chloe swore she could feel her heart jumping in and out of her chest as they melted into the kiss.

She never thought she’d feel that way again.

Happy.

Content.

Whole.

Home.


	29. Another You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is chapter 29 featuring ‘Forevermore’ by Side A (accompanied by snippets of what immediately follows during the Staubrey Wedding), a snippet from ‘Your Love is a Song’ by Switchfoot, and ‘Another You’ by Brian McKnight (from which the title of the chapter is taken from).

Beca pulled away reluctantly, out of breath just like Chloe.

There weren’t fireworks in the sky, but there were for Beca.

Bright colors everywhere, reflected in Chloe’s eyes.

Chloe smiled, leaning towards Beca, placing her forehead on hers. “I should be really mad you didn’t say a thing sooner. But I hate that I can’t really stay mad at you, or hate you, or be annoyed for far too long. Do you know that?”

“No.” Beca answered in truth. “But if it helps, I can never really resist you either.”

Chloe smiled even bigger, tucking a lose strand of Beca’s hair behind her ear. “I think I’m ready.” she whispered and Beca never felt as happy as she did at that moment.

Like the world lit up in the most beautiful colors.

And in her mind played the most beautiful of symphonies, breathing new life to each and every moment that came next.

All just by looking in Chloe’s eyes.

_There are times when I just want to look at your face_   
_With the stars in the night_   
_There are times when I just want to feel your embrace_   
_In the cold night_   
_I just can't believe that you are mine now_

Beca smiled, the brightest smile she could ever muster, and yet she felt like that wasn’t even enough to convey just how happy she felt. Especially when it feels like a dam had just broken and she was being overwhelmed by all her emotions. “What?” she heard Chloe asked gently and all she could do was stand there looking amazed.

The words Chloe said being music to her ears.

“You’re ready?” Beca asked, her voice sounding so small and weak and in happy disbelief.

“I want what you want Beca. I want a second chance for us. And I think I’m ready. I’m ready to take that next step and start again.”

_You were just a dream that I once knew_   
_I never thought I would be right for you_   
_I just can't compare you with anything in this world_   
_You're all I need to be with forevermore_

Beca chuckled, if she could cry and laugh at the same time she would, but right now she was just buzzing. With energy and love and happiness.

And everything that’s ever good this world.

Pure and unadulterated.

Because that was what Chloe’s love was like.

Like chocolate, and rainbows, and warm hugs, and pillows. They’re all the nicest things the world could offer.

And to have that again? To have what she had lost once upon a time, to have that second chance? There was no other word for it. ‘Bliss’ wasn’t enough.

Because Chloe was a dream come true, a one in a million love.

That one true and precious thing everyone yearns for.

And she has it.

Oh, once again she has it.

And this time she wasn’t going to lose it.

_All those years, I long to hold you in my arms_   
_I've been dreaming of you_   
_Every night, I've been watching all the stars that fall down_   
_Wishing you will be mine_   
_I just can't believe that you are mine now_

Beca couldn’t really reply and thankfully Chloe wasn’t waiting for any words. She leaned in closer, bringing their lips together in a kiss they have craved for the longest of times.

It was a moment that felt like a faraway dream come true.

And it was just like those songs of dreams coming true, of love, and those fuzzy feelings. It was like the songs where you find it, crash into it, into each other, hold on and never let go. Songs where one touch felt too pure, too good to be true.

Especially when they both have learned just fragile it was, what they held in each other’s hearts.

It was love in its purest form. Because they were once again home.

_You were just a dream that I once knew_   
_I never thought I would be right for you_   
_I just can't compare you with anything in this world_   
_You're all I need to be with forevermore_

And nothing could ever ruin the moment, could ever taint it, no.

Not even the squeal that came from somewhere behind the hedgerows that lined the maze.

Chloe reluctantly pulled away, both out of breath, both just really wanting to kiss each other again, before turning to the source of the sound.

When they saw nothing, Beca cleared her throat. The squeal was very easy to identify. “You can come out now, we’re not going to bite you.” Beca said.

And with that the tall cool drink of water that was Emily Junk slid out of her hiding place, biting her lips as hard she could to stop herself from squealing again. Although to be honest, she was practically jumping with glee as she made her way to Beca and Chloe.

“I’m sorry, gosh, just sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, not that I saw anything to interrupt, you know. Say the word and I totally saw nothing, but OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS!”

“Calm down Emily!” Beca said through gritted teeth, shushing the youngest Bella.

“I’m sorry, I’m just… Gah!” Emily said again, pulling the two in a tight hug. “Sorry.” she then said a little more remorseful this time as she released them.

_Time and again_   
_There are these changes that we cannot end_   
_As sure as the time keeps going on and on_   
_My love for you will be forevermore_   
_Oh, yeah_   
_I just can't believe that you are mine now_

Chloe couldn’t help but chuckle, looking at Beca with smile, her cheeks burning a bright pink.

“Ah, I mean…” Emily continued to say sounding flustered and unsure when silence followed her last word-spill. “You know, you guys _are_ a thing again right? Like a couple kind of couple? Not just stealing kisses undefined – because the Lord knows it’s killing all of us to keep waiting for things to just happen – and I’m not misinterpreting things and making myself look stupid and things awkward right?”

Chloe once again chuckled with Emily ramblings before shaking her head. Beca thought that Emily looked like a young girl about to cry because her parents were fighting and she thinks they’re finally okay again but she’s afraid that it might not be true.

Beca only knew too well what Emily could be feeling in that moment if it were true.

But then Chloe smiled. “You’re not wrong Legacy, just, try to keep it to yourself first.” she said before turning to Beca. And Beca nodded.

“We haven’t exactly talked about things and we kind of have to, you know, process things and be sure this is the next logical step.” she added to what Chloe had said with a knowing smile.

Emily once again gave a squeal. “If this isn’t the next _logical_ step, then I don’t know what is! But okay, I get it. You can totally trust me!”

“But, back on other matters. What are you doing here in the first place Ems?” Beca asked and Emily smiled an ever knowing smile.

“Well…”

_You were just a dream that I once knew_   
_I never thought I would be right for you_   
_I just can't compare you with anything in this world_

Beca laughed as she walked back to the party with Chloe and Emily. Aubrey didn’t look all too pleased for the wait up but once she spotted that Chloe was holding Beca’s hand, her mood lightened.

Chloe sensed the knowing look Aubrey was giving her. She released Beca’s hand before anyone of the other Bellas figure things out and overreact.

But all went under the radar, thankfully, other than Emily’s painfully obvious giddy smile that even had Luke looking at her and Chloe curiously from the sidelines. Thankfully Luke was standing behind the Bellas, sans Amy and Cynthia Rose, so when Beca and Chloe reached their friends, Beca didn’t have to see Luke’s smug smile.

And with that, both brides threw their bouquets, the remaining still unmarried Bellas all but nearly jumped for the two bouquets, except for Beca and Chloe.

They’ve been through a lot and waited a lifetime to set things straight again.

They can take their time a bit more.

For as long as they were together.

The two exchanged smiles while the flowers were up in the air and almost laughed when the Bellas all but dove in between them that they had to step aside. In the end, the Bellas still missed Aubrey’s bouquet and the two found themselves crouching down almost picking it up.

Their fingers met instead, realizing what it would mean, and decided to stand up and let one of the other Bellas pick it up themselves. Once they straightened themselves up, both chuckling like teenagers falling in love for the first time, they saw Aubrey eyeing them suspiciously, the blonde letting it go when they heard Amy and Bumper’s chorused laughter.

Luke, looking rather amused and clueless at the same time, had ‘accidentally’ caught Stacie’s bouquet, having been thrown overhead the Bellas.

“Well, I guess we know what that means.” Stacie teased.

Luke could only smile and laugh nervously. Not scared – thankfully, otherwise Kaelyn would murder him – but surprised nonetheless. “I guess we do.” Luke said with his usual charming grin.

And all was lost to the night before them. Chloe sneakily entwining their hands. “I think it’s time we slip away.” she whispered into Beca’s ears once the spotlight was off of them.

“I think it is.” Beca replied only too happily.

_As endless as forever_   
_Our love will stay together_   
_You are all I need to be with forevermore_   
_Forevermore_   
_You are all I need to be with forevermore_   
_  
_

* * *

 

“I can’t believe you.” Luke said pouting at the dog he once thought was finally his.

And he was of course was met with a bark by Ghost.

“Come on Luke, I think it’s time that Ghost here returns home.” Beca said, crouching down next to her and Chloe’s dog, ruffling his fur.

“Yes, but the two of you aren’t living together, at least not yet. Or am I wrong?” Luke asked suspiciously. It’s been three months since the two have started dating again.

Technically, it was three months, two weeks, and one day – as Beca gleefully reminded him that morning – but it’s only been three months to the date since she and Chloe made it officially known to the Bellas. The two wanted to wait for Stacie and Aubrey’s return from their rather longer than usual honeymoon.

Also three months since Beca came clean about her memories and ‘narrowly’ escaped the wrath of Aubrey for keeping it for a while.

“No you’re not wrong.” Chloe said. “But splitting the responsibility between the two of us as we get back into the swing of things seems like the way to go. Besides we spend the weekends mostly together and all.”

“Is that so?” Luke then asked with a teasing smile.

“Oh, knock it off Luke.” Beca replied, before standing up. “I think it’s time we get on going. Say goodbye to Uncle Luke.”

_Bark_. Ghost then said.

“See you Luke. Thanks for everything with Ghost.” Chloe then said giving him a hug.

“It’s my pleasure Beale. Glad to see you two off with your dog, like how it should be. See you around. You too Becky.” Luke said, and Beca only barely rolled her eyes as they made their way out the door.

Luke walked back to the strangely quiet apartment.

“You look a little sad.” Kaelyn pointed out.

“Yeah, I’m gonna’ miss him you know.” Luke noted sounding all thoughtful for a moment, walking towards the radio and turning it up, before lying down the sofa to rest his head on Kaelyn’s lap. “I think we should get a dog.” he then said.

“Why Luke, I thought you’d never ask.” Kaelyn then replied and Luke chuckled.

Truthfully, he was happy.

He really would miss Ghost though.

But things were finally back to the way they’re supposed to be.

_Your love is a symphony_   
_All around me_   
_Running through me_

* * *

 

“Hey Jess.” Beca greeted as she finally arrived at the bar. Jesse could have sworn he was waiting for her for hours – really Beca was only late for fifteen minutes for their usual ‘bro’ bonding – but he decided to keep his protests to himself. Beca looked happy. Incredibly happy.

“So, why is the awesome badass DJ Beca Mitchell late?” he asked in a sing-song voice.

“Do we really need to talk about me in the third person?”

“No, but why are you?”

Beca beamed and flashed her pair of house keys at Jesse. He was about to ask what’s new when he saw a different keychain attached to it. “Okay…” he said, sounding a little confused before Beca whipped out an identical key, one with its usual vinyl record keychain.

And it hit Jesse like lighting. “Well, look at you taking the next big step.” Jesse then commented with a whistle. It’s been six months since Beca and Chloe had gotten back together, and really Jesse knew, it would only be a matter of time until things get back to where they left off. “So when are you inviting us to your loveshack?”

“Jesse, just no.” Beca said looking mortified.

“Fine, but I am proud of you Becs. One small step for our DJ, one giant leap for soulmates worldwide.” Jesse then said, waving at the bartender and signaling for two drinks.

This little news deserved a proper celebration. 

_Your love is a melody_   
_Underneath me_   
_Running to me_

* * *

 

Emily and her mom was walking on ahead out of the restaurant where she had just lunch with Beca and her aunt. The two were visiting their respective daughters in LA and Beca’s been a nervous wreck the entire morning through back at the office.

Emily would ask, Kaelyn too, but Beca kept shrugging it off.

But then she asked for her mom to stay behind, asking for a private moment to talk about something serious.

_Your love is a song_

It’s been a year, two months, three weeks, and five days since what Beca called the day she lived once more, or so she said this morning during her incoherent nervous ramblings.

And Emily could only dare wonder why.

But if anything, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to guess that her assumptions would be right. It was the only _logical_ step to follow.

* * *

 

_If I travelled all around the world_   
_I know what I would find_   
_Someone half as smart_   
_Someone half as sweet_   
_Half as lovely and half as kind_

Chloe was looking through the shop window for the longest of time. She was still trying to make her decision. Aubrey was just truthfully already losing her mind.

“This is driving me more insane than when the midget took me out for exactly the same purpose.” Aubrey commented. “That, Chloe, is something I never thought I’d say.”

“Oh shut up Bree.” she said with an eye roll. “You said you’d be there for me whenever I needed you, I need you now. What do you think?”

“Depends on what Chlo.” was Aubrey’s reply. “Do I think it’s too fast? No. God knows you two go through a snail’s pace of things already and I have to admit, the munchkin has impressed me with her consistency at wooing you. She never grows tired of it. Do I think _that_ would be perfect for Beca? The answer is actually yes. Everything about it screams Beca Mitchell, and at the same time, everything about it screams you too. Like it’s something you’d pick.”

“I don’t know.” Chloe replied.

“You don’t know what?” Aubrey repeated sounding confused.

“If I should… you know… I mean, I’m happy at the pace we’re going, with Beca’s sweet and romantic gestures, you know, for her efforts of winning my heart everyday even though it’s already hers.” Chloe said with a smile on her lips. “But I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

“I think you would when it’s time.” Aubrey replied with a smile. “So why not relax a bit, okay? And trust your instincts.”

“Is that what you told Beca before?”

“No, I told her if she gets you anything remotely atrocious she would be dead. “ Aubrey said with a serious look. “And then I told her to relax.”

Chloe chuckled. Typical Aubrey.

Although Beca did rise to the challenge back then.

_If I was the ruler of_   
_A kingdom with a house of wives to choose_   
_It wouldn't even quite compare_   
_To what I’ve got right here with you_

It’s been three months since Beca’s mom last visited. Beca had been acting like a nervous wreck then, and she was acting like a nervous wreck now too. Chloe turned to look at Emily curiously. They were having dinner at their flat and of course, the whole family was there. Including Luke, his dad, Kaelyn, Emily, and Benji.

Yep, it was a full on family affair.

Beca was currently locked up in their room with her mom, not trusting anyone from busting through the doors of her studio, especially when her step-dad kept trying to invite himself for a tour of it out of genuine curiosity. Chloe couldn’t help but wonder what Beca and her mom were up to, but she figured it was just probably some mother-daughter thing.

Emily offered her a smile. A knowing smile, if Chloe can dare but say. The youngest Bella, however, was starting to learn well from her seniors and she was getting better at hiding things.

It was also getting harder to decipher the look in her eyes, figure out what she was thinking.

Beca was currently the Fort Knox of secrets herself at the moment.

Chloe sighed.

She knew that if it was anything important, she’d find out soon enough.

_So if I stumble just a bit_   
_trying to say what’s on my mind?_   
_Please excuse me ‘cause I never felt_   
_the way that I feel inside_   
_It's possible_   
_I may have finally have found my dream come true_   
_There can never be another you_

Three months pass by like it were only a few days.

It never fails to amaze Chloe how Beca never ceases to stop. The flowers always kept coming, lately she was getting into poetry and Chloe would wake up to post-it notes with snippets of poems scribbled down next to her bedside table whenever Beca woke up early – yeah, that in itself was shocking – for work.

Or how on the weekends, Beca would beat her to making breakfast and the DJ would bring it in their bedroom before could even get up.

Sure, the two were always busy with work. It never stops. But they make time.

More than that really.

Chloe’s found herself at Beca’s studio more often than not, hanging out with her during long work days, meeting some of the artists Beca worked with.

And Beca finds herself at Chloe’s afterschool music program and weekend practice with Chloe, volunteering herself to help with the kids.

It was like they were marching to their own beat as they find their own rhythm. Balancing life and all.

Now if only she could figure out what on earth was Beca’s nervous streak all about?

_The stars are bright tonight_   
_They know you are mine all mine_   
_I knew that it would be alright when my other dreams fell through_

It was a Saturday afternoon. The two of them have been busy a lot lately that Chloe couldn’t help but plan the day for some tidying up. Sure, Beca’s got a housekeeper, but Chloe likes doing things herself sometimes.

And Beca couldn’t really disagree with Chloe when she’s in a determined mood. So all morning long the two of them have been cleaning around the rather lofty flat. In truth Chloe was surprised how they managed to finish a little early in the afternoon.

Beca had taken a quick shower while Chloe was finishing up in the living room and had left Chloe to grab their take out dinner at their favorite café nearby, Beca having called ahead.

It was going to be a night spent just cuddling on the couch with Ghost – highly likely – and Netflix.

Chloe had just stepped out of the bathroom and gotten dressed when she realized that Beca’s ‘super sacred sock drawer’ – everyone had quirks, Beca’s came with pairs of socks she wears for important events that she wants to go without a hitch, mostly because they were already associated with happy memories to begin with – was slightly ajar.

So Chloe, ever loving Chloe, opened the drawer to stuff back the sock that was poking out.

And she was planning to close it as soon as she did but then she felt something like a velvet pouch buried beneath the piles of socks in that drawer.

Out of curiosity Chloe took the pouch out and emptied its contents in her hand.

Except it only contained one item, leaving Chloe a little speechless.

_And for this very night I've waited all my life_   
_Standing straight and tall_   
_I give my all to you_

__"Chlo? You done? I’m ba- ah…” Beca said before freezing up by the door.

“Ah… um… you’re not supposed to see that, I mean you are, just not like this, not yet.” Beca started rambling. “Ugh, can I restart? What I meant is that you weren’t supposed to find that.”

“Beca, is this what I think it is?” Chloe asked, her voice surprisingly calm.

“If you think that that is my grandmother’s engagement ring, my mother’s mother’s engagement ring, then yes, yes it is.”

“Beca…” Chloe said, looking up speechless. “You do know I still have the other one hidden somewhere right?”

“They’re both yours to keep Chlo. You know that.” Beca said, somehow getting over her initial shock. “Besides, I honestly thought you probably lost the other one already.”

“Beca, I would never…” Chloe said.

“So…” Beca then replied.

“So?” Chloe repeated before making her way to Beca, wrapping her hands around the DJ’s neck.  She pressed a light kiss on the DJ’s lips, the ring safely in her hands. “It’s always going to be ‘yes’ Beca.” she said in a whisper.

“I… haven’t… even… asked…” Beca replied in between Chloe’s kisses and Chloe chuckled.

“Beca, shut up.” Chloe said, before kissing her properly and Beca simply mumbled something along the lines of ‘okay’ before returning the kiss.

There was time for phone calls and news later. Chloe does have a certain ring to get from a certain shop window.

Aubrey was right as always.

But for now, it was just their moment. Just the two of them.

They’ve had grand proposals and gestures and celebrations in the past.

For now, Chloe just wanted to celebrate the love they had between just the two of them.

Sacred and private and intimate as it should be.

_So please excuse me if I_   
_Stumbled just a bit_   
_Trying to say what’s on my mind_   
_Please excuse me ‘cause I never felt the way that I feel inside_   
_It's possible_   
_I may have finally found my dream come true_   
_There can never be another you_   
_There can never be another you_


	30. Say You Won't Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Without further ado, here is chapter 30 featuring the songs ‘You and I’ by Jon McLaughlin (accompanying that third wedding I promised! – sorry if it’s short and shenanigans free) and ‘Say You Won’t Let Go’ by James Arthur. Listen to the songs as you read the chapter, trust me, it’s so worth it.

_I got a funny feeling, everything's going to be okay  
All of my worries, suddenly fading away_

Beca couldn’t stop herself from smiling.

They actually made it this time.

And she’s resisting all of her urges to turn around, impatiently waiting for the moment she could gaze at her blushing bride.

To her side, Luke can’t help but chuckle. But not about Beca’s impatience. Really it was because all the Bellas were already balling their eyes out as they each made their way to their places. Aubrey in particular was already crying and sniffling as she made her way through the aisle. Luke sniggering even more from his own amusement.

Beca would have elbowed him, ask him to stop, but she knew that Luke himself was just too happy they were finally here.

After their long journey.

_And I just can't stop smiling_   
_Ever since I heard the news_   
_That you love me, and I love you_

Beca took a deep breath when Luke finally stopped chuckling, his jaws nearly dropping. One look on his face already said it all. Chloe must look even drop dead gorgeous than she usually was.

And she was right.

One look, that’s all it took, and it was enough to knock the wind out of Beca’s lungs.

Breathing required much attention, otherwise she run out of air.

Chloe made her way slowly down the aisle, the thin veil barely concealing her beauty, all under the glorious light that shone upon her as she made her way. Chloe looked up and smiled a gentle smile at Beca.

And all at once, a symphony of music and a flurry of starry nights and treasured memories had taken over her. Leaving her speechless, amazed, and in awe.

_All of the stars above us_   
_They could fall out of the sky_   
_And dark clouds could come, block the sun_   
_From now ‘til the end of time_

Each step was a step taken closer to home. Each minute that passed by was one sharp breath reminding Beca she was alive, that this was all real, and that it was just even better than all she could have hoped for or dreamed off.

Every single emotion Chloe evoked from her was like a rush of blood through her veins, keeping her grounded in that moment as she etched each and every passing moment.

It was like watching a goddess descend, an angel fall in love with a mere mortal, and Beca couldn’t ever stop thanking her lucky stars that they found each other in the world they live in.

The missing piece, the perfect complementary image, a reflection of each other, the soulmate at the end of the thread that bound them.

With the last few steps, Beca knew she will always love Chloe, she always had, and she always will. In this life and in the next. In this world and in all other realities.

_See I don't need anything, as long as this is true_   
_That you love me, and I love you_

And Chloe finally reached her, she smiled the brightest smile Beca had ever seen, a smile even brighter than the sun. 

Beca was fairly certain she had the same look on her face.

_So lay your head on my shoulder_   
_Take my hand and go with me_   
_Forever side by side  
_

The purpose of all those ups and downs suddenly became clear to her as she took Chloe’s hands in her own.

All the heaven and hell of their lives and relationship finally made sense.

The turbulent storms they faced, the perfect quiet moments, Beca was thankful for all of them now.

Because they were home and more than that

_And I want to wake every morning_   
_To your face and my falling heart_   
_Beating side by side_

Not a single person was left with no tears in their eyes as they got to their vows.

And of course Chloe said hers perfectly the way she always does, just so perfectly her.

And of course Beca stumbled on some of her words in the perfectly adorable way that Chloe always loved.

Clearly Beca veered off script too, not taking the piece of paper Luke handed her, the paper that kept changing over the past evening since no words could just capture what Chloe was to Beca.

She’d promise her everything, the moon included.

After all, Chloe was her sun. _  
_

_But I don't have all the answers_   
_And I sure ain't a perfect guy_   
_I've got no bank account or fancy house_   
_High in a high rise  
_

But Beca knew she wasn’t perfect and she’s learned that perfect wasn’t them at all.

They were just them. Always have just been Chloe. Always have just been Beca.

Imperfect, their love story. But the best one that Beca knew in the end.

Always have just been in love with each other.

“You’re not the love of my life, Chloe Beale. You are more than that. You are love itself, the definition of it in my life.” Beca said as she concluded her endless ramblings

_But one thing's for certain_   
_I'm one happy, lucky fool_   
_'Cause you love me, and I..._

And how else could Chloe respond but to kiss Beca passionately even before being prompted to.

_I love you_

* * *

 

“Oh no, I see the heart eyes. The heart eyes are here. I blame you for this.” Clark said looking at his older brother, Bennett. His trademark scowl in full effect. For a thirteen year old, he sure has mastered the look that Beca wore so well during the later years of her teens. 

They were in the living room, waiting for friends and family to arrive for their annual Christmas party. The party was always exclusively friends and family only.

But boy was that list an extensive one.

And Chloe could only guess by the scowl on Clark’s face and the embarrassed look on Bennett’s that they were most definitely not looking forward for one of their friends or uncles and aunts to drop by in such an unfortunate time – for them at least.

Chloe loved these moments.

Bennett ran a hand through his red hair, as he tried mumbling something of an excuse. Beca was quick though, not letting him get away with such an important ‘life lesson’.

To his side, Christine smirked. Enjoying the torment of her seventeen year old brother. The two have always been close, the benefits of being only two years apart really, and in some ways, she had missed these family kind of moments they’ve always shared since she started college.

Christine mimicked Bennett’s actions, running a hand through her long dark brown hair, the smirk turning into a smug as her brother silently pleaded for help.

“I don’t understand why you’re complaining. You were the one who wanted help.” Christine then said with a chuckle.

Making Bennett blush even more. He’s always been the shy type, a shock to both his moms really.

“Yeah, and where else would one look for help but to the master?” Brielle then added before both her older brothers all but glared at her.

“Do you really want to wait until your uncle Luke, or your aunt Amy, or aunt Stacie get here?” Beca then said to Bennett with a knowing look.

To which all their children looked mortified. Luke was one thing – a never ending teasing of growing up, really, that and the obliviousness of their parents at the start of their love story – but Amy and Stacie.

“Bennett, just keep complaining okay? I’m still scarred from how aunt Stacie happily decided to explain the birds and the bees to us. And that was six years ago.” Christine said with a serious look and Chloe chuckled.

“I still think it was better her than your mom here.” Beca then said, settling down with the guitar right next to Chloe.

“Hey!” Chloe replied. “And what does that supposed to mean?”

“I just down want our children jumping into strangers showers.” Beca replied with a chuckle.

“Do we want to know?” Clark asked all too Beca-like.

To which the two older siblings chorused, “No.”

Bennett sighed, finally relenting. Christine was right and Clark was getting impatient. Brielle just really lived for these moments, her ocean blue eyes shining as bright as Chloe’s.

Chloe tried to keep a straight face but with just a strum of the guitar, the smile on her face was already breaking free.

She should get used to this by now.

What with Beca’s relentless ways, she really is the master of wooing.

_I met you in the dark_   
_You lit me up..._   
_You made me feel as though_   
_I was enough..._

Beca started to sing. She was looking at Chloe with that trademark smirk of hers that was perfectly replicated by half of their children at the moment.

Yes, that included the impatient Clark who loved hearing Beca play the guitar with such expertise. _  
_  
_We danced the night away_  
 _We drank too much_  
 _I held your hair back when_  
 _You were throwing up_

Christine chuckled a little and Bennett was starting to relax, accepting the help he was being given. He was studying how his mom sang the song and played the guitar, always quick at picking things up. Chloe could already guess why he was trying to master the details in his head. _  
  
Then you smiled over your shoulder_  
 _For a minute, I was stone cold sober_  
 _I pulled you closer to my chest_  
 _And you asked me, to stay over_  
 _I said, I already told ya_  
 _I think that you should get some rest_  
  
Brielle started singing along silently, even Clark started tapping the rhythm of the song on the armchair of the sofa. 

Bennett kept his eyes on Beca while Chloe saw Christine smiling genuinely and proudly at her.

And Chloe couldn’t help but smile, let the feeling sink in.

This was supposed to be for Bennett.

Somehow she couldn’t help but get the feeling this was for her too __  


_I knew I loved you then_   
_But you'd never know_   
_Cause I played it cool when I was_   
_Scared of letting go_

And Chloe could barely keep the butterflies. Memories worth of dancing around each other’s feelings, of endless ups and downs…

…who knew it all led to the moment now in their home where Beca’s playing a song to help their son step out of his shyness and go after the girl he likes.

_I knew I needed you_   
_But I never showed_   
_I wanna stay with you_   
_Until we're grey and old_   
_Just say you won't let go_   
_Just say you won't let go_

Beca was looking straight into Chloe’s eyes now and the redhead could barely take her eyes off Beca’s stormy blues. Her smile was becoming bigger, she couldn’t help it.

Considering Beca was singing her a song that morning as they lazily got out of bed.

And that she was playing the piano with Brielle the night before, essentially serenading her.

Considering it’s been twenty years of marriage. Twenty years of romantic lines on post-it notes, of single stemmed flowers, and more.

Considering it’s been twenty years of balancing work, life, love, and raising kids with Beca’s unwavering promise of wooing Chloe every day.

Really should be used to this by now.

Even their kids were.

_I'll bring you coffee with_  
 _A kiss on your head_  
 _I'll take the kids to school_  
 _Wave them goodbye_  
 _I thank my lucky stars for that night_  
 _  
_ Beca kept her eyes on Chloe, placing the guitar down much to Bennett’s disappointment, but she didn’t stop singing. She offered a hand to Chloe as she stood up and Chloe chuckled.

Twenty years later and they were still fools in love.

Maybe that’s their midlife crisis right there. Acting like teenagers falling for the first time.

_When you looked over your shoulder_   
_For a minute, I forget that I'm older_   
_I wanna dance with you right now_   
_You looked as beautiful as ever_   
_And every day you get a little better_   
_You make me feel this way somehow_

Chloe accepted Beca’s hand and they both swayed to the song Beca was singing.

 “I wish I can find my soulmate already and get married and be like our moms.” Chloe heard Brielle whisper to Christine. The older girl chuckled and shook her head as she run her fingers through the younger girl’s red hair.

“Don’t grow up too soon now, kiddo.” she said to her sister who was nine years her junior.

Clark reached out for the guitar, beating Bennett, and picked up where Beca left off. _  
_  
_Cause I'm gonna love you till_  
 _My lungs give out_  
 _I promise till death we part_  
 _Like in our vows_  
 _Yeah, we've come so far my dear_  
 _Look how we've grown_  
 _And I wanna stay with you_  
 _Until we're grey and old_  
 _Just say you won't let go_  
 _Just say you won't let go_  
  
_Just say you won't let go_  
 _Oh, Just say you won't, say you won't, say you won't_  
 _Say you won't, say you won't let go_  
 _Just say you won't let go_  
 _Just say you won't let go_  
 _Just say you won't let go_

Chloe let Beca finish the song before pulling her in a tight embrace, pressing a light kiss on her lips.

“Geez guys, keep it PG here. Either that or get a room.” Clark then said and both Beca and Chloe couldn’t help but laugh at his retort.

“Now that is not how you talk to your parents, young man.” Beca said, trying to scare Clark into thinking he might be grounded.

 Although their son was wiser now, knowing full well that Beca was never the strict parent, Chloe was.

Chloe simply shook her head, still smiling. “But let it be a lesson for all of you. That is how you woo a lady.” she said and both Bennett and Christine chuckled. Brielle simply looked in awe while Clark rolled his eyes. 

The youngest of their sons wanted to say something else when the doorbell. Chloe saw a mischievous grin pass briefly in Clark’s eyes as he sought for his older sister’s approval.

A silent deal going on.

And Christine smirked.

“Oh, I do hope that’s aunt Aubrey and aunt Stacie. I can’t wait to tell them you’ve got the biggest crush on their daughter.” Christine teased as she rushed for the front door, Clark quickly behind her.

“W-wait. Hey! I said wait!” Bennett then stammered as he clumsily tried to stop his siblings from spilling the beans.

Beca laughed and shook her head once the three had left. “I’ll make sure they don’t break anything on their way to the front door.” she mumbled as she made her way after them and Chloe gave a thankful smile in return.

Brielle then leaned on her shoulders. “So the party’s starting?” she had asked.

“Seems like it sweetie.”

“Promise you’d pick up on that radio station story about you and mom tonight?” Brielle then asked. She was ten but she still loved hearing stories about how she and Beca got together, ever the hopeful little girl she was.

Chloe smiled and nodded, the memories of that night forever etched in her mind.

Like the songs and symphonies that accompanied the story of their love.


End file.
